Freehand
When I was a kid, one of the most annoying essay topics was "My favorite famous quote" or "My motto." I always felt that there was such a big gap between me and the great men, how could I possibly understand their heartfelt words
But later, for a period of time, I was always obsessed with a sentence of Goethe.
I don’t remember which textbook I first heard that sentence in. I didn’t experience it myself, so I didn’t understand it. When I sent Ayan to the Frankfurt airport and returned to school alone, I saw Goethe’s famous quote again on a sign promoting Heidelberg on the side of the road, and was completely shocked: “My heart is lost in Heidelberg.”
Heidelberg is a very strange place. The red roofs and narrow, messy streets on the other side of the Neckar River have an indescribable romance and tranquility. Before coming here, I didn't know that Heidelberg was such a small town. The reason I chose it was just Ayan, so why did Ayan choose it
After returning to Heidelberg from the New Year's countdown in Düsseldorf, Ayan returned to China. In fact, during the New Year's Eve every year, his mood would fall to the bottom and he liked to be alone. Just like when I ran away from home to find him on New Year's Day that year, he stayed alone at the beach for a day. Therefore, he was able to postpone the date of his return to China until he accompanied me to Düsseldorf, which was already the biggest concession.
In the afternoon, I was walking on the way to the library when I suddenly met Miss Dong. She saw me from a distance and shouted, "Xie Yi!" Then she came over and smiled sweetly at me. In fact, I am definitely older than her, but she always feels that she is one grade higher than me and tries every means to make me call her sister. I complained to A Yan, but he never paid any attention.
"I heard that your brother has returned to China? If you have any inconvenience living alone, you can come to me." Miss Dong left leisurely after saying this.
My face wrinkled up, feeling a little unconvinced.
There are not many Chinese students studying in Heidelberg, but almost all of them know that Li Zeliang has a little sister who is like a follower.
"Why do they all think I'm your sister? I'm obviously not." I have asked A Yan dissatisfiedly before.
"So what do you think you are?" he asked.
"I..." I was at a loss for words.
After a while, while A-Yan turned around to fry eggs, I protested quietly: "I held your hand and let you kiss my mouth, so what do you think I am?"
He seemed to sense my dissatisfaction, put on his apron, lowered his head and asked, "What are you mumbling about to yourself?"
I hurriedly smiled and said, "I said I am whatever you say I am."
It really is a bit like a tongue twister.
The originally quiet town became even more silent at night. I stayed at home alone at night, listening to the whistling cold wind outside, and suddenly I missed him very much.
After the first kiss we had when we came back from watching the game in Frankfurt, we never crossed the line again. That time when we went to school, a young couple was kissing passionately on a chair by the path, and they were even about to reach inside their clothes.
I couldn't help but pull him away and say, "That's disgusting."
He looked at me deeply, turned his head away and said nothing.
I suddenly remembered the kiss between us, and quickly waved my hands and said, "I didn't say they kissed, I said that man was disgusting."
He walked straight ahead without paying any attention to me.
So I continued to explain: "I'm not saying that what they did was disgusting, but kissing and touching each other was really disgusting."
He quickened his pace, his face unfriendly.
"I mean you don't do that when you kiss me, so it's gross."
He walked on, in a bad mood.
"I didn't mean you kissing me was gross."
"… "
The more I describe, the worse it gets.
In fact, as a pure and reserved woman like me, I think holding hands and kissing my lover is the most romantic and happy thing in the world. However, once it rises to the level of sex, it seems a little not so beautiful.
I never thought A Yan was a good person.
When did you start having this idea
It was only when he told a joke about condoms to a group of male classmates at C University that I realized that Ayan was actually a normal boy. The Monkeys often played some discs that I was not allowed to watch at home when I was not around. I was an adult for a long time at that time, and I was not from Mars. Of course I knew what they were watching, but Ayan never took my age seriously. I swear, in his eyes, I was still the little girl who had her first menstrual period and was unaware of it.
Ayan was 24 years old when the year turned over. Behind the scenes, some girls discussed whether Ayan was still a virgin. They even went so far as to ask which woman or man had broken Ayan's virginity if she had been broken or was about to be broken. In the end, this topic became a huge gambling game behind Ayan's back, and even Miss Dong and others became options for people to choose and bet on. Unfortunately, I took a sneaky look and I was not there.
When they talked about these topics, although they symbolically avoided mentioning me as Ayan's "sister", they still expected me to be their undercover agent. In fact, I was not sure, during the year when Ayan went to Heidelberg and I stayed at C University, did he find someone to do something impure
I've always been curious, why didn't they bet on me
However, this sensational gambling game was conducted in secret. No one dared to let A Yan know about it, not even me. Otherwise, I was not sure whether he would throw me back to China and deprive me of the right to be his follower for the rest of my life.
