Muted

Chapter 15: .

Views:

When I opened my eyes again, the white light in the room hurt my eyes. I frowned and blinked, and looked around again after I got used to the light: there were no star posters on the wall, and it was clean without a trace of dirt. The goose-yellow curtains were rolled up and hung by the window, and the high sky could be seen through the bright windows. The sofa in the corner, the chair by the bed, the whole room is clean and tidy, but there is no trace of popularity. Hearing something in a trance, I turned my head and saw the infusion tube hanging in the air. The medicine was dripped down one by one, and after being pooled together, it flowed through the thin and long tube below, and finally passed through the needle on the back of the hand. , into my body.

I lay on the bed in a daze for a while, feeling as if a stone had been pressed against my chest, and my heart had to work very hard to bear every breath. I wanted to pull the needle out of my hand and yell and cry and even tear open my wounds to prove that I was just going back to that nightmare again. But I didn't do anything, I just lay there, staring at the ceiling, crying expressionlessly. I was like an addict who was suffering from a drug addiction and was about to break down, and regained his heroin. I greedily and intoxicatedly relive those scenes in my dream over and over again.

Those who smiled at me, the love and happiness I felt, I held them tightly in my arms, trying to warm my already frozen chest while the remaining warmth was still there.

Someone opened the door and approached. It was a nurse who came to make rounds. She glanced at me in surprise, said "ah" in surprise, and ran out in a hurry. Not long after, some doctors and nurses came in from the door and groped on me to check this and that. I lay quietly and let them move. The nurse who found me awake stood in front of my bed and hesitated for a long time. Finally, she helped me up and put me on a new pillow. She walked out of the room with the half-wet pillow and looked at me. How would you describe that look? It is probably the look in the eyes of passers-by when they see people with broken legs and feet humbly bowing and begging people for alms.

The room became quiet again, and I lay silently on the bed until the sun was about to set, and the sky outside the window was a fiery red, reflecting the whole room as if it was about to burn. Yi Tian came at this time, followed by two middle-aged women. One of the women came in and put the food box in her hand on the bedside table, brought out a few small dishes of cold dishes from it, and poured some steaming white porridge from a thermos, waiting for the other woman to shake it. After I could sit up on the high bed, she picked up the bowl and came to me, scooped some porridge with a spoon and looked at me, as if waiting for me to open my mouth.

"I'll do it myself." I whispered to her, and when I opened my mouth, I felt my throat was dry and uncomfortable, and my voice was so hoarse that I couldn't hear it clearly. The woman turned her head to look at Yi Tian, and gave me the bowl only after getting his signal. My hands were shaking badly, and it took me a long time to hold the bowl steady. I couldn't use my fingers, and I almost couldn't hold the spoon several times. He lowered his head and drank the porridge slowly one mouthful at a time. The warm porridge made his throat and stomach much more comfortable.

Yi Tian has been sitting by the side holding the PDA in his hand to deal with things, and he didn't leave until I finished eating and the two women packed up their things and left. "Yi Tian..." I wanted to thank him for the care I received in the hospital, but after thinking about it, he must think I was acting hypocritically, so I simply asked him for help, "Well, can you please contact Li for me? Aunt." He didn't answer and didn't even raise his head. I was a little embarrassed and explained hesitantly: "I just want to ask her to help bury my mother." I don't know how long I will lie on the bed like this. I don't know how my mother...'s body was handled... If no one asked... I felt a tight pain in my chest, and I didn't dare to think about it. Yi Tian finally put away the PDA and looked up at me, his eyes still had no emotion, "It has already been buried, in the Songhe Cemetery."

Songhe Cemetery? I looked at him suspiciously. This is a high-end cemetery on the outskirts of the city. How could it be there? What's more, the one who can take care of these things is Aunt Li, it is impossible to have this condition. I couldn't react in my head for a while, but Yi Tian saw my question, opened his mouth and said, "I'm apologizing to you on behalf of Lin Han." His expression was indifferent and casual, with such haughty eyes as if I should kneel down to the ground immediately They kowtowed in thanks. Probably I was a ridiculous clown in their eyes, and the pain I experienced was an interesting performance. After watching the show, they casually tossed me a few coins as a reward for amusing them.

I want to roar with pride, "I don't need your handouts, your sympathy, or your money!" But what is that? What can this ridiculous self-esteem and resentment be exchanged for? Can I let my mother sleep peacefully in a senior cemetery? Can she be allowed to lie in a place where most people can't stay after death, a fool who was despised all the time? Can I, the useless person who is lying on the bed and can't move, give her this? cannot. So I nodded to Yi Tian with the most sincere expression, "Thank you."

He stopped talking, and the atmosphere in the room was oppressive. I think he won't come back after he left this time, and we probably won't meet again in this life, so I explained the matter clearly to him, "There are no photos. At that time, I was anxious to raise money for my mother's surgery, so I just He can say whatever he wants." Yi Tian looked at me silently without any reaction, I was afraid he would think that I was trying to make excuses for my mistakes, so he simply said everything clearly, "Also... I'm sorry. I have done very bad things before. " I pulled the corners of my mouth and smiled helplessly, "I'm sorry for making your life such an embarrassing memory." I guessed his reaction in my heart, and I was ready for him to call me hypocritical or ask me what kind of tricks I was trying to play, In the end, he didn't say anything, just got up and left without even looking at me.

I watched his back slowly move away, and didn't come back to my senses until the door closed with a "bang". My eyes gradually blurred, and I was surprised by the extreme reluctance and sadness that suddenly popped up in my heart. It suddenly occurred to me that I had never stood in front of him and said "I love you" honestly and openly from the very beginning to now. Probably these three words carry too much weight and are too holy and beautiful. The deep-seated inferiority and cowardice in my heart make me not even have the courage to speak. I really want to chase him back and hold his hand to say it once, even if I will face the most vicious insults and merciless punches and kicks right away.

This is probably my last chance in this life.

After Yi Tian left, I just stayed in the ward by myself. Without visits from relatives and friends, without beautiful flowers and thoughtful fruit baskets, the whole room looks empty, cold and lifeless. It was too quiet, and gradually I felt a little sleepy, my eyelids were fighting up and down, and my head was groggy. In a daze, I seemed to see my mother running out of the hospital in a panic, looking around and looking for something. A skinny guy walked across the road, she chased him with joy on her face, and a car sped up to the left, but in the blink of an eye, he was knocked out and fell into a pool of blood convulsing and struggling...

I woke up shaking and opened my eyes, the hospital gown was wet on my back. I shrank back a little, I felt a little cold. When I stretched out my hand to raise the quilt, I heard a very small muffled groan, which seemed to come from the chest cavity, like the mournful cry of a person who has been suppressed for a long time and finally couldn't bear it under the extreme pain. All kinds of messy voices appeared in my ears, those sharp heart-piercing weeping cries, those pleading humble and heart-piercing words, all the voices appeared and intermingled in an instant, which caught me off guard.

I beat my chest and panted heavily to calm my heartbeat, "Don't be afraid...don't be afraid..." I wiped the tears off my face and said in a trembling voice: "Don't be afraid...don't cry...I'll come to you right away."