About Fengning.
Jiang Wen knew every detail by heart.
I thought about her countless times in my mind, everything about her, every detail.
After thinking it over, I cover it up layer by layer, never revealing a single bit. In the end, all others can see is a tiny corner under the iceberg.
But this night, Jiang Wen showed his true self completely to Feng Ning without any scruples.
Jiang Wen handed her a pistol personally.
"I love you. I have loved you since I was sixteen."
Now, the muzzle of the gun was pointed at his heart.
Feng Ning couldn't raise his hand and had no strength to pull the trigger.
...
...
Shuang Yao received a call from Feng Ning. She listened to a few words from the other end in a daze. She couldn't believe it and confirmed it again, "What?! Where are you? South City?"
After the call, Shuang Yao left the friends she had spent New Year's Eve with and drove over to find them in a hurry.
Seeing someone coming, Feng Ning slightly distanced himself from Jiang Wen.
He leaned against a tree trunk and squatted on the side of the road to vomit.
Shuang Yao widened her eyes and looked at them in surprise: "Jiang Wen, what happened?! How much did you drink?"
Feng Ning: "Send him to the hospital first, I will talk to you later."
On the way to the hospital, Jiang Wen got out of the car and vomited again. Shuang Yao felt sorry for him just by looking at him.
Late night emergency.
The doctor gave Jiang Wen an IV.
After running back and forth, upstairs and downstairs, they finally settled the person down. Shuang Yao complained to her in a low voice: "You and Jiang Wen, how come you two are such a hassle when you get together."
Feng Ning recalled for a moment that she and Jiang Wen were really unlucky together. It had been like this since high school, and basically not many good things had happened.
The ward was extremely quiet. Jiang Wen was exhausted and fell into a deep sleep. There was still a thin layer of sweat on his forehead, as if he was feeling unwell.
Feng Ning stood motionless beside the bed, thinking about many things. As she thought about them, she recalled the whispers he had made in her ear when he was drunk.
"I dare not give up. If I give up, there will be no future between you and me."
"As long as I give up alone, there will be no future for us."
Her heart ached.
Feng Ning was lost in thought. He slowly raised his hand and used his fingers to fiddle with Jiang Wen's eyelashes. When he touched the corner of his eye, he could still feel a little wetness on his fingertips.
She gently wiped away the remaining tears for him.
Jiang Wen woke up once in the middle of the night.
His consciousness was still hazy. In the dim yellow light, he could vaguely see Feng Ning's swaying figure. He squinted his eyes and felt relieved. After a few minutes, he lost consciousness again.
...
...
The next day I was woken up by the noisy sound of the radio.
Jiang Wen tried hard to open his eyes.
When I woke up, I saw an old lady helping an old man sit down on the bed, complaining non-stop, "I've told you to be more careful at your age, don't fall again, your body won't be able to take it. I asked you to put a non-slip mat in the bathroom, but you just wouldn't listen..."
Jiang Wen cleared his dizzy mind and looked at the ceiling, realizing that he was in the hospital. He sat up a little, turned his head listlessly, and looked around, but there was no trace of Feng Ning in the ward.
Memories are revived.
The scene of last night flashed through his mind. Jiang Wen was shy and embarrassed at first, and then, after a few minutes of calm, he gradually became angry.
Where did Feng Ning go
He fumbled around for his phone, his stomach twitching. Jiang Wen's face turned pale as he prepared to make a call.
Open the address book, and the contact at the top is Feng Ning.
He lowered his eyes and stared at her name. After a few seconds, he threw the phone away angrily again.
It was around 7 or 8 o'clock, and there were still three people in his ward. Family members of some of the patients came one after another, and the ward gradually became lively. Several people spoke at the top of their voices, and the room was filled with laughter.
Compared with other places, Jiang Wen's place is unusually deserted.
He was handsome, sitting there quietly, attracting everyone's attention. After a while, an old lady came over with oranges and said, "Young man, why are you alone? Today is New Year's Day, and you don't have anyone to sleep with you?"
Jiang Wen glanced at the aunt and took the orange, "Thank you, I'm alone."
He looked so pale and grumpy that people who didn't know the truth would think his wife ran away with someone else yesterday.
After a while, the auntie from the other bed also came and this time warmly gave him a few apples.
Jiang Wen said politely: "Thank you, Auntie."
