Lin Xiaohua obviously won't comment on this. I don't think anyone is willing to share the final pain after the death of the heart with others. It can only be tasted by oneself.
"The following story is simple at best. The first time we met, the seeds were planted for the first time. In the years to come, I will be able to tell which brother is the good brother and which one is the bad brother. Don't think It is difficult for you to explain many things to a child. In fact, it is easier to see things from his (her) pure perspective, and he/she accepts them so quickly because their thinking has not yet solidified and they have not yet learned to reject others. I didn't think it was that complicated at the time about speech, protecting my own world and sense of security, and I didn't think there was anything weird about it. I just stubbornly divided that person into a good brother and a bad brother." Lin Xiaohua told the story calmly, slowly , the hoarse voice also began to change, becoming a little thicker.
It's the kind of voice that distinguishes girls and young women.
The wind blew, and Lin Xiaohua grew old in memories.
Regarding the good brother and the bad brother, there is really no need to recall too many details. One is indifferent and condescending, with a look of contempt. And one is kind, gentle and warm, with a breath of sunshine. You can actually imagine what kind of impression such a gap between the two extremes will leave on a little girl.
The bad ones get worse, and the good ones get better. Children's judgments are so simple.
Lin Xiaohua did not go into too many details about her growing up years. She only talked about the first two memories of her walking out of the courtyard gate. It was her good brother who took her. She lay on her back and was carried by him. Walked out of the small courtyard.
He walked with her on his back for a long time, and she came into contact with many people from far away. They looked at him with respect and spoke politely, just because she was lying on his back.
"Perhaps I was taken out when I was a child? To see a doctor? Or something else? Or maybe I chose to forget about sex. I only remember that when he carried me out that day, the blue sky outside and the soft wind When I walked outside the village, I heard the sound of the rushing river. It was a 'distant' world that I had never been to." Lin Xiaohua only had one sentence to comment on this paragraph. [
Another detail is that both of them were teenagers. In the middle of the night, Lin Furui suddenly woke up and went to Lin Xiaohua's room. That night, two immature boys and girls had their first love. Deep conversations.
Each other's sadness and sorrow. That night, Lin Xiaohua saw Lin Furui in tears for the first time. When she felt a strong desire to comfort someone for the first time, words were not enough and language was so lacking.
If a seed was sown when I was a child, and it sprouted that night and took root in my heart, I can never forget it.
"Don't say that he is the only one in my world, because in the whole process of falling in love with him, where are these two details? The little things we get along with day and night, and the extreme state of mind, that is, that person is clearly in front of you, but it is not him. , you desperately long for him to appear, but after a long time, it becomes a disease, and morbid dependence accompanied by ignorant love is the most terrifying, just because their roots are too strong, and they will take root in the heart. The deepest part. How to pull it out? If you pull it out by the roots, it will tear out the whole heart." Lin Xiaohua's tone was so calm, but she was telling me the beginning of an unforgettable love.
I am very silent. There are many kinds of love in this world, but no matter how it starts, what twists and turns it takes, whether it is calm or intense, what I fear most is just taking root in my heart. As Lin Xiaohua said, so what? Rip it off? Or can we just let it wither? But if it grows in the flesh and is watered by blood, it will not wither so easily. After all, it has spent so much effort on its own, and it remains in the soul.
Lin Xiaohua also told the following story in an unusually concise manner. It was just that when they grew up, Lin Xiaohua's illness was half cured with the help of God.
Why only half? I couldn't help but ask.
After all, I know that all kinds of gods will be more or less influenced by Lin Furui, and Lin Furui should have fallen in love with Lin Xiaohua at that time.
Because throughout the years of growing up, it was not only Lin Xiaohua who was lonely, but also Lin Furui. What was even more frightening was that Lin Xiaohua still had self-awareness and knew his own existence, but Lin Furui didn't even have this, just because others knew him. It's that high God.
Except that under God's deliberate control, family members who rarely met could recognize his existence, and the only one left was Lin Xiaohua.
What's even more different is that Lin Xiaohua not only gave him recognition, but also dependence, admiration, trust and love! Faced with such feelings, coupled with the years of growing up, how could a somewhat cowardly boy who had been suppressed not respond or accept it
What's more, Lin Xiaohua was a charming woman. Even though her body was in such bad shape at that time, she could not hide her brilliance.
Otherwise, how could that aloof God just let it go? If he didn't recognize Lin Xiaohua, with his dominance and strength, he would definitely try his best to stop Lin Furui. After all, from a certain perspective, they are the same person.
So, under such circumstances, why was God only willing to cure Lin Xiaohua half way
"It's very simple. The biggest difference between God and Lin Furui is control. At that time, when he wanted to come here, he was afraid that I wouldn't follow him, so he was only willing to cure half of me. There are two other reasons. First, in the outside world , he didn’t dare to overdo it and keep the power of the Sky Pattern Stone. Second, use this to put pressure on my parents to take me away." Lin Xiaohua said very simply. [
Maybe time is really running out and she can no longer tell too many details.
But in fact, if it were not for Lin Furui's existence, God would definitely not be able to take away this girl who, because of her physical disability, was more mentally toughened than tough during her growing up years.
She left with him very simply. The biggest reason was that she didn't understand her parents at that time and felt that they were just flattering God. After God came, a lot of their love for her was wiped out. She couldn't possibly No complaints.
"My parents both passed away not long after I entered here. I don't want to go into detail about the sadness at that time. I just remember the truth that Lin Furui told me, because God was afraid that I would still care about the outside world and not be at ease. I wanted to stay by his side, so I simply used some little tricks to make my parents die early. It was also at that time that I learned the truth from Lin Furui’s mouth, that is, my parents were so pleasing to God that everything was wrong. It was to cure me. As for how Lin Furui knew, it was because after entering here, he and God became more and more integrated." Lin Xiaohua finally talked about this part about her parents, but she was very calm and there were no tears in her eyes.
