I continue to live a muddle-headed life. The difference is that I have more things to understand. The information received these days needs to be digested and absorbed for a long time, and I have to sort it out one by one.
I didn't sleep well. I always wake up at night, thinking about the people around me and what happened while I was tossing and turning. At the same time, memories of the past surfaced before my eyes. It was a strange feeling, as if I had escaped from the relationship between the characters and was just a bystander. At this time, I deeply realized that I was an outsider, a soul that accidentally fell into this illusory world. Fourteen years of life has made me gradually forget this fact. I have truly integrated into it, but now I want to come to the whole thing, where is my stand, and what is my persistence
Every time I think of this, I am confused, confused, and even scared. Is everything about me fake? The soul in this body is not 榊月音...
This confusion has continued.
…
Watching the sunset and the moon rise, I know it has been another day.
Quiet nights always give people a lot of thoughts, and I just spend the night under complicated thoughts. Open the window gently, lie on the windowsill and look up at the sky, where the stars are still full, and the vast universe contains all the endless unknowns, mysterious but letting people feel emotion. Suddenly, I felt a little bored to stay in the room. I wanted to go for a walk, so I quietly left the room.
It was quiet in the courtyard, and only the moonlight was gently touching every corner of it, like a mother gently coaxing her child.
I wandered alone in the courtyard, enjoying this rare tranquility, but found my uncle who was tasting tea alone around the corner. I didn’t want to disturb him. Besides, we didn’t have much communication. He was just a respect for me. Elders.
But backfired, my uncle found me.
"Moon sound."
"Uncle."
"Come and sit down."
I bite the bullet and walked over, although all were serious expressions, but my uncle is not my brother. I absolutely believe that there is a generation gap between us, and the feeling of strangeness cannot be run-in. I didn't speak, just sat there quietly and watched the sky while my uncle was drinking tea.
"The irreparable things let it pass, thinking too much is just a pain to yourself." Uncle said slowly, "Pain is also a part of life, but we can't stop ourselves because of one thing, some things we must Acceptable."
I was both surprised and touched by my uncle’s comfort. I can’t help but sigh. There are many people who care about me, but what if I’m not “me”
"I'm very confused, I can't figure out some things." No one can understand this mood, I always wandered in place.
"That may just complicate simple issues. Sometimes you don't have to think too much, just follow your own heart and do what you want to do."
Follow my heart and do what I want to do, but my heart is messed up.
"Uncle, what kind of person is he in your eyes?" After listening to my aunt's story, I was curious how two people who hate each other would treat each other.
"Saki Toshihiko?"
"Yeah." I nodded.
"I think I am self-righteous, do my own way, never consider others, and most importantly, rude!"
I didn't know that there could be such an expression on my uncle's face, and I reprimanded mercilessly, as if I finally caught the opportunity to vent, I stared at him with wide eyes. "Ah, but he is a very smart person, and nothing will make him feel difficult." My uncle had recovered his calm when he said this, "I hated him at that time, and now I think it's probably because of jealousy, then. The guy always seems to be free. Nothing can restrain him. I was so ridiculous at that age."
At this time, the uncle was probably cherishing the memory of his youth, and only the person concerned knew what it was like. Each of us has been immature, but in any case, when we mature, those will become our precious memories.
"It is difficult to admit that I am envious of other people's strengths. Not everyone can do it. Therefore, my uncle is an amazing person." I smiled slightly.
It is fortunate to see their past from the people who have passed by, because there are so many things we don’t know yet and have not experienced. What life actually means, maybe only when we set foot on our own way can we know, the current confusion and hesitation, just because I am still immature.
"Do you really think so?" The uncle curled his mouth. "I thought he would never step into my house forever, but he walked in for you without hesitation. People make mistakes, and there are also times when they are weak. He abandoned his family and then left you. I don’t understand and even hate his irresponsibility, but he also has his helplessness..."
"I know, uncle."
"Did you figure it out?"
"I don't know, maybe it will take time..."
On a quiet night, my uncle and I had a long talk under the moon. No one came to bother us. I think my aunt and brother must not know. The uncle said so much tonight...
…
Think carefully about what my obsession is. Is it because my favorite mom and dad are not my biological parents, or are they taboos about the word'abandonment', or questioning their own identity
My mood calmed down a lot, but the suffocation surging in my chest made me breathless because I couldn't vent it. There were clearly questions in my heart, but I couldn't stop. Everyone's silence was waiting for my answer.
