Feng Yeran could feel Feng Hua's body trembling slightly, and the place where the two touched each other gradually became hot.
The rain outside splashed on the car, washing the window glass, slamming.
Feng Hua was held in his arms by standing Feng Yeran, and he couldn't see his expression. After a while, I heard him say softly: "Your heartbeat is so fast, isn't it because you are afraid?"
"No!" Feng Yeran let go of Feng Hua and frowned.
"However, even if it's fake, I really want to hear you say it again."
"it is true!"
"Really." Feng Hua hugged Feng Yeran's waist and looked up at him, "Say it again."
"... I... I love you, Feng Hua."
"Say it again."
"I love you."
Feng Hua smiled, but it was like crying.
His eyelashes fluttered, his eyes were reddish, and then two gulps of liquid slid from his sockets.
He smiled and hugged Feng Yeran tightly, buried his head in Feng Yeran's arms, and kept saying, "If this is a dream, I really hope I never wake up."
…
After Feng Hua's avatar disappeared, it didn't take long for the new avatar to sit next to Feng Yeran again.
They got to the terminal, changed cars, and turned back.
They sat in the last row, leaning against each other.
Feng Yeran was still awake, and Feng Hua fell asleep.
He hadn't slept well for a long time, and it was dark now.
From far away came the sound of bells.
One after another, in the dense raindrops, it seems heavy, empty and unreal.
Feng Hua frowned slightly, as if he didn't sleep soundly. His fingers flicked, he was dreaming.
…
He walked in the darkness, and in front of him was the wall that was about to be repaired.
The white shadow was trying hard to move the bricks, piling up the last wall.
"It's almost repaired." Feng Hua sighed.
"Yes." Bai Ying seemed very happy, "but this is just the beginning, we still need roofs, doors and windows, chimneys..."
"And the key."
Bai Ying smiled: "Yes, the key. I really hope you can get the key sooner."
"… "
Bai Ying put down the things in his hand and flew towards Feng Hua: "Does your mood seem to have improved?"
"He said he loves me. Do I have the key?"
"But, do you believe it?"
※ ※ ※
Inside the house, Feng Hua was writing an email.
"I often see you writing emails. Who are you writing to?" Feng Yeran asked.
"My psychiatrist."
"Psychologist?"
"Qin Xihe."
"… Who is it?"
"Ye'er, you forgot her? Or did you invite her for me? When I first collapsed into a monster when I was a child, and then locked myself in a shell, didn't you hire a psychiatrist?"
"… is that so?"
"..." Feng Hua was speechless, "By the way, she also left me a business card, saying that I can go to her if there is any problem."
Feng Hua found the business card and showed it to Feng Yeran.
"Qin's studio... Just in time, I also want to consult a psychiatrist recently."
"Really, let's go together then."
Feng Hua's body was sitting on the sofa, and he easily split into an identical clone.
He and Feng Yeran got into a taxi, and an hour later, they arrived at their destination.
A little different from the impression, this is a low gray and white building, and there is construction inside, ping ping pong pong.
When I came to the second floor, I couldn't find the sign of Qin's studio. There is a small advertising company on the second floor, and other places are obviously still under construction, very messy and noisy.
Feng Yeran walked into the advertising agency: "Excuse me, is Qin's studio here?"
"never heard of that."
"Look, we came here according to the business card. The business card says the address is here."
The front desk frowned: "Sir, this is just a blank sheet of paper."
Feng Yeran looked at it again, and it was really just a piece of white paper, with thin sweat on his forehead.
Feng Hua asked again: "The owner of Qin's studio is a woman in her forties or fifties. She is very capable. Her name is Qin Xihe. She is my psychiatrist. Is she really not here? Did she move away? It used to be here. what for?"
A male clerk who was smoking beside said: "This place has been serving food and beverages for ten years in a row. It's just smoky. I've never heard of any psychological counseling room... You are in the wrong place."
The two walked around the whole building and asked many people, but no one had heard of Qin Xihe, or Qin's studio.
The two stood by the broken, dirty window, littered with plastic cans and cigarette butts.
