My movement was so small and light, but it still startled him. He paused slightly and let me go.
I took my hand back at the right time and asked him, "Are you feeling better?"
He opened his eyes, nodded, and indeed looked better.
I asked again, "Do you want to eat something?" Because neither of us had time to have lunch, and even dinner could only be eaten in the car, so he bought a lot of food beforehand.
He said, “No thanks.”
I tilted my head to look at him and asked softly, "What's wrong with you? Can you tell me?"
He turned his head and looked back at me, then said calmly: "Sometimes I suddenly get tinnitus and can't hear anything, and then I feel dizzy."
I was surprised: "Why?"
"It's a disease inside the ear called Meniere's disease."
"When did it start? Last year?" I said. "Before the New Year?"
"I've had this disease since I was a few years old. Remember I told you that when I was a kid I was playing in the lotus pond next to the library and I fell in. That was when I had my first attack."
I stared into his eyes.
He smiled and said to me in a comforting tone: "So far, I feel fine. It's just a minor problem, nothing to worry about. The only regret is that many of my hobbies are now forbidden by doctors."
"What's your hobby?"
"Diving and driving. Later, the doctor finally agreed to let me drive slowly in the city."
"I've never been diving before, and I can't swim either. I'm what they call a landlubber."
"Diving and swimming have nothing to do with each other. I'll teach you next time I have a chance."
"Didn't you say the doctor forbade you to dive?"
"We did it secretly, and they didn't know either."
After a while, I couldn't help asking, "It can definitely be cured, right?"
"I am one of those people whose dizziness is not serious, but I have hearing impairment."
"Then you would..." I didn't know how to say it, and I tried to choose the right words in my mind, but it was in vain after thinking for a long time.
Mu Chenghe seemed to understand me and said, "Don't worry, it's not a serious problem and it's easy to cure. The most serious patients I've seen only became deaf when they got old." He looked away and said with relief, "But hearing is not too important to me, whether now or when I'm old. I'm not a musician, actor, or singer. Even if I can't hear anything, I can still do the things I want to do, so this is not a fatal blow."
After saying that, he retracted his gaze to my face, then smiled at me indifferently.
An indescribable feeling came over me, especially after seeing Mu Chenghe's smile. He was not forcing a smile, nor was he pretending to be tough, but was truly relieved. The smile spread from the corners of his mouth, which always had a smile, and then colored his entire eyebrows, blooming lightly, lightly, and implicitly on his face, but it made people inexplicably heartbroken.
It was as if my heart shrank into a ball at this moment.
For the second time in my life, I had the urge to hug him tightly.
Suddenly, my cell phone rang.
"Tongtong, where are you?" my mother asked on the phone.
"There was a traffic jam just now. I guess we'll be getting off the highway soon."
"We are going to have an emergency meeting, you..."
"It's okay, go ahead."
"Xiao Li is here to pick you up, but it will be a little late. You must be careful and wait in the waiting hall where there are security guards."
"It's okay, I'm not scared, someone came with me."
"who?"
"My friend," I said.
My answer made my mother pause on the phone before she said, "That's fine."
Unexpectedly, Xiao Li's car arrived before us. He was sharp-eyed and found me in the crowd in no time.
"Your friend?" Xiao Li said when he saw Mu Chenghe next to me.
Mu Chenghe took the initiative to shake hands with him: "My name is Mu Chenghe."
"I'm Li Bing, they all call me Xiao Li."
"I'll send Xue Tong to you. My mission is completed and I can still catch the last train."
"What? Are you still leaving so late?" Xiao Li said and looked at me.
I didn't know he was really leaving, and I got anxious: "You haven't had two meals, you might as well go back tomorrow." When I mentioned him to my mom just now, I made up my mind that I must not let him take the night train back to City A alone.
I don’t know whether Xiao Li understood what I meant all of a sudden or misunderstood the relationship between Mu Chenghe and me, but he completely stood on my side and said, “If Supervisor Tong knew that I let you go like this, he would definitely not let me go when I go back. Brother Mu, at least wait until after tonight before going back.” After saying that, he pulled Mu Chenghe into the car.
Fortunately, Mu Chenghe was not a stubborn person, so he got in the car and sat in the back seat with me.
"Let's... go see Chen Yan first," I said.
"Okay." Xiao Li said.
"What's going on?" I asked.
Xiao Li changed his usual temperament and said with great difficulty: "Chen Yan... she didn't come home last night. This has never happened before. Her phone was not working. Later, everyone looked for her everywhere, but there was no result the next morning. Later, someone found her hairpin at the corner of the political commissar's first floor, and then..." He paused, "At noon, behind the parking lot of the community, in the ditch beside the wall... her body was found. Someone also..."
He didn't continue.
When we got there, we saw a lot of reporters and police officers in uniform.
Someone said: "They must have followed the deceased home and drugged him in the hallway. The parking lot was the crime scene."
