My name is Huang Jingyang. I was born on the fifth day of the fifth lunar month in 1992. I am the eldest son in my family.
I was born in a small remote mountain village in the southwest. When I was born, my father was working outside, and before I was a year old, my mother went to work with my father. After many years, children like me are called left-behind children.
In our countryside, the first child gives birth to a daughter, and the second child can also be approved. A first-born boy like my family is not allowed to have a second child. As a child, I was no different from other children. I just heard from my grandparents that I cry more at night. Crying doesn't seem to be a big problem. My grandma used to say that I was supposed to be a girl, but it was the wrong birth.
When I was five years old, I went to the mountains with my grandfather to herd cattle, and picked up a round piece of metal from the mountain. From that day on, my life started to get a little weird.
The piece of metal was rusted so badly that when I picked it up, I couldn't see the words and patterns on it. After returning home, I polished off the rust on the outside, and the inside turned out to be yellow and clear. The pattern on it was very strange. I glanced at it, and it seemed like I was sucked in by the pattern. From that day on, I became different from other kids.
"Oh, why has Yangyang become a little weird recently? I don't run out very often." Grandma was the first to notice my abnormality.
"Maybe I miss my parents. I don't know how to come back at the end of the year. After raising my son, I have to raise my grandson. In this world, alas!" Grandpa didn't care very much.
I couldn't seem to hear a single sound at all. The pattern on the sheet of metal moved in my eyes. I saw the endless sky above; I saw the vast and boundless earth; I saw nine days of thunder; I saw the breeze, or the wind was blowing; Lakes and seas; I saw water turning into gas, gas condensed into water, and water condensed into ice and snow; I saw a raging fire...
And all the sensual wild horses in life have disappeared from my mind. Grandma shook my body anxiously, I couldn't feel it; Grandpa called my name anxiously, but I couldn't hear it either.
My parents who hadn’t come home for years and months also rushed back and carried me around to seek medical treatment, but I still couldn’t feel it.
No one knows what happened to me.
Some people in the village said that I had fallen into evil. Grandpa found that I was holding a piece of metal in my hand, with some dreadful patterns on it, and wanted to snatch the piece of metal from my hand.
Although I don't know anything about the outside world, I only love this piece of metal like life. I burst into tears and hugged the piece of metal tightly.
Grandma couldn't bear to see me cry like that, so she didn't allow Grandpa to take away the pieces of metal that I regarded as life.
My parents took me to the hospital in the county and the province to see it over and over. All the money I had earned over the years was turned into a pile of useless tickets and bills, but I still didn’t wake up. . Whether it's the county hospital or the provincial hospital, they all say that my body is normal, but my brain has some problems.
I'm not sick at all, how can the doctor explain clearly
My grandparents prayed to gods and worshipped Buddha everywhere, and found some yin and yang people in the village to do things for me. How could these idiots be able to cure me? After half a year, the savings at home were almost used up. My grandparents, my parents, and I all gave up on me.
After harvesting the rice in June, the family sat on the sun drying terrace to enjoy the coolness. I still stare blankly at the metal pieces in my hands.
"Let's get another one!" The tobacco stick in Grandpa's hand was sucked hard by him, and the flames flickered in the night.
Grandma looked at me distressed and couldn't stop crying: "My dear grandson, how did you become like this?"
Mom and Dad did not speak.
After finishing the double guns, my parents went south to work again. During the Spring Festival this year, they did not come back. The next year, they added a younger brother to me. They never brought my brother back because they were worried about my bad influence. After the younger brother was born, the grandmother went there to bring people. Only my grandfather was at home with me.
Although I can't respond to everything, I can see it all, but in my eyes, it's like a story on the screen, and I'm just a spectator. This feeling is very strange. But more often, my mind is still immersed in the pattern on the piece of metal. In the center of the metal piece is a pattern of yin and yang fish, which keeps turning and turning.
As soon as my grandmother left, all the farm work at home fell on my grandfather alone. In addition to the farm work, my grandfather had to take care of me. It is easy for me to deal with it. I can eat, drink and sleep, and I only need a word from my grandfather, and I can do it.
Because I have become like that, it is too evil. No one in the village dared to let their children play with me. Even my own parents dare not let my brother meet me, let alone others
When grandpa went to work in the fields, he put me on the ridge and put a small bench, and I could sit on the ridge for a long time. An umbrella is held beside me on a wooden stick to provide shade for me. Then my grandfather went to work in the fields. Grandpa is a capable person in the village, and he is an expert in various handle styles in the field.
