On the night of December 21st, when Fu Shitian was covered in blood and enduring a snowstorm in the County People's Court in Ningcheng, Shi Yi called her twice in a row, but Fu Shitian acted as if she didn't hear anything and let the phone vibrate until it hung up automatically.
Intracranial hemorrhage, spleen rupture, right leg to be amputated, left leg is also in danger, whether she can wake up depends on luck... She signed critical illness notices and informed consent forms for surgery one by one, and made phone calls to borrow money one by one. Wang Meifen and Fu Jiantao felt like the sky had fallen, and Fu Shitian's world had also collapsed. The lights in front of her were so bright that they were blinding, but she only saw the swaying red and patches of black. This dark night seemed like it would never light up again.
She didn't know what to say to Shi Yi when she picked up the phone, or how to say it to Shi Yi.
What about the medical expenses? What if Xiaoyu never wakes up again? What about her uncle and aunt? What about her and Shi Yi's future
She didn't know. She couldn't face Fu Siyu's voice in the pool of blood, "Sister...save me...save me...", couldn't face her uncle, aunt, Shi Yi, couldn't face herself who didn't say a word for a second and whose conscience was swallowed up by the monster.
Unable to face, unable to forgive.
Her aunt's eyes were red as she told her to get out. She didn't dare stand in her sight to provoke her, so she had to retreat to the stairwell outside the corridor. She curled up, wearing thin clothes, leaning against the wall, staring at the closed door of the operating room, half of her face was red and swollen, and the other half was as pale as paper. She bit her lower lip and spasmed physiologically, like a stray cat that was gradually dying of hypothermia in the winter night.
For someone like her, she didn't really understand why she was born and why she was still alive. Living seemed to be a sin, exhausting herself and others. No matter what she did, it was wrong, and no matter how she struggled, it was useless. No one could save her, no one could illuminate her, not even Shi Yi.
That was a thread called fate. It bound her forward, and no matter how hard she tried, she could not change the trajectory of sinking.
She gave in.
If fate destined her to sink, then at least she could let Shi Yi go.
At 1:00 p.m. on December 22, after more than ten hours of surgery, Fu Siyu was finally pushed out of the operating room. She was unconscious, and her right leg below the knee was gone. Fu Shitian staggered to support herself, emerged from the stairwell, followed the operating cart from a distance, and came to the outside of the intensive care unit. Wang Meifen glanced at her from the corner of her eye, and her emotions were ignited again. She rushed towards her, but was grabbed hard by Fu Jiantao from behind. She cried, bit, and kicked, and she fainted.
The doctor said she was exhausted and over-stimulated. Fu Shitian stood outside the ward, swaying and ashamed.
Fu Jiantao was exhausted.
It would be a lie to say that he was not angry at Fu Shitian. But he knew that it was just an accident and Fu Shitian was not to blame. He grabbed his hair and seemed to have aged ten years overnight. He told Fu Shitian: "Go back first. Don't come over for the next few days. Your aunt..." He sighed and couldn't find the words. Finally, he could only repeat: "Go back. You can't help here."
"If there's something going on at school, you can go back first. Wait until your aunt calms down."
Fu Shitian looked at him, his eyes full of tears. He could not say anything except nodding continuously.
She would rather he scolded and beat her like her aunt did, which would make her feel better. But he didn't do that.
She was ashamed, completely engulfed by a deep sense of guilt and self-loathing. She drifted back to the old man's house like a wandering soul. After entering the house, the nanny asked about Fu Siyu's situation and told her that a woman named Fang, who was dressed very elegantly, came to see her in the morning. After hearing that something happened in her family, she waited for a while, left a business card and left.
Fu Shitian's brain was slow and it took him several seconds to realize who this woman surnamed Fang might be.
She took the business card handed to her by the nanny—Fang Ruohua.
It was indeed her.
She was not panicked at all, she just had a feeling that this day had finally come.
