Bang bang! !
There was a burst of warm applause from the stage.
"Welcome to China Literature Group's celebrity interviews. I am your old friend - Xiaodian."
The stage was set up for a traditional talk show, with a small table and two chairs. Qi Xiaodian was wearing the usual penguin hood, holding the host's hand card and saying quickly: "This show is sponsored by Alibaba, Wanda Group, Shanda Entertainment and Perfect World sponsored the broadcast…”
Bang bang!
There was another burst of face-giving applause from the audience.
"Then, let's invite our guest today, a famous writer - I am Bei Qi."
Bang bang!
There was still steady applause.
"Hello everyone, I am Bei Qi..."
A very handsome young man walked quickly onto the stage with a warm smile.
"Hello, host."
"Hello Beibi."
The two greeted each other and sat down separately.
Qi Xiaodian said politely: "Bei Qi, you guys may not be familiar with you. How about you introduce yourself?"
"Would you like to introduce yourself?"
Beibi looked at the audience off the stage with a smile.
I am Bei Yi, one of the writers under China Literature Group, and also one of the five handsome writers of China Literature. The first handsome man of China Literature is Bei Yi, and the second handsome man of China Literature is Bei Yi. I, Bei Yi, the third handsome man of China Literature— It’s Bei Qi, the fourth handsome man in Yuewen—I’m Bei Qi, and I’m the last one.
Book friends often say that the five handsome men in Yuewen are almost equally handsome.
The public’s eyes are sharp, so I won’t refute it.
As such a well-known and handsome writer, of course I cannot be invited to ordinary programs, but Qi Xiaodian is the perfect person to "sign a contract for 50,000 words, test the water for 100,000 words, and push the completed book for 200,000 words". The conditions are too generous.
Being overwhelmed by the kindness, I reluctantly agreed.
Because I seem to have seen the peak moment of my writing career, hehehehehe...
He got a little excited just thinking about it!
"Ahem..."
Beibi put away his messy thoughts, coughed dryly, and prepared to introduce himself according to the script, "Hello everyone, I am..."
However, as soon as he opened his mouth...
"Thank you Bei Qi for introducing yourself."
Qi Xiaodian was the first to applaud and thank him.
"this… "
Bei Qi was speechless for a moment and stared at Xiaodian. What did you mean by interrupting me when I was introducing myself
Bang bang! !
There was a burst of applause from the audience.
Huhu, keep up the image in front of the audience, keep up the image. After all, I received thunderous applause from the audience. Obviously the audience likes me, and of course I can't let the audience down...
He took a deep breath, suppressed the anger in his heart, glanced at the audience, his eyes suddenly stagnated, wait a minute, what the hell is under the audience
Among the ten audience chairs under the stage, there was only one uncle wearing work clothes and a work ID holding a broadcast player. Whenever applause was needed, the uncle would press it, and a burst of mechanized applause would come out.
Oh my god, this program is too crude. Dare you say it is the most popular column under China Literature
Nonsence!
I feel like I've been tricked into a wolf's den, no, I have to go!
Bei Qian's face tightened, he stood up suddenly, turned around and left.
puff!
Qi Xiaodian grabbed Bei Coin's arm with quick eyes and quick hands.
"Um?"
Beibi glanced at Xiaodian with disdain. No matter how good the conditions of this crappy program were, I, as a celebrity, would not continue to stay. After all, I also wanted to lose face.
Qi Xiaodian whispered: "New book classification is highly recommended!!"
Snapped!
Beibi sat down again. Of course, he didn't stay because of any unofficial recommendation, but because he felt that people should be honest. Since he agreed to be interviewed in advance, he shouldn't go back on his words.
"Very good, I've finished introducing myself. Please give me your final remarks, please!"
Qi Xiaodian said enthusiastically.
"No problem, no problem..."
Beibi nodded with a smile and secretly recalled the speech he had prepared:
First of all, I would like to thank Yuewen Group for giving me a stage to display my talents. Then I would like to thank my editor Ruo Yeju for supporting me during the days when I continued to stop updating. Well, no, Ruo Yeju did not support me when I stopped updating. But I didn't give up on my salty fish... omit a million words.
