The light and atmosphere were relaxing, but Shi Yi's expression made it clear that he was about to say something serious. Fu Shitian's heart was hanging, but he still smiled and said, "Okay."
Shi Yi carefully considered the topic and spoke in a gentle voice: "Si Tian, I will transfer my living expenses for this semester to you. Starting from next month, our living expenses will be combined and we will share the cost of living. What do you think?"
Fu Shitian was stunned by the sudden thunder. She had never expected that Shi Yi wanted to talk about this. Many thoughts flashed through her mind. She was happy about Shi Yi's closeness and trust in her, but she was more worried.
She bit her lip and said jokingly, "Oh no! Aren't you afraid that I will abscond with the money?"
Shi Yi laughed briefly from her nose, "Don't be afraid." She looked into Fu Shitian's eyes and said, "I believe you."
Fu Shitian looked at her, and her smile slowly faded. She avoided Shi Yi's eyes, lowered her eyelids and asked, "Why did you suddenly have this idea?"
Shi Yi said: "It's not sudden. When a couple is together, it's normal for them to share some of their living expenses and let one of them take care of it, isn't it?"
That being said, it is still very rare to use it together during a relationship, especially when not living together, right
As if seeing Fu Shitian's hesitation, Shi Yi loosened his grip on her hand and said in a lighter tone, "You don't want to, do you?"
Obviously unhappy.
Fu Shitian got anxious and quickly grabbed her hand back and said, "No, it's not that I don't want to."
Shi Yi frowned, said nothing, and his expression relaxed a little.
Fu Shitian moved her lips, the words were clearly on her throat, but she couldn't speak. Over the years, although the tight living expenses occasionally made her feel embarrassed, and even attracted some classmates' sympathetic or pitiful eyes, she never thought of hiding her poverty. But for some reason, facing Shi Yi, such self-disclosure has always been particularly difficult.
Obviously even if no one said it, Shi Yi should have seen it a long time ago.
"Shi Yi." She asked with a dry throat, "How much is your monthly living expenses?"
Shi Yi hardened his heart and answered her calmly, "It's not fixed. The big expenses are paid through my mother's secondary card. For the rest, she will deposit 60,000 yuan into the card every school year for me to use." She was still understating the amount. In fact, it was 200,000 yuan per school year, which was considered as the financial capital for her.
She knew that this topic would embarrass Fu Shitian to some extent, and she could see Fu Shitian's embarrassment now. But they had been avoiding this topic for too long, and time did not naturally eliminate this problem. Instead, it made them more and more uncomfortable. Fu Shitian was under both physical and psychological pressure, and she herself could not digest it psychologically. This was not a long-term solution. Her reason told her that she had to keep going, and this problem could not be avoided at all. She reacted belatedly to Chen Xizhu's reminder.
If there is a reason that she should know if she thinks about it, then this reason is very likely related to her. Chen Xizhu said that Fu Shitian had never worked so hard before, so from last year to this year, isn’t the biggest change in Fu Shitian’s life that he fell in love with her
So on average it's at least 5,000 a month. Fu Shitian's voice became drier: "Shi Yi, do you know how much my monthly living expenses are?"
Shi Yi shook her head: "I don't know." After a pause, she added: "But, that's not important, the amount doesn't matter."
Fu Shitian did not evade. Although it was difficult, she still confessed: "Shi Yi, compared to you, my living expenses are pitifully low. Even if I work hard part-time, together with you... you still lose out. You don't have to." Not to mention that she has to spare some money to prepare for next year's tuition.
She didn't have the courage to look at Shi Yi's expression. Her face was burning and she was extremely embarrassed.
Shi Yi said, "There is no such thing as a loss or no loss." Fu Sitian's willingness to say it made her feel distressed and relieved at the same time. This was really the problem.
If we can communicate, there is at least a chance of solving the problem.
She softened her tone, "Together, the only question is whether we have enough. If we have enough, we can relax a little. If not, you need to work harder and plan more. Because sometimes I don't think carefully when spending money. We will move out in the future, so these things are inevitable. We are together, you don't need to be so clear with me, and I don't want you to be so fussy and distant."
It was impossible not to feel moved and warm. Fu Shitian could hear her frankness and sincerity at this moment. She really felt that it was unimportant, not pitiful, and did not despise herself. The embarrassment receded for the most part, and Fu Shitian mustered up the courage to look at Shi Yi. Shi Yi looked at her quietly, with implicit encouragement.
Fu Shitian hesitated, unwilling to disappoint Shi Yi's expectations. She tried to speak out her heart: "Shi Yi, thank you for thinking so. But you can be distant with me, but I... can't."
Her voice was soft but firm: "This is not fair to you. I don't want to become dependent and think this is normal. I hope I can make your life better, not drag it down."
Shi Yi's eyes softened, helpless but admiring. She admitted that she liked Fu Shitian's tough and strong character, but this did not contradict her hope that Shitian would not be too picky with her. She said: "It doesn't matter how much money we have. Whether the money is good or not, you have made my life better."
"Si Tian, are you putting too much pressure on yourself?" Shi Yi didn't know if this was arrogant, but it was indeed her truest thought: "What I can get from you is something much more precious than money. To me, money is actually the least important thing, at least it is not worth your time and effort now."
Fu Shitian hesitated to speak. She could understand what Shi Yi meant, but there was still a string that she couldn't relax. She envied Shi Yi's confidence in saying "money is the least important thing". She also hoped that Shi Yi would never know that when you don't have money, you always lack a sense of confidence and security.