Because this girl has already decided to pay back what she owes. She has firmed up her determination. What else is too sad
"Have you always thought that I am a very wise woman? In fact, no, if you care, you will be "chaotic" and cruel, just like I can't see clearly the painstaking efforts of my parents towards me. Because I always feel that people's hearts are cruel , cruelty lies in the same small mistake. My heart will not care about strangers. I feel that since you are a stranger, you should make mistakes because you have no obligation to be good to me. But I will care about the people I care about. I feel I care about you, and I have devoted myself to you. Why do you do wrong to me? Therefore, I am also cruel because they are my parents. I think more love is natural. If strangers raised me like this, I would naturally I was bursting with gratitude, but what about my parents? I was actually blaming and unwilling. Then I thought, shouldn’t I be more tolerant to people I care about, care about, and are familiar with? Life is not easy, and I can give understanding to strangers, why can’t I give it to strangers? They? Make the relationship more sublimated? After all, it is natural to be good to you or not, and it is also natural to be good to others. But with the addition of gains and losses, it is no longer like this. You start to look at the rewards. ." Lin Xiaohua's words were very long. Maybe it wasn't because she decided to pay it forward that the pain would really stop, but this tolerant girl was used to hiding it.
If it really doesn't hurt, how can you have such an understanding
I squinted and watched the wind in the sky lift up tiny debris from the war. The smell of blood was desolate, but all I could say was: "No, experience makes you wiser." , at least much better than me, the idiot you call me."
"Oh, I've talked too much nonsense. The rest, there's actually nothing to talk about, it's just the entanglement between the three of us here, especially after God discovered that my blood essence is a trump card for him to save his life. You may have heard After I came out, I deliberately avoided some of God’s actions and daily interactions with me, because I felt they were not worth remembering. Because He said he loved me, and the bigger reason was His absolute desire for control. He didn’t even love me. Lin Furui wants to control this matter. Of course, it is also his arrogance. In his eyes, how can I love the humble Lin Furui instead of him? This is the answer to everything. Chen Chengyi, if I have anything else to tell you Yes, there is only one thing." Lin Xiaohua's voice was already very old at this time. In fact, you don't have to think about it deliberately, you know that at this moment, she is completely old.
From the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the tips of her hair, which were completely white. Could this be the sadness that is like blue silk in the morning and snow in the evening? My heart is trembling inexplicably.
"Do you know why I said he pursues death? That is a boundary between him and me. After this boundary, he will gradually cease to be him." Lin Xiaohua's voice seemed to have penetrating magic power, which made me see A night between her and Lin Furui.
The first time Lin Furui cried in front of him was when he was a teenager.
And that night was the second time Lin Furui cried in front of Lin Xiaohua. He told Lin Xiaohua that he could no longer restrain himself and became more and more like the god he hated the most. He told Lin Xiaohua that he didn't want anything in this life, he just wanted someone. Death, because after death there is at least reincarnation and hope.
He also told Lin Xiaohua: "In this life, I am willing to give up everything and just want to die, but I can't even commit suicide. He will wake up. You have to understand me, not that I am willing to abandon you, but that I really There is no way to face myself anymore and I am no longer myself, so how can I love you like this? Xiaohua, are you willing to believe it? In the next life, I will definitely remember you, and I will still be your brother Xiaorui in the next life."
"Is this why you follow him like a believer, but he follows death?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Yeah, actually I can understand, and I can even fulfill his dream as mine. But what woman wants is an illusory next life, instead of being able to stay together for even a minute? What about happiness? I often sigh, but in the end it fulfilled him." Lin Xiaohua said softly.
"But, in the end, he didn't want this fulfillment." I couldn't help but say.
"It's not him who doesn't want this fulfillment. Since that night, he has become extremely ill and slowly died. I witnessed the process of his death. I lived hard, maybe holding on to a glimmer of hope that he was still him, you know Without a glimmer of hope, life would be even more difficult. I told myself several times that I was just fulfilling his last wish. His slap in the face shattered his hope. What else could I have left? Lend him warmth in this life and return it to him. I hope that this struggle so far is enough." Lin Xiaohua's voice sounded like she was about to fall asleep.
"Actually, you are not fulfilling his last wish. You still want to give him relief in the end. If you can't choose death, he will always be a poor man suppressed by God, or even disappear completely. How can you bear to watch such a thing? Happened?" I finally couldn't help but expose Lin Xiaohua's understatement.
"Haha Chen Chengyi, the Sky Pattern Stone is destroyed, the soul of God is completely imprisoned in it, and then it will slowly dissipate. There is no need to do anything because there are big benefits. In the face of failure, there must be big benefits. What’s the harm, is this God’s secret? Look how much he likes me, Chen Chengyi. If I stop talking when I get tired, then I will die.”
"Chen Chengyi, do you know why I'm telling you this? Because I loved him so much and his existence in this life is just a god in the eyes of others. How can I bear that he doesn't leave a mark in the hearts of anyone except my family?"
"Chen Chengyi, I am very selfish. I told you so blindly that I actually loved him all my life. In the end, I thought you, the little guy, was pretty cool."
After all, Lin Xiaohua didn't finish all her words, and her whole body was so soft that it rested on my shoulders.
Ling Qing's "grandma" suddenly covered my eyes and said to me: "Chengyi, don't look at the last wish of this poor girl! Please open your eyes again after I cover her with a headscarf. "
And my tears slipped unconsciously from the fingers of Ling Qing's "grandma".
Goodbye, Lin Xiaohua, I hope I can drink fairy wine with you again in the next life.
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