The little yellow dog in the yard barked twice, and suddenly someone called out, "Ningning, are you home?!"
It was the voice of Zhao Weichen's mother.
Feng Ning quickly stuck his head out of the window, "I'm home!"
"I brought you some stewed food. Come down and help me open the door."
"Oh, okay."
Feng Ning responded.
She turned around and found Jiang Wen buttoning his shirt. He picked up the watch from the bedside table and put it on, his expression calm, "I'll go down with you."
...
...
The door opened in front of me, and a strange handsome young man, tall and long-legged, stood there.
Zhao Weichen's mother was stunned, and a look of bewilderment appeared on her face. Then she saw Feng Ning's head popping out from the side, "Aunt Cai."
Jiang Wen politely extended his hand and smiled, "Give me the thing."
After being called twice, Zhao Weichen's mother finally woke up from her dream, "What, what is this?"
Feng Ning was still deciding what to say.
Jiang Wen took the initiative to introduce himself, "Hello, Auntie, I'm Feng Ning's boyfriend."
His sharp features, handsome features and slightly upturned eyes are an indiscriminate attraction to women of any age.
"Boy friend... "
Zhao Weichen's mother chewed on the meaning of the word, paused for two seconds, and looked at Feng Ning in silence.
Feng Ning also looked at her.
Zhao Weichen's mother glanced at Jiang Wen again and said, "Okay, okay, I won't bother you anymore."
After sending the person out of the yard, Feng Ning leaned against the door frame exhausted.
Jiang Wen was holding a pot of stewed food and looked at her in confusion, "What's with that expression on your face?"
Feng Ning sighed, "Alas, if Aunt Cai knows, it means that everyone in Yujiang Lane knows about it."
Jiang Wen was silent for a moment, "I don't think I'm that bad."
There was nothing wrong with the tone at all.
"It's not that I can't present it." Feng Ning leaned over to smell the stewed food, "It's just... meeting the parents is always a bit troublesome."
"What's the trouble?" Jiang Wen said calmly, "Don't you think I'm not going to take responsibility after you sleep with me?"
Feng Ning's eyes widened. "You've become much more shameless overnight."
Jiang Wen did not comment.
After putting the stewed food in the kitchen, Jiang Wen's cell phone rang. He took it out, glanced at the caller, and hung up.
After a while, it started ringing again.
Feng Ning glanced at him: "Why don't you answer the phone?"
Jiang Wen replied indifferently: "It's a nuisance call."
As soon as she finished speaking, Feng Ning's cell phone rang. She looked and saw it was Zhao Binlin.
As soon as I picked up the phone, someone on the other end shouted, "Where's the dog, Jiang Wen? Is he with you?"
Feng Ning glanced at Jiang and asked, "He's with me, what's wrong?"
Zhao Binlin was very angry: "What does it mean that he didn't answer my call?"
Feng Ning handed the phone to Jiang Wen.
While they were talking, she walked aside and froze the stewed vegetables in the refrigerator. When she finished cleaning up, Jiang Wen had already hung up the phone.
Feng Ning took the phone and asked casually, "What does Zhao Binlin want to talk to you about?"
"Nothing."
"Then why didn't you answer his call?"
Jiang asked: "He harassed me."
"... ..."
A few minutes later, the phone rang again. It was from Jiang Wen's home.
Feng Ning laughed out loud, "You are really busy. On New Year's Day, your phone calls can't stop."
Jiang Wen looked at her.
When he was making the call, Shuangyao happened to come over and asked her to come over to make dumplings.
Apparently she had also heard the gossip.
—Feng Ning brought a boyfriend back to spend the night, which was explosive news in Yujiang Lane.
Shuangyao smiled like a cat stealing fish, bumped Fengning's shoulder, and guessed casually, "Hey, what did you two do last night...?"
Feng Ning's mouth twitched, "Shuangyao, put away your obscene expression and act normal."
Jiang Wen finished his call and came over. Feng Ning stopped pushing and shoving Shuang Yao.
Shuang Yao straightened her clothes and said, "Okay, I'll go first."
Feng Ning leaned against the wall, a smile still on his face: "What's wrong?"
"My grandfather asked me to go home."
Feng Ning nodded, "You are quite busy on New Year's Day."
"You, are you coming with me?"