"She raped him first, then stabbed him. The cut to the carotid artery was fatal."
"The murderer dragged the body for several dozen meters, threw it into a ditch, and covered it with leaves."
I pushed through the crowd anxiously and followed Xiao Li to the autopsy room. Xiao Li went in first and then looked back at me. I stood at the door and looked at the person lying on the bed.
The body was covered with a white cloth.
The toes of her right foot were exposed, and the nail of her big toe was painted with blue nail polish. I had used that nail polish before, and we bought it together during the Chinese New Year. I chose rouge pink, and she chose sapphire blue.
I walked slowly towards her, then stood there and lifted a corner to see her face.
Her face was bluish purple, not as terrible as people outside said. Her face looked peaceful, with a scratch on the side of her cheek.
At first, when I listened to what they said, whether it was what my mother said, what Xiao Li said, or even what the police outside said, I didn't feel too sad, because I didn't believe it in my heart until I saw the face under the white cloth.
At this moment, I suddenly felt my stomach begin to cramp, and a hot current surged up and reached my throat. I covered my mouth, ran outside, held onto the wall, and began to vomit.
But there was nothing in his stomach, and nothing came out except a pool of gastric juice.
I have never been a timid person since I was a child. I was the one who went to the morgue to identify my father's body. Five years later, I actually overlapped the two figures in my mind.
First it was dad, then it was Chen Yan.
Dad said: "Tongtong, you are daddy's baby."
Chen Yan said: "It's so nice to be alone, without worries, and I have other ideals."
Then, I started sobbing.
I kept crying and vomiting, until someone pulled me up, carried me out, and pushed through the crowd to take me to the outside.
The man held my face, wiped my tears with his hands again and again, and said, "Xue Tong, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry." His fingers got wet, and he switched to the back of his hand, and then wet the back of his hand and switched to the palm. I have never seen him so clumsy.
He could answer four arithmetic operations that seemed astronomical to me in one breath.
He can stand on the stage and answer all the tricky questions from domestic and foreign experts below in a dignified manner.
He could describe his physical defects with ease.
He can be admired by many people in his field.
But when I cried so hard that I almost forgot to breathe, he seemed to be at a loss all of a sudden, like an adult who had done something wrong, trying to coax a child with unskilled techniques, and only kept repeating the words "don't cry".
Although we were standing in the dark, we still occasionally attracted the attention of others. So, Mu Chenghe asked Xiao Li for the key, opened the car, and sat in the back seat with me.
I sobbed for a long time and finally calmed down.
The moonlight shone through the gaps between the buildings and onto the ground. I turned my head and saw the half-moon. Opposite was an old residential building. Someone from an unknown household went home and slammed the door shut, so the voice-activated lights on several floors all lit up. After a while, the orange lights went out in unison.
I said, "When I was a kid, I thought voice-controlled lights were amazing. It was only when my family moved from the county town to the city that I first learned about this kind of thing. At that time, even the smallest things would make me very curious, so I kept making noises in the corridor to make it light up. Later, I gradually did experiments to find out what was the right amount of sound to make it light up."
When I grew up, I felt that many people's hearts were like this voice-activated lamp, waiting for the sound that could break through its boundaries. Once it appeared, the room would be filled with light. But during the day, facing the sun, it would be too inferior to shine.
Just like I love Mu Chenghe, but I dare not tell him because of my inferiority complex and timidity.
Yes, I love him.
I once questioned this kind of love. I was afraid it was worship, dependence, infatuation, and reliance, until I saw Chen Yan's body. At that moment, I thought a lot, and I even wondered what it would be like if it was me lying there.
Who will come to see me and who will be sad.
When my life comes to an abrupt end, what makes me feel most regretful and sorry
I took out my phone and sent the text message in my outbox to Liu Qifa. I turned off my phone and called Mu Chenghe, "Teacher Mu."
"Huh?" He turned around.
I said, "Can you hug me?"
Mu Chenghe's eyes stayed fixed on my face for a second, then he opened his arms to welcome me into his embrace, holding his arms tightly.
I remember the first time he hugged me was on New Year’s Eve that year. When the New Year’s bell rang, he gave me a gentle hug like a gentleman.
I placed my hand on his back and immediately felt my heart contract abruptly. The feeling spread to my limbs at once, and my hands and feet began to tremble slightly.
I rested my head on his shoulder and smelled that pine-like scent again. The moment I closed my eyes, tears fell again.
Love is certain, but it is so difficult to describe.
I'm just afraid that once I say this word, it would seem like blasphemy against him.
The day I learned of Chen Yan's death, Liu Qi and I broke up.
Mu Cheng took a bus back to City A early the next morning.
Liu Qi responded to my text message calmly. He just called me back and asked me, "Why?"
“We’re not a good match.”
"I suggest that you think about it first, and we don't have to meet for the time being."
"Liu Qi..."
“Is two months enough to consider this?”