She felt pain everywhere, but the pain was so severe that she became numb. She found that she could bear it. As long as she imagined that she was dead, it didn't matter what happened to her body.
She took the business card, went up to the rooftop, stared at it for a long time, and dialed the number one by one.
The call was connected within two seconds of ringing, and Fang Ruohua's gentle voice came from the speaker: "Hello."
Fu Shitian scratched the cement wall with his nails unconsciously, bit his lower lip, and replied: "It's me, Auntie, Fu Shitian."
Fang Ruohua was not surprised at all: "I know."
"My family said that you came to see me this morning, Auntie?"
"yes."
After a two-second pause, no one spoke. Fang Ruohua broke the silence: "I heard that something happened in your family. I'm not sure if it's appropriate to tell you this at this time?"
She received a call from the bodyguard who had been stationed with Shi Yi to protect him last night. She tossed and turned all night and rushed over early in the morning to question him. But when she heard that her sister had been in a car accident, she felt compassion and wondered if she was too cruel.
But unexpectedly, Fu Shitian answered her: "It's okay, Auntie, go ahead and talk."
Her voice was so soft that it seemed like it would fade away in the next second. Fang Ruohua had prepared words of reprimand and questioning all night, but suddenly, she couldn't say them at all.
After a while, she asked, "You should know what I am going to say, right?"
Fu Shitian looked out of focus at the blue sky in the distance and said, "I know."
"Auntie, you want to persuade me to break up with Shi Yi, right
Fang Ruohua admitted: "Yes."
Fu Shitian's nails had been torn apart, but she was unaware. She closed her eyes, and the sound of the whistling wind and Shi Yi's declaration in her memory rang in her ears: "Fu Shitian, listen, I want us to go to the end. One minute or one second less, you will be sorry for me and ruin my life."
She wanted to say "OK", but when she opened her mouth, she heard herself say: "Auntie, you still care about her, don't you?"
"yes."
"You still love her very much, don't you?"
"Yes." Fang Ruohua said: "She is my treasure, I love her more than anything else in the world."
"Including your husband and your little daughter?"
Fang Ruohua said without hesitation: "Yes."
Fu Shitian shed tears, but smiled, and murmured: "That's good... That's good..."
She promised: "Auntie, I promise you, I will break up with Shi Yi."
The wind on the rooftop was so strong that she felt her soul was dissipating. The white in front of her was not white, and the blue was not blue. She climbed up to the balcony with the help of the wall, looked at the sun, and sat quietly in the black vision.
The sun slowly set and the wind dried her tears.
She climbed down the balcony again silently.
She knew she couldn't die yet.
She is not yet qualified to die.
She has already caused too much trouble to others, and she still has responsibilities that she has not fulfilled.
*
On December 23, Fu Siyu was still in a coma, and Wang Meifen still didn't want to see her. She returned to Shanghai as promised to accompany Shi Yi to take the postgraduate entrance examination.
The night before the postgraduate entrance examination, Shi Yi still lay with his back to her. After returning, she could count the words she and Fu Shitian said on her ten fingers. She did not tell Fu Shitian why she called her twice that night. Just like Fu Shitian did not tell her what happened after she returned.
Shi Yi's rationality, patience, reserve and pride have almost reached their limits.
She even convinced herself in her heart that as long as Fu Shitian could notice that something was wrong with her and hug her from behind and coax her like he did in the past, she would understand her, give up all her self-esteem, really pretend that she knew nothing, hug her back tightly, and tell her how scared she was that night, how much she needed her, how much she longed for her shoulder and arms, and also... how disappointed she was.
But Fu Shitian did not give her such an opportunity.
She just lay there very properly, not moving at all, not even kicking the quilt. The arm's length apart, like a thousand mountains and rivers, separated them into two worlds.
Shi Yi's heart was completely cold.
