[Brother, when will you start a family?]
[Why did you say that suddenly?]
[I saw them talking about you today.]
[Don't worry about those gossips, what's wrong? Did they make you unhappy?]
[No, I just want... If you have a lover, support each other together, like Xiaoduo and Xiang Cheng...] [Life is alive, each has its own happiness, don't envy others, you can't envy, let alone I think This is very happy.]Chen Zhen saw his younger brother for the first time when he was twelve years old. He was so busy crying that day that he didn't realize that this little baby would be with him for the rest of his life.
"Really... Really..."
When she was dying, her mother was still calling Chen Zhen's name.
Chen Zhen was brought to the ward by his father, and his mother was pale, holding his hand tightly, whispering a few intermittent words, and gently raised her fingers.
"This is... your brother. Take good care of him." After she finished speaking, she closed her eyes.
"Mom?" Chen Zhen's voice trembled.
"Get out and get out."
The doctor began to rescue him, and the nurse carried the infant Chen Lang to the nursery. Chen Zhen stood helplessly outside the ward, and everyone was busy, except him.
Across the greenhouse, he glanced at his younger brother who was lighting up.
After the mother finished the funeral, on the day Chen Lang was discharged from the hospital, his father was on business and couldn't go home, so Chen Zhen asked for leave in the afternoon, took a taxi, and took Chen Lang home.
The baby's hand moved unconsciously, grabbing Chen Zhen's finger, and Chen Zhen took a lot of effort to break his hand away.
After returning home, the relatives who took the time to help taught Chen Zhen how to heat the baby bottle and how to change the diaper. Chen Lang was congenitally deaf and blind.
After giving orders in a mess, after Chen Zhen probably remembered, the relatives left, and so did the nanny. Because of the parents' occupations at home, we can't invite outsiders to come and help us all the time.
So Chen Zhen brewed baby milk powder, carefully held it for Chen Lang to drink, and picked it up after drinking, but was spit out.
Chen Zhen:"… "
Just as Chen Zhen was going to take a bath, little Chen Lang was moving around again. Chen Zhen was so busy that he was exhausted.
Until late at night, father Chen Rong came back.
Chen Zhen was lying in front of the desk doing homework. Next to the desk was a crib. Chen Zhen would shake it a few times after writing for a while.
"Have you eaten?" Chen Rong asked.
"I've eaten." Chen Zhen said.
"I'm asking you." Chen Rong said again.
Only then did Chen Zhen remember, and said, "I forgot."
"There is food on the table, I'll look at him, you go and eat." Rong Chen said.
The nanny cooked the meal and put it on the table. Chen Zhen ate some casually. He saw Chen Rong hugging his younger brother, humming a song in a low voice, and slowly shaking in the living room. Little Chen Lang was lying on his father's shoulder, closing his eyes. eyes closed.
"He can't hear." Chen Zhen said to his father.
"He can't hear with his ears." Chen Rong replied, "He can hear with his heart."
"Is he blind too?"
"Newborns are like this." Rong Chen said, "Don't think about it, the ear matter, check it after a while."
Chen Zhen looked at his sleeping brother and remained silent.
Autumn in Beijing is full of yellow leaves, and the window is bleak. Since then, Chen Zhen's life tasks, apart from learning the piano, practicing the piano, taking cram schools, and learning spells, have one more thing—to take care of his younger brother. He also had to cut his hair short to avoid being pulled by Chen Lang.
Chen Rong said to Chen Zhen: "Look, your brother is talking to you."
When Chen Zhen was changing Chen Lang's diaper, little Chen Lang waved his hand aimlessly and grabbed Chen Zhen's little finger.
Chen Zhen always thought that this little thing would not live for too long. The newborn's hearing was first screened out, and congenital deafness was found out, and congenital blindness was found later. But it seems to have survived with the strong and tenacious vitality of the mother before she died.
Chen Rong tried everything, but after all, he couldn't solve the innate problem of little Chen Lang. Chen Zhen carefully passed the living room, and saw his father pacing at home, talking to himself.
"It's fine even if you can hear it or see it." Rong Chen murmured, "Otherwise, how can we get in touch with the outside world... Really?"
When Chen Rong heard the sound, Chen Zhen immediately stood aside with his hands behind his back.