"This isn't a problem between us. I've thought it through very clearly."
"A month?"
"It's totally me..."
"Okay, just one month." Then he quickly hung up the phone.
I was very confused and had no time to care about his feelings. I think women are a very soft-hearted and cruel species.
The police easily came to a conclusion about the murderer of Chen Yan through the property's surveillance video and the collection of several clues.
"Remember the jailbreak during the Spring Festival when you were here?" Mom said, "The murderer was that man's son."
"Why?" I asked.
"After he was arrested, his death sentence was changed from suspended death sentence to immediate execution. The High Court recently issued its review of the death sentence. He was executed by firing squad last month."
“What does this have to do with Chen Yan…” I originally thought it was ridiculous, but before I could finish my words, I realized the connection and immediately became a little angry.
"Perhaps the murderer wanted the victim to also experience the pain of losing a loved one."
"But Uncle Chen is just doing his job. This is the law, not a personal grudge," I said.
My mother didn't continue the topic with me. Instead, she said, "Stay here for a few more days and don't go out alone at night."
"How long will you stay?"
"Stay until I say it's okay."
"But Zhao Xiaotang found a job for me in their company, and I will start working in a few days."
"Then don't go. It's better for you to stay in City B with me and find a new job."
I glared at her: "You weren't like this before."
Mom stopped folding clothes, looked at me for a long while without saying anything, and then slowly said: "Tongtong, Mom can't imagine if it wasn't Chen Yan that day, but you... If it was you..."
She didn't say anything else, then pretended to put away her things and avoided my gaze.
I said, "Didn't my father ask someone to tell my fortune before? He said I would live to be 88 years old in good health and then die of old age."
She laughed: "You just love to listen to your dad talking nonsense to you."
Because it was a vicious revenge incident, Chen Yan's case received great attention from the provincial government, and the Public Security Department issued a Class B wanted order online. At noon a week later, the murderer was arrested in a county town 200 kilometers away.
For that moment, I took a car with Xiao Li to the detention center to wait for him. However, after I saw that person, I didn't know where to vent all the resentment and anger that had accumulated. The real murderer in my imagination should have a face full of ferocious eyes, even with many scars and many criminal records. Only such a person could do something worse than an animal.
But he was just a half-grown child, who looked younger than me. I didn’t even know if he was eighteen years old. He kept crying and saying to the people around him, “Uncle, I was wrong. Uncle, I was wrong. I was really wrong.”
Later I found out that his father poisoned the people because he was digging coal in a private mine in the village. At the end of the year, the foreman kept delaying everyone's wages. In a fit of anger, he put poison in the foreman's warm water bottle, and then poisoned the foreman and his wife to death. He was finally sentenced to life imprisonment with a two-year reprieve.
During the Spring Festival, his wife could not bear the blow and hanged herself. During the funeral, he asked the prison to let him go back to see his wife for the last time. The prison has a rule that allows inmates to go out to visit their family members when they die, but this rule does not apply to prisoners on death row.
So he wanted to escape by himself.
One thing after another, finally, the chain of tragedy was tied to Chen Yan.
I told Mu Chenghe the truth on the phone.
He was silent for a long time, then sighed deeply.
After returning to City A, a series of changes took place in my life. First, because I did not go to work on time, Zhao Xiaotang and his company directly fired me. Then, Liu Qi was assigned to a township judicial office 100 kilometers away from the urban area of City A.
When he told me the news, I was stunned: "That's impossible. How long will it take to be transferred back?"
"I don't know, maybe that's it."
"real or fake?"
"So it was a wise decision for you to break up with me," he said self-deprecatingly.
"Liu Qi!" I got angry.
"But I haven't agreed yet," he said.
I joined the army of job seekers again. I read the job columns in the newspapers every day, or rushed to the job fairs held twice a week at the talent market on Tuesdays and Thursdays. In the end, I listened to Zhao Xiaotang and posted a lot of information on the Internet.
The first one was an insurance company. There were at least 50 applicants in line with me. The first stage was a written test. I thought I was applying for a secretary position and my major was English, so I would definitely be given an English test paper. I didn't expect that the topic of the written test was to write an essay.
A few days later, the insurance company informed me that I had passed the written test and needed to participate in interview training.
When I arrived at the training location with full confidence, I found that the fifty or sixty people were basically there, waiting for training like me. The training content included three aspects: teamwork, memory competition and expression ability. If you pass all of them, you will become a new salesperson for the Fortune 500.
I told the person who signed in, "I'm not applying for a salesperson position, I'm applying for a secretary position."
The other party replied me with a professional smile: "In our company, secretaries also need to master business knowledge. And whether you are suitable for clerical work or business work depends on the actual situation."
I nodded in a daze. After mechanically reciting a long list of disease names, the energetic trainer on the stage called everyone to shout the company slogan loudly and in unison. Finally, I couldn't stand it anymore and ran away.