Aunt Zhao saw what was going on and said, "You two take a rest. I'll go to the kitchen and boil some water for you to warm up."
Zi Jin's face froze. He wanted to correct the word "husband and wife", but he was afraid that this would offend others' kindness, so he thanked her again: "I don't need it. Please make the water hotter and help her wash." He looked down at Xia Yue and hesitated for a moment, "Can I borrow another set of clothes from you, Auntie, for her to wear?"
Aunt Zhao leaned over to glance at Xia Yue and said deliberately, "Oh, you're so wet, don't catch a cold. I'll go boil some water right away."
The water was boiled and Aunt Zhao found some clothes. It was almost the second watch.
Xia Yue said nothing except crying.
Zi Jin asked Aunt Zhao for help, but she could not even sit steadily. As soon as Zi Jin let go of her hand in the bathtub, her body would slide down and she would not even notice when her face sank into the water.
So he had no choice but to stay by the bathtub, holding her shoulders with one hand and lifting her chin with the other, then turned his face away in embarrassment, his face flushed.
Aunt Zhao took off her incomplete underwear bit by bit in the water, her eyes moistened: "What a sin."
After settling Xia Yue down, Aunt Zhao said to Zi Jin, "Child, you should wash and change into clean clothes."
When Aunt Zhao said it the first time, Zi Jin was carrying Xia Yue back to the house, with his back to her, and did not answer. She was just puzzled, it was impossible that he did not hear it when they were so close. After a while, she came to their room and said again: "The water is ready, you go and boil it too."
Zi Jin was about to refuse.
Aunt Zhao said first: "Don't say no again, you are so cold that your face is blue. Child, have you ever thought about what she would do if you also fell down?"
Zi Jin looked at Xia Yue in his arms and seemed to be somewhat convinced. Aunt Zhao took the opportunity to wave her hand: "Go quickly, I'll help you watch over her. The clothes are on the bench next to the stove."
So, Zi Jin put Xia Yue on the bed, and just when he was about to pull away, he was pulled by something. He turned around and saw that it was Xia Yue's hand.
Her hand tightly grasped Zi Jin's sleeve, refusing to let go.
Zijin felt a little sad.
"I'd better stay here. Sorry for the trouble."
"Ah—" Aunt Zhao saw it and said nothing more.
"Don't worry, Auntie. These clothes will dry in a short while."
"Then you guys take a rest."
After a while, Aunt Zhao brought another brazier and then went back to her room to sleep with peace of mind.
There is a small lamp on the table.
"My sleeves are wet and feel cold." He slowly dried her hair.
She leaned in his arms, letting him do whatever he wanted, not saying a word, just crying, and her hands refused to let go of his clothes.
He took the cloth and wiped away the water droplets from the root to the tip of his hair. Many beads that couldn't wait dripped onto Zijin's already wet collar, making the color even darker.
It's raining heavily outside again.
He frowned and watched Xia Yue grabbing her cold hands on his clothes. He reached out and touched them, but her hands, which she had finally warmed up, were cold again, so he wanted her to let go.
"Yue'er, I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here. Let go, or I'll hold your hand." After a lot of coaxing and persuasion, he slowly moved her hand into his palm.
He suddenly thought of their childhood.
"Yue'er, do you remember when I was sick and afraid of the dark at night, you held my hand and stayed by my bedside
"When we were little, you took me for walks in the streets of Jinluo during the day, as if you were afraid that I would be bullied by others. Do you still remember Wu Ye, the man you taught a lesson to in the academy?"
He put her on the bed, sat on the edge of the bed, and looked at Xia Yue.
She closed her eyes and said nothing.
"Now that I'm grown up, why are your hands still so small? So it's my turn to protect you."
Zi Jin's expression darkened.
"I know you don't want to pay attention to me.
“If I hadn’t suddenly done that to you, how could you have run away.
“That’s why…
"I passed by that place many times, but I didn't hear you calling me.
"If I weren't deaf, if I could hear sounds, if I wasn't like this now." When saying this, Zi Jin felt a great sadness in his heart and his voice began to tremble.
For the first time, he felt an overwhelming sadness for his own imperfection.
Even though people used to point at his back and laugh at him, he didn't mind it much.
"It's my fault, it's my fault..." The long soliloquy finally turned into heart-wrenching self-blame.
I sat there until late at night and most of the moisture on my clothes was gone.
He was extremely tired, but as soon as he closed his eyes he would think of the scenes in the evening.
He felt restless for half the night, but he didn't dare to move, for fear that if he moved his hand, he would wake Xia Yue who was lying on the bed.
It was rare to see her so quiet, as if her heart was drained by her tears. He did not dare to leave her alone, fearing that she would do something.
Now, she finally closed her eyes and seemed to be asleep, breathing peacefully.
Suddenly, his throat felt itchy and he wanted to cough. He took a deep breath but couldn't hold it in, so he had to cover his mouth with his left hand and coughed to suppress the sound.
This cough triggered his old illness, causing his breathing to become disordered, his face suddenly changed, and he couldn't help but bend over and gasp for air. Even at this moment, he used all his strength to control the right hand that was holding Xia Yue, trying his best to keep it still so that she wouldn't notice while she was sleeping.
But his panting became heavier and heavier, much more serious than he had imagined. So he couldn't just bend over to relieve the pain, so he supported the edge of the table with his trembling left hand, then slowly straightened his upper body, trying to breathe more smoothly.
