Ji Youyan laughed too much, Jingxiu felt a little soft-hearted when she heard her cheerful laughter, but she couldn't hold back her face, she still kept her face solemn, turned her body a little, and warned Ji Youyan with her eyes.
Ji Youyan teased Jingxiu out of his experience, and he knows how to take it as soon as possible. She received the dangerous information, her laughter stopped, and she immediately pursed her lips to hold back her laughter, with a delicate and delicate face, she forced a comical stupidity.
Jingxiu's cold face couldn't hold back anymore, he turned back in silence, his back turned to Ji Youyan, the corners of his lips were secretly raised.
Ji Youyan sat up straight, took out the towel that Jingxiu hung around his neck, and while helping Jingxiu wipe his still wet hair, he coaxed Jingxiu: "Axiu, don't be angry, because it's too cute, so I can't help it. Want to laugh."
She knew that Jingxiu wasn't really angry, but she was still willing to cooperate with Jingxiu's occasional coquettish disguise: "Besides, although I laughed so loudly, I've already been punished, haven't I?"
Jingxiu let her wipe, scrolled the mouse, browsed other microblogs in Chaohua, and asked calmly, "What punishment did you get?"
Ji Youyan sighed and sold miserably: "Hey, you don't know, since I was rejected when I joined the group last time, I have worked so hard to sign in on Chaohua for a long time. But the tone of your reply just now is a bit fierce, and my Weibo is all over again. It's about you alone, and I may be labeled as a slap in the face of the CP super talk. The host will probably put me in a small dark room soon."
"The family has worked hard for a long time."
Her tone was pitiful, Jingxiu was teased by her, and pretended to be indifferent: "That's just right..." Before she could finish her words, Yu Guang swept to a Weibo, lowered his eyebrows, and the voice came abruptly. end.
Weibo is a more experienced CP fan who reminds other CP fans in Chaohua: "I just saw someone posting about the battle of fandom, I know everyone is aggrieved by YY, but the discussion in Chaohua is very difficult. It's easy to be put on a hat and say that we are crooked, so everyone should be cautious in words and deeds, and eat candy in silence. If you have the heart, join the anti-black group, there is a shortage of manpower there."
The battle for the title... After she came back, she went to take a shower, and she hadn't read the news on the Internet. However, after the launch press conference, she contacted Jiang Chun, asked her to pay attention to the dynamics, control the wind direction, and also asked her to contact the staff placed in the support club to prevent the Xiuqiu from being rhythmically attacking Yanyan, Jiang Chun Didn't do it well
Ji Youyan didn't wait for the second half of Jingxiu's sentence, stopped wiping, and looked at what Jingxiu was looking at.
Her gaze fell on the Weibo in the center of the screen, and she looked sideways to see Jingxiu's face sinking like water, his heart softened and soft.
She knew that Jingxiu was distressed for her and unhappy about it.
She stretched out her arms and put her right hand on Jingxiu's catkin. She slid the mouse with her hand and closed the Weibo page. "Axiu, you know what, I'm actually very happy to be on stage with you today." She put her chin on Jingxiu's shoulder.
Jingxiu suppressed the low pressure, tilted his head slightly, rubbed the hair next to Ji Youyan's ear with his cheek, and answered her, "Why?"
"Because standing beside you like this today, standing at a place infinitely close to your height, I have dreamed for a long time." Ji Youyan's voice was low. She bit her lip, opened her mouth, and said frankly, "Axiu, there is something I never dared to tell you before. I felt that I was a particularly despicable person at that time."
Jingxiu was surprised that Ji Youyan used such serious words to himself. She frowned, turned around and stared at Ji Youyan, in her clear eyes, the reflection was full of Ji Youyan.
Ji Youyan slightly bent her lips, raised her hand and stroked Jingxiu's picturesque brows. Her voice carried an almost imperceptible loneliness, "I even felt for a while that such a dirty me is not worthy to enter your eyes, defile you, blaspheme you."
"Yanyan..." Jingxiu interrupted her in disapproval.
Ji Youyan tapped the tip of Jingxiu's nose with the tip of her nose, stopped her words and said, "Axiu, let me finish."
Jingxiu's throat moved, and he lowered his long eyelashes in acquiescence.
