"Nothing." I closed the webpage in a hurry.
Whatever his original intention was, it had nothing to do with me. The more I dug into it, the more it proved how self-indulgent I had been.
After turning off the lights, we lay on our respective beds and reported our impressions of Mu Hai to Zhao Xiaotang one by one.
"His personality is more mature than ours," said Song Qiqi.
"Silly and a little dumb." Bai Lin said while giggling.
Then, I heard a muffled sound, and Bai Lin groaned: "Zhao Xiaotang, why did you throw the pillow at me?"
"You can't spit out ivory from a dog's mouth." Zhao Xiaotang snorted coldly.
"You haven't even gotten married yet, and you don't allow me to say bad things about your man. Are you starting to protect him?" Bai Lin said gritting his teeth.
"Okay, okay, it's Xue Tong's turn." Song Qiqi came out to maintain order.
"I think Mu Hai is a good person," I said.
Bai Lin sat up from the bed and chuckled, "Xue Tong, you are a man who has gained great success. If you like Mu Chenghe, it means you like all his relatives."
Song Qiqi said, "Xiaobai, stop making jokes and let's talk about something serious."
Bai Lin asked, "What serious matter?"
Song Qiqi said: "Ask Xue Tong."
I said, “Ask me what?”
Bai Lin replied: "What do you think? It was Mu Chenghe. Today, he almost got exposed in front of Liu Qi. I think my senior brother may have seen something."
Zhao Xiaotang said: "I can assure you that I have never told Mu Hai anything."
Song Qiqi said: "Xue Tong, do you really want to be with Liu Qi?"
I didn't say anything, but Bai Lin continued: "That's for sure. I know Xiaotong. She is definitely not the kind of person who would rather eat from her own bowl than from her own pot."
I said, "I... I don't know. I don't know whether I love Liu Qi or not, but I feel that he is good to me, so I have to be twice as good to him."
Bai Lin said, "That's it. Anyway, from now on, the matter between Xue Tong and Mu Chenghe will be kept secret among the four of us, and we can never tell anyone about it, including our boyfriends."
"Um."
"good."
Song Qiqi and Zhao Xiaotang agreed.
This semester, the school has specially opened a career guidance course in order to adjust everyone's employment mentality.
The teacher of the career guidance class was named Zhang. After graduating from graduate school, he worked in several cities in the south and now returned to school to teach. Maybe he had worked outside for many years and lost some of the scholarly air. When he lectured and talked, he always treated us as peers, so he was very casual.
Once, he said, "After entering society, men are definitely under much more pressure than women. And boys should go out and explore the world. But..." He paused, "Now maybe you think that what I said is materialistic and not what a teacher should say, but I still want to tell my male classmates that sometimes, a valuable marriage can save you more than ten years of struggle."
"I'm not asking you to follow this path, but this factor is also very important when you consider the fate of your relationship in the future."
Bai Lin said disdainfully: "It's better to marry well than to work well. Now this sentence also applies to men. It really means equality between men and women."
After we finished the CET-8, Liu Qi passed the written test and interview of the civil service exam smoothly. Chen Yan also told me on the phone that she passed the retest.
Everyone is moving towards their own ideal, except me.
On the day we received our graduation certificates, we wore graduation gowns and took our cameras to take photos of all the highlights on campus: the swimming pool used to raise fish in winter, the crescent-shaped lotus pond behind the library, the osmanthus forest under the fourth teaching building...
In the evening, the whole department had a dinner together, and many teachers came.
The counselor was in a particularly good mood and allowed everyone to drink.
Many people went to the most handsome teacher in the department, Chen Ting, and toasted him. It is said that he can drink a lot, but he still couldn't stand the human wave tactics of the students and was defeated.
"Teacher Chen, where is our teacher Mu?" a female classmate asked, "He is the only one missing among the teachers who taught us."
"How dare he come with your formation?" Chen Ting shook his head. "He has already gone on a business trip somewhere else."
After dinner, the department-wide activity turned into a class-based gathering, and then we all went crazy all night long.
When it was dawn, a girl finally started crying, bringing up everyone's sad mood.
Bai Lin grabbed me and Zhao Xiaotang and said, "You two should come out and meet me every week." He turned to Song Qiqi and said, "After you go home, you should text each other every day. Come back to see us during the winter and summer vacations."
We thought that something earth-shattering would happen on the last day, but we graduated quietly. The next day, the three of us sent Song Qiqi off together, and after returning, we also went our separate ways. Thus, all the graduating class of the English Department of the Foreign Languages College of A University parted ways from school and started their own different lives.
Liu Qi entered the Justice Bureau of City A with the first place in the system. It is said that his father was very happy.
I said, "But this job has nothing in common with your major."
