Some stories are bound to happen, and they will definitely go through this period. Once the relationship is here, they can't avoid it even if they want to.
In fact, since then, Qin Fang has become the guide of their feelings. Every step forward is led by Qin Fang, and Xing Yan has completely handed over the control to him.
Including the fact that they were together in the end because Qin Fang took the initiative to kiss Xing Yan's mouth in the snow.
These processes are so happy to talk about, love is always happy at first. It would be nice to talk about it all, but the story doesn't stop there, and they don't stop talking there. Afterwards, the conversation was not so pleasant, and Qin Fang still had to ask the questions that should be mentioned.
But after all, there are so many happy things ahead, Qin Fang was still relaxed when he asked.
"So why didn't you tell me you were going abroad? I want to know what you think."
Xing Yan remained silent and did not speak, Qin Fang continued: "Did you not think about staying with me in the future? Just tell the truth. Or should I guess first?"
Xing Yan nodded and said, "Guess."
In fact, Qin Fang has been thinking about this matter between the two of them for so many days, and he has almost figured it out. People are really tempted and emotional, and they can't hide their eyes. Xing Yan can't be fake to him, how can it be possible.
"I guess you really thought so at the beginning, fall in love, give me a dream, and then you leave yours. At that time, the relationship was not deep, and you thought you could withdraw when you left, and give me a card, waiting for you When it’s time to leave, let me decide our future path.”
Qin Fang bent one leg, put his arm on his knee, and continued to whisper: "Later, the relationship was too deep, and I was reluctant to let go, but you didn't dare to say it. After all, the foundation of your dishonesty has been laid before you. Say it later, as soon as I get angry, we have to break up, and you have lost your chance."
Xing Yan kept listening to him, but didn't make a sound. Qin Fang smiled and asked him, "Am I right?"
Xing Yan thought for a while and said, "That's half right."
Qin Fang raised his eyebrows, and Xing Yan said, "Or it's the other way around."
This answer is the only explanation that Qin Fang has come up with for so many days, and now Xing Yan is only half right. Qin Fang looked at him, waiting for him to speak.
Xing Yan lowered his head and said: "At the beginning, I didn't think it was anything, and I didn't think about it much. If you go abroad, you go abroad, you go, you can follow me anyway, or if you don't go out, you stay here. It's not that you can't fall in love in a different place. You can go to me, and I can come back to you. At that time, I didn't even feel that you could still be with me at this time. Maybe you would separate from me after the novelty gone."
Qin Fang opened his mouth, but in the end he didn't interrupt him. Xing Yan continued: "Later, the relationship was really too deep. If you get it, you will be afraid of losing it, afraid of going from nothing to nothing. After you are with me, I can't let go, but I don't dare to hold on. You are a star The stars are bright and beautiful. If I want to go abroad, you must follow me immediately, you have said this yourself."
He did say that, Qin Fang nodded: "It's just going to school, one year or two? Three years? I don't think it's anything."
Xing Yan shook his head, smiled lightly, cleared his throat, and said in a low voice, "I... have no intention of coming back."
Qin Fang blinked, his movements were a little stiff, and he looked at Xing Yan silently.
Xing Yan looked at him, stared into his eyes and said: "I told you, I have been trying to leave. Now I tell you that I have no plan to come back after I left. This is the plan I gave myself. But I don't want to be separated from you, I can't bear you. If I told you this before, what would you say?"
Qin Fang frowned and said, "Do you think I can't follow you? Is it impossible to go on like this?"
Xing Yan said: "So your answer?"
Qin Fang looked at him and said, "It doesn't matter, you go on your own. I can go if you really don't come back. Anyway, I don't have much to worry about."
Xing Yan didn't say anything for a long time after he said this, and neither did Qin Fang. They were both silent, and if it wasn't for the wind, the air seemed to be still.
They still have a tacit understanding, so there is no need for Xing Yan to say anything further, Qin Fang already understands.
"I dare not change your life. Why should I?" Xing Yan rubbed the harmonica in his hand, and said in a low voice, "The better you are, the less I dare. I'm a rotten person. I haven't even passed the period of love." , You got hot and left with me, where's your brother? Where's your father? Those friends of yours? What if you don't like it later and you think this kind of life is very tiring, then what? You have no way out. "
There was another long silence, Qin Fang was speechless, and Xing Yan played a harmonica. After he finished blowing, Qin Fang's eyes were red, and he asked him: "So you have sentenced this relationship to death for me, right? You feel that you can't afford my life, so you made a decision to give up for me, Is that right, Brother Yan?"
Xing Yan shook his head lightly in his eyes, but he didn't deny it, he just said: "I even thought about it, or I wouldn't leave, just pretend it didn't happen, but you're sure you won't be happy with this result. I will accept it and let you know that we have no other way but to separate."
Just like Xing Yan can't take care of Qin Fang's life, let alone let Qin Fang take care of his life.
Qin Fang said, "Fortunately, you didn't."
Xing Yan smiled: "Do you still remember the night when I watched the rain? I refunded my air ticket the next morning. I really don't know what to do next, it's all wrong."
Xing Yan was really struggling, he was thinking too much. If he had been like the beginning, it would have been a lot easier, taking each step and letting Qin Fang follow him, making Qin Fang a follower of him, then all of this would be much easier.
Qin Fang subconsciously positions himself in this way, he can stay wherever Xing Yan goes, he can go out when Xing Yan goes abroad, and he will come back when Xing Yan comes back. This sounds good, and Xing Yan thought it was good at the beginning, but after being together for a long time, he couldn't accept it anymore. Qin Fang's positioning for himself is wrong and unequal. No one should be another person's follower, and Xing Yan was not willing to do so.
