"What are you doing?" Mo Nianchen raised his eyebrows and looked at her.
"Drink." Li Shengxia said.
"You can't drink."
"I can learn."
"Li Shengxia, you can just say that you want to escape. Avoid the night with me alone."
Li Shengxia didn't expect what he said so directly, and suddenly he was at a loss: "I..."
He said with a cold face: "Am I so scary? Am I going to eat people? Haven't we spent the night together?"
"..." She was stunned, not knowing how to answer the conversation.
"I'm sleepy. I'll go to bed first. You have to drink it by yourself." Mo Nianchen said, turned around and turned his back to her, lying on the sofa.
Li Shengxia stared at his back in a daze, and couldn't help but remember what he had said to her before in'Shilihongzhuang'...
It's not that he is scary, but she is scared... fearing that she will do something wrong if she is not careful, irreparable things. Then, again and again, always regretting...
Mo Nianchen did not speak again, nor turned around, as if he was asleep.
Li Shengxia couldn't help but think of many things in the past, and slowly fell asleep next to the coffee table...
In the middle of the night, Mo Nianchen turned around to look at her, found her sleeping posture, and walked over slowly. Crouched down and looked at her.
'Idiot, is it embarrassing you to be with me? '
'I admit that it was deliberate just now... Deliberately touched your lips... Almost out of control, but I still held back. Because you say you want me to respect you, because you say you want an equal relationship. '
'Because you said that, I tried to restrain myself. '
'You won't know how challenging it is for me every time you appear. I'm going to pretend if nothing happened to you, how difficult it is in the end. '
'I keep learning to play various roles, to please you, or to be indifferent to you. But the result is still that you can't ignore you, you can't care, and you can't pretend to be innocent. '
'Watching you make physical contact with other men, even if you just want to slap Ouyang, I find it unbearable...'
'I must be crazy...'
'It's like this when you're crazy...'
'Even if you want to hit someone, I would rather, you only hit me...'
'What kind of illness will make me become what I am now. I can't remember it anymore. '
'I just remember, too many past events. Too much... I can't let go of your memory. '
'From my eight years old, to my nineteen years old, to my twenty years old, to my twenty-five years old, my thirty years old...'
'Never imagined another woman, never imagined losing you...'
'Always pretend that you are alive, yes, you have been alive, even if others think you are dead, I still feel that you must be alive. '
'I can't let you die, because you are dead, I don't know what else is the purpose of my survival...'
'I am so attached to you...'
'I am so sorry for myself, I can only love you. '
'Do you think I haven't worked hard? Didn't you try to abandon you? '
'But… '
'How can I do it? '
'Twenty-two years. '
'Do you know how long 22 years are? '
'It is two hundred and sixty-four months. '
'It is one thousand one hundred and forty four weeks. '
'It is eight thousand and thirty **** every night. '
'...'
'It's so long that I can't calculate this hour hand, this minute hand, this second hand...'
'It's like running water through my years. '
'It's like a wheel running over my years. '
'It's like a wandering rain, drenching my past. '
'I walked all the way, just to see you again. When I saw you, I wanted to love you again. I love you, I want to have you again...'
'I don't know if everyone who loves someone is so greedy, anyway, I just have to...'
'Because you have to, so I try to get close to you. '
'What kind of posture do I have to use to have you... But you, tell me. '
'Neither can I beg you, neither can chase you, nor can you pester you, nor can it pretend not to care, nor treat you coldly, nor irritate you. No matter how you do it, there is always a beam of light called "No way, no way" emanating from you, keeping me thousands of miles away. '
'Xia Xia, you are my Shili Hongzhuang, do you know? You are my first love, my first time, my only wife, the only woman I love deeply, you are all my memories, you are my ten-mile red makeup... '
'However, I can create ten miles of red makeup and leave those memories, but I can't leave you alone. '
'You always hesitate, always avoid, always say sorry to me. '
'Why do you want to say sorry to me? You should know that no man would like his beloved woman to say these three words to him. This represents alienation, rejection, that I am not in your heart, and the impossibility between me and you... '
Mo Nianchen closed his eyes slightly, he didn't know why he suddenly became so vulnerable today...
Just now in Shili Hongzhuang, he almost lost his temper, and showed his miss for her.
He lowered his posture, and did not dare to put himself in the dust. Because she said she wants equal love.
But what exactly is equality, he has no idea.
If he loves her, she will also love him called equality. Or, if he loves her, she can also not love him for equality
He vowed to learn what kind of love she wanted and what her so-called love was.
But halfway through, I found it difficult.
Imagine being like her, giving up halfway every time you encounter difficulties.
He knew that he had no chance to give in...
Can't give up halfway...
For her, there was no pause, no hesitation, no turning, and no thought of turning back halfway.
But ah...
At any rate, give him a little response, even if only a little, let him know that she wants him to persevere.
Don't give him any hope, he is really real, afraid that he can't stick to it. How afraid he would suddenly want to follow her decision, give up her, forget her.
In that case, twenty-two years of life will become a completely blank, meaningless, and unending past. No one cares, no one cares, no one cares about the existence.
Then, it became completely non-existent.
Mo Nianchen stretched out his hand and gently rubbed her red lips...
Her lips are beautiful, and every time he sees it, he can't help but want to kiss her.
He didn't know why he became so timid and cowardly, probably because he had lost her two times hysterically, and he would never dare to experience this kind of pain for the third time.
If he was the one he used to, he would definitely want to hug her without even wanting to kiss her...
Does it become weaker the older you grow up