When the wind blew, the tied umbrella was too windy and slanted to one side. The scorching sun was on my body, but I didn't even notice it. Most of my eyes were on the piece of metal in my hand.
Grandpa found out about my situation after finishing the farm work. He hurriedly ran over, but was surprised to find that I had nothing at all, no sweat on my forehead. The clothes on his body were all cool, and it didn't look like he was exposed to the sun at all. The ground I was sitting on was actually cool.
Grandpa didn't say anything, put away the umbrella, and then pulled me up: "Go home, go home."
When people in the village meet, they will always ask me about my situation: "Have you not spoken for two years?"
"Two years! Alas!" Grandpa would always sigh.
I was in a very strange state at the time. I feel that there is a special connection between heaven, earth, thunder, wind, mountains, lakes, water, and fire. There is an energy that binds these forms together. Only later did I know that this energy is called vitality.
It's almost New Year's Eve, other people's homes are bustling and lively, but ours is deserted. I am at home with my grandfather. During the Chinese New Year, my parents called and said that my hometown was too cold, and I was afraid my brother would freeze. Mom and Dad are going to work overtime during the Chinese New Year, and grandma has to bring her younger brother. The return journey is expensive. So this year, it's just me and my grandfather at home.
Grandpa wasn't very happy, but he never lost his temper in front of me. Just suffocatingly smoking dry cigarettes. Everyone in the village has already smoked filter cigarettes, but Grandpa hasn't thrown away his dry tobacco stick.
"Second uncle, seventh brother asked me to bring back two hundred yuan so you can buy some materials for the Chinese New Year." It was Huang Chenggao, the thirteenth uncle who worked in the south with my parents. Uncle Thirteen came back yesterday. The Thirteenth Uncle is my uncle from the family hall of the five households. Uncle Thirteen and Dad are the same great-grandfather. There are sixteen of these uncles under the same great-grandfather. My dad is the seventh oldest. I am the tenth oldest among people of my generation. There are more people in my generation, more than twenty.
Grandpa didn't look very good these days, but when Uncle Thirteen came over, a smile was barely on his face.
"Thirteen. Your seventh brother asked you to bring two hundred dollars? Didn't you bring anything else for the child?"
"Second uncle, see what you said. If seventh brother brings something back, can I still embezzle it? Just bring two hundred yuan and nothing else." Thirteenth uncle smiled.
"I didn't say you were corrupt. The two of them gave birth to a young child, and the older one is not human?" Grandpa's face turned blue.
"We were in a hurry, and we told my seventh brother temporarily. Seventh brother gave me two hundred dollars. What parent doesn't care about their son?" Uncle Thirteen obviously didn't tell the truth. Can't fool my grandpa. Uncle Thirteen glanced at me and said embarrassingly, "Look at my memory, when I came out, I didn't expect to grab some candy for Yangyang."
"This child is doing evil (poor), this sweet and bitter thing is the same in his mouth. Fortunately, he is like this. He doesn't know who treats him badly." Grandpa's dry eyes became a little wet.
Uncle Thirteen was very embarrassed, and after a few casual greetings, he left in a hurry.
Because of me, neither adults nor children in the village come to our house very often. After all, for a kid who is alive and kicking, who would dare to touch upon such an evil thing. In the village, I am an ominous person.
At night, a whining sound came from the grandfather's room.
All this is seen in my eyes and heard in my ears. But I am neither happy nor sad. Watching all this happen coldly.
The white clouds are long, the mountains are green, and the water is gurgling. Everything is like smoke.
The next day, early in the morning, my grandfather took me to the street.
Although I don't respond to any calls from my relatives, I always do what they ask me to do.
My grandfather and I were walking on the road silently, which always felt strange.
"Your grandson is really obedient. He walked all the way without making any noise or making a fuss. If it were my grandson, it would have been flying all over the sky."
"My grandson has this temperament." The smile on Grandpa's face was stiff.
At this time, someone beside the old man muttered a few words in the old man's ear, and the old man looked at me with a strange look.
Good things don't go out and bad things travel thousands of miles. In my situation, not many people in Shili Baxiang don't know about it.
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