But what is the way of equality between them, Xing Yan can't think of it.
Qin Fang then lay down on his back, looking up at the sky. The cloud above the head was thicker, and after covering the sun, the light did not come through. Xing Yan also lay down, lying next to him.
"Xing Xing." Xing Yan called him.
Qin Fang responded, "Huh?"
Xing Yan said softly: "I did this question wrong, and I don't know how to answer it, so you can answer it."
Qin Fang blinked, and asked him still lying flat like that: "Do you know where you went wrong?"
Xing Yan thought for a while and said, "I don't know, I can answer this question wrong no matter what."
Qin Fang took out a small object from his pocket, held it up to the sky, and flicked it lightly with the other hand. He said: "This is a two-person question. You have to do it yourself. You have to answer for me. You are a top student, but you are not right in everything. You wrote the wrong answer yourself, and now let me answer it." Answer it yourself, why don’t you understand, you can’t answer this question alone.”
The thin, small card in his hand was still very new, and it was the first time he took it out for use. He still held it like that, turning it back and forth between his fingers.
"Xiao Gong said that you don't know how to fall in love, and I still think he's talking nonsense." Qin Fang took a deep breath, and the inhalation was a bit cold, and he said, "Actually, it's not that you don't know how to fall in love, you don't know how to love."
Xing Yan looked at him, and Qin Fang said: "You can talk about love better than anyone else, and you can talk like a familiar hand. But you are really bad at handling feelings, so bad that after listening to what you said, you are even worse than before. Angry. You did this question so badly, so badly."
Xing Yan nodded and said, "It really sucks."
Qin Fang said: "You want to say today that you are just for fun. This relationship was designed by you from the very beginning. Then I have nothing to say, and I am not angry. This is your choice. I definitely respect you. You can tie others together all the time. But if you say that you are not playing, you are serious, but you make things like today, let us become today, then you are wrong."
"You said you respected me and my feelings, so don't let me be sad." Qin Fang put his hands down and hit the ground with a soft sound. He said weakly, "It's not because you put your heart into it, but because you respect it. I’m really a player, but I’m not sad anymore. The scariest thing is now, you don’t respect me or the relationship. It’s not that we don’t have a future, it’s that you didn’t give it. In your heart, you don’t believe that this relationship has a future at all.”
"You don't want to change my way, you want me to be myself. You are not willing to lose, you are so desperate that you even say you love me. You can't change your way, because this is the stupidest answer, so You must die. So this is a dead end, isn't it?" Qin Fang turned his head to look at him after finishing speaking.
Looking at the thick gray cloud, Xing Yan answered yes.
Qin Fang closed his eyes and slapped the card in Xing Yan's hand. Xing Yan grabbed it subconsciously, and Qin Fang's hand stayed in his palm for a moment, and there was a piece of hard paper between their palms.
"I've handed in the answer sheet. Since you have already predicted the ending in your heart, let's write the ending you gave." Qin Fang said hoarsely, "Have you ever thought that you are struggling to see it as a dead end? At that time, it was like throwing me away."
Xing Yan's eyelashes trembled, a little flustered. The ends of his beautiful eyes looked a little red at the moment, and there was a little panic in his heart.
"You go and finish reading your book, and I won't follow you. I'll follow what you think. I'll go my own way, and we'll go our own way." Qin Fang grabbed Xing Yan's finger and said to him, "No need. I said that you also know that you are wrong, and I can't forgive you for this mistake, and I didn't plan to forgive you today, but I'm even more angry now than before I came here. "
Xing Yan clasped his fingers, and they crossed their fingers through the card, both fingertips were cold and trembling.
Qin Fang said: "You really don't know how to love. If you can't learn it, you will give us both countless death sentences in the future. I can't just wait for you to sentence me to death."
Xing Yan said, "Is it useless for me to speak now?"
"Yes, it's useless. You understand better than me what this card is for. You gave it to me." Qin Fang sat up, looked back at Xing Yan and said, "As for us..."
Xing Yan tightly clasped his hand and did not let go, his fingers turned white, Qin Fang raised his other hand, bent his knuckles and scratched his eyes, saying: "Let's leave it to fate. If you learn If you know what is love and what is respect, then you just say it. If you like others, you can be with others. You are free—me too. Now there is no bond between us, and the dead end is given by you , try to see if you can get out of the way by yourself, and see if you can answer the double question, and see if fate will give us a chance."
Qin Fang withdrew his hand from Xingyan's hand, looked deeply into Xingyan's eyes, sucked his nose and said, "Bon voyage."
Xing Yan lay on the spot without moving.
Qin Fang took one last look at him.
After that, Qin Fang jumped down to the rain platform above the door, and then jumped to the ground with his hands leaning on him. He often jumped like this when he was a child, two very smooth movements. Lie on the roof of the building just now was covered in dust, Qin Fang looked up, but he couldn't see Xing Yan.
He didn't stay where he was, and drove away.
Everything behind is getting farther and farther away. Qin Fang suddenly remembered the first time he brought Xing Yan here. It was Xing Yan's birthday that day, Qin Fang drank too much, lay down on the chair in a daze, and said to Xing Yan - I want to give you a lot of things, I want to give you happiness, I want to make you happy, I want to give you all the good things .
He wanted to give too much, Xing Yan couldn't handle it, he didn't know how to face it. He grew up so alone, he was never loved and couldn't love.
Qin Fang took a look in the rearview mirror.
The courtyard door was open, everything in that courtyard was very old, but new things were added to the old things, and there was a half-new but not old dream of him in his youth.