Feng Ning was a little confused and exclaimed, "Meet your parents together with you?"
Jiang Wen paused for a moment, seeming a little nervous, "Yeah."
After a few minutes of silence, Feng Ning turned his head to avoid his gaze and pretended to be in deep thought, "Isn't this... a little early? Let's talk about it after we are more stable?"
Jiang Wen wanted to say something, but after a while of silence, he didn't say it. Finally, he said, "Okay, I'll come see you after dinner."
"Why do you look a little absent-minded?" Shuang Yao finished rolling out the dumpling wrappers and leaned against the ruritai.
Feng Ning kneaded the dough and said, "I'm thinking about something."
There is a lot of noise outside.
Zhao Weichen brought a girlfriend back to celebrate the New Year this year, and now he is visiting several households in Yujiang Lane. Feng Ning was lucky enough to escape the disaster and was not questioned by the elders about Jiang Wen.
Shuang Yao saw that she was obviously in a bad mood and was a little surprised. "Why do you look so sad?"
Feng Ning replied perfunctorily: "I didn't sleep well last night, I'm a little tired."
She stared at the cutting board in a daze. She felt sore and weak, and had no strength. She was not able to do things in a coordinated manner.
In the evening, during dinner, Feng Ning still couldn't escape the questioning.
Including the children, there were probably more than a dozen people. Shuangyao's mother suddenly asked, "Xiaoning, I heard from Weichen's mother that she saw your boyfriend this morning?"
After these words were spoken, everyone else looked at Feng Ning.
Feng Ning groaned for two seconds, then said the lines she had prepared long ago, "Yes, he is my boyfriend, but we have only been dating for a short time. I was planning to bring him to meet you later."
The older auntie interrupted: "I heard that the boy is very handsome, like a star on TV."
Everyone at the table started discussing, and Shuangyao's mother asked what she cared about most: "What about his family conditions? What about his character? If he is good in both, at your age, it's time for you to settle down."
"He comes from a well-off family and has good character. He is my high school classmate." Feng Ning answered one by one, "But we have just started dating, and we don't know what will happen in the future."
After a brief silence, Shuangyao's mother nodded and asked, "Is your family well off?"
Shuangyao was very proud and boasted: "It's great, we are rich now. Our Ningzi has made a fortune!"
Shuangyao's father expressed his opinion: "Being too rich is not good either. Once a man has money, he can't control himself."
There was a lot of discussion at the table, and Shuang Yao shouted, "Alright, alright, I brought my boyfriend back and you guys didn't show any concern!"
Feng Ning continued to eat, laughing as he ate. He could hear the nagging of his elders in his ears, and his heart was warm.
...
...
After dinner, Shuangyao suddenly remembered something: "Oh, Ningning, I left something with you."
"What?"
During dinner, Feng Ning drank some wine with Shuangyao's father, and his face was still a little red.
"My bracelet."
"I didn't see it. I'll take you to look for it later."
The two of them walked around the neighborhood. On the way home, Shuang Yao suddenly spoke up, her tone somewhat uncertain, "Ning Ning, why do you always give me a feeling of..."
"What?"
"I don't know what to say." Shuang Yao thought for a while, "You and Jiang Wen, what are your plans? Can you tell me what's really in your heart?"
"Haven't we discussed this before? Why are we doing it again?"
Shuang Yao sighed, "I know, but hasn't there been a qualitative change between the two of you? Don't you have any other feelings?"
"... Other feelings." Feng Ning pretended to think for a while, and said seriously, "He lived a good life. I should have no regrets in this life."
Shuang Yao leaned over and scolded with a smile, "Can you be more erotic? That is, do you feel that you belong to him completely?"
“… … .”
Feng Ning said in a disdainful tone: "It's just sex, why are you so feudal-minded? You are such a cheesy person, isn't it?"
When they reached the gate of the yard, Feng Ning stopped and took out the key to open the door. Shuang Yao was still nagging: "Love is too impetuous nowadays. It's so lucky to be loved by someone sincerely for such a long time. You should cherish Jiang Wen."
"Alright." Feng Ning interrupted her, "Tell me the truth, how much money did Jiang Wen give you? I'll pay double."
"No, I'm serious. I think you're still avoiding things with him." Shuang Yao was puzzled. "It's like this, why are you hiding?"
