Day 03 01:55
After coaxing Boo to bed that night, Song Ran was bored in the bathroom for half an hour by himself, tearing up a large roll of toilet paper, and the floor was full of wet rotten paper balls.
He couldn't figure it out, so he was talking on the phone and chatting about fresh meat wontons and brown sugar ginger soup. Mr. He is a true gentleman, well educated, and even if he is seriously offended by him, he will always keep the measure of his words, but what about him
He couldn't hide his vulgar origin.
No tutoring, no self-discipline, no matter how polite you usually pretend to be in front of people.
In fact, a similar situation happened once more than ten years ago, and it was more exaggerated and the consequences were more serious. If it wasn't for that inexplicable loss of control, perhaps today, Song Ran lived a completely different life.
Songran was only nine years old that year and lived in a child welfare home called "Hope Home" in T City. Most of the children in the orphanage have physical defects, either disabled or sick. Songran is one of the few who are healthy. He is cute and sensible by nature, like a red apple placed in the window, smooth and shiny, comparable to decorations made of plastic molds.
When Song Ran first entered the orphanage, the teachers told him that you must be able to leave soon, because parents like you would line up to bring them home.
So Song Ran was waiting for that home and that pair of parents who loved him.
But maybe it's fate that hasn't arrived yet. Song Ran has lived in the orphanage for many years, missed the opportunity to be adopted again and again, and still hasn't waited for his parents. He was full of hope and did not know that the teachers in the orphanage gave the same words of encouragement to every child.
Finally, in a golden autumn with bright sunshine, Song Ran was looking forward to a turning point.
At that time, he was sitting on his small bed and folding stars. The teacher of the welfare home opened the door and called him, saying that his uncle and aunt had made an appointment to see him a few days ago. This exhibition is very special, only one of his apples is on display.
The teacher said, "There is no other child competing with you, so you have to take advantage of the opportunity, you know?"
Song Ran nodded.
According to the plan, he went out with a bottle of colorful paper stars as a gift for future adoptive parents—a gift full of childlike innocence folded by the child himself, who wouldn’t like it
However, the couple Song Ran met were extremely picky and were not easily moved by the children's paper stars.
They want to see the real thing.
The aunt with delicate makeup took out a piece of paper from her bag, folded it in three and unfolded it, looking like a long and tedious list. In the process of communicating with Songran, every once in a while, she picked up a pen to tick a few ticks on the paper. Song Ran didn't know the specific content of this list, but he could guess that the more ticks he ticked, the higher the probability of being adopted, because every time he ticked a tick, the aunt's eyes would reveal a touch of softness. Nodding his head in satisfaction.
Despite the strict standards, Songran's performance is still impeccable.
In fact, every child in the orphanage has heard and seen some discipline and knows how to please their parents. Couples who come to adopt are not completely ignorant, but everyone has weaknesses, and when they see a beautiful and positive appearance, they will not care too much about potential hypocrisy.
And Song Ran has a unique strength - he can remove all traces of blunt performance.
Other children smile with their lips and teeth, but Song Ran smiles with a pair of eyes, always squinting, warm, like the early morning sun, orange fruit candy, which makes people taste a hint of sweetness.
The other children smiled and smiled, often showing a worried look, which was unease because of their poor performance, but Song Ran would not. He buried his negative emotions deep in his heart, which was equivalent to self-hypnosis. His clear smile came from the bottom of his heart, and it was impossible to find the gloom beneath it.
In this game, orphans have learned hypocrisy, and parents have learned to guard against orphans' hypocrisy. Only Song Ran can make even the most critical parents unable to pick out a single fault, thinking that what they see is true.
The meeting that day lasted a full three hours. At five o'clock in the evening, the sun was setting, and the picky aunt finally ticked off her list.
She sat next to Song Ran, touched his head gently for the first time, and said to the orphanage teacher: "In today's society, it's really becoming more and more difficult for people to understand. Song Ran is so excellent. Children are smart, obedient, have decent reactions, and have a sweet mouth. Don't be too embarrassed to take them out. If you let me give birth and support myself, I may not be able to teach a better one. Why would anyone be willing not to? Teacher , I've spotted him, a hundred likes, I'll definitely bring it back and take good care of him."
