"That's how Mu Cheng and his father died. He wasn't in good health for a while, but he was very talkative, so he told me all this. He said that he was sleeping in the bedroom at the time, and when he woke up in the morning, he saw his father hanging like this, his body stiff."
When the truth was revealed, a surge of pain approached my brain, as if all the moisture in my body gathered in my eyes and wanted to burst out. I wanted to cry, but I didn't like to do this in front of outsiders, so I quickly stood up, opened my eyes wide and took a deep breath.
"I know, I know, I know..." I kept repeating this to Chen Ting.
Seeing this, Chen Ting walked up to me and patted me on the back.
"I told you all this because I thought you were a grown-up girl. It's not easy for him. He has been taking antidepressants in the past few years. After all, I'm still an outsider. He will tell you certain things himself. Xue Tong," he said thoughtfully, "I hope you love him sincerely. If not, it may not be too late to retreat now."
After Chen Ting left, I left too.
Later, I went to the agreed place and took a car back with Zhang Lili. I didn't say a word on the way.
The first time I went to Mu Chenghe's house, he said in a joking tone that someone had hanged himself on the door, and I thought it was really a joke.
No wonder he had a house but didn't want to live in it and went to squeeze Chen Ting.
No wonder he said that without me, he didn't have the courage to live there anymore.
At night, Mu Chenghe called me as usual. I felt extremely sad, but I didn't know where to start asking those questions.
After dinner every day, the students would rest for a while and then continue with night training, but the intensity was much lower than that of daytime training. Sometimes they would tidy up their rooms, and sometimes they would sing songs in groups.
I was having fun with everyone in the evening when I received a call from my mother.
In this remote place, there is no entertainment at night, so I just take turns answering calls from relatives and friends to kill time. Sometimes my mother calls more frequently than Mu Chenghe.
"Mom," I said, "aren't you on duty?"
"It was originally my turn, but Uncle Chen suddenly came by long-distance bus today, so I switched with someone else."
"Oh." This time, I knew who she was talking about.
"Look, I told you not to mention him..."
"Mom, when are you going to get married?"
"Ah?" she was surprised.
"Didn't you say you wanted to get married last year? It's been so long, why haven't you mentioned it?"
"We...you..." She was obviously a little surprised by my attitude.
"Just because I disagreed before doesn't mean I disagree now. As long as he treats you well and you're happy, that's enough." I said lightly.
I asked Mu Chenghe about his mother's remarriage, and he said, "At first I hated it, but then when I grew up I started to think about it again. It's actually very selfish."
"You don't mind now?"
"It would be a lie to say that we don't mind at all. However, we have no right to trample on other people's happiness with our own pleasure."
"Xue Tong, thank you." She said with relief.
"Mom, did the quarrels you used to have start from the time I got lost in the amusement park? You blamed him, and he blamed you."
"Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"
"I always thought that was the case."
"No, no. We don't get along, and it's not because of you."
"Did Dad have an affair later?"
"Why are you saying this suddenly?"
"You let half of it slip when you were angry in the cemetery, so I guessed."
"Tongtong..."
I don't know why, but my mom suddenly called me like this, with the same tone, but I felt like I was back to my childhood when I was called Xue Tong before I changed my name. Everyone called me Tong Tong, Tong Tong. Because my mom's last name was Tong. But my grandma said, how can a woman always use our child's name? So I changed my name to a new one.
"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"We were originally planning to tell your grandparents that we had agreed to divorce after you were admitted to university, but he had an accident. I thought, you loved him so much, and since he's dead, why bother to smear him."
"Mom, I didn't understand you before, but now I have someone I love, so I know how difficult it is for a woman."
After hearing this, my mother seemed to cry. After a while, she said, "Bring the child to me. Xiao Li said he is a handsome guy."
"There's one more thing I want to tell you."
"Go ahead."
"Mu Chenghe was my former teacher at A University. We are together now."
My mother was stunned on the phone for a moment, and then she seemed to regain her usual calmness. She paused and asked, "Is he single?"
"yes."
"Never married?"
"No."
"Who are the people in the family?"
"His father was also a teacher at University A, but he passed away. His mother was a civil servant, and I heard she held a high position. He has a stepfather and a younger sister, but we don't have much contact with them."
"Do you think he is sincere to you?"
"I..." My face suddenly turned red, "How do I know if he is sincere?"
"Silly child, you have your own feelings about this kind of thing. You can fool others but not yourself."
I thought about it seriously, thought about it again, and nodded: "I really mean it."
"Do you want to spend your whole life with him?"
"think."