To put it simply, my gratitude to Ruoye Ju is like a torrential river, continuous and endless.
"Very good, very good. Thank you Bei Qi for your final words."
He stood up a little and clapped to express his thanks.
Bang bang!
The uncle in the audience noticed what was happening and immediately pressed the button. There was a burst of applause and the whole audience roared.
Wait, what the hell? I just made a rough draft in my mind. How can I finish the speech? Are you kidding me
Bei Coin stared at Qi Xiaodian, this penguin is too shameless, no, I have to leave.
He stood up again and prepared to retreat.
puff!
With quick eyes and quick hands, Qi Xiaodian grabbed Bei Coin's arm again.
"Um?"
Beibi glanced at Xiaodian with disdain. No matter how good the conditions of this crappy program were, I, as a celebrity, would not continue to stay. After all, I also wanted to lose face.
Qi Xiaodian whispered: "Recommend the new book Sanjiang!!"
Snapped!
Beibi sat down again. Of course, he explained beforehand that he didn't stay because of any unofficial recommendation. After all, he didn't understand Sanjiang's recommendation. He just felt the other party's affection from the small matter of "adding money". I was deeply moved by the sincerity, so I stayed to continue the interview.
Phew, calm down, I want to maintain the demeanor of a famous person!
He smiled slightly and said, "Hello host, please continue to ask me questions!"
Qi Xiaodian stared at his card and said truthfully: "Okay, Bei Yi, as a celebrity, you have hundreds of fans. Before the start of the column, we have already sent out a notice that you will be on our show to collect your fans." I want to ask you a question, so next, I will ask you questions on behalf of your tens or hundreds of fans, and I hope you can answer them sincerely."
What the hell are tens or hundreds of fans? Wouldn't it be okay to write general words like "a large number", "many" and "a crowd"? Am I so handsome and shameless
Beibi felt depressed inside.
"First question, Bei Qi, your handwriting is so bad, have you eaten shit?"
“…”
Beibi is silent, Nima, are you sure this is a fan? Are black fans also fans? Can you be more serious about your program selection? Are you going to piss me off
Bang bang bang!
The uncle in the audience pressed the applause button.
Applaud your sister, is this the time to applaud
Bei Qi almost exploded with anger.
"Ha, the first question is a little awkward, let's skip it." Qi Xiaodian, perhaps seeing Bei Di's impatience, then asked: "Second question, Bei Di, what kind of ending did you write? Are you sb?"
“…”
The corner of Beibi's mouth twitched, host, do we have any grudge? Are you sure you want to choose these weird questions
Bang bang bang!
The uncle in the audience performed his duties diligently.
"Huh, this question is indeed a bit difficult to answer, so let's continue reading..."
Qi Xiaodian looked at the next question on the card and smiled.
Phew~
Seeing Qi Xiaodian's demeanor, Bei Qi secretly breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed like there was a normal problem.
"I'm very glad that you don't have many fans, Bei Du, so I only asked two questions, otherwise I would have been a bit unable to get off the stage."
Qi Xiaodian threw away the fan question card, and surprisingly there were only two fan questions recorded on it.
Damn it! ! !
This show is definitely intentional. I think I am so handsome that thousands of book friends know that I am on the show. How could I only have two questions? The show crew is definitely doing something secretly. If this continues, my reputation will be completely ruined.
No, I have to go!
After thinking about it, Bei Qi stood up immediately.
puff!
With quick eyes and quick hands, Qi Xiaodian grabbed Bei Coin's arm again.
"Um?"
Beibi glanced at Xiaodian with disdain. No matter how good the conditions of this crappy program were, I, as a celebrity, would not continue to stay. After all, I also wanted to lose face.
Qi Xiaodian whispered: "Highly recommended on the first page of the new book!!"
Snapped!
Bei Qi sat down again. Of course, he explained beforehand that he did not stay because of any unofficial recommendation, but because he felt that things should be done from beginning to end and not give up halfway.
