When every boy grows up, more or less he doesn't like going out with his parents. Some are because there is no common topic, and some are because they are afraid of being nagged by their parents. But Fang Yan was particularly reluctant to go out with his mother for a different reason. He was afraid of embarrassment.
The story begins twenty-six years ago. At that time, a single programmer came back from abroad. Because he had no social circle of his own in China, he asked his aunt to introduce him to a partner. When he went on a blind date for the first time, he was shocked by the atmosphere in the country. So when he saw his blind date's appearance like a sixteen-year-old girl, he immediately called his aunt and learned some popular science that it was illegal to marry or have sex with an underage girl, although in China The control was not so strict, but his conscience still lingered. So while he was on the phone, he said sorry to the girl. The blind date was probably going to end early. At this moment, the girl spoke.
"I'm already twenty." The girl said, taking out her ID card and slapping it on the table. The man originally thought it was a girl joking with her, but when he picked up the ID card, he found that it was indeed a photo of a girl, and she was already twenty years old.
The man who originally told his aunt that he wanted her to introduce him to a new blind date looked at the woman who was clearly twenty years old, but still looked exactly like a girl of fifteen or sixteen, even though there was no such thing as lolita control in that era. , but a certain hobby in the man's heart was also aroused.
The next plot is that the man decided that this woman was going to be his wife, and then in that era when lolita lovers were rare and there were basically no competitors, he finally caught up with the girl, got married and had children. This man is the father of the dialect, and the woman is the mother of the dialect.
. . .
Two years after Fang's father and Fang's mother got married, Fang Yan was born, and his miserable life began. Not to mention that Fang's mother became a mother relatively early and wouldn't take care of Fang Yan's affairs. Just talking about other people's speculations about the relationship between the two made Fang Yan want to run away from home.
When Fang Yan was five years old, Fang's mother took Fang Yan out. When people saw Fang Yan and Fang's mother, they would ask Fang Yan, "Take a relative's child around." Then Fang's mother nodded decisively without even retorting. . Mother Fang was already twenty-seven years old at that time, but she looked like an eighteen-year-old girl who was just about to go to college.
By the time Fang Yan was ten years old, Fang's mother finally managed to reach twenty years old in appearance. When people see Fang's mother leading the dialect on the street, they will come up and ask kindly, "This is your nephew."
Nephew, your sister! I wonder if this is my mother. Fang Yan, who was relatively sensitive when he was a child, wanted to tell any passerby that this was his mother, and he was not a motherless child. Because at that time, the children in the class would often say to each other, "It's your little aunt who picks you up, don't you have a mother?"
No mother, this is a malicious mockery of a child. And Fang Yan hopes that one day on the road, people will treat him and Fang's mother as relatives. But this wish soon came true when Fang Yan was fifteen years old.
. . .
When Fang Yan was fifteen, Fang's mother's real age was almost forty, and her apparent age was twenty-five.
Therefore, when Fang Yan and Fang's mother go out, everyone will usually ask Fang's mother, "Is this your brother?"
Fang's mother also nodded shamelessly and said yes, and then touched Fang Yan's head to express intimacy. During that time, many of Fang Yan's classmates would envy Fang Yan for having such a young sister. Moreover, Fang Yan's older friends who played golf suddenly became very good at Fang Yan after seeing Fang's mother. Not only did they become more talented on the court, He is more gentle, and even after playing ball, he will take the initiative to buy water for Fang Yan.
Just when Fang Yan was confused and wondering if these people were gay, these people would secretly come to Fang Yan and ask, "Does your sister have a boyfriend?"
Yes, and he knows me very well!
. . .
Marrying Mother Fang is definitely the most bragging thing in Father Fang's life. In that era when lolicons were rare, Fang’s father abducted Fang’s mother as a returnee from overseas. Although he did not stand out after returning to China and basically spent his time hanging around, people who didn’t know Fang’s father would generally think that Fang’s mother Dad is a successful man.
The reason lies in Fang Ma.
Father Fang is a man with a rather vicissitudes of appearance. He does not look old, but has an uncle face. When Fang Yan was fifteen years old, Fang's father basically looked like a man in his mid-forties. Every time Fang's father took Fang's mother and his wife hand in hand to go shopping, shopping, and eating. After being seen by Fang’s father’s clients or friends who are not very familiar with her, these people will ask: Is this your daughter
At this time, Father Fang would wave his hands vigorously, and then proudly say, "This is my wife."
Suddenly, these people looked up at Father Fang just like they looked up at a big boss with a net worth of over 100 million. After all, for any man who can marry a daughter of his own age, he is definitely a boss among bosses. And this situation became more common after the milk tea and Qiangdong incident spread across the country.
Everyone who knows Father Fang talks about Father Fang when they are chatting about Liubu at the wine table. It's basically like this: Everyone I know has found a sweet wife who just graduated from college. That's what they call a winner in life.
. . .