Feng Yeran received a call, he listened for a while, then hung up the phone with a "um".
The two were silent for a long time, and Feng Hua said, "Ye'er, do you think I lied to you?"
"When did you meet Qin Xihe for the first time?"
"The first time it collapsed and turned into a monster."
"Remember the details?"
"She entered my dream through hypnosis, saying that you hired her and persuaded me to get out of the cocoon."
"Have you seen her since then?"
"She came to visit me occasionally, and we talked in the yard."
Old-fashioned trains passed nearby, roaring from far to near, one after another.
Feng Yeran sighed: "But Feng Hua, I really didn't hire her. Besides, I've had people look at the surveillance cameras in the yard, and I've asked the doorman many times, but I've never seen her in her forties or fifties. woman."
"You just came back when she left last time, and she almost passed you by!"
"Feng Hua, if someone really visits you, I think I will definitely say hello to her."
"..." Feng Hua smiled, "So, apart from Sean, even she was my fantasy?"
"Let's go back."
Two people are walking in the crowd.
Today is probably some kind of festival. The square is full of people, men and women laughing, and children are jumping with balloons.
Among the people coming and going, Feng Hua looked quite tall.
He asked, "Ye'er, I'm so sick, do you still love me? Do you really love me?"
Feng Yeran was stunned: "...what are you talking about, of course, love."
Feng Hua, who was walking behind, suddenly grabbed Feng Yeran's wrist, Feng Yeran turned his head, and saw his faint smile, genial, like the wind with fragments of sunlight: "Then, just kiss me here. ,ten minutes."
Feng Yeran was surprised: "Stop talking nonsense, we are outside. Look at so many people here..."
Of course Feng Yeran knew that in addition to the dense pedestrians, there were cameras in the distance. Someone had already come to monitor them. Maybe someone had put a bug on them when they accidentally bumped into them.
Although society is very open now, kissing a man in public is not something he will do... Besides, the people in the institute don't know the complicated relationship between them, even when it comes to love, they understand it, Be kind!
Feng Yeran turned his head: "Let's go back quickly."
But his wrist was tightly held by Feng Hua, preventing him from moving forward.
Feng Hua's voice came from behind: "But if you really love me, why would you care about other things?"
"… "
"If it were me, I could kiss you anywhere. So, sure enough, you don't love me."
Feng Hua released his hand.
Feng Yeran walked forward.
Feng Hua silently watched Feng Yeran's retreating back, his black hair and robe surging, his skin was pale, his eyelashes gradually lowered, and the blue in his eyes seemed to have condensed into ice.
However, he didn't think about it.
Feng Yeran, who had been away for a while, suddenly turned around and ran towards him.
Feng Hua stared blankly at the person who was running towards him.
Thousands of people had already turned into gray patches, and thousands of noises had been muted. It seemed that he could only hear each other's subtle breathing and crisp footsteps.
Feng Yeran stood in front of Feng Hua, pulled down Feng Hua's neckline, and kissed him sideways.
Next, completely, out of control.
In a few seconds, the active man became passive, and he couldn't stand up straight after being kissed by Feng Hua.
Feng Hua held his face and kissed him frantically with his hair down.
Feng Yeran raised his head, his neck was slid by Feng Hua's hot hand, and he swallowed the excess liquid in his mouth.
A sweet, rusty kiss.
How many people looked at them, how many people whistled, how many people took pictures, how many people cheered, how many people showed contempt, how many people covered children's eyes...
However, at this moment, it seems that their eyes have been covered and their bodies are paralyzed.
Except for reckless madness.
Forget everything.
※ ※ ※
After Feng Yeran decided to love Fenghua, the relationship between the two eased a lot.
However, it is obvious that the scars from the past cannot be healed quickly. Feng Hua is capricious, and so is the relationship between the two.
Feng Hua, who is insecure, always tries Feng Yeran again and again. It seems that only through constant testing and testing can he feel Feng Yeran's feelings.