Although during the two days of the postgraduate entrance examination, Fu Shitian accompanied her to bed and get up early, picked her up and dropped her off, gave her a specially requested amulet to wear, prepared fresh and delicious meals for her, and received fewer phone calls and messages than usual, he was like a caring lover who accompanied his girlfriend in the postgraduate entrance examination.
But Shi Yi knew that something was getting closer and closer. The way Fu Shitian occasionally looked at her gave her a premonition, which made her despair and powerless.
She didn't know what else she could do or what else she should do.
If only one person is left in a relationship and wants to persist, what's the point of that one-sided persistence other than being sentimental and causing jokes
Her reason and pride made her accept and let go.
She also thought that she was prepared.
But when the last exam was over, they had a meal outside after a long time, and walked the way home that they had walked hundreds of times in the past six months. When Fu Shitian called her and said, "Shi Yi, I have something to tell you," her heart still trembled.
Fear seized her soul, and she asked in a low voice: "Can't we go home and tell them?"
Fu Shitian shook her head. She looked at her with a sad look and a little compassion, and said, "I'm sorry, Shi Yi, let's break up."
It was so easy, as if I had rehearsed it countless times in my mind, and I didn't feel difficult to say it.
Shi Yi once loved her gentle and soft voice, but at this moment, she wished she could cover her ears so that she could no longer hear the cruel words that followed.
But Fu Shitian could not hear her pleas, and continued to torture her calmly and mercilessly: "I have taken back my clothes and books to the dormitory. I don't want the rest, and you can throw them away if you don't want them either. I didn't touch the money in the card. I put it in the bedside drawer. You know the password. You can continue to rent the house or sublet it. The refunded money..."
Shi Yi couldn't listen any longer, she asked her: "Why..."
Fu Shitian's words, which he was trying to squeeze out with an effort of calmness, suddenly got stuck.
"Why do you want to break up? I want a reason. It's not too much, right?" Shi Yi crossed his arms across his chest, looked at her, and repeated it.
She regained her momentum, stood straight, with a stern look and deep eyes. Her appearance was still as extraordinary and cold as the one that captured Fu Shitian's heart with her fleeting glance on the screen that year. However, the shining light in her eyes could no longer be found.
Fatigue filled the corners of her eyebrows and eyes.
Fu Shitian's eyes welled up with tears, and her throat felt like it was pierced by a needle. She held back her tears, opened her mouth, and tried to say coldly: "I thought we all had a consensus."
"Shi Yi, we are not suitable for each other. If we continue like this, we will both be very tired."
"Are you tired or am I tired?" Shi Yi heard himself ask sarcastically.
She didn't want this to happen. She wanted to agree to it casually, to part ways amicably, to leave a little dignity for herself and Fu Shitian, but her chest, her throat, and her mouth were filled with anger and unwillingness, and they didn't obey her at all.
"What's wrong with it? Ability, personality, or... gender?" She emphasized the word "gender" with full of mockery.
Fu Shitian stared at her blankly, as if he didn't know her. After a while, she lowered her eyes and said impatiently: "Whatever you think is what it is. I am sorry for you."
Shi Yi looked at her and felt that she didn't know her. Was this cold and emotionless girl really the gentle lover she had loved
Did she really understand her and what she loved? She used to think it was stupid to fall in love and give her heart to someone who didn't deserve it, but she didn't expect that in the end, she was no different.
She stared at Fu Shitian without blinking, as if she wanted to see through her soul and carve her into her bones. After several seconds, she curled her lips and sneered coldly: "Fu Shitian."
After a pause, she said, "Maybe I should call it something else?"
"Jiang... Cun... Xi..." She stared at her and read out the words one by one.
Fu Shitian's perfect calm mask finally cracked, and her eyes showed the familiar panic and pain. Shi Yi continued to stab her with satisfaction: "Why didn't you say it was inappropriate at the beginning?"
"You went on a blind date, didn't you?"
"Are you so impatient?"
Her acquiescence and panic made her more and more mean, "Are you kidding me? Shouldn't I have trusted you from the beginning?"
