My name is Su Han, I am 30 years old this year, and I still haven’t found the person I want to marry.
Yes, I haven’t found it yet, it’s not that I haven’t found it yet.
I once met a girl named Zheng Xiaoguang in an online game called Feixian. She is very cute and kind, I like her very much. Later she became my girlfriend and the first person I thought of getting married to.
But we finally broke up despite the opposition of our family, because of practical problems and because she was extremely insecure. In short, although I felt a little sorry for her, I did not regret the choice to break up.
Especially after knowing that she got married, my heart was completely at peace.
It may be fate but not fate. Isn’t this the case for many people and many things in this world? Just like my uncle's cousin, just like me. We will eventually compromise with our families and marry a local girl that our family approves of, like my cousin did. And this way, you can probably live a good life.
It's just that I haven't met what I'm looking for yet, that nice local girl. So, I am still single.
Last year, the third uncle's cousin also reached the marriageable age, and the family began to arrange blind dates for him. But my cousin was very disobedient. He dated five or six girls and didn't like him, but he insisted on bringing back a girl from out of town named "Xiaoyan".
The cousin said that she was a classmate he met in college. He pursued her for two full years before he got her. He must be so perseverant, he must love him very much.
The third uncle and the third aunt could not control him, so they could only agree to take the girl home. I was also lucky enough to meet that girl. She was very beautiful and polite, and her eyes were full of affection when she looked at my cousin.
However, the third uncle and the third aunt still disagreed. They avoided Xiaoyan and brought my cousin to my house. Together with my parents and my uncle's family, they persuaded and educated my cousin. As for those rhetoric, I had heard it many times back then, and it was nothing more than that girls from other places were unreliable, had different living habits, etc.
Of course, although I am impatient, I also agree with these views. Therefore, I choose to stand on the side of the elders.
So, my cousin was scolded all night, and when he finally walked out of the room, I, who had been standing outside the door, expressed my opinion to him: "Cousin, break up with that girl."
"Brother, do you think she can't do it too?" The cousin was very sad.
Thinking of the way the girl looked at my cousin, I didn't want to say anything against my will, so I just patted him on the shoulder: "It's not that she is bad, it's that you are not suitable. Let it go as soon as possible, it will be good for you and her."
The cousin shook his head: "No, I can't live without her, she won't survive. Without her, I would be worse off than dead. Brother, please help me, I beg you."
After all, he is too young to talk about life and death just for this.
"Idiot." I comforted him, "Look at my eldest cousin, isn't he living a very happy life now? Our cousin-in-law is gentle and kind, and she gave birth to two sons for our eldest cousin. They are a family of four relatives. No need to leave City S, it’s convenient and safe.”
My cousin looked up at me: "What about you, second cousin?"
I
I smiled: "I'm pretty good too. I'm going on a blind date next week. Maybe I'll get married if I meet a nice girl this time. So, cousin, don't cry like crazy just because of this. Men. Let it go. After you let it go, you will all live a good life."
That night, my cousin thought for a long time and finally listened to everyone's advice and decided to break up with the girl named Xiaoyan.
In order to avoid long nights and dreams, the third uncle and the third aunt decided to ask me to come forward and send Xiaoyan away immediately. As for why I didn't let my cousin go, it was probably because I was afraid that my cousin would go back on his word.
Since it is going to be cut off, it must be cut off completely. I agreed to see Xiaoyan off. I said I was sending her off, but in fact I just wanted to help her get some things and send her to the train station.
When we arrived at the train station, Xiaoyan asked me: "Is Su Qi really not coming? Is he not even willing to see me for the last time?"
Suki is the cousin's name.
I think last night, when her cousin's family was not at home and Xiaoyan was left alone, Xiaoyan had probably guessed such a result. So I could see the sadness in her eyes, but I wasn't surprised.
"Sorry, he suddenly had something happen and couldn't come." Seeing the sadness in her eyes, I didn't want to be so cruel, so I just made up a random reason.
Xiaoyan smiled at me: "Thank you, cousin."
That smile actually reminded me of Xiao Guang. If I could have been face to face with her when I broke up with her many years ago, would I have seen her helpless, desolate and painful smile
In a daze, I heard Xiaoyan's voice again: "Tell Su Qi for me that I hate him forever."
lifetime? At the time, I thought she was just talking. After all, a person's life is too long, and they were only in their early twenties. Although I do hate it now, time will always dilute everything.
However, none of us expected that Xiaoyan was much more decisive than Xiaoguang.
On the fifth day after I sent Xiaoyan off, my cousin suddenly heard the news from a college classmate—Xiaoyan had cut her wrists.
This determined girl actually chose to vent her pain in this way after returning home.
Fortunately, the rescue was relatively timely. She is now out of danger and is resting in the hospital. But we were still all shocked and scared.
After all, it was a living human life, and we almost all became indirect murderers.
