Fu Shitian's breathing paused unconsciously for a moment. The name "Jiang Cunxi" contained too many complicated memories. It was the beautiful beginning of her and Shi Yi's acquaintance and meeting, but it was also the painful end of Shi Yi's complete denial of her. For a long time, Shi Yi's contemptuous expression when he opened his lips and read out these three words word by word was the blunt knife that repeatedly tortured her insomnia at midnight.
At one point, she couldn't find the meaning of her existence, nor could she find a sense of self-identity. She didn't understand what kind of monster and existence "Jiang Cunxi" was, who was living under the false mask of "Fu Shitian" and deceiving himself.
"Is this the name your mother gave you?" Shi Yi started the conversation naturally.
Fu Shitian suppressed his lingering fear and answered beside Shi Yi's neck: "Yes, she named it. It means the dawn of existence and the hope of existence."
Shi Yi said: "It has a beautiful meaning."
Fu Shitian laughed softly. This reminded her of the long-lost memory that she was also born in love and hope—from her father and mother.
"My mother's parents passed away when she was very young, and she was raised by her grandparents. When she was fifteen or sixteen, her grandfather passed away, and her grandmother was also very old, so she dropped out of school and went out to work with her neighbor's sister. At the age of eighteen, she was working as a wine seller in a dance hall, and she met my father who was hanging out with his classmates. By chance, my father helped her out, and the two of them fell in love. But my grandmother looked down on my mother. Because my father was protecting my mother, he fought with people who harassed her outside of school, and was reported to the school and given a serious demerit. My grandmother was so angry that she cut off his source of income. When they were pregnant with me, it was the most difficult time in their lives. But they were reluctant to abort the baby, so my father secretly dropped out of school, bought some groceries, and sold things on the streets every day."
"By the time my mother found out, he had already decided to drop out of school. She felt sorry for him and was touched by his efforts, so the two of them lived together without getting a marriage certificate or having a wedding, just as husband and wife."
"When I was about to be born, my mother had reached marriageable age. My father wanted to go back and steal the household registration booklet to get married, but my mother disagreed. She told my father that she didn't want to marry into the family this way and didn't want to be rejected by my grandmother for the rest of her life. My father believed her and the marriage was put on hold."
"What about the reality?" Shi Yi got to the point in one sentence.
There was a hint of tenderness in Fu Shitian's eyes: "Actually, my mom thinks that my dad is being held back too much, so she wants to leave him a way out."
Shi Yi was surprised but not surprised at all, and sighed helplessly: "I know who you inherited your stupidity from."
Fu Shitian forced a smile, rubbed his forehead against her chin, and said dissatisfiedly: "You scolded my mother."
Shi Yi played with the nightgown straps around her waist, fearlessly asking, "What? Are you going to complain to her?"
Fu Shitian smiled and acquiesced to her arrogance. She raised her hand and covered the back of Shi Yi's hand, and continued: "So, my parents were actually not married, and my mother gave birth to a child out of wedlock. My great-grandmother was unhappy that my father could not give my mother a name, so she wanted me to take my mother's surname. It seemed that she also wanted to piss off my grandmother. Because I was not officially registered, it didn't matter what my surname was, and my father felt guilty, so he agreed."
Jiang Cunxi was born just like that.
"They sound very much in love." Shi Yi wanted to ask what happened later. It was still hard to associate her father with the vicious "murderer" in the rumors. However, she was afraid of touching Fu Shitian's sore spot.
Fu Shitian's eyes darkened: "The beginning is always beautiful."
"After I was born, the two of them did have a happy and stable life. When I was two or three years old, my father met a friend and invited him to open a store to do business together. My father was full of confidence, and my mother didn't want to discourage him, so she agreed to let him invest all his savings and borrowed some money. As a result, his friend cheated him and they lost everything. My father couldn't accept it, so he went out early and came back late every day, trying to find that friend and get the money back, but he didn't see the friend and was beaten up. After that, my dad never recovered and became extreme, suspicious, and didn’t trust anyone. In order to make a living and pay off debts, my mom went to her friend’s dance hall to sell alcohol. My dad couldn’t accept the gossip from the neighbors, and the two began to quarrel frequently. My dad thought my mom just thought he was incompetent, and swore that he would make something of himself to show her. As a result, he borrowed money from loan sharks to gamble, and owed more and more money. He also made a group of bad friends, got addicted to drugs, and completely lost his human nature. Later... he was arrested and imprisoned for manslaughter during robbery because of his drug addiction. "
Fu Shitian's voice was so low that it was almost inaudible when she finished speaking. "Shi Yi..." She said, "I was scared, very scared."
"When your mother cut off your financial support and your school deprived you of your place in graduate school, I was so scared. My grandmother often said that if my father had not met my mother and had not insisted on being with her, he would not have ended up like this."
The hand she covered on the back of Shi Yi's hand was wet and cold, with cold sweat from the pain. "I often dream that you were captured like my father. I'm afraid that we will repeat the mistakes of my parents. Reality is not a fairy tale. I understood this a long time ago."