"Very good, the show continues, Bei Yi, as a writer, I usually stay at home. If I am alone, I should be very lonely. So do you have a girlfriend?"
Qi Xiaodian stared at Bei Coin's expression changes with sharp eyes.
Oops, this question is so heartbreaking. How could a writer have a girlfriend? They are all a group of singles. In addition to coding, they usually do health exercises - left hand and right hand in slow motion.
I can't answer honestly, otherwise people will laugh at me if I can't find a girlfriend despite being so handsome.
I am also a face-conscious person!
But how to answer
Well, I usually have dinner with my buddies, so let’s replace the buddies with my girlfriend and describe my dinner party, it’s perfect.
After thinking about it secretly, he immediately replied: "Usually, my girlfriends and I often go out to have dinner and drink. Oh, you don't know. My girlfriends are very good drinkers. Each of them can drink more than a dozen bottles of beer. I'm totally done. However, when they eat barbecue, they always like to eat bullwhip. They say they want to replenish themselves. Oh, they must have done too much health care, so they are weak. I told them to exercise restraint, but they just don’t believe it... "
He babbled a lot, and when he was secretly feeling proud, he looked up and saw Qi Xiaodian's eyes were very deep, with a sparkle that could see through everything.
Oops, shit, there couldn’t be any loophole in what I said just now, right? Oops, let him see through it.
"You don't have a girlfriend, do you?"
Qi Xiaodian's words struck a chord in his heart.
puff!
Bei Qi secretly vomited a mouthful of old blood, which hurt his heart.
Damn it, can you speak more tactfully? If this continues, am I going to be shameless
No, I have to go!
He suddenly stood up.
puff!
With quick eyes and quick hands, Qi Xiaodian grabbed Bei Coin's arm again.
"What are you going to do again?"
Beibi glared at Xiaodian angrily. No matter how good the conditions were for this crappy show, as a celebrity, I would not continue to stay. After all, I also wanted to lose face.
Qi Xiaodian whispered: "Definitely confirmed for the big promotion!!"
Snapped!
Bei Qi sat down again. Of course, he explained beforehand that he did not stay because of any unofficial recommendation, but because he felt that one should not forget his original intention. What was he doing on the show? Naturally, I want to interact more with fans, so in order not to disappoint fans, I absolutely cannot leave.
"Okay, the show continues."
Qi Xiaodian glanced at the card and asked with a smile: "As we all know, there are four beautiful men in the Internet literary world. The top three are called Dongyan, Xier, and Nanzui. What is the name of the fourth?"
Aha, this is a brain teaser. As a handsome and smart celebrity, how could he be stumped by such a small problem
Beibi thought to himself, Dongyan, Xier, Nanzui... Oops, I got it.
He smiled proudly, "Beibi."
"I have never seen such a shameless person, claiming to be a handsome man, bah, shameless, bah bah bah..."
Qi Xiaodian pointed at Bei Coin and complained crazily, with a look of disgust on his face.
What the hell? Am I wrong? After the east eye, west ear, and south mouth, it should really be the north nose, huh? Wait a minute, Beibi? Shell coins? Damn it, it’s a trap, I fell into a trap.
However, I am indeed a handsome man!
However, this is no longer the point at hand, but this penguin is too shameless. This interview is definitely premeditated to trap me, a handsome and intelligent man.
No, I can't stay here for long, I have to go!
He suddenly stood up.
puff!
With quick eyes and quick hands, Qi Xiaodian grabbed Bei Coin's arm again.
"What are you going to do again?"
Beibi glared at Xiaodian angrily. No matter how good the conditions were for this crappy show, as a celebrity, I would not continue to stay. After all, I also wanted to lose face.
Qi Xiaodian whispered: "APP cover recommendation!!"
Snapped!
Bei Qi sat down again. Of course, he made it clear beforehand that he did not stay because of any unofficial recommendation. After all, recommendations were nothing to him. The smell of wine is not afraid of deep alleys. His novels are good. Even if there is no recommendation, he will Can make a big fire.
The reason why he stayed was because his knees were weak just now and he couldn't help but sit down again. It may be that his legs were numb from sitting for a long time.