But every moment was torture, not to mention that he had to use his willpower to straighten his body. His fingers tightened and his right hand began to tremble uncontrollably.
She noticed the noise and opened her eyes in horror. Then she saw Zi Jin suffering from the attack. She felt anxious and angry for a moment, and the tears that had just dried became wet again.
His face was covered in cold sweat, his lips were purple and blue, and he was panting so hard that he couldn't speak. But seeing Xia Yue's anxious face, he raised his arm and waved his hand with great effort, indicating that he was fine.
After a long breath, the breaths finally slowed down.
When he returned home the next day, Zi Jin just said that he had stayed outside all night because it rained.
Afterwards, both of them fell seriously ill.
Zi Jin kept silent about what happened that night, as if it had never happened to Xia Yue. The more he avoided it, the more silent Xia Yue became. She even distanced herself from Zi Jin and rarely talked to him.
"Miss..." He Xiang saw that Xia Yue's temperament changed drastically and felt something was wrong.
"Hmm?" She stared blankly at the embroidery in her hands, not stitching a single stitch for a long time.
"I… I want to say something."
"Um."
"Last winter, when the young lady caught a cold..." He Xiang stammered, "I went into your room with medicine and saw the young master... The young master... wanted to kiss you."
She was a little girl who couldn't hide things. This matter had been tormenting her. Now she finally made up her mind to tell it, but she didn't expect Xia Yue to be surprised. She just said "hmm" lightly and didn't even put down the needlework in her hands, which surprised her greatly. Little did she know that something had happened behind this that would make Zi Jin regret for the rest of her life.
After a long while, Xia Yue looked up: "He Xiang, no matter what happens, he is my younger brother. So there is no need to mention such things in the future. He is still a child, he just acted recklessly because he was worried about me. He is just ignorant." There was no ripple in his eyes, and he understood in his heart that perhaps it was because the two of them had been together since childhood and were too dependent on each other that gave him the illusion of love.
Now that my father has passed away, it might be inappropriate for us to depend on each other like this.
Not long after, Xia Yue planned to move to Qi'an's academy with He Xiang.
She explained, "Mr. Lou from the west of the city sent someone to tell him that he wants to buy Mr. Qi's house. He will bring his wife to have a look in a few days. I have nothing to do these days, so I will stay there for a few days and clean up the house with He Xiang so that I can help Mr. Qi negotiate a good price."
Zijin knew that she was just looking for an excuse to stay away from him. He looked at her hesitating for a long while and then asked, "Yue'er, can we not do this?"
Xia Yue was immediately annoyed when she heard his unrepentant name. She said resolutely, "There is only brother and sister between us, no Yue'er anymore. Otherwise, I will cut off my hair and become a nun."
His lips trembled suddenly, and he didn't dare to say the word "Yue'er" that he was about to utter. He said sadly, "If anyone wants to move, I'll move to the academy. No one has lived there for half a year. It's not as convenient as home."
Xia Yue said: "The academy is too damp, it's not suitable for you to live here. Besides, Mr. Qi and I are already engaged, so it's not your turn to go there anyway."
His face turned pale instantly, and he couldn't find a single word to keep her.
Xia Yue was a man of his word. At noon, he took the keys and went to the academy to pack up, and moved out in the evening.
For several days in a row, Xia Yue felt empty inside, so she and He Xiang worked together to weed and fertilize the yard, and they were so busy that they had no time to rest for a moment.
"Miss, were you trying to scare the master when you said you wanted to become a nun that day?" He Xiang asked tentatively.
Xia Yue lowered her head to work without answering, and said, "You are not young anymore, it's time to find a husband."
He Xiang suddenly felt something was wrong and asked again, "Are you trying to scare the young master?"
Xia Yue added: "Look, Chang Mama's daughter-in-law is about the same age as you, and she has already given birth to a child."
He Xiang said, "Miss, when will you get married and then worry about me?"
Xia Yue smiled: "Who can say for sure? It may just happen in the blink of an eye. Yesterday, Aunt Fan from next door came to me and said that she heard that the second young master of the Shen family, Mr. Shen, wanted to ask someone to come to me to act as a matchmaker and arrange the marriage within 100 days after my father passed away."
He Xiang stood up at once and said anxiously, "What are these people thinking? Mr. Shen's wife just died, could it be that he wants to marry our young lady? He is a toad wanting to eat swan meat, and he doesn't even think about whether he is worthy of her!"
Xia Yue smiled bitterly again: "How can someone like me have a good marriage? Maybe it would be better for me to become a nun."
Seeing her like this, He Xiang shouted, "Miss, what are you talking about!"
Xia Yue said calmly: "It's so good to be a nun. The six senses are pure, and there are no desires or hopes. Anyway, I have no father or mother, no relatives or friends."
He Xiang was suddenly frightened by her appearance and started crying. She hugged Xia Yue and said, "Miss, what are you talking about? What's wrong with you? What's happened to you recently? Who said you have no relatives or friends? You have me. If you think I'm just a servant, you still have the young master. The young master protects you so much, how could he let you become a nun? Wouldn't that cost him his life?"
Xia Yue's tears also flowed down.
Tears like those are like the spring rain in Jinluo, dripping and never stopping falling.