They went upstairs one after another, and Feng Ning said casually: "I don't know, I feel very stressed. You go find the bracelet first, I'll go rinse my mouth."
When you walk into a room, the first step is to open the window and let in some fresh air.
I don’t know if it’s a psychological effect, but I always feel that the smell of last night is still lingering in the air... .
After sending Shuangyao away, Feng Ning walked into the bathroom. She looked at herself in the mirror for a while, then she grabbed the cup beside her, sipped some water, tilted her head back, and gurgled in her throat.
After rinsing his mouth, he washed his face carefully, pushed open the door, shook the water droplets off his hands, and saw Shuangyao standing next to the bay window, motionless, with a confused expression on her face.
Feng Ning realized something and walked over quickly.
Shuangyao was holding a box of medicine in her hand.
She had casually placed it on the table after eating in the afternoon and forgot to put it away.
Turning around, she saw Feng Ning's calm expression. Although she didn't say anything, Shuang Yao suddenly had a strange feeling.
An idea suddenly flashed through her mind. Although it was unbelievable, she blurted out, "Ningning, are you... relapsing again?"
Feng Ning's expression did not change.
"What's going on, you... don't lie to me."
Feng Ning patted her arm and took the medicine back, "Okay, it's not the end of the world, why are you making that expression?"
"No, Ningning, I'm scared." Shuangyao's throat tightened, "I'm really scared."
I couldn't help but think of that summer vacation again. It was the summer vacation after I graduated from high school, when Feng Ning's condition was the most serious.
At that time, Shuangyao accompanied Fengning to the hospital several times.
Just when she thought everything was getting better, one day, she pushed open Feng Ning's door.
She was sitting on the ground, with shocking bloodstains all over her arms.
Shuang Yao didn't know what happened. She was stunned for a long time, then she went up to her and hugged her and cried, "Feng Ning, I beg you, I feel so uncomfortable when you do this, it's really so uncomfortable, please don't do this again in the future, okay?"
...
Feng Ning hesitated a little, and said in a soothing voice, "It's okay. I've taken the medicine and I can adjust myself."
Shuang Yao looked at him blankly: "So, if I didn't find out, you're going to keep it a secret?"
"I have no plans. Let's take it one step at a time."
"What about Jiang Wen? Have you told him?"
Feng Ning put the medicine away and said, "How could he know?"
"Why?"
Feng Ning: "I haven't told him... that I have this disease."
After not hearing Shuangyao reply for a long time, she asked, "What's wrong?"
"Didn't you say...?"
Hearing Shuangyao's tone, Feng Ning frowned and felt something was wrong. She had a bad feeling in her heart. She asked, "What do you mean?"
Shuang Yao confirmed again, "You mean, you have depression, and Jiang Wen didn't know about it from the beginning to the end?"
"right."
"Impossible, absolutely impossible." Shuang Yao said firmly, "He also asked me how long I had this disease. It's impossible that he didn't know."
"Let me ask you, how long have I been ill?!" Feng Ning's voice rose uncontrollably, "When did Jiang Wen find you?"
"It was two days after Christmas, and he flew all the way to South City."
Feng Ning's heart sank, and she quickly thought back to the inexplicable phone call from Jiang Wen late that night, and his sudden change in attitude towards her afterwards.
After Shuangyao left, Fengning sat on the bed alone.
My mind was filled with all the details of my time with Jiang Wen.
The scars she deliberately concealed from his eyes, and she tried hard to pretend to be as lively and cheerful as before.
At around eight or nine in the evening, Jiang Wen came to see Feng Ning.
After answering the phone, she took a minute to calm down and said to him as usual: "Don't come up yet."
"What's wrong?"
"Let's go for a walk. I've been sitting at home all day without moving."
Jiang Wen was silent on the phone for a few seconds, "Are you sure you can still walk?"
Feng Ning didn't understand what he meant for a moment, "Why can't you walk?"
"I underestimated you," he said sanctimoniously.
Feng Ning laughed, "The old place, wait for me for ten minutes."
...
...
At the bus stop, Jiang Wen sat on a bench and just watched Feng Ning approach.
She walked step by step, not very fast, from darkness to light, and in front of him.
Jiang Wen stood up.
The two men faced each other, one tall and one short, just looking at each other without saying anything.
