After receiving treatment in the hospital, Lin Jianfan woke up to see his mother's concerned and distressed face, haggard and tired.
For the first time, he was hugged tightly by his mother, whose tears wet his hospital gown.
Fortunately, the building is not high and there is no danger to life, but after talking with Lin Jianfan, Lin Ma found out that Lin Jianfan needs a psychiatrist.
Because Lin Jianfan was taciturn, not at all like the lively and cheerful look before. He didn't laugh, and he was a little slow to answer questions when asked.
At first, Ma Lin thought she had lost her head, but the doctor said there was absolutely no such thing.
The psychiatrist and Lin Jianfan chatted for a long time, while Lin Ma waited anxiously outside.
The psychiatrist and Lin Ma said, "When I asked your son a question, he answered me one sentence."
"What is it?" Lin Ma asked.
"He said there is no suicide in this world."
There is no suicide in this world, it is just being killed by the world.
Lin Jianfan said these words in a low voice and silently. The psychiatrist and Lin Ma said: "Jian Fan is actually very sensible, but he is also very fragile. From his answers, we can clearly feel that he is always alone. He used to be a boarding school and was bullied. He is very lonely. "
"Then what should we do?" Lin Ma asked.
The psychiatrist saw that Ma Lin was a person who didn't take care of children very much: "This is for you. I'm just a psychiatrist. I have just come into contact with your children and I have just come into contact with you."
Lin Ma was determined to quit the job that Lin Jianfan had been hesitant to quit since the accident. She decided to go home to see Fan and seek justice with him.
A mother's anger cannot be underestimated. After Lin's mother quit her job, she worked hard to learn relevant legal knowledge. While taking care of Lin Jianfan, she had to hide it from Lin Jianfan's grandma, saying that Jianfan just fell accidentally.
Grandma has bad legs and feet, but insists on coming to see him. The old man's love for his child is incessant, and he wants to leave everything good to him.
Grandma peeled both bananas and apples when she came, so Lin Jianfan had to eat if he couldn't eat it.
Grandma was an interesting old lady. She peeled the apple and said to Lin Jianfan, "I peeled the fruit for you at such a young age. You should have peeled it for me because of your illness."
This is an old lady who fights whether the dog eats fruit or not.
Lin Jianfan laughed, and it was the first time that Lin Ma had been with him in the ward for so long.
Lin's mother wiped her tears and said that she went to the toilet and ran to the toilet to wipe her tears with a tissue.
Calling my husband, Dad Lin comforted: "I'll be back soon, the ticket has been booked, and it's been successful here."
"My son is more important or your work is more important?!" Lin Ma asked crying.
"Didn't I have already booked a flight ticket, I'll be back soon, the project is over, I can't go, I can't blame it."
Dad Lin couldn't get out, and he was very anxious. Lin Ma also understood, but she couldn't control her emotions when she cried. All the burden was placed on her alone, and it was hard to see her son smile.
Mom Lin couldn't help but said to Dad Lin, "Come back quickly, if you don't come back, I don't know who your son's surname will be. Anyway, I won't trust you with Lin!"
"What's wrong with you? I'm not in a hurry to come back, I know you've worked hard... "
"You know there's a fart, you only know that you know, there's a fart!"
Only you know the collapse of an adult. Lin Ma, who returned to the ward, is the same as when she first went out. She can't see that she has scolded her husband or cried.
Sending grandma home, Lin Ma wanted to talk to Lin Jianfan again, but found that she could not get into Lin Jianfan's heart. She could feel that their topic was lingering on the surface, and she could not gain Lin Jianfan's trust. his heart.
Zhu Shengquan visited Lin Jianfan once when he was hospitalized. He didn't go in and was seen by Lin's mother outside the ward. Zhu Shengquan did not explain that he was Lin Jianfan's classmate. He did not dare to say it because he saw that Lin's mother heard The name of the school has put on vigilant eyes. If you say that you are Lin Jianfan's classmate, you will not receive flowers.
Zhu Shengquan told a lie, and Lin Ma saw that he was upright and let him sit in, maybe a friend would visit Lin and see that Fan would not be so lonely.
But Zhu Shengquan couldn't say it, so Lin Ma took the flowers and left in a hurry. When Lin Ma brought the flowers into the ward, Lin saw that Fan was sleeping. Lin Ma put the flowers into the vase, and as soon as Lin Jianfan woke up, Lin Ma told him that a friend had just come to see him.
friend?
which friend?
Junior high school friends?
Ma Lin showed him the card on the bouquet. Zhu Shengquan didn't even dare to leave his name, only a date.
Lin Jianfan thought he was rescued by Zhu Shengquan on the date.
