At 8:30 on Saturday morning, Shi Yi woke up to the sound of heavy rain. Outside the window, the wind and rain were dark and the rain was pouring down. Everything in the world seemed to have not yet completely woken up from the night.
Shi Yi had only slept for three hours when she was suddenly woken up, feeling extremely dizzy. She rubbed her brows, got up and got out of bed, and closed the window that was wide open for ventilation.
Turning around and lifting the quilt, Shi Yi saw the rabbit sleeping peacefully in the bed. He suddenly stopped moving and all his sleepiness disappeared.
The sky was gloomy, and my mood wasn't bright either.
Shi Yi sat on the bed, staring at the rabbit with deep eyes. After a while, she took the phone from the bedside table and unlocked the screen.
The screen interface was still on the topic she searched last night, "How to correctly understand homosexuality." The three words "homosexuality" were written in black on a white background, piercing her eyes like needles. Shi Yi's breathing stagnated slightly, and she took a deep breath and forced herself to look directly at these words.
After clicking on the topic, she exited the app and opened QQ. She hovered her fingertips over the screen for a long time before finally clicking on Jian Luhe's profile picture and typing, "Are you awake?"
Jian Luhe replied to her almost immediately: "I just woke up. I was just about to stay in bed and check my phone when your message came in. We have such a good understanding of each other."
Shi Yi didn't exchange pleasantries with her and went straight to the point, "Is Si Tian okay?"
Jian Luhe was surprised: "You came to me early in the morning just to ask this?"
"You care about her? [smirk]"
"Or... have you become a gossiper too?"
Shi Yi was in no mood to joke with her, "If you don't want to tell me, I'll go ask Fan Lu."
Jian Luhe was anxious: "Hey, wait a minute, I am concerned about you, aren't you too overbearing? You are allowed to ask others, but can't others ask you?"
Although she was complaining, she still gave an answer: "Except for her swollen face, she looks normal otherwise. I mean, Yang Yue was too harsh."
Shi Yi felt a sharp pain in his heart.
"She is the type of person who won't show anything if she really has something." Shi Yi reminded. She wanted to tell Jian Luhe to pay more attention to Fu Shitian, but she didn't know where to stand.
"I think so." Jian Luhe asked carefully: "Shi Yi, honestly, are you concerned about her?"
Shi Yi's knuckles curled up, and just when Jian Luhe thought she would not answer, she finally sent that simple but heavy "yes".
Jian Luhe asked excitedly: "Do you want to reconcile with her?" Shi Yi and Fu Shitian were in such a tense situation. As a friend of both of them, she felt quite uncomfortable being in the middle.
Shi Yi remained silent and did not answer. She had no answer in her heart.
But at least not now.
She stopped avoiding him, admitted that she liked Fu Shitian, and admitted that she had become... Like Shi Yuanmian, although the feeling of being out of control had eased, the entire life track was still distorted. She stood in the fog, still not knowing where the road would lead to, where she would go. This was a road she had never walked on, and she had never thought of walking on it. She was carrying shackles, and she was not mentally prepared at all, and she had no idea how to walk.
Any irresponsible contact with Fu Shitian will only bring her more harm.
Besides, it was not her decision alone to reconcile or not.
Si Tian... maybe she is no longer needed.
She reached out and held the rabbit's paw in her hand, trying to fill the feeling of loss in her heart, but the tighter she held it, the more obvious the feeling of emptiness became. With bitterness in her cold brows, Shi Yi reached out and opened the drawer of the bedside table, took out a business card, and called the number of the psychologist on it.
After the flag-raising ceremony on Monday morning, the troops split into two groups as usual. Yin Fanlu and Fu Shitian went to the cafeteria to eat together, while Shi Yi and Jian Luhe went to eat together. Jian Luhe yawned all the way, and Shi Yi laughed: "Didn't you sleep last night?"
Jian Lu sat opposite Shi Yi with a sad look on her face, "I didn't sleep well."
"Insomnia?"
"No." Jian Luhe looked up at her, then looked around vigilantly. Still worried, he decided to type on his phone, "I woke up last night and heard Si Tian crying. I was scared."
Shi Yi paused in tearing the bread and his heart sank.
Jian Luhe put away her phone and continued typing, "I walked closer and heard her crying and saying sorry in a very low voice. I guess she might have had a nightmare. I wanted to lift the bed curtain to wake her up but was afraid of scaring her. After hesitating for a while, her voice disappeared."
"After I climbed into bed, I was afraid she would cry again, so I wanted to wait before going to sleep. I didn't expect that I kept thinking about it and it was past my bedtime and I couldn't fall asleep."
"Did you hear her crying again?" Shi Yi said in a low voice.
"No, she was fine this morning. I doubt she even knows it."
Shi Yi looked serious, "Have you talked to her about Yang Yue again?"
"No. She has always behaved normally. Fanlu and I dare not mention this matter again, for fear of hurting her. In fact, Fanlu and I have secretly talked about it in private. Although Si Tian is very gentle, she is actually a very hard person inside. She is really afraid of troubling others and is too good at pretending that nothing has happened."
"If she doesn't tell us, we don't know how to help her."
Shi Yi pursed her lips and had no appetite.
