Muted

Chapter 2

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It was already noon when I woke up the next day, because my boss gave me a day off because I had a business trip for a week. My stomach was aching from hunger, so I got up and grabbed something to eat, and then started to tidy up the room.

To be honest, I really want to be as hypocritical as in the TV series, something like "throwing all his things out so that there is no longer his breath in the room". But in fact all I threw away were the ones I bought back for him that he never used. To him, my place is just a free hotel where he occasionally stays. He has never regarded this place as his home, and has no nostalgia for this place, where he will leave his own breath.

All that really needs to be tidied up is the bedroom. The room was still the same as yesterday, everything else was fine, but the bed was a mess. Resisting the desire to vomit, I stretched out my hand and turned over the sheet and quilt, but I finally didn't see that thing sticking to it, otherwise I guess I would vomit on the bed on the spot.

In fact, I really wanted to drag this bed out and throw it away, but the door of the bedroom was really not allowed, so I had to replace everything I could. The quilt cover, bed sheet and pillow towel have all been washed, and I am going to send them to the old lady who collects garbage downstairs together with the quilt core after they are dry. Then I cleaned the house thoroughly, lying on the sofa and looking at the clean and tidy room, I felt a little more comfortable. It's almost time for dinner, too, and I'm ready to treat myself and go out for a good meal.

The hot pot at Qinxiangyuan has always been my favourite.

In fact, the picture of eating hot pot is just a lively scene. A group of people sat together, the thick soup was boiling, and the steam was so hot that people's faces were flushed. You have a chopstick and I have a chopstick, fighting and making a mess, the laughter almost toppled the roof.

It's a pity that I don't have a small group to accommodate me, nor do I have friends who can come out to drink with me with a phone call. So I was alone in the hall.

One person occupies a table, and one person faces a hot pot.

Now is the best time for business, and the hall is full of people. I looked up and looked around, only my table was alone. I was a little ashamed, so I could only look down at my phone frequently, as if I was waiting for someone to come. In fact, I know that I am so stupid, such a big place, so lively and joyful, who would pay attention to a stranger in the corner.

Sitting at the table next to me is a young couple. The girl muttered that the soup base was too spicy to eat, and the boy asked the waiter to bring a bowl of clear soup, put the vegetables in the clear soup, rinse off the red oil and spicy peppers, and then put them into the girl's bowl, he said helplessly: "I told you that you can't eat spicy food You want the clear soup to be spicy." The girl pouted, "I wanted something spicy just now." The boy pinched the tip of her nose dotingly.

I stared at the boiling soup in front of me and became dazed. When I ate with Yi Tian, I always only cared about him and ignored myself. Everything he likes to eat or I think is delicious is put in his bowl and I don't keep any for myself. Once he was sick and said he wanted to drink porridge. He was already asleep when I got through and brought it over. At that time, he hadn’t eaten for a whole day. I woke him up and tried to coax him to eat more. I just brought the porridge over and he slapped him. The bowl was overturned, and all the freshly cooked porridge fell on my lap. It was scalded with blisters. During that time, every time I took a step, the material of the trousers rubbed against the scalded skin, and it was very painful, like burning.

Suddenly someone grabbed the corner of my clothes, I came back to my senses, and when I turned my head, I saw a little boy about three years old looking at me with big eyes. It may be that the hall is a bit hot, and the baby's red face looks like a big apple.

I bent the corner of my mouth and teased him: "Is the baby looking for uncle?"

The little baby frowned and thought, thinking that he wanted to come up with a "something".

There was a woman chasing after her with a bowl, and when I saw it, I quickly apologized: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but the naughty kid didn't cause you any trouble, right?"

I smiled and shook my head, "The baby is very cute."

The woman smiled at me with the pride of being a mother on her face.

The baby saw his mother coming, and ran away with his calves. The woman chased after helplessly, coaxing: "Haohao, please take another bite, mom will eat it if you don't eat it, 'oooh' mom really ate your meal!"

Looking at the back of the young mother and listening to her naive and cute words to coax the child, I felt sore and painful inexplicably. Gritting my teeth to suppress the moisture in my eyes, it's too embarrassing and sad, how can I even envy a child of a few years old.

The meal was not enjoyable and I ended up almost fleeing the place.

After waiting for the bus, there were only a few people in the bus. Looking at those people who seemed to be as lonely as me sitting on the single seat, I took a deep breath and felt some comfort in my heart.

I am unlucky, so I hope that people all over the world will struggle in pain, and feel jealous and unwilling to see other people's happiness and perfection. It makes me sick to be so ugly.

Rest your head against the car window as the neon lights flicker outside. The streets are still lively and bustling, but my heart is barren, as silent as stagnant water.

At a certain station, the bus stopped, and a 20-year-old girl came up, holding a phone in her hand and talking. She looked around and sat behind me.

"Dad! I heard from my mother that you have been drinking secretly again, right?!" The girl's voice was not loud, but it was very clear in the empty bus, and someone looked at her sideways.

The girl didn't care about other people's eyes, and continued to talk on the phone, "What is a complaint! Mom is not for your own good!"

"Let me hear you drinking again. I won't come back during the vacation, and I won't come back in the future! You can find another daughter!" Someone laughed in the car. Although the girl was a little spoiled and rude, she could tell that she was a Very filial daughter.

"Humph, it's almost the same! Dad... I miss your cooking so much... Mmm, I want to eat potatoes and beef! Braised eggplant! Salt water shrimp and Coca-Cola chicken wings!... Mmm, I will make them for me when I go back ! Dad, I love you!!" She was scolding others a minute ago, and then she turned into a little girl acting like a baby to her father. Everyone in the car cast envious glances, and it was obvious that this must be a girl who had been praised since she was a child. Take care of the grown-up children in the palm of your hand.

I opened my eyes wide and looked out of the window. I don't know why my vision is getting more and more blurred. Resisting not daring to blink, tears finally fell down in big drops. Gritting his teeth hard, he couldn't help crying in the end.

Me, all I want in my life is nothing more than that, nothing more than that.

I also want to have my parents cook a table full of meals waiting for me when I go home. How much I want my mother to stay by my bed so worried that I can’t sleep. From time to time, there was a whole family sitting around together, some grandparents who held my hand, and some younger brothers and sisters who pestered me to play with them.

I love Yitian. Because he is so good, because he has parents who love him, because he has a bunch of good brothers, because he gathers all my yearning and longing.

I just thought, I just thought about such a happy person, if I try to get closer, can I also get some of his happiness? Is it also possible to make my unfortunate life hopeful again

The car was so quiet that only my crying could be heard.

I know it's really embarrassing for a grown man to cry like that.

But I felt so uncomfortable in my heart, all the indifference and strength that stood tall collapsed in the warmth of others. Because I saw their happiness and smiles, I became more and more aware of the fact that I am the only one who has no one to rely on and is not needed.

I'm just, I'm just kind of sad.