Later, I heard that she recovered well. When she was discharged from the hospital, she asked someone to bring a message to her cousin: "We have said that we will never leave until death. I have already died for you once, and it will have nothing to do with me in the future."
She is truly a girl who loves her to the core. I think that neither I nor my cousins love her as fiercely as she does.
The cousin regrets it very much. He stares at his mobile phone every day. No one knows what he is thinking.
About a week later, my cousin finally ran away from home because his uncle and aunt lamented that a girl didn't know how to cherish herself, and would never know how to cherish others in the future.
He refused to contact his parents and other family members, but he only left my contact information.
He said that he asked me to help him report to his family that he was safe, but he would not go home again until he thought about it clearly. If the third uncle and the third aunt insist on catching him back, he will even delete my contact information.
Therefore, the third uncle and the third aunt compromised and acquiesced to his conditions.
I thought he would go find Xiaoyan, but he never wanted to go to Z city where Xiaoyan lived. He said, "I have no shame to see her."
He added: "Actually, I really thought that she would be happy without me, but she did it for me. Cousin, in fact, I never thought about betraying her. When you forced me to leave her, I planned to stay with her for the rest of my life. Not getting married. Because I want to keep my promise to her, but now I no longer have the face to keep it."
"Be more open-minded and things will get better gradually." I tried to comfort him, but once I said the words, I didn't feel that there was any comfort.
So, that day, despite being separated by thousands of miles of distance on my phone, I clearly heard my cousin crying all night long.
"Brother, do you know? Her family also looks down on me. Her family obviously introduced her to a man who is better than me in every aspect, but she has to be me."
"Brother, I feel like I have lost the only girl who can make me happy. I will never like anyone else again."
"Brother, do you really think you are happy?"
I don’t know why, but hearing him say this, my eyes suddenly filled with tears.
Another year passed, and my aunt's cousin Shanshan also started to fall in love. She is a very sunny girl, but she can be very shy when facing the people she likes.
In fact, she told me a long time ago that she had a crush on her high school classmate Yang Fan. Now that cultivation has finally come true, the two of them have come together.
I am very happy for her, because it is rare that the person she chose, Yang Fan, is a local from S City. I heard that the family conditions are also good, which fully meets the requirements of our family here.
Sure enough, my aunt's family had no objections and were very supportive of Shanshan.
But the good times didn't last long. Not long after, Shanshan told her aunt that Yang Fan's family didn't agree with them being together.
This surprised me, because Shanshan and Yang Fan are both from S City and are classmates. What's wrong with them
Unexpectedly, Shanshan said: "Yang Fan's family is in good condition. His brother got married last year to a girl who is the right match for their family."
I was a little confused: "What does this have to do with you?"
But Shanshan cried: "Yang Fan's mother said that the eldest daughter-in-law's family originally gave her a 120-square-meter house and a car worth more than 500,000 yuan. And I..."
And how could she have so much dowry
The aunt was very angry: "What about Yang Fan? Didn't he speak for you?"
Shanshan quickly explained: "Of course he spoke for me, but that is his mother after all, and he cannot fall out with his mother no matter what."
I nodded and agreed with this. After all, it was because of this that I gave up on Xiaoguang.
But my aunt said: "A man should be filial, but he should also protect the people he likes."
My mother actually supported my aunt: "If Yang Fan really likes you, he will at least fight for you, and it's not like he has to fall out with his family."
So, Shanshan listened to their words and asked Yang Fan to have a talk with his mother.
I don’t know if Yang Fan ever fought for Shanshan after that. All I know is that about a month later, Shanshan came back crying and said: "Yang Fan and I had a fight. I just wanted him to take me to meet his family more, maybe they would slowly accept me, but he said he My family didn’t want to see me, and he couldn’t help it. I just got angry and forced him a few words, and he said I was unreasonable and he couldn’t be with me anymore.”
I just wanted to persuade Shanshan, but she was too radical. This was really not good - it was like forcing Yang Fan to choose between her and her parents. It was too willful and selfish.
But the aunt was furious: "What do they mean? Do they really think their son is so great, or do they think no one wants you? I still don't want to see you. Do I have to fancy his son as my son-in-law?"
My mother was also very dissatisfied: "As a man, Yang Fan only blames your family members for these problems. Such a man has no sense of responsibility and will not take responsibility. Shanshan, you It’s better to give up.”
But when Xiaoguang and I broke up, my mother clearly didn’t say that.
She advised me to give up Xiaoguang "in time", saying that it was best for her. But she wanted Yang Fan to persist. Yang Fan chose to give up like me, but she said that Yang Fan had no sense of responsibility and no responsibility.
I suddenly wondered why my mother had such double standards.
In other words, in fact, like Yang Fan, I am a person with no sense of responsibility and no responsibility.
Shanshan cried so sadly that she couldn't even eat well in the next few days. Not only my aunt and mother, I felt very distressed when I saw them.