Liu Qi said: "What can we do?"
I said, "You've studied for four years in vain, and you've always liked this major. It would be a shame to just give up like this."
Liu Qi said helplessly: "In order to survive, we have no choice but to compromise."
I looked at him and said nothing.
So I found a job as an administrative assistant at the real estate company where Zhao Xiaotang worked. The company notified me to start work next month. In the meantime, I stayed at home alone, doing nothing, waiting for the time to start work. Occasionally, I would have dinner with Liu Qi, watch movies, and go to the park on weekends.
He often tells me about things in the office.
On the weekend, we met one of his female colleagues on the street: "Xiao Liu, where's your girlfriend?"
"Yeah." Liu Qi introduced us to each other.
After she left, I said, "I think I've seen her somewhere before?"
"She is your senior sister. She was the host when you performed the Pipa."
“No way.”
I looked back at the background. This senior sister had long hair at that time, and was only two or three years older than us, like a fairy. I remember that she once gave a speech, and she used passionate sentences on the stage to outline her ambitions and future demeanor to us, which completely shocked us who had just entered the university campus. Although she is still beautiful now, she looks like she has been worn down by the trivialities of life. Like many people, she walks on the street busy with family matters, and feels suddenly old.
While waiting for the subway, I said sadly, "I don't want to live like this for the rest of my life."
Liu Qi asked, "Why is that?"
I said, "I go to work and come home every day, running around for a living, and then I take care of my family and children. I am getting older day by day. I have completely forgotten what my original ideals were. I don't even have any ideals. I don't want to live this kind of life.
Liu Qi was puzzled: "Isn't this how everyone lives?"
I felt sad: "That's why I don't want to."
"Xiaotong..." Liu Qi said, "Don't you think you are weird?"
“I’m just trying to find my direction in life.”
"Work, get married, have children, this is how ordinary people live their lives. And I think this is also a kind of happiness."
"I know, but I'm somehow confused about the future."
"Xue Tong, if you don't want to, you don't have to work. I can support you."
"That's not what I meant." I said anxiously.
"Then what do you mean?" Liu Qi asked back angrily.
A sudden feeling of powerlessness made me physically and mentally exhausted.
That day, I had originally made an appointment with Liu Qi to come to where I lived so that we could buy ingredients and cook together, as he had never been there before. However, we ended up parting on bad terms.
When I got home and turned on my computer, I suddenly found that Mu Chenghe’s avatar was lit on MSN.
Liu Qi said that everyone lives like that.
But I know that Mu Chenghe is not like that. Maybe he has also encountered this or that kind of unhappiness, but he did not compromise.
On a winter night two years ago, he mentioned Zhukovsky to me and mentioned his dream.
I will always remember that when he talked about those things, his expression was as firm and persistent as a rock.
I don't have many friends, and he is the only one online now. I usually don't go invisible when I'm online, so if he is using MSN now, he must have seen me.
Suppose he saw me and I didn’t say hello, it would seem very rude.
Suppose, at this time, I deliberately avoided him, went offline or became invisible, which would appear even more unclassable.
So I gritted my teeth and sent a smiley face.
Po3a: Hello, Teacher Mu.
Mu Chenghe: Xue Tong, long time no see. Have you found a job
Po3a: Yeah. Found it.
Mu Chenghe: That’s good. Have you started work already
Po3a: No, I am still resting at home. I will start working next month. How about you? How are you doing recently
Mu Chenghe: I just came back from Moscow.
Po3a: No wonder you didn't come to our graduation dinner.
Mu Chenghe: I heard from Chen Ting that you guys had a terrible time with him.
Po3a: Hahaha, it’s really miserable.
Mu Chenghe: I have escaped a disaster then.
The atmosphere of the conversation suddenly became harmonious, and I felt a lot more relaxed.
Po3a: Did you bring back any delicious food from Moscow
Mu Chenghe: Come to think of it, there is something that suits you.
Po3a: What
Mu Chenghe: Guess.
Po3a: Vodka!
Mu Chenghe: Smart. Answer the phone.
I thought he meant to answer the phone, but my cell phone rang instead. It was Mu Chenghe calling.
"Xue Tong?" His voice was bright and he seemed to be in a good mood.
"Oh, yes," I said. "Is this really vodka for me?"
"I saw it in the store when I was leaving, and suddenly I remembered that I seemed to have promised you."
“I want to drink it right now.”
"It's too late today, come and get it tomorrow," he said.
When he asked me on the phone about the time and place to meet, I thought for a moment and said, "Teacher Mu..."
"What?"
"Can I bring a friend?"
His voice hesitated slightly: "Friend?"
"The last time you saw him was my boyfriend, Liu Qi." I said timidly.