Of course, Father Fang was only proud for a few years. A few years later, when Fang Yan turned eighteen, the trend of makeup, one of the four major evil arts in Asia, began to spread to China. After Mother Fang learned how to apply makeup, the situation was different. .
Before makeup technology spread on a large scale, even a fashion-loving lady like Fang Ma only used cosmetics to maintain her skin. Later, because Fang's mother looked young, she couldn't hang out with middle-aged women of the same age. She always hung out with the new young people in the work unit, so she learned makeup from a girl who liked cosplay.
After Fang's mother mastered the basic makeup skills in just one week, even if it was just the most basic makeup skills, Fang's mother could make her look in her twenties when she was actually in her forties in about half an hour. The 19-year-old Fang Ma turned into a little girl hovering in her twenties.
From then on, when Father Fang and Mother Fang went out, everyone would smile and say, 'You have such a good relationship as father and daughter.' Oh, your daughter is already so old.'
Father Fang actually wanted to explain, but Mother Fang loved to play so much, so he sweetly called her uncle, and these uncles also treated Mother Fang as their juniors and took great care of her. During the Chinese New Year that year, all of Fang’s father’s customers came to pay New Year greetings, and they gave two red envelopes, one to Fang Yan and one to Fang’s mother.
Then after giving the red envelope, he asked Dad Fang. 'Your children are quite beautiful, and their mother must be a beauty as well.'
Dad Fang:. . . . .
. . .
Of course, this was the blow to Fang's father after Fang's mother learned how to put on makeup. As for Fang Yan, it simply created a legendary story passed down by students in Fang Yan School, making Fang Yan almost dare not admit that he was from this school after graduation. student.
Fang Yan was eighteen years old, and his senior year of high school was approaching the college entrance examination. Because it was rumored that the questions would be difficult that year, Fang Yan was under a lot of pressure. Fang's mother felt sorry for her son and would come to Fang Yan's school every week to treat Fang Yan to a delicious meal and then watch a movie or something.
And during that time, everyone rarely went home, and they had to make up classes at school on Saturdays and Sundays. In addition, Fang Dialect was excellent in sports, so he knew a lot of people.
After going back and forth, within a few weeks, most of the alumni who knew Fang Yan had met Fang's mother and Fang Yan, who had intimate meals and watched movies together.
Because they were in their third year of high school, everyone had very little communication, so even though many people saw Fang Yan and Fang's mother eating and watching movies together, Fang's mother happened to have to put on makeup every time she went out during that period, forcing her to be almost the same age as Fang Yan.
So many people who are not familiar with Fang Yan regard Fang’s mother as Fang Yan’s girlfriend. This also caused many girls who originally wanted to express their feelings to Fang Yan during the extremely stressful period of their senior year of high school to get through the difficulties together to give up.
After all, the pressure is already high enough. If my confession is rejected again, wouldn't it mean that I don't want to live anymore
Later, after the senior high school exam was over, a girl who was usually a bit silly and cute came to Fang Yan and told Fang Yan what she was going to confess to Fang Yan.
Of course, what made Fang Yan become a legend was not the missed confessions of many girls, but what happened next. If time could be turned back, Fang Yan would not have explained too much to this silly and cute girl.
The situation at that time was like this. Although Fang Yan had no intention of dating this silly and cute girl, Fang Yan still explained that the girl he had been eating and watching movies with was actually his mother, not his girlfriend.
But later I didn’t know if there was something wrong with Fang Yan’s hasty explanation or if there was something wrong with this silly girl’s understanding. After the college entrance examination, when Fang Yan went back to school to get his college application application form, he found that many people who knew him were pointing at him and saying something to others.
Fang Yan became a celebrity seemingly overnight.
A confused Fang Yan went to the office to pick up his application form. A male teacher who had played football with Fang Yan before suddenly came over and asked Fang Yan kindly how many points he scored in the college entrance examination.
Fang Yan told the male teacher his score. The male teacher was very pleased and said that the score was not bad. I would have failed the test because of your family affairs.
What the hell? What happened to my family? Fang Yan asked the male teacher in confusion what the request was for. The male teacher was embarrassed to answer at first, but couldn't stand the dialect argument several times, so he said, "I have a student who said that you had a girlfriend in high school, and she ended up being your stepmother. Although I only think about this kind of thing. I've seen it on TV, but I didn't expect such a thing to happen in reality. You must adjust your mentality, after all, maybe that girl and your dad are true love."
It was originally true love!
Fang Yan immediately understood what the problem was.
Later, after many inquiries, Fang Yan learned about it. The silly and cute girl from before automatically imagined that Fang's mother was Fang Yan's girlfriend, and then Fang's father fought for her love and finally became Fang's mother.
And because it was too late when Fang Yan was discovered, various magical versions of rumors had spread in the school. Among them, Fang Yan and Fang's mother truly loved each other, and Fang's father took away Fang's mother in order to learn Fang Yan well. Fang’s mother approaches Fang Yan just to marry Fang’s father and other bloody plots.
