"What if I said I loved you?"
“It’s like lighting a candle in a bright room.”
Zeng Li returned home and turned on the TV. A channel was playing "A Century of Film Memoirs", which recounted the life stories of various master directors. When it came to the life of director Michelangelo Antonioni, he recited this line.
Zeng Li stood in front of the TV holding the cup and did not move for a long time.
This dialogue comes from the sex enlightenment movie that Zeng Li watched during her adolescence. On an afternoon during the summer vacation of the second year of junior high school, several good girls met at a classmate's house to watch DVDs secretly while their parents were not at home, under the pretext of doing homework. They first watched a horror movie, and then to ease the atmosphere, everyone watched "Days in the Clouds".
For the little girls crowded in front of the sofa, the whole movie was completely incomprehensible and the only gimmick was the naked lust.
Zeng Li curled up in a small corner, looking at the pictures on the screen. He felt a little timid and confused, but he pretended to be disdainful like everyone else.
The next day, Zeng's father came back and said that he had found a tutor for Zeng Li. She would be in the third grade next semester, so she really needed to work harder in her studies.
"Male or female?" Zeng's mother asked, "Don't bring anyone home."
"You've seen my cousin's nephew before. He's studying at a university in Beijing," said Zeng's father.
"Which cousin are you?"
"My mother's cousin, the one from my fourth cousin's family."
"None of your mother's cousins are good..." Zeng's mother began to complain about her husband's relatives endlessly, and then the two of them started to quarrel endlessly.
Zeng Li pretended to go to the bathroom and hid away, listening to them arguing about everything from the previous generation to the things before they got married, and finally the argument turned to herself. Zeng Li thought she should have been used to it, but she still couldn't help squatting on the ground and crying.
She had encountered this kind of thing countless times since she was a child, and it had started as far back as she could remember. Sometimes when she went to her classmates' homes, she would feel bad when she saw the harmonious family of three. Perhaps after they left, she would smash pots and bowls like her parents did? Zeng Li could only comfort herself in this way.
However, her parents couldn't even cover up their feelings and would quarrel and fight in front of her classmates, so she never dared to bring anyone home again.
At the weekend, I thought the tutoring matter would be over, but unexpectedly, Zeng's father brought the boy back.
That was not the first time Zeng Li met Yu Yi.
Although the two families were distant relatives, they both went to the Qingming Festival when their hometown held a Qingming Festival. She had no impression of dozens of relatives, but she remembered Yi very clearly because her grandmother held her hand and asked her to call him "little cousin."
However, when Zeng Li saw Yu Yi again at home, she was embarrassed. She was no longer as obedient as when she was little, and she would call him whatever the adults taught her. Now she was asked to call a boy who was only a few years older than her "little cousin uncle", which was really hard for her to say.
Zeng's father said, "Xiao Li, why don't you call for help?"
Yu Yi smiled and said, "Just call me by my name."
Zeng Li didn't have his own room at home, only a small bed on one side of the living room, and he had to do his homework on the small desk in his parents' bedroom. So Yu Yi also tutored Zeng Li in the bedroom.
Yu Yi was an extra child in their family, so he was not registered until he was seven years old. But even my fourth cousin's mother-in-law herself did not expect that her son, born in her old age, would be very smart in school and famous in the whole county. After he was admitted to university last year, their school even hung a big red banner at the gate, as if they were afraid that others would not know.
After Yu Yi returned home during the summer vacation, many people asked him for tutoring. Finally, at the request of Zeng's father, he finally set aside Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday mornings every week to tutor Zeng Li in English, mathematics and chemistry. Except for Saturday, there were only the two of them at home. Since they were both relatives and good children who knew each other well, Zeng's mother did not worry too much, and Zeng Li himself did not think of looking for other options.
She had finished her second year of junior high school but had not yet had her first menstruation. Perhaps because of this, she was slower than other girls of the same grade in understanding the differences between boys and girls.
Later, on the second Saturday, Zeng's father and mother started arguing again. She was sitting next to Yu Yi at the time, and he was explaining a geometry problem to her. When she heard the noise outside, she paused with her pen. Their voices almost drowned out his, so he also stopped. But this wait was endless. Finally, Yu Yi got up and closed the bedroom door.
Zeng Li looked at him awkwardly, thinking he was bored.