After quickly finishing breakfast, he entered the classroom. Although there were seats in the middle, Shi Yi, contrary to his usual behavior, wanted to sit in the last row.
Jian Lu and Mo Mingqi had no choice but to follow her.
Fu Shitian habitually entered the classroom from the back door, and was visibly stunned when she saw Jian Lu and Shi Yi in the last row. However, she quickly withdrew her gaze without making a sound and sat down in her usual seat.
Shi Yi hadn't looked at Fu Shitian so boldly for a long time. She was good at drawing and was sensitive to lines. She was sure that Fu Shitian must have lost weight since the last physical examination.
She stared at the thin figure and realized for the first time that a person could care so much about another person.
During the break, she went to the counselor's office for a meeting. After the meeting, she waited in the office for the counselor's assistant to come out.
The two had been dealing with each other for more than a year and had a good relationship. Shi Yi successfully got Aunt Yang Yue's contact information from her.
On Thursday, Jian Luhe had a stomach upset and had vomiting and diarrhea in the middle of the night. Fu Shitian accompanied her to the hospital for emergency treatment at around 5 a.m. The next day, she asked for leave to rest in the dormitory. Shi Yi found out about it when he went to class and greeted her on QQ. Jian Lu told her what happened.
"It was already past two in the morning when I felt uncomfortable last night. I was afraid of disturbing Fanlu when I got in and out of bed, so I moved very gently. I went in and out twice, but Fanlu on the same side didn't feel anything at all. But Si Tian suddenly poked his head out to ask me what was wrong and if I was feeling uncomfortable."
"I asked her if I had disturbed her, and she said no, she just happened to be awake. She said she had medicine, and came down to get it for me. But it turned out to be expired. Later, seeing that I was really not feeling well, she asked me to go to the hospital. I saw that it was too dark outside, so I didn't dare to go, so I just endured it. At around five o'clock, there were some car sounds outside, and I couldn't bear it anymore, so I said I wanted to go to the hospital, and she accompanied me."
"Fan Lu sleeps so soundly that she didn't realize we were gone until dawn." Jian Luhe was both angry and amused.
Shi Yi's mind was completely distracted.
How could he be awake at 2:00? Had he not slept all the time? She was filled with worry.
At around two o'clock in the morning of that night, Shi Yi couldn't sleep again. He stared at the night light he bought for Fu Shitian and somehow thought of Fu Shitian's trumpet.
The night before Fu Shitian left in July, she stayed awake all night.
She couldn't understand why she wanted to kiss Fu Shitian, and why Fu Shitian closed her eyes. How could she close her eyes
Shi Yi convinced himself that it was all due to alcohol, but reason refused to give in.
In some strange way, she flipped through Fu Shitian's second account. The homepage and followers of the second account were all clean, but in the likes record that most people would forget to check, she saw a lot of lesbian-related Weibo posts. At that moment, she felt that her whole brain could not think, and the blood in her body froze.
It was not an accident. Fu Shitian... most likely, it was planned for a long time.
From the private message before the college entrance examination to the close and familiar relationship now. She was shocked by this possibility. Looking back on the past year of their relationship, she suddenly didn't know how to look at Fu Shitian and how to face her.
Obviously, she was the one who took more initiative from the beginning to the end, but in order to hide the horrible fact that her heart was moved, she took her anger out, struggled, and escaped.
After that, she didn't dare to open this Weibo again.
Today, the Weibo homepage is still the same as before, clean and tidy, with only a few reposted Weibos. However, the number of posts displayed on the homepage has increased significantly. Shi Yi guessed that Fu Shitian must have posted a Weibo that only he could see.
She lowered her eyes and landed on a line of words—she had just liked this Weibo post.
Just now... In other words, Fu Shitian was also awake at this moment, just like her. Shi Yi frowned. According to what she had learned from living together for more than half a month, Fu Shitian's sleeping time was very healthy, and he didn't have the habit of staying up late to play with his phone. Was it a coincidence
But she observed for several nights in a row and found that Fu Shitian did this almost every night.
Shi Yi suspected that she had insomnia.
Thinking of her increasingly thin figure, Shi Yi was completely worried. Several times, she clicked on Fu Shitian's profile picture and wanted to say something to her, but in the end she restrained herself.
She wasn't sure if she had really thought it through.
She couldn't be so irresponsible to Fu Shitian, her mother, and herself.
But she couldn't just say nothing, do nothing, and watch Fu Shitian suffer.
In the oral English class on Thursday, it was Shi Yi's turn to give a presentation. She chose a topic about "How to make a choice".
Her stage presence is steady and her British accent is pleasant to the ears. Even the somewhat boring arguments become unexpectedly attractive when she speaks them.
The central argument of the entire manuscript is "It is difficult to make perfect choices for everyone in life. The evaluation of choices will be different depending on your perspective. So there is no need to demand perfect choices, and there is no need to blame yourself for imperfections."
She was speaking to Fu Shitian. She hoped Fu Shitian could understand.
She couldn't help but lower her head, looking for Fu Shitian's eyes among the more than thirty pairs of eyes looking up at her, but among the more than thirty pairs of eyes, Fu Shitian's eyes were the only ones not there.
Fu Shitian lowered his head and didn't look at her.
Shi Yi's throat felt dry, and his calm and measured tone, lacking the rising notes, gradually became lower.