"Bad genes are inherited after all."
After the last two sentences were spoken, Fu Shitian could no longer bear it. His whole body began to tremble and tears flowed like rain.
She finally lost her composure, finally started crying, and finally seemed to feel pain. Shi Yi felt happy, but also more painful.
She heard Fu Shitian choking, "So you already knew it. So, have you always seen me like this?" Looking at her thin and trembling figure, she suddenly didn't know what she was saying or doing.
No matter what, we have loved once, so why bother… Why bother…
All the anger in her body was washed away by Fu Shitian's tears. Shi Yi felt a pain in her head as if it had exploded. She was so tired that she almost ran away. He turned around, with his back to her, and said in an extremely indifferent tone: "That's it. I promise you, we're breaking up. From now on, we'll go our separate ways and pretend that we've never met."
Fu Shitian's crying voice was still there, but she answered without hesitation: "Okay."
Shi Yi froze for two seconds, then finally took a step forward, walking towards the cold and cramped "home" where she was the only one left.
The past scenes emerged in front of her eyes. It was the year when she sang "About My Love for You" in the rain on the track in the freshman year; it was the time when they sat side by side and she hugged her and said softly and shyly, "If you need me, I am willing to be your father, your mother, and your home"; it was also the year when she had a high fever, barefoot, held her hand, and cried and begged her, "Shi Yi, don't leave, don't like her"...
She didn't understand why love for someone could be so fickle, and why Fu Shitian's love, like her mother's love, could be taken back.
In this world, what else will never change
She fantasized and begged spinelessly: Come, call me, hug me, don't leave.
But until she stepped through the iron gate and closed it, Fu Shitian did not say a word. In fact, perhaps, she had already left.
All the strength in Shi Yi's body had been drained away. He had to hold on to the stairs to support himself and stagger up.
She didn't want to look back, didn't want to stop, and didn't want to cry. She told herself, forget it, it's okay, it's just a broken heart, just treat it as a rich life experience.
When you are young, it is no big deal to miss someone in love. Isn't she the most open-minded person
She could be better off alone.
But step by step, she finally squatted down halfway, like a beggar abandoned by the whole world, hugging her knees and crying.
She didn't know how Fu Shitian was standing outside the building, at the entrance of the alley, and how he was watching her with such a longing look in his eyes, watching the little bit of starlight that was left in her life disappear in his own world, forever.
She couldn't hear her crying, couldn't hear the thousands of "I'm sorry" she said to her in her heart, and in the end it just merged into that silent blessing: "Shi Yi, keep moving forward and don't look back."
"The future is bright."
*
At half past eight, Fu Shitian returned to the dormitory like a zombie.
Jian Luhe asked her why she came back, and where was Shi Yi? She replied calmly: "Shi Yi and I broke up, and I came back to stay for a few days."
Jian Luhe's expression suddenly turned ugly. She turned her head and asked in disbelief, "What did you say? Say it again."
Fu Shitian's eyes were as still as dead water, and he repeated: "Shi Yi and I broke up, and I came back to stay for a few days."
The next moment, she was grabbed by the collar by Jian Luhe and pushed to the iron ladder, where her head hit the floor heavily.
"Fu Shitian, you bastard! It was you who said we broke up, wasn't it you who said that?"
She looked at Jian Lu and her eyes which were red with anger, and did not deny it.
"How could you do this? How could you do this?" Jian Luhe glared at her, and was so angry that she started crying. "Do you know how much she loves you? Do you know how much she has suffered for you? She was afraid that you would feel guilty and didn't want to let you know. But in the end, you are not worth it at all."
She should have known it earlier. When Shi Yi was followed by a drunk and almost got into trouble two days ago, Aunt Fang couldn't contact Fu Shitian and contacted her to accompany Shi Yi instead. She should have known it earlier. Fu Shitian has changed! She has changed!