A Yan's boss has a new graduate student named Leonie, who is of German-French descent. Leonie is not a typical blonde beauty, but has smooth chestnut straight hair, delicate facial features and skin like an oriental, and a slim waist and a beautiful figure that looks like a real person. Her IQ is comparable to A Yan's.
Once, when I went to get my keys from Ayan, I happened to meet him and Leonie. Leonie was wearing a low-cut, tight, backless dress with only two thin straps hanging from her vital parts. The boys passing by couldn't help but whistle at her, their eyes almost falling on her exposed white chest.
Ah Yan also took a look. I am sure that he also stared at her chest, and his eyes paused for at least three seconds. I was really angry about this. I didn't talk to him for a long time and just stayed in the room reading.
He actually praised me and said, "It seems that you finally figured out the problem you failed in the course last time, and you decided to study hard?" His tone sounded very relieved.
I almost vomited blood and died on the spot. Did he know that I was angry
When I was taking a shower at night, I studied my chest for a long time and finally made a decision. The next morning, we agreed to go hiking. I put on the low-cut camisole and put two pads in my underwear, so that I could at least have some cleavage.
I opened the bedroom door and walked out. A Yan was eating breakfast.
He looked at me and said, "The sun is so strong outside. You'll get tanned if you wear this. You'll be so dark and thin that you'll look unsightly." When he said the word "thin", he glanced at my chest inadvertently.
"… "
No matter how hot the sun is, it can't be as poisonous as this man's mouth!
Germany is a very open place. It is common to expose one's nipples on some normal programs, not to mention pay TV. Although he never watched it in front of me, the more he avoided it, the more I felt that he was hypocritical, so I was more convinced that Ayan was not a good person. Sometimes, we watched TV together after dinner. As long as it was a love story, it was inevitable that a man and a woman would start kissing while talking, and then go to bed. Some of them didn't even go back to the bedroom, but stayed on the operating table, dining table or sofa.
I happened to be sitting on the sofa and was the dominant user of the remote control, so most of the time the burden of changing channels fell on me.
The man and woman on the screen were so engrossed in each other's love that they lost themselves in ecstasy.
I was conflicted. If I changed the channel, I would seem guilty. If I didn't, it would be embarrassing. I secretly glanced at A Yan. He didn't change his expression, as if he was watching the Bundesliga match. I couldn't help but glance at him again.
He asked coldly, "Have you washed the dishes?"
"Oh, no."
He nodded with his chin, signaling to me: Go quickly.
Then I had to walk away reluctantly, and he sent me away so easily, then took the remote control, turned down the volume, and enjoyed the show by himself.
Vulgar, really vulgar. People say that happiness is better shared than happiness alone, but he is just the opposite.
There are several shallow beaches in the Neckar River, which are very suitable for outdoor natural swimming pools. When it suddenly got hot, many people jumped in to cool off. How could I be missing in a crowded place? Of course, Ayan was also indispensable. And as long as Ayan was there, Miss Dong liked to come. And the delicate Miss Dong actually played water polo, just right to play against Ayan. I can neither swim nor play water polo, so of course I had to stand aside.
I was very upset, so I put on a swimming ring and followed the others to choose a height to jump off the stone. With a splash, I fell into the water like a weight, splashing water everywhere and splashing Miss Dong's face. Not only was she not angry, she smiled and said to A Yan: "Xie Yi is like a little child, it's really cute."
You are so cute.
I used the swimming ring to float up again, climbed ashore, and continued to jump. After teasing her a few times, she learned her lesson and said that there were too many people here to play, so she went far away with them. I was even angrier when I saw her take the opportunity to touch his hand while grabbing the ball.
Holding the swimming ring, I looked at Miss Dong's dirty hands and jumped into the water again. I jumped so hard that I fell headfirst. The swimming ring was too wide and it slipped away from under my butt. I had nothing to buoy me. I frantically thrashed in the water for a few times, but it was in vain. I tried to shout, but the river water poured in as soon as I opened my mouth. I could only let myself sink slowly. I opened my eyes and saw the sunlight refracted into the water. I could almost distinguish the floating objects in the river. The playful voices in my ears seemed to fade away.
Just as my vision was slowly blurring, two arms pulled me up. My head finally emerged from the water. At that moment, I couldn't wait to take a deep breath of life-saving air, and then I started coughing violently. My limbs clung to the owner of the arms, and I refused to let go.
He held my face in his hands, frowned, and asked, "Where's your swimming ring?"
Only then did I see clearly that it was A Yan. I didn’t know if my eyes had water in them or what, but tears welled up in my eyes out of grievance. I hugged him and cried, “You scared me to death.”
When the others saw that I was fine, they dispersed and went about their own business.
I don't know how long I cried while holding him, but he finally lost his patience and said, "Okay, let go, I'll take you to shore."