Now that he sat down again, of course he couldn't stand up again, otherwise he would give people a capricious impression, which would not be good.
"Okay, let's continue the show."
Qi Xiaodian took another look at the card and asked: "As we all know, there are four major rogue writers in our online literary world. The last three are shameless, dirty, and obscene writers. So who is the number one rogue in the online literary world? "
Another brainteaser? This kind of question is of course trivial to me.
"Well, shameless, dirty, obscene...ah, I thought of it."
Bei Qi hammered his palm and said in high spirits: "The number one gangster in the Internet literary world is despicable."
Bang bang! !
He applauded enthusiastically and exclaimed: "Bei Yi, you finally admit that you are the number one gangster in the Internet literary world. Although your behavior makes me sick, your courage to face your own bad nature is worthy of my admiration. "
Bang bang bang!
The uncle in the audience saw the opportunity and immediately burst into applause that resounded throughout the audience.
What, what the hell? Why do I admit that I am the number one gangster in the online literary world? Um, wait a minute, mean... shell? Damn it, all the questions are traps, and you will fall into a trap if you are not careful.
This penguin is too insidious, and this show is too sinister. If it continues, my image will be completely ruined, and my huge fan base will leave me.
No, I can't stay any longer, I have to go!
He suddenly stood up.
puff!
With quick eyes and quick hands, Qi Xiaodian grabbed Bei Coin's arm again.
"What are you going to do again?"
Beibi glared at Xiaodian angrily. No matter how good the conditions of this crappy program were, I, as a celebrity, would not continue to stay. After all, I also wanted to lose face.
Qi Xiaodian whispered: "Recommended through all channels!!"
Snapped!
Beibi sat down again. Of course, he explained beforehand that he was not staying because of any omni-channel recommendation. After all, that thing was dispensable to him who was determined to take the copyright route.
He just has enthusiasm for his career and responsibility for his business, and does not want to walk away in frustration.
However, even if he stayed, he couldn't let Qi Xiaodian mess around anymore and had to strike first.
He said with a smile: "Be careful, can you ask some questions about writing? Don't always dwell on trivial matters."
"Writing-related questions? OK, no problem."
After flipping through it a little, he immediately said: "Bei Qi, you are a famous writer and are proficient in various writing techniques. I am here to test your ability to express situations."
"Situational expression ability? Ha, it's trivial."
The corners of Beibi's mouth were slightly curved, with a confident look on his face.
"Excuse me!"
"One day, you were taking a shower, and suddenly there was an explosion in the kitchen, the sound of a chainsaw in the bedroom, and your sister's scream in the living room. At this time, your hair suddenly caught fire, and then there was a rock The singer plays the guitar and comes in with three singing dogs. They put out the fire on your head with a bottle of milk. What word should I use to summarize this plot?"
Qi Xiaodian described the problem in a fast tone.
“…”
Beibi's expression was dull. Damn it, he didn't hear what he was saying at all.
How to answer this question
Bang bang!
However, when he was confused, Qi Xiaodian had already taken the lead in applauding and praised: "Bei Qi is indeed a famous writer. He used his own expressions to perfectly express the scene I just said... "
Bang bang bang! !
A fierce beating sounded on the stage.
"I'll beat you to death, I'll make you ask blind questions, I'll beat you to death..."
Bei Qi held up the chair and slapped the dots wildly with a ferocious expression on his face.
Beep beep! !
Soon after, police sirens were heard outside.
"You elites, greats, and platinums in the Internet literary world, wait until I come out, and I will kill you all..."
Bei Qi tightly grasped the steel bars of the police car and roared angrily at the three young masters and other writers who were watching.
In the end, in view of Bei's strong tendency to violence and in order to prevent threatening the lives of others, the judge decided to sentence Bei to life imprisonment without being released from prison.
"Huh? Judge, I just said it out of anger. Don't take it seriously. Wuwu, let me out quickly. I want to write an extra story and a sequel. Give me a chance. I want to be a good person..."
"Oh, mom, I will never write novels again in my next life."