In addition to agreeing to adopt, the couple also promised to donate a large sum of money to the welfare home to show their sincere thanks, so the teacher of the welfare home rushed to accompany them to go through the formalities, leaving Songran alone in the room.
Song Ran looked at their distant backs, knowing that he was about to have a home, that someone was about to love him, and the pain and grievances that had been suppressed for several years poured out.
He took out an idle box of colored pencils from the drawer and began to scribble and draw on the paper. But he did not expect that it was this last painting that led to an irreparable mistake.
He wanted to draw a full sunflower, but the brush stroke became an eight-legged spider hanging on the roof and weaving a web, and he wanted to draw a small green grass hill, but the brush stroke became several closed iron fences, and he wanted to draw a group of happy people. The child who was playing, the pen was turned into a rag doll with a broken leg held by the disabled girl opposite the door all day long...
A greedy thought grew wildly in Song Ran's heart.
He wanted to take a risk and uncovered his false mask, only one corner was removed, revealing a little insignificant flaw - the aunt said that she liked him, she was willing to stroke his hair, talk to him warmly, and she must be willing Accept a little smoky cloud in the sun.
At that time, Songran took superficial liking as real, and also took the courtesy closeness as real.
While drawing, he flipped over the paper and glanced at the back inadvertently. The moment his eyes touched the paper, his body stiffened.
It was a piece of paper torn from an old notepad with a calendar for a certain month.
Thirty-one days in total.
Song Ran looked at the five consecutive rows of numbers, and his fingers trembled slightly. He clenched the colored pencil, moved the tip behind the last 31, pressed against it, and scribbled a 32 hastily.
Then 33, 34, 35, 36, 37... The tip of the pen jumped so fast that it couldn't stop.
The little child is fascinated and mad, and desperately writes continuous numbers on the paper, row after row, column after column... 107, 108, 109... 1210, 1211, 1212... The dense numbers are like ten million The ants that only came out of their nests quickly crawled all over the page, filling every corner. It wasn't until there was no more space on the paper that Song Ran woke up from the daze.
He looked up and saw the aunt was standing at the door, pulling the doorknob, staring at him in horror.
She rushed over, snatched the drawing paper from Songran's hand, slapped her back and threw it into the arms of the orphanage teacher, and scolded loudly, "Please explain to me, what is this?! He is a child. , Doing this kind of weird thing all day long?!"
As soon as the teacher of the welfare home saw the numbers on the paper, he immediately knew that it was not good, and explained with a smile: "Ms. Song, there is actually nothing wrong with this child, Song Ran, everything else is fine, but he was a little traumatized when he was a child..."
"What kind of psychological trauma, obviously sick!"
Aunt Song pointed her finger at Song Ran, her sharp voice pierced into his heart like a dagger: "How can I bring this back home? If he gets up in the middle of the night to write numbers, I'll be scared to death! Look at me! His paintings, look at his cuteness just now, can this be a child? He is not schizophrenic? Rotten apples are sold as apples, thanks to you for doing it!"
Hearing this, Song Ran jumped up and slammed the pencil in her hand towards her.
"I'm sick, I'm schizophrenic, I'm just a rotten apple, what's wrong? I don't care for you to raise me!" He clenched his small fists and roared at Aunt Song angrily, "If I also had a watch, Every one of you is a big fork! You are not worthy of being my mother at all, get away from me!"
It was because of this out of control that he lost the chance to be adopted forever.
He was a bright red apple that accidentally exposed the rotten pulp inside, so he was forced to take it off the shelves, left the bright display window for the exhibition, and threw it into the corner of the warehouse, never having a chance to show it again.
Later, he heard from elsewhere that the couple who came to select him that day had a lot of wealth, and because of his blunders, the orphanage missed out on a considerable amount of donations, which naturally fell to him. Later, he heard that he had become a typical negative teaching material. Every child had to take a dose of vaccination before participating in the "exhibition". Letting go of a good life, he will kill the rest of his life alive.
Yeah, alive and dead.
In the next few years, Song Ran spent peacefully in the orphanage. At fourteen, he was over the upper age limit for adoption. At the age of sixteen, he left the orphanage alone with painting tools on his back.
It doesn't seem to make sense to stay any longer.
Might as well go out for a while.
If there is a home that belongs to him in this world, it must be hidden away from the orphanage, because what the orphanage can give him will be broken as early as the moment the mask is lifted.