When Ling Xiaolu came to see me, I was quite surprised. I didn't have time to think about her these days. How could she suddenly appear, and who told her that I was here, it couldn't be the trace department, right? She is always a maverick, and she rushes to see me at this time. If it weren't for her, how could I have these troubles.
"How are you?" Auntie had just left, and there were only me and her in the living room. After a while of silence, she finally spoke.
"Ok."
"When do you plan to go to school?"
"do not know."
"You, do you hate me?" she asked cautiously.
"..."
"Answer me, Yueyin!"
"How do you know I am here?" I avoided her question.
"The senior director of the Department of Traces refused to tell me. I told my father that you seemed to be sick, so he talked to Kanagawa on the phone." I really admire her. Even her father used it. No wonder she would find out about me. Thing.
I tried my best and said coldly: "Go back."
"I won't go!" Her eyes were as stubborn as before, unchanged. "Tell me, do you hate me?" ァ新ヤ~⑧~1~中文网ωωω.χ~⒏~1zщ.còм
"It doesn't matter anymore." My voice was weak.
"It doesn't matter? Why do you want to say that? I finally decided to be friends with you. You can't do that."
"I'm very tired, and I'm going back to my room." After I got up, I was in no mood to continue arguing with her.
"Don't go, why did you become like this, don't look indifferent to everything, you look at me."
"You go."
"Look at me, I did something wrong, but that was before you became friends with you. If you get angry, hit me and scold me, don't do that!" Ling Xiaolu was a little anxious, and he refused to hold my wrist. Let go.
I really don't want to talk about this problem anymore, my own affairs have not been resolved yet, she came to add chaos again, I was going crazy.
"I don't, think, listen! Let go of me!" I yelled.
"Look at what you look like, are you still 榊月音?" She was also anxious.
"I wasn't!" I only found out that I had made a mistake when I said it.
Ling Xiaolu was taken aback for a moment, but then became even more angry, "What is important about your name and identity? The important thing is yourself. Everyone cares about you!"
What she said made me stunned, do they only care about "me", not "Lan Yueyin"
There was a trance, but Ling Xiaolu kept pulling me out, as if to prove something.
"what do you want?"
"Take you back to school and let you see other people. Do you really don't care about the people and things there?"
"I won't go, let me go!"
"Get up quickly, didn't you tell me that you are not afraid of anything? What is going on now?" The two girls were arguing like this. It may be that the body was worn out recently, and I couldn't get away for a while, and my heart became more and more anxious.
"Let go!" I yelled, and at the same time, I flicked my hand out,'pop' I heard a crisp sound. A genius remembers Chinese in one second 8/1/z/o/m/
I looked at my hand and couldn't say a word, I actually hit her. When I looked up again, the red handprints on her face were clearly visible, and my hands were too heavy.
"I… "
Ling Xiaolu tilted her head slightly, her broken hair blocked her expression, but I just knew that she was crying.
"Don't be sad about that kind of thing anymore." She choked and said something like this.
At this time,
"What's the matter?" Someone came in at the door, it was my brother, and Dashi and Fuji were behind him. Although it was school time, how could they come at this time.
I had to stare at them blankly, completely forgetting the reaction.
Ling Xiaolu also seemed to turn a deaf ear, and continued to faintly said, "He's always making up, isn't it? What's wrong with having three people love you? Like me, it is impossible to get the love of your parents. I hope you..." She couldn't say The restrained emotion poured out, "I hope we... We are still friends... You are my only friend..." She cried, turned and rushed out the door.
I stood there motionless, stroking my face. It turned out that I had already burst into tears, and the accumulated tears finally flowed down, so I couldn't stop doing business.
At some point, my brother came over and hugged me in his arms, "Cry, cry and it will be fine, you will always be my sister!" It turns out that my brother has always cared about me in his way. Relying on the embrace of my relatives and brushing my brother's shoulders, I vent to my heart...
…
Yesterday, I cried so dimly, as if to sweep away all the gloom. After crying, the burden in my heart was also lightened. Ling Xiaolu said, "Everyone cares about me, it has nothing to do with my name and identity." I think so, how could all my bonds here and my feelings with everyone be fake? It seems that the sudden blow made me think too much, I shouldn't doubt it.