There seemed to be a pause on the other end of the phone, and then he said, "No problem."
Before going to bed, I dialed Liu Qi's number and told him about my meeting with Mu Chenghe.
"But I have to work overtime," he said. "I have a meeting on Monday and I have to get the materials sorted out tomorrow."
"Can't you just move a little?"
"Xiaotong, you know I just got here, so I have to work harder than others."
"But… "
"As for Mr. Mu, I've seen him many times. If you explain to him clearly the reason for my absence, he won't fail to understand."
"But I hope you can come with me."
"I will definitely go next time. As for meals, do you have enough money? You have graduated, so don't let your teacher spend money anymore."
He gave me a lot of long-winded instructions and hung up the phone without giving me a chance to say anything.
I was lying in bed, hesitating whether to change the time with Mu Chenghe, when Bai Lin called again.
"Xue Tong! I'm so angry." Bai Lin said bluntly.
"What's wrong?"
"Our supervisor is really a pervert. He personally handed me the report yesterday and sent it to the marketing department. He clearly made a mistake, but he still said I didn't know how to do my job. I just whispered a few words to him, and he took me to the meeting room and lectured me for a long time, spitting on my face. He also asked me to work overtime until now..."
Bai Lin started to complain again, as she does at least three times a week. At first I listened and agreed with her, but finally my eyelids drooped, and I fell asleep to her lullaby-like mumbling.
At night, I had many dreams, all of which were about things that happened in the dormitory before. Then, like a movie, excerpts flashed back and forth.
Early in the morning, my mother's phone call woke me up.
"Mom, is there something wrong?" She rarely takes the initiative to look for me.
"Did Chen Yan contact you yesterday?"
"No."
"How about recently?"
"also not."
"Forget it then." After asking this inexplicably, she quickly hung up the phone.
I wanted to continue the beautiful dream, so I closed my eyes and fell asleep. I don't know how long I slept, but I heard the neighbor downstairs calling the children to eat from the balcony.
Have a meal
I woke up with a start, sat up, grabbed my phone and checked the time. It was 11:51. Oh my god, there were only nine minutes left until our appointment.
"Teacher Mu—" I was putting on my clothes while talking on the phone.
"I'm in the car and will be there in a few minutes," he said.
"No! No! I haven't left the house yet."
"Really?" He said, "It's okay, take your time, there's no rush."
"Liu Qi has something else and can't come. I just got up, so you will have to wait for a long time."
He groaned for a moment and said, "I'm near your house. Tell me the address and I'll pick you up."
I was puzzled and asked, "If you don't even know the address, how do you know where is near my home?"
He responded, “Last time at Starbucks, you said it was close to your home.”
I paused for a moment while putting on my clothes. I didn't expect that he would remember such a small detail, and I just made up an excuse to perfunctorily reject him.
I waited downstairs for less than two minutes before Mu Cheng and his car showed up. I have to say that his sense of direction and memory are amazing. The terrain of my home is very complicated. Bai Lin has been here many times, but he still can't tell the directions.
I waved to him from a distance.
Mu Chenghe saw me, slowly stopped, rolled down the window, smiled at me, and his eyes curved into a beautiful arc.
It rained last night, and at this time of noon, the weather was still quite cool. The sun was hanging softly in the sky, occasionally hiding behind the clouds.
I stood in the shade of the tree and watched Mu Chenghe get out of the car and walk towards me. His hair was originally a little brown, but now standing in the sun, it seemed to be coated with a layer of light gold.
At this time, a car drove up from behind, he turned his head to look, then changed direction to avoid it. When his eyes were directly exposed to the sunlight, he paused, then squinted his eyes and sneezed lightly.
Then he took two steps and sneezed again.
Suddenly, I couldn't help laughing. His eyes narrowed, his eyebrows knitted together, and then he made a small sound similar to "Ah Qiu", really like a squirrel with a cold.
"You are the Sun Sneeze Man!" I said to him as if I had discovered a new continent.
"Sneezeman?"
"It's just a cute name for someone like you who sneezes when he sees the sun."
"It's the first time I've heard of it."
"I only knew about it from reading books when I was a child. I didn't expect that you were it," I said.
He sighed: "In the blink of an eye, you have grown into a big girl."
I suddenly felt that after seeing him this time, I felt much more at ease.
"Liu Qi is working overtime, so he can't come. He asked me to apologize to you."
"It doesn't matter."
He asked me, "Should we just find a place to eat nearby? There was a huge traffic jam when I got here."
I suggested: "Why don't you go upstairs and eat at my house? I bought a lot of food yesterday but haven't cooked it yet. How do you think?"
He looked upstairs: "Is it convenient?"
“It’s very convenient.”