"What's in your hand?" Chen Rong asked.
Chen Zhen shook his head, Chen Rong said, "Take it out."
Chen Zhen stepped back a little, Chen Rong stepped forward, Chen Zhen had no choice but to take out what was in his hand - it was a coat that his mother had worn before she was alive.
"What are you doing with the coat?" Chen Rong said.
"My brother is not feeling well." Chen Zhen said, "I keep moving and screaming, and I can't sleep."
Chen Rong didn't say anything more, Chen Zhen took the coat and left, wrapped little Chen Lang with it, and Chen Lang gradually fell asleep.
In the middle of the night, in the bedroom, twelve-year-old Chen Zhen embraced his mother's coat and lay on his side on the bed, choking with tears.
The sun is still rising, the winter is vast, and the whole city of Beijing is covered with snow and pale.
"Hey! Chen Zhen!" The classmate yelled, "Let's play billiards!"
"No." Chen Zhen said with a bag on one shoulder, "I have something to go home."
"Let's go."
"No."
"What have you been doing these days? You ran home after school."
Chen Zhen didn't say anything, got into the car waiting to pick him up from school by the side of the road, and when he returned home, he heard two nannies talking in a low voice.
"This child is so pitiful...it might as well not have been born...hey..."
Chen Zhen walked past the nanny, and the nanny immediately stopped talking. He threw his schoolbag aside and saw his younger brother with his mouth open, making a hoarse, ah cry, like a poor chick waiting to be fed in a dry nest .
Small hands, small feet, and a small mouth. Everything was so small. Chen Zhen touched his brother's gums with his fingers, and it seemed that teeth had grown out.
Chen Lang hugged his brother's index finger with both hands, and calmed down.
In the middle of the night, Chen Zhen was sleepy to death, and Chen Lang started screaming again. Chen Zhen had checked the diaper and had just fed, so he didn’t know what he was screaming. Chen Zhen was shaking Chen Lang’s crib while rushing homework, but Chen Lang barking non-stop.
The meow sounded meaningless, just ah-ah-ah, very small, intermittent, like the meowing of a kitten. At first Chen Zhen thought that babies made sounds like this, but gradually discovered that Chen Lang seemed to be crying in this way.
Chen Zhen had no choice but to pick up Chen Lang, walk around and sing. As soon as Chen Lang was picked up, he stopped screaming and lay obediently on Chen Zhen's shoulder.
In fact, it's okay to let him call like that, and his voice won't be hoarse, after all, it's not crying, and it's not annoying. Chen really wanted to, but when Chen Lang called out, he couldn't sit still.
"There is no way." Zhou Maoguo's voice said in the living room.
Chen Rong let out a long sigh, and Zhou Maoguo said, "Poor brothers."
Chen Zhen hugged his younger brother and glanced inside from the half-hidden door. Chen Rong walked over and closed the door. Chen Zhen looked at his younger brother lying on his shoulders.
After Chen Zhen graduated from junior high school, he entered a high school a little far away from home, and still repeated his home-school life.
"Chen Zhen." A classmate said, "Should we go skating in Beihai after school?"
"No." Chen Zhen replied, "I have something to go home."
"Your father is so strict." The classmate said again.
Chen Zhen waved his hand and said, "Another day."
"Another day, another day." Others couldn't laugh or cry: "How many times has this been changed?"
Chen Zhen just smiled, didn't speak, put on a scarf, and got on the car waiting to be picked up at the school gate.
When Chen Zhen returned home and changed his shoes, he saw Chen Lang holding on to the armrest of the sofa and moving step by step.
"Yo." Chen Zhen said, "What are you looking for?"
Chen Lang moved to the other side of the sofa, reaching for the phone receiver.
"Are you in a good mood?" Chen Zhen asked, and handed over the receiver to him in the past. As soon as Xiao Chen Lang felt that Chen Zhen was back, he immediately put away the receiver, grabbed Chen Zhen's hand, and refused to let him go. Had to pick him up.
Chen Zhen is sometimes very depressed. His father is busy with work and is not at home, so he has to take care of it by himself. He wants to leave it to the nanny several times, but he often sees the nanny busy. Jin, Chen Zhen didn't look at it, Chen Lang either broke something or wrestled.