Shi Yi saw that she was silent, frowned again, and said straightly: "Si Tian, I believe it. What about you? Do you believe me?"
Fu Shitian nodded subconsciously.
Shi Yi emphasized: "He really believes in me. He not only regards me as someone he likes and a romantic partner, but also as someone he can trust, rely on, and want to live with for a long time."
Fu Shitian hesitated for a moment, but nodded solemnly. Her determination to stay with Shi Yi for a long time had never wavered. However, she was a little confused about the difference between "someone you like" and "someone you live with".
Shi Yi lowered her voice: "But you always argue with me and are always polite to me, which sometimes makes me feel that it is not the case." She looked into Fu Shitian's eyes, her words were sharp, but her eyes were not aggressive: "I feel like you seem to have a transparent shell to protect yourself. Like everyone else, I have never really walked into it."
Fu Shitian instinctively wanted to deny it, but the moment she opened her mouth, she was speechless when she saw Shi Yi's depressed but honest eyes. She asked herself, was she... being distant with Shi Yi
She didn't expect Shi Yi to be so perceptive.
She couldn't come up with an excuse, nor did she want to use one to perfunctorily deal with Shi Yi. Perhaps it was the sound of the drizzling rain and the dim light that lowered people's vigilance, or perhaps it was Shi Yi's active honesty and weakness that made her too soft-hearted. She held Shi Yi's hand tightly, stammered for a few seconds, and revealed her deepest thoughts: "Shi Yi, I'm sorry, I... I did have some reservations. I... I'm actually very scared..." Her eyelashes drooped, and her voice seemed to be squeezed out of her throat, trembling slightly: "I'm very afraid that if I trouble you a little more, ask you for a little more, and you understand me a little more, you will get bored at some point, and suddenly realize that you don't like me that much, or that I'm not the me you like so much."
She unconsciously pinched the sheets tightly. She thought she could never say such words. If she said them, she was afraid that Shi Yi would look down on her. The living environment she grew up in made her understand too well the fickleness of human hearts and the unconscious evil in human nature. The deeper the words in your heart are, the more likely they will become swords that stab you in the future when they are known by others. Being close to and relying on someone is like handing a sword that can pierce your body to the other person with your own hands. The more you trust him and the greater your expectations, the sharper you will sharpen these swords. One day, if these swords pierce into the body, they will penetrate deeply into the bones and be more heartbreaking. It has been too long since she trusted someone wholeheartedly, and it has been too long since she relied on someone wholeheartedly.
But Shi Yi… She clenched her fingers. Shi Yi was different. She had the right to be different. She insisted and finished: “So sometimes I wonder if I could always be the one you liked at the beginning.”
How could she think that? Shi Yi's heart ached, and his voice was a little hoarse when he opened his mouth: "But my thoughts will change. You can't always stay the same."
Fu Shitian forced a smile, "I know. But a sensible and troublesome person, even if he is not likable, will still make people hate him, right?"
Shi Yi's heart seemed to be twisted into a knot. She couldn't bear to see Fu Shitian put her in such a humble position. She was obviously the girl that he held in his heart and loved.
She held Fu Shitian in her arms, tightly, with his forehead resting on the top of her head.
Fu Shitian heard her breathing right beside his ear. Deep and clear, just like the resonance of Shi Yi's heartbeat.
"Si Tian, true love will not change just because of something else." Shi Yi murmured.
"The definitions of being sensible and not troublesome are always relative. Only people who are not close to you will use such stereotyped and simple labels to judge whether they like or dislike a person. If my liking for you is only based on such judgment, then I am not worthy of being called your lover, and I am not worthy of your unreserved acceptance and liking for me."
Her breath fell on Fu Shitian's skin, very hot, like her passionate words and her hot heart.
Fu Shitian's heart also warmed up, but her throat became even more dry. She couldn't help but ask the question that always lingered in her heart: "Shi Yi, what do you like about me?" The closer she got to Shi Yi and the more she liked Shi Yi, the more she felt that she was mediocre.
Shi Yi raised his head and looked at her, his eyes deep, but he asked back: "Then what do you like about me? If I ask you to answer with two adjectives."
Fu Shitian frowned slightly, and many words flashed through her mind in an instant, but no two words could fully satisfy her. She was embarrassed: "Two words are not enough."
Shi Yi asked: "How many words are enough?"
Fu Shitian counted all the beautiful adjectives in her mind, and selected all she could think of, but still felt it was not complete. She moved her throat and found that what Shi Yi said was right. Before getting really close, she could still say that she liked Shi Yi's kindness, bravery, fairness, empathy... After getting close, she found that she could always find new things about Shi Yi that made her like him, even some of his temper and shortcomings were so vivid, cute and likable. It was not something that could be summarized by a simple adjective.
“No amount is enough,” she said.
Shi Yi smiled softly and gently: "Me too."
She used to not understand why people in TV dramas and novels always like to say sticky and shameful words when they are in love. But now she suddenly understands it. If such a verbal confession can really make Fu Shitian feel a little happier and more secure, then she is willing to learn to express more.
Besides, these words really come from the heart, but it's a little embarrassing to say them.
She said, "I can't describe why. If I have to say, it's probably because you are you."
Fu Shitian looked into her eyes. Shi Yi's eyes were clear, soft, and warm, like the scorching stars in the sky.
"So, I'm not someone you need to put on a mask to socialize with. You don't need a label with me. You just need to be Fu Shitian, the most authentic and relaxed self."
"Because no matter what you become, I still like you. It's still the you that I like."