The old lady also said casually: "Why is there no one to peel apples?"
Jiang asked: "..."
When Feng Ning came, it was a mess. Jiang Wen was surrounded by a group of aunties who asked him questions.
She didn't know what was going on, so she walked over and just happened to hear someone introducing a date to him.
Jiang Wen saw her at a glance through a crowd of people.
Feng Ning loosened her scarf and asked, "What is this for?"
Hearing her voice, several people turned around. When the aunt saw her, she exclaimed in surprise, "Where did this girl come from? She is so beautiful!"
She just stood by and watched. The aunties didn't say a word and dispersed like birds and animals.
After everyone left, Feng Ning put the thermos bucket aside, turned over the small table, and put a plastic bag on it: "I bought you some porridge, have some."
Jiang Wen leaned on the pillow, pretending to be cool and silent.
She said it again, but he still didn't respond.
Feng Ning pulled a chair over, sat down, and looked at him strangely, "Why are you so angry?"
Jiang Wen said nothing and turned his face away.
He is like a grumpy child who is unwilling to talk to adults and just waits for others to coax him.
Feng Ning looked at him for a while, then passed the porridge forward again, "Can't you speak anymore?"
After a moment of silence, Jiang Wen asked, "Where did you go?"
Feng Ning lowered his head and unscrewed the lid of the thermos, and a fragrance wafted out.
"I drank too much, and you left me alone in the hospital?" Jiang Wen suddenly felt embarrassed and quickly added, "Even if we're just friends..."
Feng Ning interrupted him: "I'm going to make chicken soup for you."
She pointed at the thermos and said, "Shuangyao's mother just bought an old hen and slaughtered it today just for you. She kept it for several hours and I haven't slept until now."
Jiang Wen took a glance and felt a little better, his expression slightly brighter.
Feng Ning put the fragrant chicken soup aside.
The two looked at each other in silence, having nothing to say to each other.
She looked very calm and pretended that nothing had happened, which made Jiang Wen feel awkward.
He suddenly said, "Peel an apple for me."
"Peel an apple? Now?" Feng Ning looked around. "There's not even a knife. I have to go buy some. Forget it."
Jiang Wen was very persistent about eating apples, "Then ask the person next to you to borrow some."
"All right."
Bringing a trash can over, Feng Ning began to peel the apple. Halfway through, she happened to look up and saw Jiang Wen frowning and pursing his lips. He turned sideways and curled up.
Feng Ning put down the things in his hand, walked over quickly, squatted beside the bed, looked at his sweaty face, and said worriedly: "Are you okay?"
Jiang Wen hummed.
She put her hand on his forehead, which was sticky and sweaty, "Are you feeling sick in your stomach?"
Jiang Wen's body visibly stiffened.
Just then the doctor came to check on the ward. Feng Ning stood up anxiously, "Doctor, can you come over and take a look? My friend seems to be feeling a little unwell."
The doctor took a quick look and said, "You are the young man who drank too much yesterday. Where do you feel uncomfortable?"
Jiang Wen said a little stiffly: "I feel uncomfortable."
The doctor didn't take it seriously: "It's normal, it's not a big deal, drink more hot water."
Before leaving, the doctor looked at Feng Ning squatting beside him and talking to Jiang Wen in a soft voice, and he sighed in his heart, wondering why all the young people nowadays are so pampered.
At noon, Shuangyao came to visit Jiang Wen.
An elderly person in the ward wanted to take a nap, so the two of them went out and talked for a while.
Shuang Yao accompanied Feng Ning for a walk in the small garden below. "What should you two do? Have you thought about it?"
"That's about it."
Shuang Yao: "What do you mean by almost there? Jiang Wen obviously still likes you."
Feng Ning said, "The real problem between Jiang Wen and I is not whether he likes me or not."
Shuang Yao raised her head and sighed, "It's really too difficult and too torturous to like someone like you."
Feng Ning: "To be honest, I can't refuse Jiang Wen, nor can I push him away. But..."
Shuang Yao turned on the life mentor mode: "Ningning, don't think that your ability to bear is too weak. Although love is about bearing pain, pain is meant to be endured."
Feng Ning's eyes were dark. "It's not that I can't bear the pain. There's nothing I can't bear. I won't die anyway. I just don't dare to touch it. I'm afraid it will break."