"Then don't worry about what others say. He is under more pressure than you, but as long as you overcome this hurdle, he can overcome it too."
My mother's words were like a reassurance to me, and my mood suddenly became clear.
What am I afraid of
The most terrible thing between us is to lose him.
Before going to bed, I had nothing to do, so I looked through the pictures on my phone. At the end, I saw a photo taken two years ago.
It was two years ago at the air show. I skipped classes to attend Mu Chenghe's lecture and followed Senior Brother Li into the auditorium. Bai Lin sent me a text message, asking me to take a photo of the scene for him and go back to watch.
Mu Chenghe stood on the stage, wearing a suit and talking eloquently, with a broad smile and outstanding demeanor.
Because the distance was too far and the pixels were not high, the photo was not clear at all. After I enlarged it several times, his face became even more blurry.
But whenever I close my eyes, I can still recall his expression at that time.
So wise.
So elegant.
Zhang Lili was swatting mosquitoes on the bed.
"What was your dream when you were a child?" I asked while lying on my back.
Zhang Lili thought for a moment and said, "When I was mayor, I wrote this essay and won a prize. I didn't expect the difference to be so huge now."
I smiled and put the phone against my chest: "I know someone who told me that dreams and ideals are different. Dreams are sometimes out of reach, but ideals should be realistic and achievable if we work hard for them. When we accomplish our ideals one by one, our dreams will be closer."
"That must be very difficult, just like Tang Monk's journey to the West to seek Buddhist scriptures."
"I used to think so, too. But the guy I know is almost there. He's making it happen step by step, with such determination and perseverance that it makes me jealous."
I was like under a spell, talking nonstop.
"Now that I think about it, I also had a dream," I said. "I filled out my college entrance exam application by myself, and I only chose foreign languages because I wanted to be a translator. When I first started learning foreign languages as a kid, I didn't like it at all. But my father was concerned about current political affairs, and he would always watch the live broadcast of the press conferences every year. I sat next to him and did my homework while listening, and I especially admired those who could listen and translate at the same time. Later, others told me that it was not ordinary translation, but simultaneous interpretation, a very advanced type."
"I thought, I want to be that kind of person, so I learned foreign languages."
"But after four years of studying, I only knew that I needed to get high scores, pass the exams, and find a good job. What is a good job? Staying in the city, high salary, easy work, and a kind boss, but I lost my original intention."
The two of us were silent for a long time.
"Do you want to be a simultaneous interpreter?" Zhang Lili asked.
"Um."
"But it's not that simple."
"I just thought about it. I'll take the postgraduate entrance exam for the School of Translation and Interpretation first, and then give it a try."
I picked up my phone and took a look at the photo. The screen emitted a faint blue light in the dark.
"Do you remember a poem by Shu Ting that we learned in middle school?" I said.
“‘To the Oak Tree’?”
"I recited it many times but still failed. In the end, my Chinese teacher punished me by making me copy it dozens of times."
Zhang Lili smiled and said, "I can remember articles and poems about love very quickly." As she spoke, she recited the whole thing aloud.
To the Oak
Shu Ting
If I love you -
It's not like the climbing trumpet creeper
Show off yourself with your high branches;
If I love you -
Never learn to be a lovelorn bird
Repeating monotonous songs for the green shade;
More than just a fountain
Bringing cool comfort all year round;
Not just like a dangerous peak
Increase your height and highlight your majesty.
Even daylight.
Even spring rain.
No, that's not enough!
I must be a kapok tree near you,
As the image of the tree stands with you.
Roots, holding tight in the ground
Leaves touch each other in the clouds.
Every gust of wind
We all greeted each other,
But no one
Understand our language.
You have your copper branches and iron trunks
Like a knife, like a sword, and like a halberd;
I have my red flowers
Like a heavy sigh,
It is like a heroic torch.
We share the cold waves, winds, thunderbolts;
We share the mist, the clouds and the rainbow.
As if separated forever,
But they depend on each other for life.
This is great love.
Here is the faithfulness:
like-
I not only love your tall and majestic body,
I also love the place where you insist on and the land under your feet.
Zhang Lili's voice is pleasant when she speaks normally, and now her soft humming is particularly pleasant in this quiet night. I don't know which sentence touched her heart, but when she finished reading the last word, I could hear her voice choking.
"Xue Tong, do you think I can meet such love again?" she asked.
"Need I say more? Of course I can." I answered and turned over pretending to be ready to go to sleep.
After a long time, I opened my eyes again, quietly wiped away the tears on my face, and said silently in my heart: Mu Chenghe, I will also be your kapok.