After removing the clouds, I no longer worry about my own problems. I think of my parents and uncles. I must admit that for a long time, my feelings for my uncle are the same as for my parents. I love him and respect him, but no one can replace my parents. When I was a baby, the first people I saw were them. I think this is destined for my parents not to be other people. I also promised to my parents that I would not leave them, so how could I break my promise? ? In fact, there is no blood relationship problem with me. Fourteen years of family affection has been integrated into my blood, and the love of my parents has been imprinted in my heart. I will never forget the family meeting when I was five years old. People, I was the only one sitting next to my parents, and my little heart was full of pride at that time. Now I know how much effort Mom and Dad made for that moment, I can't let them down, and my aunt said, "Mom and Dad felt happy after having me." I knew what it meant. It is indeed cruel that a couple who loves cannot have their own children, but love still brings them together. I think it should be the problem of the father, otherwise the mother will not be expelled from the house. What love is, I can't appreciate it at all now, I only know that it is something that makes people abandon one, mother is, uncle is even more so.
Alas, sighed softly.
"Moonyin, Yueyin." My aunt hurriedly opened my door.
"Aunt, what's the matter?"
"Your mother is sick."
"Mom!" I'm not good, always thinking of myself, my mother must be in a hurry because of my affairs, "I want to go back to Kanagawa immediately!"
"You are still weak, wait for Guoguang to come back..."
"I'm fine, aunt, I must go back right away!" Despite my aunt's dissuasion, I ran out in a hurry and jumped directly into the taxi.
I am a bad boy. Can I ignore my parents if I am sad? After all, I still hurt my beloved relatives. Along the way, my heart is very confused, how is my mother's illness...
…
The door of Kanagawa's house slowly opened, and my heart slowly moved closer to this place, as if the window of the soul was opened, and the sun illuminates the original melancholy. Once upon a time, I felt bored and restrained here. Now every place here makes me feel warm. My home, my favorite mom and dad are waiting for me inside, and I rushed in, shouting to my mother. .
"Mom!" I opened the door of Mom and Dad's room, panting and leaning against the door.
"Yueyin, you are back!" Dad was a little surprised, but then his excitement replaced all his emotions.
"Dad!" I ran forward, "I'm sorry, I'm too capricious, mom and she..."
"The doctor has already come and said that your mother needs a good rest. He has been worrying about you recently. He is very sad and can't eat enough..." Looking at the mother's face, the father's face showed distress.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." At this moment, I don't know what else to say except'I'm sorry', tears ran through the corner of my eyes, and I held my mother's hand tightly.
"Don't be sad, your mother will get better when you come back, how about you, are you ill?" Dad looked at me carefully.
"I'm fine, Dad." I hugged him, "Can you forgive me? I shouldn't make Mom and Dad sad."
"Stupid boy." Dad stroked my head, "We are just worried about you, you know, Mom and Dad love you."
"I always knew it, never again, I..."
"Husband, I heard Yueyin's voice, did she come back?" Mother's voice sounded weak, and I immediately came to her.
"Mom, it's me."
"Kazami, our daughter is back." Dad helped her mother up and let her lean on him.
"Moonyin..." A loving hand touched my cheek, "Mom, I miss you so much..." Tears rolled from my mother's eyes, and my heart throbbed. Looking at my mother's sickness, I felt very guilty.
"Mom..."
"Yueyin, your aunt, she... told you the truth, didn't she?" Dad asked me ponderingly.
"Well, my aunt said, Naori... Naori's mother passed away to give birth to me, and my uncle left Japan because he was too sad." Although my mouth was calm, my heart was hurting, because of the touching Love is also for the greatness of a mother.
"I was very sad when I heard about this. Whenever I think of Naori, I feel sad."
"Mum has seen her too?"
"Although I have only seen her a few times, I like her very much. She is very kind. This is also our Yueyin. Remember when you were just picked up, you were so young, your face was red, and you couldn't even make your voice cry. When I’m out, I’m thinking about holding you, if this is my daughter."
"That was when we just found Toshihiko. He was completely crushed. The whole person was lost in thoughts of Nasuri, as if to abandon the whole world." At this point, my father's face was sad, "The room is full of The bottle, you were left unattended, and your mother felt that something was wrong with you after holding you for a while, and your breathing became weaker and weaker, so she immediately sent you to the hospital."
"Your father and I are in a rush. The doctor said that you haven't eaten water for a long time, and if you have a high fever, I'm afraid you won't be able to live..." My mother was nervous about my clenched hands, fearing that I would disappear. , You survived." Mom smiled again.
But in fact, the real 榊月音 did not survive, and the little life ended in this way. I took her place and occupied her happiness. She was the child Naori left behind with her life, but she did not survive in the end.
"After that, Toshihiko left me a letter with only a few words on it, saying,'I'm gone and won't come back again'."
