After Ed took Roland's call and left, the huge room was empty, and only Lux was left. The sudden bad news made her panic, and she had no appetite for dinner. She left a note to Taoxiang at the dining table, and then went back to the room and sat on the edge of the bed.
You don't have to think about it to know that Roland is probably going to ask Aeolia, and CC and Angel are looking for Lilith, but she stays at home stupidly and doesn't know what she can do. The plot ran wildly on the road of fantasy, and the field she was good at became meaningless overnight, so she could only watch the development of the story like an outsider, unable to participate in it at all.
But when she thought that the situation was somehow caused by her, the guilt overwhelmed her. He kept talking about destroying everything, but once he really saw the man he loved was about to disappear, his past persistence seemed to become meaningless in an instant, leaving only endless guilt.
The drawer of the bedside table was opened, and there was a uniquely shaped dagger, the edge of which shone with seductive cold light under the bedroom light. It was brought back from Dakar, and it had no other features than its sharpness and its barely commendable appearance. It was just a hastily bought souvenir for cover and an instant secret meeting.
Lux picked up the dagger and put it on her forearm, the cold touch tightening her skin. With the slight force of the wrist holding the handle, the blade of the knife cut open the skin, cut the blood vessels, and pierced into the muscles without any resistance. Bright red blood beads seeped out and dripped onto the skirt through the arm. The pleasure brought by the pain caused her to close her eyes and let out a slight moan.
However, this didn't last long. With the help of the huge amount of nanoworms in the body, the wounds that were not too deep began to heal slowly, the lost blood was replenished, and even the pain was relieved. The guilt came back like a tide again, and only by continuing to create new wounds can we get more solace.
By the time she recovered, the dress was already dyed dark red.
"Oops, Minerva is coming back." Lux thought suddenly, "I have to wash my clothes beforehand."
She calmly wiped off the knife and put it back in its original place, and carefully checked the ground or the sheets for no blood stains before leaving the room with confidence. After coming to the bathroom, taking off her clothes and stuffing it into the washing machine, and pouring in a lot of bleach and softener, Lux hesitated for a moment and decided to take a shower first.
Turn on the shower switch, and the warm water pours down and beats on the head, slides over the long hair, chest, abdomen and legs, and finally merges into the ground. The sound of crackling water filled his ears, completely covering up his breathing and heartbeat. The body, which was a little cold due to blood loss, gradually became warm, and the brain that had been down for a long time finally began to operate slowly.
"Now, Lux," she asked herself, "when did it start to look like this?"
She has always felt guilty about CC, and the longer she gets along with CC, the more she understands how precious she has cruelly taken away from CC. She didn't have any hatred for An Qi, but she couldn't help but be jealous of the fanatical emotions Edd showed when he was with her, and never showed when he was with others.
She is the daughter of a politician. Her education tells her that Ed's emotional investment can be called a role model compared to his status. If you don't believe it, just look at Xia Ya. the norm. She even always knew that her father had his own little secrets before he died, but she pretended not to know it out of her daughter's filial piety and consideration.
When did it start? When did this situation that made her feel betrayed and her feelings questioned began? Without any pause, the fragment entered her mind relentlessly, and a low roar sounded mixed with the sound of water.
"How can you..." Hot water ran down his cheeks, mixed with some other things, "...how can you let Char Aznabu come into our home?"
She had no prejudice against Minerva, except that she thought the little girl was a bit of a monster, and separated her from her father. But she couldn't stand it no matter what, the man who killed her father appeared in the house that belonged to her and him as if nothing had happened, dignifiedly, and shamelessly. What made her worldview collapsed was that the man left with the approval of her husband. come in.
She didn't think her husband was stupid enough to do such a thing, so there was only one answer - forget it.
So what is she Lux to him? Is it some sort of addictive collectible? Will you carefully put it in the glass case after you get it, and take it out to play with when you think about it? Does he remember when she fell in love with him? Is this also something to forget
Although Ed tried to show persistent care in the following days, she always wanted to use the reason that her husband's EQ was too low to numb herself, but the realm of reality and imagination had become blurred.