"Do you remember, when you first took on a film, I didn't have a job and was always by your side. During the premiere promotion meeting, I wanted to witness all your firsts, and I also followed. On the stage, I was among the fans under the stage. I watched you talk freely with other seniors on the stage, and listened to the fans surrounding you enthusiastically. you are happy."
"I remember." Jingxiu replied softly.
At that time, they had just finished the game. Almost everyone had an instinctive prejudice against the traffic of the draft, and the public's definition of her was generally a vase. As a result, as soon as she debuted, she took over the big production of a famous director, which made others jealous. Since the official announcement, the voices of ridicule and abuse of her have not stopped. She always felt that she was a person with good psychological quality and strong ability to withstand pressure, but at that time, she gradually understood the taste of insomnia. She gritted her teeth and tried her best to play this role well. She joined the group two months in advance, woke up early and late at night, and followed the martial arts to train and fight.
It was the hardest day in her 21-year life at that time, and it was also the happiest day, because she was accompanied by Ji Youyan who understood her - asking for warmth and relying on each other. So much so that when she and Ji Youyan drifted away from each other for many years, she even thought that she would be happy to return to that time if she gave up everything.
But Ji Youyan said, "But there seemed to be such an inadvertent moment at the time, I seemed to be isolated from the hustle and bustle. I was a little terrified, and felt that you on the stage seemed a little far away from me. Sitting under the stage was ordinary and worthless. What's the difference between me and the fans around me who look up to you but can't reach you, or maybe there will be no difference one day?"
"It seems that from that moment on, my desire for success has become urgent. I am afraid of being left behind by you, and I eagerly want to catch up with you and stand by your side." Her tone was a little distant. , but very calm, like an outsider looking at the past objectively, "Although I don't want to admit it, people are really different. No matter how hard I try, I can't catch up with you. So Fear and unwillingness tormented me every day, but I was helpless, I could only stand in the same place and watch you fly higher and farther away from me."
In the first 20 years of her life, she was smooth sailing and radiant, playing a role that was noticed by others. But after entering the entertainment industry, she slowly realized how small, even, how mediocre she was. In order to make her obedient, Wang Junchan implemented a psychological suppression strategy on her, deliberately attacking her self-confidence again and again, erasing her recognition of herself, forcing her to admit a little bit, she couldn't, she couldn't, she had to follow her way. Plan to go to get ahead - without traffic, she is nothing.
"Until one day, I was standing in front of the computer, and when I saw you stand on the high stage again in the live broadcast and won the grand prize, I suddenly realized that I couldn't be completely and sincerely happy for you. I even had a flash of thought, if … If you succeed a little slower, if … If you could wait for me a little longer.” Her calm voice fluctuated slightly, and it was stained with pain that made Jingxiu feel distressed.
Jingxiu's throat tightened. In her life, except for love, she has never tried the taste of failure, so when she was young, she never considered Ji Yuyan's suffering from this perspective. She was initially indulged in Ji Youyan's considerate tenderness, and later, entangled in Ji Youyan's detached attitude. It's not her fault that she walked too fast, but as a lover, she didn't notice Ji Youyan's emotions and didn't give Ji Youyan enough sense of security, and she was responsible.
Her heart was sour, she pressed her forehead against Ji Yuyan's forehead, and said apologetically, "I'm sorry, I... I didn't notice."
Ji You kissed her against her forehead and shook her head, "It's not your fault, it's because I hid it too well to let you find out."
"It was at the moment when I regained my senses that I suddenly felt so terrible. I actually knew that I became eager for quick success, but I don't know when I had changed beyond recognition. Even the one who loved me deeply. I also have feelings of jealousy and unwillingness for people's achievements. I feel like a dark monster. I even spurn and unacceptable myself, how dare I let you find out, how dare I ask you to accept it? "
She hates herself like that, but her emotions are out of control, she has become like that. Afraid of losing Jingxiu, she could only continue to disguise and pursue utility, but the more she pretended and pursued, the more she seemed to push Jingxiu farther and farther. In a vicious circle, she was like a trapped beast stuck in a swamp, unable to struggle, she could only watch herself suffocated and suffocated a little bit.