Shi Yi's heart seemed to be tightly gripped by something, and he couldn't breathe.
She put her arms and shoulders together and completely embraced Fu Shitian. "Why didn't you tell me?" In addition to reproach, her tone was more loving. "You didn't even ask for my opinion?"
Fu Shitian nestled in her arms, tugging at her nightgown, his chest feeling both dry and warm.
Because I can't say it.
Also because, later on, Shi Yi never gave her the attitude to speak out.
She didn't argue, but just said, "I know your answer. It's me. I'm burdened with too much."
Shi Yi didn't know what to do with her. It had always been like this. In fact, she understood the truth, but she just couldn't let it go. Shi Yi was really too gentle and kind to her, and he loved and hated her.
"Jiang Cunxi." She called her by her real name.
Fu Shitian looked up at Shi Yi's cold and gentle face and heard her say, "Reality may not be a fairy tale."
“But our story, can be.”
"I used to say, if I let it be, it will be." Shi Yi's tone was still calm, but with a hint of frustration. "Now, I admit that whether it is a fairy tale or a nightmare, it turns out that the decision has never belonged to me."
"Good or bad, it's just a lifetime." Fu Shitian gave almost all the weaknesses in her life. She asked, "Can you give me a new answer this time?"
Fu Shitian was moved.
She opened her mouth, bit her lip, opened her mouth again, and then said in a low voice: "I can."
Shi Yi looked at her steadily, as if he wanted to see into her bones: "I don't want perfunctory, forced, or temporary sweet talk." She frowned slightly, tender and cold, like a request, but also like an order, "I want to hear the truth, your true words."
Fu Shitian stared at her, slowly clenching his fists, his gentle eyes showing determination: "I can. Shi Yi, I can."
Shi Yi's brows relaxed slightly and he asked, "What can you do?"
Fu Shitian raised his hand to touch the tiny wrinkles on her brow, and slowly smiled: "I can give you happiness."
"Shi Yi, I can." Her eyes sparkled and her breath smelled like orchid.
Shi Yi looked at her without blinking, then suddenly his brows relaxed completely. He reached out and pulled down her hand, pressed it on the bed sheet, leaned over and kissed her, biting lightly and sucking hard, fiercely and lingeringly, and Fu Shitian couldn't resist at all.
"I'll trust you again." Shi Yi whispered against her nose.
Fu Shitian's breathing was rapid, her lips were shiny, and her eyes were full of deep affection. She lifted Shi Yi's hair, curved her eyes and smiled, saying nothing, but answered with a passionate kiss.
The temperature was rising and the air was filled with a sweet scent. Fu Shitian easily reached orgasm for the first time.
Shi Yi was so addicted that he couldn't help asking for it again, but he still felt unsatisfied. But he was worried that Fu Shitian would be too frightened during the day and would have to get up early tomorrow, so he tried to hold back.
Unexpectedly, this gave Fu Shitian more energy to do bad things.
By the time Shi Yi reacted, the army had already been defeated.
Under the bright moonlight outside the window, the black-sailed boat was quietly moored on the river bank. The night wind continued to gently blow the boat's sail, not violently, but still at a certain moment, it unexpectedly blew the boat slightly and caused ripples on the river. It took a long time to stop.
Fu Shitian came again.
Shi Yi could hardly bear it. In her tear-blurred vision, she saw Fu Shitian bending down to kiss her, her soft hair falling like a waterfall, her eyes softened, and she smiled at her, as bright as a peach, pure and charming.
It is so wanton and confusing that has never been seen before.
Shi Yi hugged Fu Shitian's shoulders tightly, bit her shoulder, and trembled fragilely in her arms.
Fu Shitian held her in his arms, clumsily but gently kissing the sides of her face and ears, comforting her, feeling so satisfied that his soul seemed to merge with her.
Shi Yi calmed down, kissed the teeth mark on Fu Shitian's shoulder, and lay side by side facing Fu Shitian. They smiled at each other, their hearts as soft as water.
I felt a little embarrassed and my face was blushing and my heart was beating fast.
She was... a little too fast...
Shi Yi pretended to be calm and teased Fu Shitian in a sexy and lazy voice: "Jiang Lailai."
Fu Shitian responded softly: "Hmm?"
He returned to his usual gentle and kind self.
Shi Yi raised an eyebrow and asked, "Did you secretly practice on yourself?"
Fu Shitian was caught off guard, and her already red ears instantly turned redder as if they were about to bleed. "I didn't." She was embarrassed and amused.
Shi Yi smiled but didn't smile, his eyes were full of doubt.
Fu Shitian hugged Shi Yi and buried his head in her neck, acting coquettishly.
Shi Yi thought she was embarrassed and was about to continue teasing her, when she suddenly heard her say softly in front of her: "I really didn't."
"Shi Yi, I just miss you so much. I miss you every day. Loving you and pleasing you is as instinctive as breathing."
"Have you ever heard anyone say that breathing requires practice?"
She was just on the verge of suffocation.
I breathed harder and harder.