Doing ambiguous things to Feng Yeran in public;
When participating in events, flirt with women and observe Feng Yeran's reaction. If you make Feng Yeran angry, he will become like a child. He rests on Feng Yeran's lap, apologizes, and acts like a spoiled child...
And Feng Yeran's state is very bad.
He had more and more stomach pains, vomiting, weight loss, nightmares—nightmares about charred corpses, hallucinations about charred corpses.
At first, he only saw it in the wardrobe and under the bed.
One night, he dreamed that the entire block was on fire, with people running and screaming in horror, and then being burned alive one by one.
Another day, he found that all the people walking on the street were burnt. Some people lost their hands and feet, some people lost part of their faces, some people had two holes in their eyes, and some people had broken noses...
…
He decided to go to the hospital for a checkup. Because I thought it wouldn't take too long, I didn't tell Feng Hua.
That day, Feng Hua had just received an infusion and was in a drowsiness, unable to split up and follow Feng Yeran.
Feng Yeran got on the sky train alone, looking at the heavy buildings and the tall astronomical tower, feeling dizzy and dazzled. He fainted.
He was sent to the hospital for three days without the communication tool.
When Feng Yeran woke up, doctors and nurses were surrounded by a circle.
They chatted for a while, Feng Yeran's face was indifferent. The old doctor kept sighing and shaking his head beside him.
This is what Feng Hua saw when he rushed over.
The doctors and nurses felt a strong pressure, and their bodies shook to the side.
He couldn't see Feng Hua's movement at all. The next moment, he hugged Feng Yeran tightly: "I've been looking for you for a long time... I thought..."
Feng Yeran smiled: "Did you think I left you? I just slept for a few days."
"Go back with me, and I will save you."
"Even if it's you—" Feng Yeran didn't finish, then nodded, "Okay, let's go back."
After going back, Feng Yeran found out.
Feng Hua collapsed again, several rooms in the house were no longer usable, and two researchers were injured.
Feng Yeran couldn't help but have a headache. This time, he only left for three days. That's it, what if one week? a month? half a year? a year? Or... What if I leave him forever
Simply unimaginable.
…
Feng Hua is working hard to treat Feng Yeran. Every day, he will help him continuously for four or five hours.
At the same time, he kept breaking down. He is calm, gentle, innocent and lovely. But once it collapses, he becomes dangerous, reckless, and simply a dick. He is more and more easily broken down by small things, he can't accept Feng Yeran leaving him, even for a short time; he can't accept Feng Yeran being close to others; he can't accept the deterioration of Feng Yeran's condition.
And Feng Yeran's conscious time is getting shorter. He was often trapped in his own dreams.
In the dream, he loved Feng Hua so much, but he hated Feng Hua so much. He hated Feng Hua who never believed that he loved him, hated Feng Hua who kept going crazy, hated Feng Hua who was dangerous and fragile, hated Feng Hua who made him unable to leave happily.
He dreamed that Feng Hua was lying on the sofa sleeping in the morning, and then killed him with a pillow;
He dreamed that Fenghua sank into the pool and did not float again;
I dreamed that Feng Hua was kissing him, but he pushed him away, he fell on the rails, and the train galloped past;
I dreamed that the handsome and tall Feng Hua was burned by fire...
The cruelty in the dream undoubtedly made Feng Yeran feel more anxious and guilty when he woke up.
Time and time again, he observed his thin, pale hands, how he gently and sympathetically stroked Feng Hua's face in reality, and how cruelly he killed him in his dreams...
And how after killing Feng Hua, he walked lightly and alone to the final destruction.
※ ※ ※
Finally, it was another Christmas, and Feng Hua's birthday arrived.
That day, Feng Yeran was in good spirits. He got out of bed and cooked several kinds of delicious food by himself.
There was a lot of snow outside, and the house was lively. For that meal, they invited the researchers who were usually together to eat together. Music dedicated to Christmas came from the TV, and the Christmas tree shone lovely.
In the evening, the snow stopped and the sun went down. The other researchers went home.
