My Heart Beats For You

Chapter 46

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The two of them came to the audio-visual room again. Shi Yi did not turn on the light, but fumbled to open the star instrument. The starlight sprinkled all over him. Shi Yi bent one leg and sat on the carpet against the sofa. He tilted his head and asked Fu Shitian who was still standing outside the carpet, "Aren't you going to sit down?"

Fu Shitian bit her lip, raised her leg and stepped onto the carpet, carefully weighing her position, preparing to sit down one person's distance away from Shi Yi, but Shi Yi suddenly reached out and grabbed her wrist.

As if something was clutching her heart, Fu Shitian's whole heart trembled and she stared at Shi Yi blankly.

In the darkness, helplessness and tenderness seemed to flash across Shi Yi's eyes.

Fu Shitian's heartbeat quickened, and her mind was a little confused. Following Shi Yi's force, she took another small step forward. When she came to her senses, she had already sat down next to Shi Yi.

Shi Yi let go of his hand and looked up at the starry sky above his head, his forearm naturally touching the skin of Fu Shitian's forearm.

The heat burned Fu Shitian, burning her whole body. Fu Shitian's shoulders were stiff, and she looked up at the stars as if nothing had happened. Her heart was beating wildly.

The starry sky was the same one I saw for the first time in Dormitory 1510. It was not as bright and gorgeous as the blue one last night, but it was deep and dark, yet it had another kind of vast and pure thoughtfulness. It seemed like it was willing to help hide the unhappiness of all those who had something on their mind, and it seemed like it was willing to tolerate the anxiety and hesitation of all cowards.

Fu Shitian regained a little courage.

"hour… "

"S..."

The two voices overlapped and rang out in the silence.

Shi Yi smiled faintly, "I'll speak first this time."

"I'm sorry, my tone was not good in the evening and I scared you." She looked at Fu Shitian with a gentle tone, looking very calm and sincere.

Fu Shitian was stunned, and suddenly bitterness surged into her eyes. All the tension, fear, and even the grievances that she dared not admit, disappeared in this simple sentence. She looked at Shi Yi, and resisted the sour feeling in her nose. She slowly revealed a sincere smile and said softly: "I didn't do well either."

Shi Yi shook his head: "That's not what I want to hear."

Fu Shitian was at a loss.

Shi Yi said: "If there is no mistake, don't take the responsibility on yourself."

Fu Shitian's eyes flickered, and he asked tentatively: "Then... it's okay? I understand that you were in a bad mood at that time?"

"Yeah." The curve of Shi Yi's lips deepened.

Fu Shitian's dimples began to ripple.

The air was quiet for a few seconds, and Shi Yi suddenly said softly: "This starry sky instrument was given to me by my mother during the summer vacation after the college entrance examination."

"Because I was in a bad mood during that period, I often went out at night to climb the mountaintop park in Shanghai. When I got to the top of the mountain, I would stand by the guardrail to enjoy the breeze and look at the stars for hours. My mother was worried, but she couldn't go with me every time, so she bought me an astronomical instrument, hoping that I would still be able to look at the stars when she couldn't accompany me. I understood the request in her words, and I never went up the mountain alone again."

"Auntie is really gentle and caring." Fu Shitian answered carefully. She actually wanted to ask her why she was in a bad mood, but she was not sure if she would step on a landmine.

Shi Yi hummed and affirmed, "She is very good." Then, she sighed, and Fu Shitian heard the bitter taste, "So, she will definitely be happy."

"Shi Yi..."

"Do you know why I applied to Shenda University?" Shi Yi turned his head and asked her.

Fu Shitian guessed: "Because you want to be closer to home?"

She knew that what Cheng Jialuo said about Shi Yi entering Shenda directly without taking the college entrance examination was true, but she also knew that Shi Yi did not buy her way in through the back door, but was recommended. After she chose to be recommended, Fu Shitian heard Shi Yi's teacher feel sorry for her in class. Although Shenda is already a first-class university, she can definitely go to a better university by taking the college entrance examination.

Shi Yi lowered his eyes, "Yeah."

"My parents' relationship has not been very good since I was very young. When I was in kindergarten, they had a divorce. My mother took me away from home and lived with my grandfather for a long time. I was very scared at the time, always afraid that one day they would really divorce and I would be homeless from then on."

It should be the time when Shi Yi transferred to her kindergarten and met her? Fu Shitian felt a pain in her heart.

Shi Yi seldom talks about family matters. He hardly ever talked about it when he was a child, and he still rarely talks about it now. She once thought that Shi Yi grew up in a harmonious family, being doted on by everyone.