"Who are you afraid of? Are you afraid of your beautiful memories being shattered?" Staring at her for two seconds, Shuang Yao was very disappointed: "So he has revealed his cards, are you still going to back off? Are you a coward?!"
Feng Ning said calmly, "Shuangyao, I'm not a coward. I just have too few things to miss in this life, and Jiang Wen is one of them."
Shuang Yao was stunned by her words. Then, she felt distressed and emotional.
She accompanied Feng Ning and witnessed how she struggled all the way to where she is now. No matter how miserable she was, how desperate she was, what setbacks and hardships she encountered, or how deep the pit she fell into, Feng Ning was never afraid.
Even though she dropped out of school, her mother passed away, she broke up with Jiang Wen, suffered from insomnia all day and all night, took medicine, was penniless and owed a lot of debts, she never showed any of her pain to others.
When she was sick, Feng Ning said to Shuang Yao: "I don't need anyone's comfort, and I don't need anyone to show sympathy in front of me. Treat me the same way you treated me before."
Feng Ning is such a woman who is not hypocritical or sentimental. The more stubborn a person is, the more distressed they will be when they say such gentle love words.
Shuang Yao couldn't help but said, "But even after all this, you still pushed him away. How disappointed must Jiang Wen be?"
Shuang Yao paused, "Don't you know how many subtle feelings can be offset by disappointment? I think this may be the last chance for you and Jiang Wen. You two are not young anymore. If you return to the previous state and don't contact each other for a long time, you will meet the right person, and in the end, the two of you will become less and less close."
Feng Ning looked into the distance, as if in a daze.
Shuang Yao still spoke earnestly: "It's not diluted by time, it's disappointment. You have disappointed Jiang Wen too much. You can only see the relief in front of you. Life is so long, don't spend the rest of your life regretting it."
The atmosphere was solemn for a few seconds.
"Your few words of chicken soup that you worked so hard on—"
Feng Ning looked back at her nonchalantly: "Which emotional public account did you read this from? You must have memorized it not long ago."
Shuang Yao: "... "
Ignoring her expression, Feng Ning continued slowly: "Shuangyao, stop reading these things. They really lower your intelligence."
Shuangyao gave her a hard blow and said, "Bitch, fuck you."
Feng Ning smiled.
...
...
Feng Ning returned to the ward, but Jiang Wen's bed was empty. She called him, but no one answered.
Feng Ning went out and asked the doctor.
The doctor said, "Oh, him? Jiang Wen, right? He has just been discharged from the hospital."
Feng Ning called Jiang Wen twice in a row. It was only on the third call that the call went through.
She asked, "Where have you been?"
"have no idea."
"What don't you know?"
Jiang asked, "I'm lost."
She asked patiently, "Where are you lost?"
"What do you want from me?"
Feng Ning: “…”
After a while, Jiang Wen said quietly, "You left with Shuangyao, why do you still care about me?"
really.
Having never seen such a petty person, Feng Ning patiently said, "I just went out to talk to her. How could I have gone with her?"
Jiang Wen just said "oh" and didn't say anything else.
Feng Ning's mind was swollen, so he closed his eyes and coaxed him kindly, "Please send me a location, and I'll come find you."
In the park.
Jiang Wen sat on a bench, in front of him was a light green lake, the wind blew, creating ripples, and on the shore were pigeons flapping their wings.
A few little girls were squatting on the grass tearing up bread crumbs.
It's like a scene from a TV drama.
Feng Ning walked over and blocked his view of the scenery.
The wind was sharp and fierce. Jiang Wen was like a sculpture, not moving at all.
Staring at the soft black hair on his head, like a little child, Feng Ning stretched out his hand in front of his eyes and waved it up and down.
Jiang Wen didn't move.
She put her hand down.
The two sat side by side, and occasionally a few white pigeons landed at their feet.
In the cold wind, they were silent. Jiang Wen had no intention of chatting with her. So Feng Ning watched the little girl feeding pigeons not far away to kill time.
In order to break the stagnation, Feng Ning tried to tell two jokes.
After that, she laughed and he was silent.
Jiang asked: "Do you think you are humorous?"
Feng Ning: “… .”
She pursed her lips and laughed to herself.
Feng Ning felt a headache from the cold wind, so he stood up and said, "Come on, I'll take you to have a meal."
...
...
They took a taxi to East Street and neither of them spoke much along the way.