The words that used to be so hard to say, now, she can finally say it with a slight smile. She accepted that self and came to terms with her past self.
It was Jingxiu who gave her confidence.
She believed, believed that there was someone in this world who truly loved her, who was complete, real, and imperfect.
Sure enough, Jingxiu raised her eyelashes slightly and answered her solemnly, "I can."
She said: "Yan Yan, we have all played various characters and entered the hearts of many characters in our careers for so many years. Can't we still understand that human nature is complicated, and emotions and desires are inevitable. No matter how noble a person is, Dare to say that I have never had dark thoughts. These are just normal human emotions, why do you ask for full blame?"
She kissed Ji Yuyan's thin lips lightly and whispered, "I know, I'm in love with a person, not a god."
Ji Youyan looked into her tolerant and gentle eyes, and her heart was full as if something was about to overflow. She wrapped her arms around Jingxiu's waist tightly, feeling Jingxiu's silent indulgence, and slowly curved her lips to tease herself, "I know I was wrong. I don't know where I got the idol burden at that time. Maybe it was Because I'm in a relationship with you, I mistakenly thought I was the same as you."
"Huh?" Jingxiu asked in a muffled voice around her neck.
Ji You's tone was light, but serious, as if he sighed from the bottom of his heart: "You are a god."
"My Goddess."
Jingxiu's heartstrings were stirred, and there were thousands of words lingering in her mouth, but she couldn't say it all at once, and finally she had to pretend to be calm and angrily at her: "Fancy words."
Ji Youyan smiled lowly, not annoyed. Wherever she was in love, she unknowingly reached into Jingxiu's clothes and invited Jingxiu vaguely, "Is it okay to use action?"
The pores on Jingxiu's waist were trembling, but he still grabbed Ji Youyan's hand and said rationally, "We agreed before. Today's work starts, and there will be a play tomorrow."
Ji Youyan knew that Jingxiu was serious about her work, so she didn't force it, she withdrew her hand obediently, but reluctantly lay on Jingxiu's neck and felt the heat of her skin, hoping to quench her thirst. After a long while, she calmed down, raised her head and said thoughtfully, "Okay, let's rest early tonight. I'll go get a hairdryer to help you dry your hair."
Jingxiu let out an "um", stood up and sat on another chair.
As soon as Ji Youyan walked to the door, Lin Yue called her from a distance: "Sister Ji, the phone in your room seems to be ringing."
Jingxiu remembered something, took the phone aside and sent a message to Jiang Chun. She sat alone in the study, and Ji Yuyan's words just now echoed in her ears. As time passed, looking back at the past, she became more and more aware that their past misses were caused by each other's faults, as if it were destined.
The first time she acted in "Sunflowers in the Night", she didn't find it, but now that I think about it, to a certain extent, they and Shen Yu and Qiao Yue seem to each other think that each other is the bright sun in the sky, and she is the one that faces the sun. Raw sunflowers.
Longing is the feeling farthest from understanding. [1]
Jingxiu took out the pen and sticky note, and the pen roamed around and wrote two lines on the sticky note. She wanted to put this note into the notebook Ji Yuyan used every day, but there was no trace of it on the desktop.
She opened the drawer under the desk, and the notebook was inside. Picking up the notebook, there are two books under it, and at a glance, you can see that it is related to Buddhism.
Jingxiu was stunned for a moment, picked up the two books subconsciously, and unexpectedly saw Dao Kong's lifelike portrait at the bottom. Her eyes widened, and she sighed helplessly.
She is not surprised that Yanyan can't do it without burden after knowing the truth. If doing these things can make her feel better, she has no intention to stop it.
It was not hidden in a hard-to-find place, indicating that Yanyan did not intend to conceal her uneasiness, so she did not intend to conceal her knowledge and understanding.
Unspoken.
Jingxiu pressed the note between the portrait and the book.
On the sticky note, she wrote a line in Chinese: I have feelings and desires, love and hate, and I can't be a god.
Another line of words, writing Jingxiu in Chinese and French, felt too ashamed, and finally wrote it in English:
Not your angel , but your girl .
The author has something to say: [1] From "Grim Reaper" Aizen Sou Yousuke
English level 0, I don't know if the last sentence is correct, the original intention is: not a goddess, but your woman.
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