When doing homework, Chen Zhen still had to carry Chen Lang on his back, and then replaced it with a hug. If he couldn't do it, he set up a small table on the bed and let Chen Lang crawl around beside him. As long as Chen Zhen is by his side, Chen Lang will gradually calm down, and sometimes he can even leave Chen Zhen a little bit to find something to entertain himself.
Spring came. When Chen Lang was four years old, the spring weather in Beijing was very good.
Chen Zhen made an exception and brought his teammates home from the school's debate team to prepare the manuscript for the debate competition. There were two men and two women. Captain Chen Zhen was in charge of the free agent and the conclusion of the debate.
"Hello."
"Hello-"
"hello."
"This is my younger brother." Chen Zhen said, "Chen Lang."
Chen Lang was grabbing things in the living room. His teammates came in. Chen Lang felt the vibration on the ground and patted the table.
"He can neither hear nor see." Chen Zhen said to his teammates a little nervously.
"Oh-"
Chen Zhen didn't want to tell his classmates about his family. His father was an exorcist, and this profession should not be exposed in front of the secular society. Chen Lang was born with three failures. Once the students in the class knew about it, they would immediately pass it around and start discussing it. Whether it's sympathy or understanding, Chen Zhen doesn't want to be a talking point among his peers.
"Let's prepare the manuscript first." Chen Zhen said, "Dinner at my house tonight."
"Your brother is so cute," said the teammate.
Chen Zhen said: "Don't hug him, he doesn't like being hugged by strangers very much, he will get nervous and occasionally attack people."
The teammates nodded and watched Chen Lang for a while, and someone asked: "Chen Zhen, didn't you tell your brother that you are back?"
"For now... just leave him alone." Chen Zhen had a lot of things to do and didn't have time to accompany Chen Lang, so he said, "I'll talk about it later, as soon as I meet him, he will let me hug him, he's too clingy, come on, start now."
Everyone hummed, Chen Lang was grabbing something before they came back, and now he stood still, as if he felt the presence of his brother, everyone tried to avoid disturbing him, and walked quietly through the living room.
"Is beauty an objective existence, or a subjective feeling..." Chen Zhen flipped through the manuscript and began to prepare for the debate.
The teammates looked around from time to time, and saw Chen Lang sitting alone on the sofa outside.
Chen Zhen accidentally glanced at the four-year-old Chen Lang sitting quietly.
"Continue." Chen Zhen said: "Don't be so quiet, he can't hear you."
Halfway through the simulation, everyone was startled when there was a sound outside.
The sofas and tables in Chen Zhen's house are all wrapped with anti-collision materials, and the floor is also carpeted, so it's not too tense.
"Your brother fell down," said the teammate.
Chen Lang knocked over the wooden cup on the coffee table, and fell to the ground himself.
Chen Zhen motioned not to help, observed for a while, and said to his teammates: "He usually stands up by himself."
Little Chen Lang opened his mouth and yelled a few times, but got no response. Chen Zhen was a little confused. After a while, Chen Lang really stood up by himself, so Chen Zhen and his debate friends ignored Chen Lang.
"How people understand the world, the world is what people see..." The teammate noticed that Chen Lang was grabbing a toy in the middle of speaking, and said with a smile: "What does your brother like?"
Chen Lang was playing with a wooden carving.
Chen Zhen looked up and said, "He likes things with patterns, so it can be seen that beauty is a subjective feeling."
Everyone laughed. After a while, little Chen Lang slowly crawled towards the place where Chen Zhen was. Everyone raised their feet automatically and let him crawl under the table. Chen Lang crawled back and forth a few times, and finally sat under the table. Moved.
Chen Zhen tried to put his foot down, and Xiao Chen Lang immediately hugged Chen Zhen's foot.
Chen Zhen had no choice but to pick him up, and little Chen Lang started to make trouble, moving his hands for a while, and stuffing his hands into Chen Zhen's mouth, making Chen Zhen unable to speak, and finally Chen Zhen said: "Let's go here first today."
Everyone started to eat, Chen Zhen fed Chen Lang, and Chen Lang knocked over the bowl again. Chen Zhen hurriedly apologized to his teammates, wiped the table, and said, "Occasionally he feels a little unwell, it's because of the change of seasons."
