The 20th day of the twelfth lunar month is the anniversary of Fu Shitian's grandfather's death. In previous years, when this day came, if Fu Shitian was at home, he had to be extra cautious. Because on this day, grandma would be in a particularly irritable mood, and if he was not careful, he might be beaten and scolded.
When she was younger, Fu Shitian didn't quite understand why. Over the years, she heard the old woman crying in front of her portrait and gradually understood why she was so sad and angry - she felt guilty towards her late husband.
First, she was sad that the Fu family was not prosperous. Both of her sons only gave birth to daughters. The Fu family was cut off by her. Second, she was sad that she did not raise the child well. The eldest son, who he had the highest hopes for when he was alive, ended up like this. When he was alive, their family was no worse than others. Now, they have lost to others in everything. She felt that she would not be able to see him after she died.
Feeling unhappy, she disliked Fu Shitian even more, and it was natural for her to take her anger out on her.
She looked too much like her mother—the woman who, in the old woman's eyes, ruined her son's life. Moreover, Fu Shitian's existence itself was an unforgivable mistake to her.
If Fu Jianze had not met her mother who only had primary school education and worked in a bar, he would not have fought with people in society, been punished by the school, and had his family cut off from financial support; if her mother had not been shameless and got pregnant before marriage, her son would not have dropped out of school in order to have a child and support the family, ruining his bright future and eventually making one wrong step after another. In the eyes of the old man, she and her mother were both sinners who ruined her son's life.
After hearing so much, Fu Shitian gradually became numb. Sometimes she felt that the old man was quite pitiful, and when he was beaten, scolded, and made things difficult for her, she felt that she was quite pitiful. Later, she couldn't figure out who was more pitiful, so she didn't want to think about it anymore. She just wanted to work hard and grow up well. She comforted herself that when she grew up and had the ability, everything would be fine.
This year, just like in previous years, the old lady prepared the sacrifices, and Fu Shitian helped. When slicing the meat, her hands were so cold that the knife slipped, and the blood from her finger stained the meat red. Fu Shitian was afraid that the old lady would find out and feel unlucky, so she didn't care about the pain and quickly took the meat under the faucet to wash it. The blood on the meat was washed away, but the wound on the finger had not healed. The slightest movement would cause blood to flow out again, staining the meat red again. Fu Shitian had no choice but to ask the old lady, "Grandma, I cut my hand, let me go out and put on a Band-Aid first."
The old man was irritated, "Is it so precious? You went to the city to study at university for a few days and learned some lady's disease. You can't even do a small thing well. Look at the time. You are going to miss the auspicious time."
Fu Shitian clenched the bleeding knife wound, his throat choked, he raised the finger, and continued cutting the meat without saying a word.
Only after all the offerings were placed on the table did Fu Shitian have a moment to catch his breath. He took out some alcohol from his suitcase, disinfected his white and peeling fingers, put on a Band-Aid, and then hurried to the yard to burn paper money.
After kneeling and burning incense, the old man went outside the courtyard to get some fresh air and wait for the paper money to burn out. Fu Shitian stood by the iron basin where the paper money was burned, turning the paper money with tongs so that it could burn through.
"Are you done with your work?" Fu Shitian heard voices talking at the door.
The old man replied: "Almost."
"Hey, your eldest granddaughter is back from vacation?"
"I've been back for a few days."
"Hey, I envy your granddaughter, she's capable, pretty, and can study. Look at the one at my house, hey..."
"What's the point of a girl studying? She has to get married anyway. I'll be thankful if she can marry half as well as your eldest granddaughter."
The old lady she was talking to was obviously happy. "That's right. For girls, it's better to marry well than to study well. How old is your eldest granddaughter? Is she almost there? If I remember correctly, she's 20?"
"I'm 21 years old. Sixth Aunt, if you have a suitable boy, please keep an eye out for him for me."
This was not the first time Fu Shitian had heard such words. She smelled the pungent smell of paper money, and her chest felt heavy and she couldn't breathe. Following the direction of the black smoke, she first saw the aloe vera potted plant on the pavilion at the gate, and then she saw a small piece of sky.