CC is his most important person, Angie is his favorite person, and Minerva has a special meaning to him who is constantly self-doubting. Only I seem to be a character added by the screenwriter on a whim, and then thrown aside after I use it up. Even though he lives in this house, he always feels that he is the only one who does not fit in with everyone.
This kind of suspicious and dark thoughts constantly eroded her sanity, making her feel inexplicably alienated from everyone. And whenever she felt inexplicably alienated, it seemed to confirm the correctness of her dark thoughts earlier. After a vicious cycle over and over again, she finally inevitably slips into the abyss of self-destruction.
In fact, Ed has worked hard countless times, and every time she is touched and enjoys it, she is clear that everything she does has no meaning. But deceiving herself seems to have inertia. She doesn't know how to stop, and she is unable to stop actively. Her throat is blocked by fear, and she can't even shout for help. She can only watch herself dragging the person she loves the most. Towards the shattered finish pig leaps forward.
"If you want to die, just die by yourself, and see what you've done." The hoarse voice didn't seem to come from her throat, "Until the end, he didn't even know the murderer, ha...haha... Ha ha ha ha… "
Yes, 'until the end' - she didn't think Ed could make it this time.
Although Ed tried his best to be cheerful, the lines that seemed to explain the future and the tragic emotions hidden under the surface might be hidden from the flustered CC and the simple-minded An Qi, but it was absolutely impossible to hide them. She is thoughtful. Asking Lilith or Aeolian for help or something, Eddard didn't hold out any hope from the start, and she trusted her husband's judgment.
In other words, considering that he still has a considerable amount of time left for Minerva, and maybe even explain some things to Asuka and the others, the conversation before going out is likely to be the last conversation between her and him. As for the dreamy goodness of being able to talk happily every day after becoming LCL, judging from his intensifying painful experience in the past, the world will not be so gentle to him.
"Getting so much from him and giving him nothing, not only that, but also making things like this, should you be shamed? Or pathetic?" She raised her slender white neck and let the water slap her cheeks , "At least in the end, do something that only you can do."
After turning off the shower, drying her body, and putting on her pajamas, Lux glanced at the washing machine. The clothes were already drying, and there was no blood on them at all.
Leaving the bathroom to the living room, she happened to see Tao Xiang calling Minerva for dinner. The maid did not prepare her share, she must have seen the note she left. She walked straight to Minerva, hugged her in the little girl's amazed eyes and let go immediately.
"Sister Lux?" Minerva asked suspiciously, "Did something happen...?"
"I can understand that you like An Qi. After all, it's hard not to like her." She gently stroked the little girl's smooth hair, "But don't be too mean to CC, she's really not easy."
"What the hell happened?" Minerva was alert. "Is it a bad thing?"
"Although it's not appropriate for you to write novels at your age, I always feel that if you grow up, you will definitely become a rival in love." Lux said to herself, "If that day can really come, I will I forgive you in advance with a grateful heart."
After she finished speaking, she pinched the little girl's cheek affectionately, and turned upstairs without nostalgia, leaving only Minerva and Taoxiang looking at each other.
By the time we got back to the bedroom, the smell of blood had been completely removed by the excellent ventilation system. She threw herself on the bed, picked up the phone on the bedside table, and found Ayanami's name from the address book at a glance. She grabbed a little bit of Ayanami's tail before, and used it as an opportunity to keep in touch with each other.
For some reason Ed's preconceived notion that Rei Ayanami is a simple-minded, taciturn character, to which Lux can only say that he's too wary of pretty women, but that doesn't really matter now.
She sent a text message to Ayanami and asked two questions, and the other party responded quickly.
"Can changemakers live in the LCL like NTs? Can two NTs who also live in the LCL talk?"
"Yes, but it won't change back. NT can, the change maker is not sure."
After getting the answer, she threw the phone aside, hugged her knees contentedly, buried her head in her thighs, and covered her face with her long pink hair.
Not sure means possible, so it's worth a try. This is her only salvation after doing so many irreparable things, and it is something only she can do.