"Later, with the help of my grandmother, they reconciled, my mother moved back, and they were in love again for a while. But the good times didn't last long. After I entered junior high school, they obviously had problems again. When I was in the third year of junior high school, there was a period of time when they quarreled fiercely. I could hear my mother crying every night, but when I asked her what was wrong, she refused to tell me anything. She only occasionally asked me who I would live with if my parents divorced. Of course I chose her, but I... also wanted my father. So I started to suffer from insomnia, lost interest in studying, and my grades plummeted. The teacher couldn't stand it and talked to my parents."

"After the talk, they reconciled, or at least maintained surface calm. My grandmother told me that to maintain this family, I had to rely on me, and asked me to be the bridge of communication for this family. So I have been working very hard to be this bridge. I even dared not leave too far from university, for fear that if I left, this family would break up." She said it calmly, but Fu Shitian felt a sour nose when she heard it.

But this family eventually broke up.

She mustered up her courage, held Shi Yi's hand, and gave her silent comfort. Shi Yi held her hand, looked at her, smiled faintly, and continued: "But later I realized that it is useless to rely on me to maintain a family. It depends on love and responsibility."

"A few days after the college entrance examination, on my father's birthday, I wanted to give him a surprise, so I went to the house where he usually worked and lived without saying hello. When I opened the door, I saw him and his lover lying naked on the sofa in the living room."

Fu Shitian opened his mouth slightly and his head exploded.

"It's too disgusting, isn't it?" Shi Yi laughed at herself. There were even more disgusting things, but she couldn't bring herself to say them.

"I later found out that my father had never loved my mother from the beginning to the end, and he only married my mother because of pressure from my grandparents. He had his own lover before they got married. My mother also discovered the truth as early as when I was in the third year of junior high school, but for my sake, she endured and did not divorce."

"And I knew nothing. I was just the executioner, torturing my mother's happiness."

"You said before that you doubted your own existence. There were a few moments when I also doubted it. I felt like I was a deformed product." Shi Yi's eyes were dark, without a trace of light in them.

Fu Shitian pulled her hand to his lower abdomen and held her in his arms, trying to give her a little warmth, "Shi Yi, don't say that about yourself."

"For many people, your existence is everything. For example..." For example, her, but she couldn't say it, she could only say, "For example, your mother, for example, those who love you very much."

Shi Yi looked at her quietly, and said unexpectedly: "Didn't you understand clearly when you advised me? Why don't you know how to tell yourself this?"

Fu Shitian was stunned, his emotions stuck for a moment, feeling distressed, soft-hearted, and a little embarrassed.

Shi Yi used the thumb that was pressed by Fu Shitian to rub Fu Shitian's knuckles, as if to comfort him. She turned her head and looked at the void in front of her, and said with relief: "So I let myself go. This is not my fault."

"It's just that I can't let my father go. I'm disgusted by him. His cowardice, cruelty, selfishness and irresponsibility all make me sick."

"He killed the father I once idolized."

"From that day on, I have no home." Her voice was no longer as clear as before, but hoarse. "Si Tian, I didn't mean to take my anger out on you."

Fu Shitian's eyes suddenly turned red, and her heart felt like it was stabbed by something, causing her throat to become dry and painful.

"Shi Yi, can I hug you?" She heard herself ask softly.

Shi Yi looked at her in surprise, with a gentle gaze. Before she could open her mouth, Fu Shitian couldn't help but hug her.

Shi Yi froze.

She could feel that Fu Shitian was holding her very carefully, his arms around her neck gently, not daring to use any strength at all, and even his breath beside her ear was so soft and warm.

As if I were some fragile treasure.

Shi Yi relaxed, her heart softened, and somewhere seemed to be warm, but she couldn't tell what it felt like. She put her arms around Fu Shitian's waist and rested her chin on her shoulder, so that she wouldn't be so restrained.

Fu Shitian felt like his whole body was burning.

This was the first time she hugged Shi Yi while she was awake.

But she didn't have any other thoughts. She just felt distressed and wanted to hug Shi Yi, the girl she wanted to hold in her heart.

Shi Yi deliberately teased her: "Are you suddenly overwhelmed with maternal love?"

Fu Shitian breathed heavily beside her ear. She said, "Shi Yi, I..."

Shi Yi's breathing slowed down and became heavier as she did.

Fu Shitian wanted to say: "Can I be your home?"

But it was too straightforward, so she didn't dare. The words went around in her throat a thousand times, and finally, she said it in a tactful way:

"If you need me, in addition to being your friend, I am also willing to be your father, your mother, and your home."

The author has something to say: Good night~

Woohoo, the little rabbit and 10e in the small theater were taken away by... Zhou Gong...

The little rabbit suddenly got excited: Did you take it away together

Because he was too excited, Zhou Gong couldn't hold her

In a fit of rage, he threw her away.

After days of insomnia,

The rabbit turned into a bald man.