She had never seen Shi Yi so fragile, and she had never been so angry with Fu Shitian.
But Shi Yi was still speaking for her. She said, "She must have something going on at home and it's inconvenient for her to talk."
How inconvenient could it be?! She didn't understand it at that time, but now she suddenly understands it all.
If you have a heart, everything will be convenient. If you don't have a heart, nothing will be convenient.
She couldn't wait for Fu Shitian's response, and Fu Shitian didn't seem to be ready to respond to her. Jian Luhe felt like she had punched cotton, angry and powerless. She let go of Fu Shitian, grabbed the photo frame on the desk that contained the photo of Fu Shitian, her, Shi Yi, and Yin Fanlu, and smashed it, saying disgustedly: "Fu Shitian, I misjudged you."
Slammed the door and left.
Fu Shitian slid down the iron ladder, knelt on the ground, swept away the broken glass bit by bit, and stroked their bright smiles in the photos, blood gushing out of his fingertips.
Until late at night, Jian Luhe did not come back. Fu Shitian knew that Jian Luhe was disgusted with her and did not want to see her. She was glad that tomorrow morning, she would return to Ningcheng. There would be no classes in the next semester. In the future, she would not come back unless she had a defense or an exam, so it would not affect Jian Luhe's normal life too much.
She didn't lock the door. She was in a daze and confused, and couldn't sleep until midnight.
At some point, there was a noise at the dormitory door. She thought it was Jian Luhe or the new roommate who had moved in.
But the footsteps were heavy, one step at a time, as if they were coming towards her bed.
Fu Shitian's heart began to beat violently and hurt violently.
She didn't dare to open her eyes. In the darkness, she heard footsteps finally stop beside her bed, motionless.
"Liar." She heard Shi Yi's heartbreaking accusation, humble and hoarse. "You clearly promised me that you would not stop loving me and would always love me."
She reached out and touched her cheeks, eyebrows and eyes, gently and carefully, as if she was touching a perishable illusion.
Fu Shitian's heart ached, as if her soul was being burned by the body temperature from her fingertips. But she didn't move at all, as if she was completely asleep.
Shi Yi withdrew his hand, looked at Fu Shitian in the moonlight, and stood quietly.
Fu Shitian pretended to be asleep the whole time and did not respond.
Shi Yi finally gave up completely.
She laughed softly, her lips cracked and bleeding, and said in a clear and cold voice, "Jiang Cunxi, don't be afraid."
"I came to you to make a Christmas wish."
"From now on, I will never like you again."
"goodbye."
Fu Shitian remained motionless. She used all her strength to nail herself to the bed, her hands hidden in the quilt tightly grasping the bed, holding back her tears until the cracks between her ten fingernails were full of blood.
If we don't meet in life, we will be as far apart as the sun and the moon.
She knew what she had lost. For the rest of her life, her dark night would never light up again.
*
In 2016, after saying "goodbye", they really never saw each other again.
Shi Yi applied for a deferral for all the final exams of that semester.
Fu Shitian never saw Shi Yi again.
Until graduation.
Until many years after graduation.
Shi Yi disappeared in Fu Shitian's world.
Fu Shitian, disappeared from everyone's world.
The journey was long and the brief encounter during those years was like a fleeting dream in our long life.
After waking up from the dream, everyone continued to move forward. Even Chen Xizhu gradually gave up looking for Fu Shitian after going abroad.
Only when they occasionally get together, have an open-air picnic, eat and drink to their heart's content, and reminisce about the past, will they remember that there were once a few summers with starry skies, and there was a girl who had spent time with them chatting and laughing.
But none of them said it out loud.
Everyone seemed to have forgotten her.
Forgot that Shi Yi once loved a girl very much,
That girl, when she smiles, she has very gentle dimples.
The author has something to say: This is where the full text ends.
(2016 is just a random filling, the timeline is fictitious and does not completely correspond to reality.),,Website m..net,... :