The only regret is that in the end, I was not able to surrender to him. If the answer to the second question is no, then I really have to spend the rest of my life in the test tube with remorse. As for the side effect of not being able to change back, heh, it should be more guilt-friendly than cutting your arm with a knife, right
With a hint of fear and more relief, Lux quietly closed her eyes. It wasn't until after an unknown amount of time that the sound of the bedroom door being opened woke her up.
Ed miraculously appeared in front of her, a beating heart in her chest telling her she wasn't dreaming. I don't know why I feel a little dry, and the things that come out of my mouth don't follow the instructions of my brain at all. This was really the last chance. Ed gave her an invisible hand, and she tried to seize it with all her strength.
Courage, she needs courage, as long as I take another half step forward, as long as I hold his hand here, I can have no regrets, no matter what the answer to the second question is, I can face the future calmly.
"Ed, I-"
"Kun's posture は ~ Servant is like て い る ~ the same world を 見 て る, Jun が い る 事 っ て ~"
… it’s over, it’s like this again, should have known. Probably this is the retribution. If you want to repent after getting things to this point, it is too good to think. She deserved it, this was the ending she deserved, but she still couldn't help it... she was fantasizing.
Please, even once, say no, say no, say no!
After a moment of silence, the music stopped abruptly, and then she heard the most beautiful voice in the world: "No."
What kind of expression should I make at such a time? She had no clue at all, and only tried to put on a smile to keep herself from crying. If he suddenly started crying now, wouldn't he be troubled
"I clearly feel that the rest of life is like a candle in the wind, and that end is Lilith, right?" The man in front of him showed a helpless smile, "So even if you are reluctant, you have to give priority to the rest. level."
It's bad, what should I do if I want to laugh, and the expression that I want to cry and laugh at the same time must be ugly, right
"CC is an indispensable coordinate for me in this world, An Qi can always make me ignite the distorted impulse, only when I am with you is pure love. I don't know what proportion of love is in your opinion. , I'm 100% on my side, so in a way you're special to me."
My God, no other woman can appear when we are talking about love! And just take this sentence as an example, wouldn't it make sense in front of CC and An Qi to change the order a little? However, since his emotional intelligence cannot be too demanding, such a speech is satisfactory enough.
"I know I must be wrong, so I've been thinking about what went wrong in the first place, and I didn't think about it until Xi Ya was gone. At that time, my mind was full of Embrio's affairs, ignoring your feelings. Invite him to the house. I'm really a fool until now to find out that I have made such a serious mistake, sorry."
… Forgive you, really.
"Lifonzi is probably dead, right? The Laplace program is in your hands, right? You also led the apostle? Xia also knows about this, and probably threatened you with this, right? People close to me have been enduring torture until Char reminded me that I was really an idiot, sorry."
Not stupid at all, idiot, you are too smart.
"I'm sorry, but I've been apologizing even though there's not much time left, and I've left you with some bad memories. I know it's not good, but I'm just... a little scared. The bad feeling of not being able to talk to other people, when I think about it, I just… I just…”
"I will accompany you." Lux stood up and hugged him, and said softly, "Wherever you go, no matter what you become, I will accompany you."
He didn't get it, that's okay, don't make him feel guilty. Guilt is a terrible thing, she knows it all too well.
"It's almost time," he said with a sigh. "It's time to say goodbye."
Not necessarily, maybe see you again.
"I want to hear you sing." He paused and tried his best to look relieved, "That day your dad, no, my dad secretly stuffed me with your photo and a record, and from that moment you officially walked in My life. So, guess what I want to hear?"
Of course she remembered, of course she knew, so she sang a cappella. The articulation is very clear and the tone is accurate, which is her usual level. In her singing, in her arms, his body began to soften and lose shape. Until her vision became blurred, she still tried to maintain her singing voice. She didn't stop until the hallucination appeared in front of her.
Is it an illusion caused by tears? She clearly remembered that it was in the bedroom, but the room seemed to have become a universe, and she saw the silver stars in the sky in a trance.