Unexpectedly, Yu Yi turned around and smiled at her, "Let's ignore them. Take this opportunity to take a break, and I'll tell you a joke."
Yu Yi was a cheerful person with good eloquence. He told stories vividly, which made Zeng Li listen attentively. Just when he was about to tell a funny story, Zeng's mother suddenly pushed the door open. With a thump, Zeng Li was startled and Yu Yi's story came to an abrupt end.
"Zeng Li, tell me, if your father and I get divorced, who will you follow?" Zeng's mother asked.
Zeng Li was stunned in her seat. She had been asked this question countless times, but was it necessary to continue asking it in front of outsiders
Before Zeng Li could answer, Zeng's father chased after him and yelled, "Li! Who's afraid of who?! I think you just found another one outside, hoping to get by with someone richer than me..."
The two of them continued to curse at each other, leaving Zeng Li and Yu Yi there.
In the end, Zeng's father slammed the door and left in anger.
Zeng's mother did not forget to chase him out and yell, "Whenever we had a quarrel, you took my money to go out for drinks and meals. The child doesn't have my surname, so why should I take care of him!" After saying that, she threw away her apron, picked up her bag and left.
Those originally extremely harsh sounds suddenly disappeared from the air.
Yu Yi asked: "Do they often quarrel like this?"
Zeng Li said in panic: "No, no. Really not." Then he bit his lower lip guiltily.
"Don't always bite your mouth with your front teeth, or your teeth will become rabbit teeth," said Yu Yi.
After hearing his words, Zeng Li became even more embarrassed and quickly opened his mouth.
Yu Yi deliberately bit his front teeth and imitated a rabbit to tease Zeng Li. However, Zeng Li still had a sad face and did not smile.
Yu Yi added: "Rabbit teeth are good for you, did you know that?"
"What?"
"It's very convenient to chew watermelon rind without getting your face dirty." As he said this, he simulated an action.
When Zeng Li heard such a bizarre benefit for the first time, he couldn't help laughing.
Yu Yi looked at her smiling face and said, "Good girl." Then he touched her head.
At the end of August, Yu Yi ended his summer vacation and returned to school.
One winter day, Zeng Li was taking a physical education class when she suddenly felt something different in her body. She ran to the toilet and saw that her pants were stained with blood. She immediately realized what had happened.
There was no panic or confusion. She was the last girl in the class to have her first period and was already familiar with everything. She calmly put some toilet paper on the table, then clamped her legs together and went to the store to buy sanitary napkins.
She went home and told her mother, but Zeng's mother said calmly: "You know everything you need to know, right?"
Just one sentence.
Perhaps because his parents were too flamboyant, Zeng Li was extremely quiet and timid since childhood. They lived in a resettlement house on the edge of the city. Downstairs was a courtyard house, which was originally a garage, but was rented out to someone else for funerals.
The local custom is that after a person dies, relatives and friends must observe mourning for three days before the body can be cremated.
Most people don't place coffins at home because it's taboo, and there aren't many places doing this business in the city, so the yard downstairs is very busy all year round. Some superstitious family members will invite people to play music and sing, day or night. The neighbors all have complaints, but they've made a fuss and argued, and there's nothing they can do.
But Zeng Li’s worry was the corpse that was standing there.
More than a decade ago, the ice coffins in funeral homes were not popular. Instead, there were two simple benches with a wooden board on top, and the body was covered with a white cloth. For some reason, an oil lamp was lit under the body.
Later, she heard from her neighbors that the oil lamp was the soul and that it could not be extinguished during those three days. It would not be good if it was extinguished. Zeng Li did not dare to continue to inquire about what this "not good" meant.
She had to pass by there several times on her way home every day. Each time she would walk around it from a distance, her eyes fixed on the white cloth and the oil lamp. As soon as she walked around it, she would immediately run upstairs.
In the last year of junior high school, the school did not have evening self-study, but the teacher would occasionally arrange tutoring. Because her home was close, her parents were busy, and the public security was good, Zeng Li would go home by herself after tutoring. She usually got home a little after nine o'clock, which was the busiest time for funerals. Those who came to the vigil, some played cards, some chatted and boasted, and some peeled peanuts and ate melon seeds. Anyway, there were so many people that it seemed lively and festive.
However, what she feared most was not the night, but the morning.