My mother advised her: "Eat as much as you like. You are like this and Yang Fan doesn't even come to see you. You are so heartless and unrighteous. What else do you want from him?"
When I heard this, I found it funny.
Mother, you have double standards again.
At that time, Xiaoguang's feet were injured and she wouldn't let me take a look. Now she blames Yang Fan for not coming to see Shanshan.
Shanshan ignored the advice of my mother and aunt. She just cried every day until her eyes were swollen. Because my home is close to my aunt's home, my mother often asks me to stay with her, so I often see her looking sad and unable to eat.
"Do you like him that much?" I asked.
Shanshan replied without thinking: "I like him! He is the only boy I want to be with for the rest of my life."
After that, she cried again.
When I looked at her, I seemed to be looking at Xiao Guang through her. I wanted to try to comfort her, but found that I actually had nothing to say.
Probably because seeing Shanshan was so sad, my aunt couldn't bear it. She even decided to borrow money from my mother to buy a "decent" dowry for Shanshan.
I still remember what my aunt said when I borrowed money from my mother: "Hey, what can I do? With such a daughter, how can I not want her to be happy? Let alone money, even if I take out my heart, I will give it ah."
The mother even lamented: "You gave birth to a daughter, but it seems like you owe someone else your life."
I knew what my mother meant—the things my aunt wanted to marry Shanshan were her life savings.
But my aunt is willing to give it because she just wants Shanshan to get her wish. Her painstaking efforts are just like Father Zheng and Mother Zheng who promised me to bring Xiaoguang back to live in S city.
It’s just this painstaking effort that I can only understand now.
However, the aunt's painstaking efforts did not move Yang Fan's family after all, and Shanshan separated from Yang Fan. The aunt ordered her to only go on blind dates in the future and stop thinking about Yang Fan's "thing" that was "not a man at all".
I don't know if this counts as scolding me. I just remember Shanshan's eyes were red from crying and she shed tears again. At that time, I seemed to understand Xiaoguang's despair and Xiaoyan's determination.
And my cousin and I, even the cousin who is living happily now, we all made the most unforgivable mistake in the world - we all hurt a girl who loved us deeply.
Even if we think we let go "in time", in fact the harm we have done to them is the same, but because of their different personalities, the way they vent their pain is also different.
Although Xiaoguang is not as decisive as Xiaoyan, and I am not sure whether she has cried like Shanshan, I can at least be sure of one thing now - I made a big mistake towards her. Even if she is married now and lives a very happy life, she still shouldn't forgive me.
Especially since I not only failed her, but also hurt her parents.
It was about the time I finally came to my realization that I soon fell in love with a girl I met on a blind date. Her name is Ran Ran, she is not very beautiful and has a bit of a fiery temperament. All in all, nothing like the girl I imagined I could spend my life with.
The reason I chose her is also very simple. She is the type that my mother admires. My mother said that my personality is a bit soft, so I am suitable for a girl with a "backbone" like her.
She is indeed very independent and quick in her work. After confirming the relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend, she began to try to control my life.
In fact, I go to work and go home between 2:00 and 1:00 every day, and only occasionally go out to eat with friends, so I feel like I have nothing to explain. But she asked me to report my itinerary to her every day.
One time, I couldn't help but complain to my mother, but she said, "Silly boy, I care about your performance."
haha, really
Ranran and I had been dating for about a month, and she began to urge me to discuss it with my family as soon as possible to finalize our marriage.
In fact, I quite understand her, after all, we are both young. But at that time, I was already a little afraid of her. I was afraid that if I married her, my future life would be completely controlled by her.
So, I lied. I promised her to talk, but in fact I gradually started to distance myself from her.
I avoided her, just as I avoided Xiaoguang.
But she is not Xiaoguang after all. She didn't even ask me what I was busy with, and came directly to the company where I worked to block me. Questioning me in public almost made me a joke in the company.
Only then did I realize that Xiao Guang, who was ignored by me at that time, was not as insecure as I thought. The real insecure person was this girl named Ran Ran.
Therefore, I was even more reluctant to see her and didn't want to talk to her, but she quickly reported this problem to my mother through our introducer.
My mother asked me: "Why did you deliberately ignore Ranran?"
I explained: "I feel like she and I are not suitable for each other. She likes to control my life too much, and she always loses her temper with me recently."
However, the mother was very angry: "You always ignore me and are not willing to take her home. A girl's youth is limited, can she wait endlessly like this? You make her feel insecure, and you still have the nerve to blame her. Losing my temper with you!"
But when Xiaoguang and I were together, she clearly didn't persuade me like this.
I chuckled, my mother was double standard again.
In fact, as I grow older, and with what I have experienced over the past few years, I have slowly come to understand what I missed back then.
When I think of Xiaoguang, I can no longer be as calm and indifferent as I was at the beginning. If I hadn't known that she was married, I might not have been able to control myself and go to her to confess to her everything I had done wrong.
But time can’t go back, and she and I are destined to not go back either.