It was a busy time at this time, so she went to a food stall and several people came to greet her. Someone recognized Feng Ning and told her that Meng Hanmo had gone out for something.
Feng Ning didn't care much and pointed at Jiang Wen behind him: "I'm not here to look for my brother, I'm here to bring my friend for dinner."
The man with a short haircut was holding a cigarette in his mouth. He looked at Jiang Wen, who was dressed in formal attire, and tilted his head to tease him, "Hey, such a handsome guy?"
Feng Ning nodded, "Don't worry about me, just go and do your work."
From the sub-zero temperature outside to the heated store, the warm air made her body itch. Taking off her coat, Feng Ning chose a quiet corner to sit down. After sitting for a while, she thought of something, stood up, and took a hot water bottle from the checkout counter.
Put it aside to charge.
A few minutes later, the indicator light changed from red to green. Feng Ning threw the hot water bottle into Jiang Wen's arms, "Hold your stomach."
He enjoyed her care with peace of mind.
Jiang Wen has a light taste for food and only asks for slightly spicy food.
Grilled wings, chicken feet, leeks, beef skewers, lamb skewers, potatoes, crispy bones, grilled shrimps, all kinds of fragrant barbecues, and a bowl of stomach-nourishing seafood porridge, all served on the table.
In the mist, Jiang Wen took two bites and put down his chopsticks.
Feng Ning buried his head and ate with gusto.
He looked at Feng Ning for two or three seconds.
She noticed something, slowed down her chewing, raised her eyes slightly, and looked at him in confusion.
Jiang Wen finally opened his mouth: "Don't you have anything to say to me?"
Feng Ning swallowed the food in her mouth whole, her lips shiny and greasy, and looked at him, "What are you talking about?"
"What do you think?"
Feng Ning thought for a moment and said, "Happy New Year."
Jiang Wen laughed in anger: "That's it?"
She thought again, "Always happy."
"hehe."
Jiang Wen stared at Feng Ning.
She turned her head and looked away.
After enduring for a whole day, Jiang Wen finally exploded. He sarcastically asked, "It's only been one night. Are you going to pretend to have amnesia in front of me?"
Seeing her playing dumb in front of him, Jiang Wen felt so fucking wronged.
Thinking about it, Jiang Wen felt so distressed when he thought about how much time they wasted.
Even if we start from now and cherish every minute and every second in the future, the regrets and gaps we missed over the years can never be made up.
The most hateful thing is that after he said that last night, Feng Ning, the most heartless woman in the world, actually acted as if nothing had happened and continued to play dead with him as if no one was around.
Jiang Wen thought that he might not be able to wait for her to talk to him about their affairs in this lifetime.
"I remember I was drunk, but you didn't seem to be."
Feng Ning silently took a bunch of potatoes and put them on the iron plate in front of him, and whispered, "Eat something first. Only when you are full will you have the energy to talk about other things."
Hearing this, Jiang Wen's face turned black with anger.
"Feng Ning, I'm not idle. I've spent so much time with you, you have to give me an explanation."
He had the resentful expression of a victim who had come after an unscrupulous merchant. Feng Ning was curious: "Give me an explanation? What explanation do you want?"
Without waiting for his answer, Feng Ning picked up the bottle and pried it open. She said, "How about this, let's have a drink too. You don't drink. I'll drink alone. Just think of it as the drink I gave you yesterday."
As he spoke, Feng Ning poured the foamy wine down the rim of the cup, filled it up himself, and drank it all.
Wine overflowed from the corner of her mouth. She wiped it casually and poured another glass.
A whole cup, finished in one breath.
Feng Ning finished three cups in a row and said, "Okay, let's talk."
Under the table, Jiang Wen clenched his hands.
Feng Ning said calmly: "I want to ask you three questions, and you can also ask me. After you finish asking, I will give you the answers from yesterday."
"First, you still like me, right?"
Jiang asked, "Yes."
After he finished answering, he asked Feng Ning, "What about you? Do you still like me?"
Feng Ning answered seriously: "Maybe I liked it a few years ago."
Her words were like a basin of ice-cold water, pouring over his head, extinguishing all of Jiang Wen's arrogance. He showed a fragile expression for a moment, but quickly recovered and covered it up with a proud expression.
"I don't care whether you like me or not. I just know that you have delayed me for so long. I want at least one of you and your heart. As for the others, it doesn't matter."