Fang Yan, who had always been looking forward to becoming famous, was caught off guard with the help of Fang Ma and became a legend in the school, and the legendary story will be passed down word of mouth among all previous students.
. . .
When Fang Yan was in college, China was at the time when the uncle wave was on the rise. In order to pick up girls, Fang Yan learned to play music, guitar and bass, and began to develop his image in the direction of an uncle.
His hair was long enough to hang around his ears, almost ready for braids, and he had an unkempt beard. He looked like a savage who came out of the mountains.
But that was the most popular image of boys at that time, and Fang Yan also relied on this look to kill all the girls. He was so wild, and then one day Fang's mother called Fang Yan and told him that she had arrived in the city where Fang Yan was located.
When Fang Yan went to meet his parents with a sense of the vicissitudes of the world's glitz, he saw Fang's mother standing at the school gate. She was wearing a student uniform from the Republic of China. After makeup, she looked younger than Fang Yan.
When Fang Yan asked, he found out that Fang's mother was not here specifically to see him at all, but was invited by the girl who taught her how to do makeup to come over and work as a presenter at the comic show. Fang Yan was just about to say that Mom, you are already over 40 years old, and you actually still have a childlike innocence to accompany a group of teenagers to participate in the comic exhibition. Suddenly, several of Fang Yan's roommates came out of the school to form a group to go to the Internet cafe to have fun. It happened to be I saw Fang Yan and Fang’s mother.
Several roommates who knew the dialect were coming, but they didn't know who they were. After seeing Fang's mother, they all came over to say hello cordially.
Several of Fang Yan's roommates saw Fang's mother, who was pretty and cute, wearing a Republican student uniform and a girl's hair. Then they saw Fang Yan and Fang's mother being intimate, so they all came over to Fang Yan and said, "Fang Yan, this It’s your sister.”
That's your sister, that's my mother!
Just when Fang Yan was about to explain, he took out the phone screen and looked at his weathered face, and then took another look. After applying makeup, Fang's mother only looked like a twenty-year-old. The last one she had was my mother, but she didn't say it out loud.
Otherwise, I think the story that was circulated in dialect in my high school would have to be circulated again in college.
. . .
Although Fang Yan later gave up the uncle style, during those years, people kept saying that Fang's mother was Fang Yan's younger sister, which hit Fang Yan quite hard. And what’s even more annoying is that Fang’s mother was obsessed with cosplay during that time. Of course she wouldn’t do the kind of cosplay that shows her flesh, but even so, after the photos were taken and retouched, a lot of people still saw them, and Fang’s mother also requested that Fang Yan’s space be filled with his photos.
For this reason, Fang Yan even went to Father Fang to ask my mother if this would not worry you. But Father Fang smiled sweetly, and then said, "When your mother makes cosplay, I am always the photographer, so I have nothing to worry about. Besides, since your mother learned to play cosplay, there are new ones every once in a while. Dressing up has made my life a lot happier."
Sexual bliss. . .
Dog abuse! Mom and Dad!
. . .
Father Fang has a very classic saying, that is, our Fang family will always have only one baby, and that is you, Mom.
Indeed, because Fang's mother is very young, she always plays with young people, which results in Fang's mentality being very young.
Isn’t it nice to have a mother who is young at heart? In addition to being your mother, she can also play with you and be your friend.
But it’s a shame to think about dialect. Now that Fang's mother is a baby, Fang Yan has become a blade of grass on the roadside. Not only does he have to endure the lowering of his family status, but he also has to endure all kinds of unreliable care given by Fang's mother when he was a child.
Fang Yan felt that it was a miracle that he could grow up so safely.
Dialect’s first unreliable memory of Fang’s mother came from when he was eight years old.
. . .
When Fang Yan was eight years old, one day because school was on holiday and Fang's father was not there, Fang Yan followed Fang's mother to Fang's mother's workplace and accompanied her to work.
When I was a child, my dialect was very good. I didn't cry or make any fuss, I just sat there quietly and read. Then looking at it, Fang Yan looked up and saw Fang's mother eating a bag of potato chips.
By the time Fang Yan passed, Fang's mother had happily finished a bag of potato chips. Then while licking her fingers, she spotted Fang Yan walking over, with a look of shock on her face.
That expression seemed to say, "Why is my son here?"
If she is an unreliable mother, she will compensate her children if they find out that she has eaten secretly. But Fang Ma is not unreliable.
As a big baby, Fang's mother didn't think it was sinful to secretly eat potato chips while she was still a little baby. After wiping her hands clean as if nothing had happened, Fang's mother actually ignored the eight-year-old Zui. Drooling dialect, get to work!
I couldn't speak the dialect, so I immediately started crying, hugged my mother, and asked for something delicious. Until now, Fang Yan still doesn't know whether Fang's mother had finished the snacks or was reluctant to give them to her son.
Anyway, she did something that Fang Yan still cannot forgive.
(End of chapter)