When I found Tan Yu, he was sitting alone in the grass by the roadside, his hands hugging his knees, staring at the row of ants busying back and forth in front of his toes. Behind him was a dim, old street lamp, which made a creaking sound with the wind. In the wide field of vision, apart from the wind and sand and a few lonely high-rise buildings, there was only the thin Tan Yu and his equally thin figure.
Wen Liang walked over without even looking at the dirty ground, and sat down next to Tan Yu. He hugged his knees like him, but looked up at the boundless starry sky.
The two of them were just like they had done countless times in their previous lives, shoulder to shoulder, back to back, either looking down or looking up. Under the starry sky, people and ants are actually equally small.
It was unknown how long it took before Tan Yu spoke. The suppressed pain in his voice could only be felt by those who deeply understood his kindness.
"Brother Wen, am I an idiot and a coward in your eyes?"
Wen Liang picked up a small stone and drew a white line on the route the ants were traveling. The well-organized team immediately became a mess, turning around in place but unable to find the way forward.
"Tan Yu, do you know what a friend is?"
Tan Yu looked confused and shook his head.
"Eating, drinking and having fun together, chatting and gossiping together, skipping classes to play ball and look at beautiful girls together, is this a friend? This is just a playmate! A true friend will be more proud than you when you are proud, and will be more sad than you when you are sad. They treat each other as equals, respect each other, have a deep understanding and can influence each other. There is no high or low between friends, no idols, and of course no clowns."
Wen Liang turned his head to look at his depressed face. The emotion contained in his words had never been so sincere. He said, "I don't know about others, but to me, you certainly have many shortcomings, but you are talented, humorous, dare to love and hate, and have courage and responsibility. Compared with these advantages, your shortcomings are not worth mentioning. How could such a person be an idiot, and it is impossible for him to be associated with cowardice... Don't forget, Gu Wenyuan was powerful at the time, and so many people from the school were there, but you were the only one who dared to go on stage to testify for me. If I were in your position, I might not have such courage..."
This is how others think of me. Especially when I heard this from Wen Liang, it made me feel even more serious. Tan Yu raised his head and looked at the starry sky above like Wen Liang. After a while, he said, "Really? If this is true, why did even Bemi say I was an idiot?"
Wen Liang didn't know what kind of conversation the two had just had, but the result was not unexpected. After what happened just now, no matter how indifferent Bemi was, he couldn't stay in this circle. People live with their faces, and when the last layer of fig leaf is taken off, it will arouse some kind of morbid self-esteem, and any hurtful words may come out of their mouths.
"Who isn't an idiot in front of their first love?"
Wen Liang sighed and said, "Is Bemi going to break up with you?"
"I confessed to her, but she always smiled and said, Tan Yu, you can meet other better girls. She never promised me anything, so there is no question of breaking up... But when she cried and said that she was a bitch and asked me to stay away from her, I felt really..."
…
Tan Yu, what they said is all right, I am a very cheap girl. I like to be flattered and chased by others, I like others to be humble and try their best to please me, I love vanity and can't stand temptation, from junior high school to now, I can't count the number of men I have slept with on one hand.
Bemi turned her back to the full moon above her head, two lines of tears silently flowed down her cheeks, but her face became colder. The thin clothes could not resist the season of warm and cold, and could not resist the grief of the boy opposite her that made her almost breathless.
I know your friends think I'm disgusting. To be honest, I don't blame them, because sometimes even I feel disgusted with myself. But do you know? I once simply liked a person and gave my first time to him in his sweet words. I thought that was love, that I could sacrifice, be crazy, and abandon everything. Until that night, he got me drunk, and when I woke up, the man next to me was replaced by his best friend. I realized that love is all bullshit, and it's all lies made up by men to get women's bodies.
Bemi wiped away her tears fiercely, as if she wanted to wipe off a piece of skin on her face that was stained with sand and dust. She turned around stubbornly, with her back to Tan Yu.
I am disgusted by all this, but I also like to see the shameless and despicable faces of men who want to sleep with me. Tan Yu, you are the only boy I have ever seen who does not despise me but also does not approach me just to sleep with me.
Do you know why I dare not agree to you? Because I am dirty and I don’t want you to be dirty too!
Bemi's back trembled slightly, and his hands were tightly grasping his trouser legs. His sharp nails almost pierced through the cloth and into the flesh.
Tan Yu, you are an idiot! You know, the person you like is a bad girl. No matter how much I want to fit into your circle and how shamelessly I join every one of your activities, I will be looked down upon by your friends and it will also affect you. For your own good and for my own sake, from today on, we will not have any more contact. You are you, I am me, and we should just pretend that we have never met.
Bemi said this very calmly, without looking back, and walked forward until he was about a hundred meters away, then he hailed a taxi and disappeared in a moment.
The car drove a long way away before Bemi had the courage to turn his head and look through the rear window at the boy whom he would never see again. His eyes recalled every little detail of the past year and his expression became gentler than ever before.
Tan Yu, you are an idiot.
She murmured in a low voice, making the cold and heartless words sound different and moving.
…
Tan Yu put his hands into his hair and grabbed a few handfuls of it. He buried his face in his knees and said in a low voice full of pain, "I watched her leave from beginning to end without saying a word. Not only am I an idiot, I'm also a coward!"
Wen Liang remained silent for a long time before he whispered, "Tan Yu, do you regret liking her?"
Tan Yu was stunned for a moment. Ever since they first saw each other at the school gate, the fluttering red skirt had completely occupied his mind. He shook his head slowly and forcefully and said, "I like her in my eyes. It has nothing to do with how others see her."
"Since you have no regrets, then there is nothing to be sad about. The result is not important, right?" Wen Liang lay back, put his hands behind his head, and smiled: "Tan Yu, after many years, you will definitely like yourself at this moment..."
Tan Yu didn't understand for a moment, and followed him to lie down. The boundary between heaven and earth suddenly blurred. Listening to the insects chirping in his ears and looking at the bright moon in the sky, he seemed to have some enlightenment in his heart, and whispered: "Really? Will I like myself now?" (To be continued. If you like this work, you are welcome to vote for recommendations and monthly tickets on Qidian. Your support is my greatest motivation.) (To be continued)