Feng Ning burst out laughing at his overbearing tone.
Jiang Wen's handsome face was gloomy, "You can still laugh, don't you have a heart?"
Feng Ning poured himself another glass of wine and stopped laughing: "Why, I can't even laugh now?"
She said: "I have no heart, I am alone."
After taking a sip of wine, Feng Ning held up two fingers and said, "For the second question, describe how I look to you now."
Jiang Wen let out a mocking laugh, "Hypocritical, selfish, cold, mean, hard-hearted, cruel, and self-righteous."
Let him curse.
Feng Ning listened calmly and nodded in agreement, "I see. Is there anything else you want to ask me?"
Staring at her, Jiang Wen said nothing.
In front of outsiders, Jiang Wen always looked down on others. However, no matter how proud and confident he was, he would still humble himself when he met Feng Ning.
His iron tree bloomed a small bud in the dust, helplessly and hopelessly, but was finally crushed by her foot and crushed mercilessly.
After a moment of silence, Jiang Wen said, "I can follow you without dignity, but you must at least look back at me."
His face was filled with hurt, which pierced her heart.
Feng Ning hummed, still maintaining a negotiating tone, "Okay, then one last question."
"What's the problem?"
Feng Ning hesitated for a moment, "Are you afraid that in the end, both of us will end up with nothing?"
"You, I don't know."
Jiang Wen said coldly, "No matter how big my dream is, it's nothing more than you liking me."
After hearing his answer, Feng Ning remained silent.
Feng Ning nodded, "In that case."
She tore off a piece of white paper, dipped it in beer, and rolled it around a chopstick.
Feng Ning threw the chopsticks with a white flag tied to them into the cup, pushed them in front of Jiang Wen, and said to him, "Then I surrender."
Jiang Wen's expression changed several times and then stopped.
He kept his eyes on her, trying to calm down, but his voice was completely hoarse, "What does surrender mean?"
Feng Ning answered the question irrelevantly: "Do you know what the lyrics at the beginning of "Elimination" are?"
Jiang asked, "What?"
"You believed all the lies I told you before."
She laughed: "Now, if I say I love you, do you believe it?"
Jiang Wen was stunned for a moment, his heart trembling, and he gritted his teeth and said, "I don't believe it."
Feng Ning began to laugh, and as she laughed, her eyes gradually turned red.
"You once played a song for me on the bus while I was asleep. After you left, the melody of this song has appeared over and over again in my countless sleepless nights over the past eight years."
Feng Ning was still laughing, "By the way, do you know why I like Chibi Maruko-chan? Because Maruko-chan has a grandfather, a father, and a mother, but I have nothing."
"I actually feel like I have nothing left to lose."
"Except you, Jiang Wen. Except you."
Jiang Wen felt very uncomfortable.
But he felt that his whole body was slowly melting, bit by bit.
"Feng Ning always thought she was a very awesome person. She could go anywhere, climb mountains or swim in the sea. She was not afraid of anything and did not care about anything. Later, after three to five years, she had gone through everything and finally realized that she was not omnipotent. It took her a very long time to forget Jiang Wen, but she still could not do it."
"Jiang Wen, let me tell you a secret."
Jiang Wen said in a low voice, "What secret?"
Her eyes were blazing, "You are the most precious, most precious thing that poor Feng Ning has ever had and lost in his life."
"So, the more I think about it, the more unwilling I am to accept it. I should try to save the relationship again."
Feng Ning grabbed her chest, clenched her fist, and opened it in front of Jiang Wen. She resumed her nonchalant attitude: "I won't say any more hypocritical words. I'll take out my heart and give it to you. It's bleeding and warm. There's only one heart in the world. What do you think? Do you want it or not?"
Jiang Wen was speechless for a long time.
He waited for this day for who knows how long, for so many days and nights, until he was desperate, but he still couldn't let her go. So much so that now, at this moment, he finally saw the deep love he had always dreamed of in Feng Ning's eyes, but it still seemed like a dream.
Feng Ning said, "The blood on my hands is almost dripping onto the ground. If you don't want me, I'll put my heart back."
He scolded her: "Are you perverted?"
A crowded restaurant.
The lights are bright.
Jiang Wen stood up slightly, leaned over half of the table, held Feng Ning's cheek with one hand, and kissed her.