Suddenly, Feng Ning leaned slightly closer to Jiang Wen and hugged his waist tightly, as if she could absorb his body warmth through her clothes.
Jiang Wen felt a little strange, but he relaxed his body unconsciously, enjoying Feng Ning's enthusiasm which was higher than usual.
A faint smile appeared on the corner of his mouth, "What's wrong with you?"
Feng Ning said in a lighter tone: "It's nothing, I just missed you so much after not seeing you for a few hours."
Suddenly, as if something touched him, Jiang Wen put his hands on Feng Ning's shoulders, trying to push her away a little to see her current expression.
But Feng Ning said nothing, and his arms tightened even more.
Jiang Wen inexplicably noticed her tense mood, "What's wrong with you?"
"Nothing." Feng Ning let him go.
The two of them held hands and walked aimlessly on the streets of South City.
"Today I..."
Jiang Wen suddenly spoke, and Feng Ning looked up at him.
He hesitated, and said, "I showed your photo to my grandfather today."
She was a little confused, and after a while she said, "Oh..."
"He praised you for being pretty." Jiang Wen raised his lips slightly and said, "Let me have time and take you to meet him."
"... ..."
The surroundings were unusually quiet, and Feng Ning said nothing. For a while, neither of them spoke.
The curve of Jiang Wen's mouth gradually disappeared, "You, don't want to go?"
"I might not be ready yet."
"What are you going to do to prepare?"
Feng Ning turned around and looked at him, and asked in a calm tone, "You know I have depression, right?"
There wasn't much doubt in her tone.
Jiang Wen was not mentally prepared at all and was caught off guard.
After a long silence, he said, "I'm sorry."
Feng Ning pretended to be calm and asked with a smile: "Why are you saying sorry to me?"
It was windy at night, but neither of them felt cold.
Jiang Wen grabbed her hand, exerted a little force, and pulled her towards him.
Staring at her, he thought of his cowardice in the past.
Because of his cowardly escape, she was left struggling alone in the abyss of pain.
Jiang Wen hated himself and also hated the large gap that time had left between them.
"I broke up with you at that time. I didn't know anything. I'm sorry."
Looking at his obviously guilty expression, Feng Ning wanted to say something but didn't know where to start.
Suddenly, a certain suspicion in my heart was vaguely confirmed. I wanted to ask more clearly whether he decided to be with her again out of sympathy. But I was afraid that if I got the answer, they would end it.
Before this, Feng Ning actually never thought that she could be with Jiang Wen for a long time. As for the depression, she originally planned to keep it a secret until she could no longer hide it, and then tell him.
Shuangyao kept asking why I didn't think about my future with Jiang Wen.
Feng Ning didn't want to think about it, but he didn't dare to think about it, nor did he want to think about it.
If there comes a day when Jiang Wen is dragged into the darkness by her and becomes trapped in it and unable to extricate himself. Just thinking of this scene, Feng Ning's chest begins to ache.
"Actually, I have never been normal, including now."
Feng Ning subconsciously took a step back and said, "I'm not even a normal person anymore."
In a hurry, Jiang Wen dragged her over and held her in his arms, his voice unusually urgent: "Don't do this."
"Please think about our matter again."
"I... "
He had just said one word when Feng Ning interrupted him hastily, "Although I don't mind you feeling sorry for me, I'll give you two days to search Baidu for information about depression."
"For me, dying is not a difficult thing, living is."
"Jiang Wen, I am a person without a future, think it through."
Until the early morning, Feng Ning leaned against the head of the bed, thinking about what had just happened.
Jiang Wen sent her home. On the way, the two of them were silent. When they reached the door, she looked at him quietly and said, "I'm going home."
Jiang Wen nodded.
Although he had been mentally prepared, even after explaining everything to him clearly, Feng Ning still felt blocked inside and did not feel at all as relieved as he had imagined.
She thought with a bit of self-mockery that this kind of selflessness and consideration of others first would probably only happen once in her life.
It was late at night and everything around gradually became quiet, without any sound.
It was almost four o'clock when I received the message. My cell phone suddenly dinged twice, and the noise seemed particularly loud.
He sent it via WeChat.
-61nfiawj: Have you slept yet
Feng Ning was stunned for a moment, and before he could reply, another message came.
-61nfiawj: When you wake up and see the message, come down and open the door for me. I'll wait for you.