When sending off his teammates that day, Chen Zhen said goodbye to his friends behind Chen Lang's back. Everyone said that it was okay and thought Chen Lang was cute. At night, Chen Zhen saw Chen Lang sitting on the bed by himself, alone, and felt a little uncomfortable.
"Did you hear that, they praised you as a handsome boy." Chen Zhen said, "They said you are more handsome than your brother."
Xiao Chen Lang just sat there without any response.
Sometimes Chen Zhen thought to himself, is Chen Lang a human being? His genes are human, but he has no understanding of the human world. In his spirit, the world is pitch black, with no past or future, no color and no sound. what is it
Will the never-ending darkness in their thinking world have spiritual waves as they perceive the outside world with their sense of touch
Chen Zhen knew that Chen Lang could distinguish himself from strangers, perhaps by smell, but he didn't know his father much anymore.
On the day Chen Rong died in the line of duty, it was raining lightly in Beijing. Chen Zhen was wearing a black suit, and he was hugging Chen Lang, who was also wearing a black suit.
Many people came to express their condolences. Chen Zhen greeted them one by one and expressed his gratitude. When sending his father into the incinerator, Chen Zhen put his five-year-old brother down. Chen Lang was very obedient.
"Kneel down." Chen Zhen whispered, touched Chen Lang's knee, and motioned him to kneel on the ground.
The two knelt facing the coffin being sent into the incinerator, and Chen Lang crawled on Chen Zhen again, wanting to hug him.
Chen Zhen's eyes were red, and he asked Chen Lang to kneel several times. Chen Lang was just very disturbed. Chen Zhen threw him on the ground with all his might, and said loudly, "Kneel down! Dad is dead!"
Chen Lang felt it, and was startled, gasping for breath, trembling all over, with a hesitant expression on his face.
"Kowtow." Chen Zhen suppressed his crying and said, "Xiao Lang, kowtow to Dad."
Chen Lang knelt on the ground, at a loss. Chen Zhen pressed his head and made him lean down. Chen Lang didn't dare to move, and Chen Zhen kowtowed beside him.
That night, Chen Zhen held Chen Lang in his arms, and leaned against his hair, choking with sobs.
"Do you miss Dad?" Chen Zhen said sadly, "You don't know him, do you?"
Chen Lang stretched out his hand and scratched aimlessly. Chen Zhen took his hand and pressed it on his face, hugging Chen Lang and crying.
"Do you miss your mother?" Chen Zhen said, "Xiao Lang?"
Chen Lang wiped away Chen Zhen's snot and tears, and wiped Chen Zhen's face. Chen Zhen cried and laughed, laughed for a while, and then cried sadly for a long time. He fell asleep on the sofa at dawn for a whole night up.
Another day, in the room, Chen Zhen sat cross-legged on the ground, lit his heart lamp, and the darkness instantly disappeared.
The rune revolved around Chen Zhen's body, and in the light, a vague outline of a soul beast appeared.
"Xiao Lang?" Chen Zhen said, "Can you see me?"
The seven-year-old Chen Lang sat across from Chen Zhen and moved uncomfortably. The light of the heart lamp illuminated the souls of the two brothers.
Chen Lang's seven souls emerged in the form of seven soul runes, embodied as chakras, spinning in front of him.
Chen Zhen's central soul turned into a shining mink, stretched out his claws, and carefully tried to touch Chen Lang's central soul.
The moment the soul beast touched Chen Lang's chakra, there was a loud buzz, and a flash of light appeared in the souls of the two brothers.
Chen Zhen finally saw his younger brother's spiritual world.
In this world, everything is concretized into various weird symbols, like oddly shaped stick figure lines, just like the ocean, and in the center of the ocean, there is a huge sculpture that stands upright.
The sculpture stands tall like a stalwart totem. All disordered impressions undulate, swirl, and move irregularly around it.
It is like the image of a person, with human characteristics, but not a visualized person.
Just like what is shown in modern art, a conceptual "person" is composed of fragmented compositions.
He is composed of lines, points and surfaces, standing crookedly in the deepest part of Chen Lang's heart.
He exists here as a matter of course, guiding the world of thoughts, and supporting this chaotic galaxy.
He glowed, illuminating an endless ocean of impressions.
—to be continued—