Zeng Li got up at 6:30 in the morning and had to go out at 7:00. In winter, it was still dark at 7:00. The people who had been keeping vigil the previous night had gone back to sleep, and the people who would take over the next day had not come yet. Sometimes there would be no one, only the corpse under the white cloth and the trembling oil lamp.
Sometimes, the slightest noise around her would scare her so much that she would want to scream.
Later, Zeng Li couldn't help but tell her parents about her feelings. Unexpectedly, her parents dragged her directly to find the boss and said, "You scared my daughter while doing business! What should we do? How are we going to compensate?" Then the neighbors joined in, and there was endless pulling and quarreling again.
Not long after, winter vacation came and Yu Yi came back.
That day, a group of people had a reunion dinner at my uncle's house. Maybe because my grandmother was old and in poor health, she felt that she could not hold on for much longer, so she became more fond of being in a crowd. This year, my uncle invited all the relatives from my grandmother's family who could come. Zeng Li sat next to my grandmother and listened to her nagging, and saw Yu Yi among the guests.
She couldn't help but call him.
He walked over and greeted Grandma Zeng Li first.
"Hey, I was wondering who Zeng Li was calling! How could you be so rude? Have you forgotten what I taught you?" Grandma scolded her granddaughter with a little affection.
Zeng Li opened and closed his mouth awkwardly, and finally opened his mouth again and called out, "Little cousin."
Yu Yi agreed and winked at her with a smile.
The cousin also came over. She was only a few months younger than Zeng Li, but under the instruction of grandma, she called out openly, "Little cousin."
However, she was not as easy to deal with as Zeng Li. She said eloquently, "Uncle! I wish you a happy new year! May you be prosperous and get rich. Give me the red envelope!"
Yu Yi took the opportunity to throw the orange on the coffee table into his cousin's arms, "Here."
"These are our oranges. How can they be considered a red envelope?" The cousin refused to listen and rushed over.
Then, a group of half-grown children started playing.
Zeng Li watched quietly from the side, feeling a little lost for some reason, because it turned out that he was not just her "little cousin".
Zeng's mother didn't show up until dinner time. Zeng's father said irritably, "She probably has something else to do so she won't be here. Let's eat. This is not the first time this has happened."
Everyone present looked at each other.
After dinner, grandma started chatting with people about family matters and for a while she talked about Zeng Li’s studies.
"Your dad said that Yu Yi gave you extra lessons during the summer. Was it effective?" asked grandma.
"Yes." Zeng Li replied.
Yu Yi smiled: "It's just right. I won't be back to school until the end of next month. I'll continue to tutor you at your house in a few days. But I've forgotten everything about the exam for the third year of junior high school. I'll have to look up the books later."
"Why don't you thank them?" Grandma said again.
Zeng Li glanced at Yu Yi and said, "Thank you, little cousin."
"This child speaks like squeezing toothpaste, he speaks one sentence at a time as I teach him." Grandma sighed.
After two or three days, Yu Yi started to provide door-to-door service again. This time he borrowed a lot of review questions and arranged tasks for Zeng Li in a planned way.
Zeng Li’s parents would be seen arguing every now and then.
Yu Yi had almost become accustomed to it, and he always had so many nonsensical jokes in his mind to tell Zeng Li.
The time when his parents had the worst fight, Zeng's father smashed all the bowls, and then the two of them left a mess and went their separate ways.
Yu Yi asked: "What do you eat for lunch?"
"There are leftovers in the refrigerator. Just heat them up."
"And at night?"
Zeng Li thought for a moment and said, "Heat it up again."
Yu Yi sighed and picked up the pieces for her.
"Don't worry. In fact, my mother can't let me go, so she always comes back to cook for me," said Zeng Li.
Yu Yi looked at her in disbelief.
Zeng Li was anxious, "Really, really, really."
"ok, ok, I got it."
After a while, he continued, "If you want to lie in the future, don't be anxious or panic, otherwise you will be found out in no time. Just smile and say to others: 'It's true, truer than pearls.'"
Zeng Li looked at him blankly.
"Xiao Yu." Yu Yi called her.
"Um?"
"You have to grow up quickly. When you grow up and leave home and become independent, you will find that your parents are actually pretty good people." Yu Yi said.
"Yeah." Zeng Li lowered his head, and then tears fell out.
Yu Yi hurriedly said, "Don't cry, you look ugly when you cry, but you look pretty when you smile. Maybe you'll look like Joey Wong when you grow up."