"So Mom and Dad decided to adopt me?"
"Yes, looking at you, your mother and I are very happy. It is very difficult for the big family of the Sakura family to adopt other children. There are many problems in this, but you are different. You also have the blood of the Sakura family. ."
"I really believed that you were a child given to me by God. It satisfies our desire for children and gave me the opportunity to be a mother. Yueyin, you are a good boy. You have never disappointed mom and dad. Everything about us! I thought that our family of three would be happy forever, but unexpectedly, he came back. Mom was very afraid that you would be taken away."
"Then Uncle came back for me?"
"Of course, Toshihiko came back to make up for you. We also agreed to keep the secret. We all hope you can be happy forever and always look at us with a smile." Dad seemed to think of something suddenly, "Yueyin, what is the matter? Who told you?"
"This..." If I let my father know that it is Ling Xiaolu, I guess her father would... "It has already happened, Dad, don't pursue the cause anymore, okay?" I said to Dad earnestly.
Dad looked at me for a long time, and finally agreed, "What about your decision, Yueyin?"
"Yueyin, tell mom, will you leave me?" The atmosphere in the room seemed to suddenly become tense.
I already had the answer in my heart, looking into their eyes, I firmly said, "I will not leave my parents, my parents are only you, unless, unless my parents don't want me."
My mother immediately hugged me into her arms, her voice choked, "Silly boy, why would Mom and Dad not want you, my dear daughter, in the future, Mom can rest assured." I fell into my mother's arms, and my eyes blurred again.
"Yueyin, what about him?" I know that Dad asked the uncle.
"Uncle will always be uncle, nothing has changed, we still live as before, okay?"
"Don't hate him." There were tears in his father's eyes.
"No, I don't hate uncles, I will love uncles like mom and dad."
After going around and around, the result has not changed. This is emotional traction, destined to be good, but it makes the relationship between us closer. Mom and Dad are now at ease, just uncle, I hope he can forgive me. Dad said he would talk to his uncle, but I decided to face it myself. I also had a lot of things to say to my uncle.
Today I stayed in Kanagawa, re-evaluated my home, where I grew up, somehow my eyes were moist again, and suddenly found that I had let go of a lot of things, no longer lost or attached, and everything returned to peace.
…
In the morning, I slowly opened my eyes, still lusting for the soft big bed. I slept soundly last night, no longer have to toss and turn to sleep, stretched a lot, and walked into the bathroom.
"Moonyin, eat slowly." Mom handed me a bowl of porridge.
"I haven't had anything to eat recently, and I'm starving to death. Mom must eat more to make up for the nutrition."
"it is good."
"Will you go back after breakfast?" Dad asked.
"Well, I want to solve it quickly, so that life can return to normal." This matter has dragged on for too long, how is uncle, and Bingdi's classmates, I haven't been to class for more than a week.
Today is Saturday. Uncle should be at home at this time. Standing at the door of the apartment, my heart is still beating. Trying to suppress the anxiety in my heart, I opened the door.
I went in and saw no uncle in my line of sight. Close the door, I turned around, where will he go when my uncle is not there? Involuntarily walked into the uncle's room, the furnishings inside were still neat, but the dust on the table top leaked everything out. Uncle loves being clean, and the house was spotless before. It feels a bit bleak in the huge luxury apartment. I never thought that it would be so quiet without one person here.
I want to see my uncle now. Will he be in school? Isn't he about to go to the national competition? Thinking of this, I dialed the number of Trace Department.
"Hey?"
"it's me."
"Moonyin!" Trace Department's voice sounded a touch of surprise.
"Do you know where my uncle is?"
"Today is the opening ceremony of the national competition. Of course the supervision is also there. We are..." I heard the urging sound on the other end of the phone, as if they were about to enter the stadium. The trail department hurriedly told me the address, "Are you coming?"
"I... I want to find uncle, so busy, goodbye."
Closing the phone, I went straight to the Tokyo venue, which is a bit far from here. It seems to take some time...
…
It finally arrived, but it seemed that the opening ceremony was over. The surging flow of people dazzled me, and I didn't see any acquaintances.
"Ah!" I accidentally bumped into someone, but it was me who fell and rubbed my sore head.
"Zhi, you bumped into a little girl, hahaha..." The voice of abuse sounded in my ears, and I was a little angry. I looked up angrily, but saw a wall of people with a chubby figure wearing a dark blue jersey with the words "Hijazhong" on it.
…
…