The sky was overcast, with no sun. The aloe vera was dry and shrunken, as if its roots had rotted and were no longer receiving nutrients.
Fu Shitian stared at the aloe vera and suddenly felt that he was like this pot of aloe vera. He had been away from Shi Yi for too long and had been under the gloomy sky of Ningcheng for too long. He began to be unable to hold on and was slowly withering.
What is Shi Yi doing at this moment
She doesn't know.
When she just had her vacation and couldn't make phone calls, Shi Yi would often take the initiative to send her messages and would reply promptly. Later, she didn't know if it was because she was always late in replying that made Shi Yi lose interest, but slowly, Shi Yi sent her fewer messages and replied more slowly.
Fu Shitian tried to contact Shi Yi more often, but WeChat would always automatically exit in the background. She would always be scolded by her grandmother if she looked at her phone for too long, so sometimes even after Shi Yi replied to her message, she still had to delay her reply.
After a few times, Shi Yi went out to travel. Fu Shitian looked at the photos that Shi Yi occasionally shared with her, looking at the photos of her riding a camel, walking in the endless yellow sand, like a goddess, the vastness of the world, she was amazed, admired, envious, and also had an uneasiness that she didn't want to admit.
Shi Yi's world is so big, and her world is so small. She hopes that Shi Yi will always think about her like she does. Is she too clingy and immature
Is this frequency normal? She couldn't tell. She felt ashamed and worried about losing.
Fearing logistics delays, she spent most of her savings on February 12, the 24th day of the Chinese New Year, and placed an order in advance to buy a Polaroid mini 90, filling in the address next to Shi Yishen University.
After giving the gift, she was still worried, afraid that Shi Yi would not like it, and even more afraid that Shi Yi already had one.
Frankly speaking, it was not easy to choose a gift for Shi Yi. She seemed to have everything and lacked nothing, and she had no special desire for material things. Fu Shitian could not afford something too cheap, and expensive luxury goods.
The Polaroid camera was discovered when she was browsing Shi Yi's Weibo half a month ago and found that she had forwarded an advertisement for a lucky draw to give away a Polaroid camera, saying, "make up the denominator." She guessed that Shi Yi must want one.
In fact, Shi Yi had it a long time ago. She forwarded that Weibo just because the poster of that Weibo was her friend and she helped her to get a KPI.
But after receiving this gift, Shi Yi still felt an unprecedented, heavy satisfaction and joy, mixed with regret and heartache.
This gift was too expensive for her. It was not the price, but the thought that was given. She had always known that Fu Shitian was not well off. It must have been very difficult for her to afford this camera. Shi Yi felt very sad when she thought about it.
How could she still doubt that such a fool cared about her enough
Because Fu Shitian always wanted to get close to her, always making her wait from full of expectations until her enthusiasm cooled down, Shi Yi slowly felt that she seemed to be too proactive. Half of it was because she was considerate of Fu Shitian's inconvenience in contacting him so frequently, and half of it was because she was a little angry, so she deliberately changed to the same rhythm as Fu Shitian. Inexplicably, the messages between them became less and less.
Thinking about it now, Shi Yi didn't know why he had done such a childish and pretentious thing.
She handled it with great care and with love. She took countless photos with the Polaroid camera and changed countless filters before she finally got a photo that was worthy of the sweetness in her heart.
She sent the photo to Fu Shitian and said, "I received the gift. It's very beautiful. I like it very much. Thank you."
Rarely, Fu Shitian not only replied immediately, but also replied: "Are you available to answer the phone now?"
Shi Yi didn't reply, but quickly pressed the shortcut key and called Fu Shitian. In the reflection of the glass of the bookcase opposite, she saw her overly bright smile.
Fu Shitian quickly picked up the phone, "Shi Yi..."
Her voice, as soft as water, completely extinguished Shi Yi's restlessness that had been bubbling for more than half a month.
"Yeah." She softened her tone unconsciously, "Why is it convenient to call today?"