Song Ran was full of hope at the time, thinking that he had just embarked on a journey that was slightly more difficult than others. At the end of the journey, there would definitely be a door with a big red character open to welcome him. But today, when he was pulling toilet paper in the bathroom, he suddenly realized that he would never reach the end.
Because he was missing a vital skill.
He doesn't handle intimacy at all.
Song Ran's damage to intimacy is almost destructive: as long as others take the initiative to show a sign of intimacy, he will have a temptation that goes beyond the distance - dig out the darkest part of his heart and expose it unabashedly. Or unscrupulously venting their emotions, so that the other party can destroy even the poor goodwill that has just sprouted, and from then on, stay away from him and shy away.
Aunt Song was like this back then, and so is Mr. He today.
Songran learned how to be a qualified friend, colleague and neighbor, but not how to be a qualified family member.
How long has he known Mr. He
Only 24 hours and only three calls.
Such a mature and gentle Mr. He is willing to believe in the hearts of unknown people through a layer of belly, entrusting the child to strangers to take care of, willing to pay him a salary of 14,000 generously, teasing him from time to time, and flirting with his sexy voice. People... Such a good Mr. He, in just one day, let him die.
Tomorrow, Mr. He will find a new nanny to replace him, and Boobu will stay at his own house for dinner, no longer come to listen to his stories, and no longer pester him to call him brother.
It's only been two days, and there's nothing left.
He is still alone, he is alone wherever he goes.
Song Ran once vowed to live an active life, to talk to people with a bright smile, to treat people without being arrogant, to paint warm pastel colors, to write healing fairy tales, and to make every day full of warm colors - but it was useless, useless at all.
Once stimulated, he will still reveal his true form, showing his ugliest appearance.
The monster in his heart has never died. It is dormant in the depths of the cave. When a stranger approaches, it will make a terrible roar, scaring anyone who tries to get close to him.
Song Ran didn't want to give up easily. After crying that night, he pulled out a pen and paper, and sat in front of the floor-to-ceiling window in the living room in the middle of the night to write an apology letter to Mr. He, saying that he still wanted to take care of Boob, and he would definitely pay attention to controlling his emotions in the future.
The blue moonlight shines on the paper, full of lonely cold tones.
He wrote page after page, intending to read it to him when he was on the phone with Mr. He tomorrow night, but after writing it, he felt that it would be too late. He cursed so badly, like the most unreasonable bitch, Mr. He probably didn't even want to hear his voice.
Song Ran felt uncomfortable, and smashed the letter into a ball and threw it to the far corner.
In the darkness, a big hairy ball jumped up, jumped off the sofa, picked up the ball of waste paper, and sent it back to Song Ran again.
"Meow."
Budoudou gave a sweet cry and raised his head for praise.
Song Ran touched its soft long hair, pinched the tips of its thin transparent ears, and whispered, "Budoudou, why aren't you even mine? I'll pick up a few more manuscripts and buy them for you. Import canned food, come with me, okay?"
Budoudou tilted his head to look at him, and there was a clear sky in his blue eyes.
Song Ran did not expect that He Zhiyuan would still be willing to speak to him.
The next night when Boo Bo brought his cell phone, he was quietly folding stars on the sofa. Hundreds of them were folded in pieces, and the petals fell all over his feet.
He stared at the bright screen, looking at the word "Dad" on it, and didn't even dare to stretch out his hand.
"Brother, pick it up quickly." Bubu handed it forward and urged, "Baba wants to talk to you."
Song Ran took the phone and slowly put it to his ear, thinking that it was a grenade with the safety latch pulled open, and it might explode at any time. Even the slight white noise in the receiver made him terrified.
He didn't dare to speak, and kept waiting anxiously. After a while, he heard He Zhiyuan say, "Songran, I think we need to talk about what happened last night."
The tone was flat, although not friendly, and there was not too much blame.
As soon as he heard his voice, Song Ran couldn't hold it on the spot, his nose was sore, and he said firstly, "Mr. He, last night... Last night, I had a bad attitude and thoughtless words, which offended you. I sincerely apologize to you, the kind that bows at a 90-degree standard! You don’t remember the villain’s deeds, the prime minister can punt a boat in his stomach, can you…”
He sincerely pleaded, "Can you forgive me?"