"No, I'm still in shock," I said.
After a while, he finally couldn't help but call me again: "Xie Yi."
"Um?"
"Don't you think our posture is a little..." He stopped at the key point.
After he reminded me, I realized that I was wrapped around his naked upper body like an octopus, using the buoyancy of the water to wrap my legs around his waist and rub against him...
"My life is hanging by a thread, and you are still so fussy." My self-esteem was hurt.
"Put your legs down," he said.
"I won't let go."
"Hurry up." He ordered with a dark face.
Seeing that he looked unhappy, I loosened my legs. It didn't matter that I loosened my legs, but I actually touched the ground when I just raised my toes. Uh... the water is so shallow...
The day after A-Yan returned to China, I received a call. It was already very late, and I was taking a shower in the bathroom. When I came out, I heard the phone ringing, and I answered it without much hesitation.
But I didn’t expect that it would say sunny.
"Su Xieyi." She called me by my old name with her usual arrogance. "You must be having a great time in Germany."
"Thanks to you." I sneered.
"Oh, I have something to tell you."
"It's rare that you still remember someone like me, young lady."
"I thought you had nothing to do with it, but I think I should at least tell you that Zhan Dongzhen and I are getting engaged the day after tomorrow. Since you two have such a good relationship, do you want to come back and watch the ceremony?"
Are they finally getting married
In the middle of the night, I opened Ayan's bedroom, threw myself on his bed, buried my face in the pillow, breathed deeply, and tried to let his scent fill my chest. Finally, I couldn't help but dial his cell phone, and I could hear the whistling wind and waves from his end through the receiver.
He went to the beach again. At this time, it should be almost dawn in China. He probably sat there all night in such a cold seaside.
"Ayan." I called him.
"Hmm, nightmare?" he asked in a low voice.
"No, I'm just not used to you not being at home." I said coquettishly.
I never told him about my mother and the Shen family, let alone Dongdong and Xieqing. I don't know if he wondered why I changed from Su Xieyi to Shen Xieyi. He never asked me about these things, as if I changed my last name, just like drinking soy milk but suddenly changed to drinking milk.
I didn't ask him why he wanted to go to the beach. He always thought I was a child who never grew up, but I knew that I had grown up a long time ago. I heard some trivial things about the Li family in bits and pieces. A Yan had an older brother who was much older than A Yan, but unfortunately he died many years ago, and it seemed that his ashes were scattered in that sea.
There was silence on the phone for a moment.
"Freehand." He called me softly.
"I'm here."
"Actually, I miss you a lot," he said.
The next day, I took a 12-hour flight back to China. I couldn't tell whether I was writing about Qing and Dongdong's engagement or about the four words in Ayan's mouth that were filled with deep longing: I miss you a lot.
It was Dongdong who came to pick me up at the airport. As soon as I saw him, I got annoyed.
"Do you like her? You obviously don't love her, so why did you marry her?"
Dong Dong said after a while: "Xie Yi, sometimes whether one person and another can be together or not is not as simple as love or not."
After I heard this, I became even angrier. I didn't understand what he said at all, but I didn't expect that many years later, I would have the same realization.
When I got home, my mother looked at me and sighed softly.
"I know you two grew up together and have a good relationship. But Dongzhen is a boy, he can't live as casually as you do. Your father likes him, Xieqing likes him too, and the two families are so close, this should be a happy event, why did it make you cry like this?"
"How can Xie Qing like him? She just wants to win everything and deliberately piss me off so she must marry him."
"How do you know your sister doesn't like Dong Zhen?"
"She's not my sister!"
I just hope that she will never appear in front of me in this life, and will not have anything to do with me. Even if I think so, I am still the daughter of the Shen family, and I have to visit my father properly.
When I came out of my father's study, Xie Qing was already waiting for me in the living room. I glanced at her coldly from the side.
"Don't act so noble in front of me. I warn you, Zhan Dongzhen has been my fiancé for a long time. Now we are officially engaged. If you bother him again, you will be a mistress." She sneered, "Your mother is a specialist in seducing other people's husbands. Don't follow in her footsteps."
I was furious and quickly rushed over to her, wanting to slap her again. However, she had suffered a loss last time, so she learned her lesson and grabbed my wrist in advance.
Xie Qing said, "I know that you are living with that boy surnamed Li. Don't think that you can do whatever you want at home just because he backs you up. There is nothing I, Shen Xie Qing, have never failed to get in my life. Now that I have robbed your Zhan Dongzhen, if I am in a good mood one day, I will also rob that boy and show you."
"you dare!"
"What am I afraid of? Do you want to try it?"
I let go, a little dejected, "Ayan, he won't do that."
Xie Qing narrowed her eyes, "Any man would choose me instead of you."