Feng Hua walked in the yard with Feng Yeran, who was wrapped like a zongzi. The breeze was blowing, and there was a faint scent of wax plums.
"Feng Hua, why are you not an ordinary child?"
"Regret making me so great?"
"I hope you live well, simple and happy."
"I have a good life."
"Smile every day."
"Hahaha."
"Smiled for real."
"Aha."
"It's more fake." Feng Yeran paused for a while, "I'm tired, please sit for a while."
"it is good."
The two of them sat on soft chairs and looked at the distant scenery comfortably.
The bell was heard again, it was a tall bell tower, not far from the Astronomical Tower.
The rosy sunlight outlines the outline of the bell tower, giving it a holy feeling.
Boom... Boom... Boom... Boom...
Slow, heavy, like the heartbeat of the world.
Feng Hua frowned slightly and seemed a little dizzy.
"Tired?"
Feng Hua nodded.
"Then go to sleep. When you wake up, let's watch a movie together."
"OK."
Feng Hua fell asleep.
His breathing was gradually even, light, and tired.
Feng Yeran sat on the side and observed him, then calmly took out a needle and carefully removed the air from it.
This is the TS2330, something more powerful than an electric shock that can make one forget everything and start over.
Feng Yeran gently stroked Feng Hua's forehead and cheeks with his pale hands.
He lowered his head and kissed his lips softly.
The needle was submerged into Feng Hua's vein, and the drug was quickly introduced.
Feng Hua woke up: "What's going on? What are you doing?"
Then he jerked the needle out and smashed it into the snow. One bite at the eye of the needle, trying to suck the medicine out.
"Feng Hua, forget everything, it's good for you and me." Feng Yeran lowered his eyes.
And Feng Hua's arms and even his whole body began to twitch, he was resisting violently, and his face was hideous.
Feng Yeran looked at him wearily, then lay on the soft chair, waiting for Feng Hua to calm down and become a carefree child again.
After an unknown amount of time, Feng Hua finally calmed down.
He got up from the snow, bruised.
Feng Yeran looked at Feng Hua and asked, "Child, do you know who I am?"
Feng Hua slowly turned his head to look at him, his face was cold, without a trace of expression, even his voice was no longer gentle, but emotionless:
"Who are you?"
Big drops of tears fell from Feng Yeran's eyes, and he cried out almost instantly.
In the past, all the beautiful and colorful past have all turned into black and white, and Feng Hua can no longer remember even a little bit. Feng Hua's surging and terrifying love for him also disappeared as the memory disappeared.
His heart was aching, he had never been in such pain. The pain of losing Chen Xuan in the past was not even 1/10,000 of the pain.
However, it was his only way out.
He has no more days to live. He hoped that Feng Hua would not go crazy because of his departure, and he hoped that Feng Hua would be happy.
If he didn't, he feared that they would both go to ruin, as he had dreamed.
…
Feng Yeran hadn't cried like this for a long time. He went from sobbing lowly to crying loudly.
Tears and snot can't stop.
…
"You cried."
Feng Yeran wiped away tears with his cuff: "Nothing..."
"Don't you want me to forget you? Then why are you crying like this?"
"what?!"
Feng Hua stood up and walked towards him with blood on his lips: "Ye'er, do you really think that medicine can make me forget you?"
"… "
Feng Hua knelt gently in front of him and wiped his tears with his hands: "Once the Adesel people identify someone, it is a lifetime and forever. Even if I forget myself, I will not forget you."
"... Feng Hua... "
"Let me forget you, how cruel it is, do you understand? It's more terrifying than death... Ye'er, don't you understand? You are the whole meaning of my life!"
—To be continued
The author has something to say:
Many thanks to Uncle Lunzi, Mo Rantong, Du Yi, and Romani Akiman for throwing mines.
Sean and Qin Xihe are all separate personalities of Feng Hua. If you observe carefully, you will find that Sean is similar to Feng Hua's "id", while Qin Xihe is similar to Feng Hua's "superego", each with its own characteristics. division of labor.
I was in tears at the end of this chapter = = Well, I will continue writing later. The next chapter is very important.