Without even changing his coat, Feng Ning put on his slippers and went straight down. He opened the courtyard door outside, and the small yellow light bulb above his head lit up.
Jiang Wen was sitting on the container next to him, looking sideways at her, his expression dull and haggard, his lips slightly chapped.
Seeing her dazed, Jiang Wen stood up.
Walking over, seeing that she was only wearing a thin nightgown, Jiang Wen took off his coat and threw it into her arms, "Put on your clothes first."
"Why...are you here at this hour?"
"You asked me to think about it."
"I'll give you two days. It's only been a few hours, and you've already thought about it?"
Jiang Wen took something out of his pocket and said, "I can give you an answer in less than a minute. I just need some time to go back and get the thing."
Looking at the diamond ring shining in the night.
Feng Ning didn't react and just stood there.
"What is this for?"
Jiang Wen whispered, "I didn't want to propose to you so casually without any preparation. But you make me feel like you could disappear at any time, so this seems to be the only solution I have."
Feng Ning had never expected things to turn out this way. He opened his mouth, feeling a little overwhelmed and unable to utter a word.
It would be a lie to say I wasn't nervous.
Jiang Wen: "You told me a lot yesterday. I'm not good at talking in front of you. I've never been as talkative as you, so I need to think carefully about how I should say the next sentence."
"Even if you were sick, I never sympathized with you. Maybe," Jiang Wen paused, "I was always the one who needed sympathy."
Feng Ning almost held his breath, listening to his every word.
Jiang Wen called up an interface on his phone and handed it to her.
“This is the email I wanted to send you a long time ago, but ended up in my draft box.”
Feng Ning's heart tightened.
He said calmly, "If you want to reject me, you should read it first before rejecting me."
...
...
Fengning, I can't sleep.
I don’t know how many nights I will have to push myself so hard that I can’t go on any longer before I can go to sleep.
After returning to school, I had a lot of classes. Several teachers were talking on the podium, and they never stopped. Every word floated around outside my ears, and I couldn't hear a few of them. I have to deal with all kinds of people every day. I feel that I am always busy. Sometimes I don't even have time to eat, but I always think of you inexplicably.
In a way, this is okay. I became a little lazy, too lazy to check notifications, and would wait for hours, even overnight, or even a whole day to reply to messages from friends.
Some time ago, I don't know if it was an illusion, I saw a girl who looked very much like you. These days, I stood at the door of the classroom waiting for her to come out, and then went to the stairs to wait again. My friend asked me if I wanted her contact information, and I said no, I just wanted to take a look.
When I think of you now, it's like a dream. It's so vague, so vague that it feels like the bits and pieces I remember about you didn't happen to me.
In the past, Feng Ning rarely chatted with him.
As soon as he received her message, Jiang Wen would immediately stop everything he was doing, hold his phone, carefully reply to her, and then stare at the screen, waiting for her reply.
Sometimes it was at night, with a full schedule of classes the next day, and he couldn't bear to go to sleep if he couldn't wait for her to come back. He didn't want to close his eyes, but he couldn't resist the sleepiness.
After we broke up, I also thought about getting back together with you. I thought about being just an ordinary friend with you, which is better than not contacting you now. But it's a bit difficult to say, so I can only think about it. I don't know who I can tell, others may think I'm crazy, thinking about these things every day.
...
...
I'm going abroad soon
Feng Ning, I was also a very ambitious person when I was in the first year of high school.
But I really want to ask you now.
...
...
At this point, she couldn't bear it any longer.
My heart aches dully.
He lowered his head, unable to recover for a long time.
Jiang Wen didn't care anymore. "Before I returned to China, I relied on the thought that 'you don't care about me at all' to hold on and not look for you. Later, I couldn't hold on any longer. On the plane back to China, I thought, it doesn't matter whether you care about me or not. I don't care about gains and losses. If you get married, I will completely give up, but you didn't."
"Maybe if I force you, you will go further away from me. But now I don't want to care what kind of way of getting along can make me get more. If you still can't accept me, then I can only accept it. However, you missed me, and no other man will do such a stupid thing for you in the future."
Feng Ning had tears in her eyes, "What are you doing? Are you threatening me with such a long list?"
"I'm not threatening you. I'm begging you."
"What do you want me to do?"
"Please." Jiang Wen paused, "Add me to your family's household registration."