Fu Shitian's heart finally settled down in the familiar tenderness of Shi Yi. Fu Jiantao and the old man could still be heard talking downstairs. Fu Shitian walked to the corner of the rooftop farthest from the old man's room and said to Shi Yi, "My sister and the others are back too. I don't have to take care of grandma so closely."
More accurately, grandma no longer had the energy to focus on her alone. She could have some private time.
Shi Yi asked: "Will it be convenient to make phone calls from now on?"
Fu Shitian laughed and said, "It should be OK around this time in the evening."
Shi Yi's lips curved up, and she was happy. She teased Fu Shitian deliberately: "You have time, but I may not."
"Ah? Then... then when do you have time?" Fu Shitian's voice sounded lost and pitiful.
Shi Yi couldn't help but let out a laugh.
Fu Shitian was stunned for a second, then understood. "Shi Yi..." She stretched out the last syllable of her words, acting like a spoiled child unconsciously.
Shi Yixin was touched by her words. "You can call me directly at this time in the future."
Fu Shitian happily responded "Okay".
Shi Yi suddenly remembered and asked, "Why did you think of giving me a Polaroid camera?"
Fu Shitian said: "Valentine's Day is in two days."
It was their first Valentine's Day together. Shi Yi knew it, of course. "Then why the Polaroid camera?"
“I saw a repost of a lucky draw for a Polaroid camera on Weibo and thought you might like it…”
Shi Yi was stunned. It seemed as if the softest part of her heart was suddenly hit by something. She felt soft and sour for a moment and didn't know what to say to her.
Fu Shitian felt uneasy when she didn't say anything: "Did I guess wrong?"
Shi Yi said softly: "No. I like it very much."
Fu Shitian was just happy for a moment when Shi Yi added: "But, to be honest, I like the wool felt you gave me last time more."
"I like your handmade things. Gifts like this are unique."
Fu Shitian felt a little disappointed, but she could understand Shi Yi's thoughts. She agreed, "Then I know what to give you next time."
"What?"
Fu Shitian refused to say: "I can't tell you now. If I tell you, there won't be any surprises."
Shi Yi chuckled and didn’t really want to ask any further questions.
The two chatted casually. Fu Shitian felt very cold physically, but his heart was very warm.
She looked up casually and found that there was no moon or dark clouds tonight. An airplane was slowly crossing the night sky with its red lights flashing, and the stars on both sides were twinkling, full of lively vitality.
"The stars are so bright tonight." Fu Shitian exclaimed.
Shi Yi walked to the window, raised his head and looked up at the starry sky with her.
It was pitch black and there was nothing.
"I can't see it from here." Shi Yi said helplessly.
Fu Shitian felt sorry and said, "Then I'll take a picture for you to see."
The voices quieted down, and the sound of the wind became much louder. Shi Yi guessed that she must be filming. While waiting, she couldn't help but imagine the expression and posture that Fu Shitian might have at this moment. The more she thought about it, the emptier her heart became.
She suddenly understood what she wanted.
She actually doesn't care what the stars are like.
It was her she wanted to see.
It’s Fu Shitian.
It's been 26 days.
She always missed her. She thought of her when she watched the sunrise in the northern part of the Great Wall, when she saw the wonders of the Gobi Desert, when she was in a car, and when she was riding a camel. It seemed that everything she did was missing something.
I always think, it would be nice if Si Tian was around.
"Shi Yi, the camera on your cell phone seems unable to capture what you see with your naked eyes." A human voice was heard again through the receiver.
Shi Yi smiled slightly, "It's okay."
She asked, "Do you have time to come out and watch it with me the day after tomorrow?"
"come out?"
"Yeah." Shi Yi made up a story after careful consideration: "My mother is going to Ningcheng on a business trip the day after tomorrow. She will take the highway. If you have time, I can go there with her and then go back together. Of course, it doesn't matter if you don't have time."
It was like all the stars fell on her head, and Fu Shitian was stunned by the sudden surprise. Without any hesitation, she said, "Yes, I have time!"
She thought that even if her grandmother disagreed, even if she had to climb over the window or the wall in the middle of the night, she would still go.