But He Zhiyuan replied, "No."
"Oh."
The hope was lost, and the answer was expected, Song Ran clutched her phone and nodded dumbly: "Then... I can't bring Boob, can I?"
"No." He Zhiyuan extinguished all his hopes with two simple words, "Songran, this is what I want to talk to you about. I contacted the housekeeping company, and they will arrange an experienced new recruit tomorrow. Auntie is here to bring Boobu. Don't worry, I've personally screened the resumes this time. The new auntie is very young, from a kindergarten teacher, can tell fairy tales, can make small wontons, and... is very good at emotional control.
Hearing the last point he emphasized, Song Ran's heart sank to the bottom in an instant.
"Songran, please understand me." He Zhiyuan's tone was indifferent and distant, "I believe that last night was just an accident, and your character is not flawed, but out of a sense of parental responsibility, I can only change candidate."
Hearing this, Song Ran smiled dryly: "It's alright, I, I understand, I'm really not suitable for bringing children."
He picked up a paper star, bit it with his teeth, and crushed it with great remorse.
Look, there's nothing wrong with you.
Make you rude, make you ashamed.
The paper star was bitten into a long paper tube by him, and swayed back and forth in his mouth. Budoudou rushed towards the sky and swiftly took it away with one paw. Song Ran was depressed, she grabbed another one and put it in her mouth and chewed it hard. This is good, not only did she have to bring her children, but the relationship between the neighbors was also strained. No, bumping into Mr. He head-on in the corridor is plainly annoying.
How in the world could there be such an idiot as him
No wonder no one wants it.
Song Ran drew an S on the sofa with his left thumb and a B on the sofa with his right thumb. He stared at the letters for a while, rubbed his feet uneasily, and embedded them in the corner of the sofa. a little.
He put on mushrooms for a long time, and before hanging up the phone, Mr. He was silent.
Hang up!
The blood bar is too thin to hold.
Song Ran swallowed and stammered: "Uh, Mr. He, I'm really... I'm really sorry for you. I am a person, and sometimes my brain is not normal. If you still don't feel relieved, or... You can scold you back. ? I promise to accept the teaching humbly, and I won't answer a word!"
The other side seemed to sigh lightly, but remained silent.
Song Ran couldn't wait for a response, and buried his head lower and lower, his cold forehead resting on his knees, his chest was sore: "Then... if you have nothing else to do, I will not disturb you. He Sir, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
He said sorry three times in a row, hurriedly touched the hang up button, and pressed it as if to escape.
The phone fell, Song Ran wrapped her arms around her knees, and fell into a long silence.
Boobu is still painting seriously in the restaurant, burying his head in coloring for a while, and picking and picking at colored lead boxes for a while. Song Ran looked up at his small back and asked, "Bubu, what would you like to eat tomorrow morning?"
"Tomorrow morning?" Bobu put down the pen and paper, turned around, and thought about it with the back of his chair, "I want to eat poached eggs and porridge tomorrow morning, preferably thick, thick, and fragrant!"
Song Ran nodded: "Okay, brother will do it for you."
Brother will do everything for you.
He slumped on the sofa for a while, suddenly stood up, gathered a hundred or so scattered paper stars together, put them in a glass bottle, and picked up the picture books that were scattered around, one by one, and put them together. They are neatly sized and divided into three stacks according to age groups. Stack them on the coffee table. Go to the bedroom and pull out a roll of nylon rope, tie each stack tightly, and pull out a beautiful bow.
Boob likes fairy tale picture books so much, so let's give them as gifts.
Anyway, if he wants to refer to it, he can borrow it from the magazine.
When Bubu heard the movement, he turned around curiously: "Brother, what are you doing?"
"The living room... It's a bit messy, I'll tidy it up casually." Song Ran forced a smile, "Where's Bubu? How is the painting?"
Boob said with a smile: "It's a good painting, but it's not finished yet. There are so many flowers today, and every color of each flower will make your eyes blew up! Brother, you should draw less tomorrow, only two flowers, I've already made up my mind, one is bright red and the other bright yellow."
"Okay, tomorrow... my brother will only draw two flowers for you."
Song Ran spoke to the coffee table, her heart was empty, and she didn't know who she was promising.