Lin Jianfan knew at a glance who it was. The glass vase was pushed over, the water in the vase was scattered on the ground, and the broken glass slag of the vase lay in the spilled water.
Lin Jianfan suddenly went crazy when he saw the card, dropped the vase and started scratching his hair again. The bed swayed and the sheets slipped. Lin Ma hurriedly pressed the call bell to call the doctor. After seeing the doctor, Lin Jianfan returned to normal after a while, and fell asleep soon after.
Once this time, Lin Ma was frightened and no longer dared to accept visits from people she didn't know.
His wife became nervous and even began to question him. Dad Lin had quarreled with Mama Lin several times because of her fragile nerves.
Lin Jianfan didn't know what to do with the school. His mother didn't tell him, and he seemed to be isolated in the ward.
He didn't know that the parents of the other party offered to compensate them, and wanted to use the money to settle matters.
He didn't know that his mother who quit her job was not only flamboyant at work, but she was also stubborn in dealing with parents who wanted to use the money for private purposes.
Lin Ma said to those parents: "You are humiliating me with money and humiliating my right as a mother to protect my child. You are also humiliating my child and humiliating his integrity."
"I'm glad my family still has a little money, enough to pay for the medical bills to see Fan and the psychiatrist. If I don't have money and my child is in the hospital again, I might accept it, but that's also a betrayal. my son."
"Since knowing that my son has been abused and humiliated for so long, he has been traumatized both mentally and physically. He can't believe in this world, he can't believe in friendly classmates, and he can't even believe in us. What my child has lost is that he can't believe it. Trust in a better world redeemed with money."
"I have always believed in your school and the teacher. When I saw Fan and I said he didn't want to go to school, and some classmates bullied him, I also said that the teacher would handle it. I didn't help him, I didn't stand up, I didn't know he was at school. Living such a life. How sad he must be, his parents can't understand, so I must stand by his side, we will not take your money."
Mother Lin has a dry temper. A mother who wants justice for her child is invincible. Lin Jianfan didn't know that his mother's negotiation with the school was fruitless, and the head teacher didn't know how to repent. He said in the office that your son has a problem.
Lin Ma pointed to the head teacher and said, "As a teacher, you can actually say such things. When things happened in your class, you didn't care enough about the students. On the other hand, you said that my son has a problem. How can you be embarrassed? How can someone like you be a teacher? ?"
Lin Jianfan didn't know that his mother couldn't stand his head teacher, so he found out where the head teacher lived, and went to the head teacher's house to beat her: "Whose son do you think has a problem?"
The trouble was getting bigger and bigger, and Lin Jianfan could sense his mother's pressure even when he was closed in the ward.
After finally recovering from his illness, he returned home, but he didn't sleep. In the middle of the night, he heard his mother come to his room, hold his hand, talk to him, and apologize to him.
"It's my mother's fault, I didn't pay attention earlier."
He heard his mother crying, but he could only pretend to be asleep and didn't dare to wake up.
Because of him, the air pressure in the house became extraordinarily low. Mother and father pretended to be cheerful and relaxed in front of him, but they always quarreled when he fell asleep at night.
He could hear his parents arguing about him through the wall, he could hear his mother's cry, and his father's sigh never stopped.
His mother treated him like a fragile item. She didn't tell him anything and avoided him, for fear that he would be as mad as last time when he saw something close to the past.
Every night after his mother left the bedroom, Lin Jianfan would turn on the lamp in the room again. The lamp in the room is very bright, so as to give him a sense of security.
Once the mother left the bedroom to quarrel with her father, and came back to the bedroom to see him, and found that the light was on again. She knew that Lin Jianfan had not slept. From that day on, her mother would leave a night light in the room every time.
The mother blamed herself infinitely. The mother thought that Lin Jianfan didn't know, but Lin Jianfan knew everything. The mother's self-blame made Lin Jianfan realize that in addition to his mother's love for him, he was more of a burden on his parents.
Lin Jianfan couldn't bear the burden he brought to his parents, and told his mother that he didn't want them to pay for him any more.
He saw his mother's tears and heard her say, "Worrying about your son is a parent's right, and you can't take it away."
The psychiatrist that his mother found for him is still going on. He suspended school at home. He tried his best to make his parents relax, but his parents regarded him as a fragile baby.
His parents were discussing things in the room, he was sitting alone in the living room watching TV, and he couldn't get in touch with anyone about the school or the outside world.
He is a caged bird that is protected in all directions.
The parents were arguing again. They thought that Lin Jianfan didn't know. In the living room, Lin Jianfan curled up with his legs and hugged him. He told himself that it was all right.
The dog-blood TV series on TV is being staged on its own. There are often episodes of amnesia in dog-blood TV series. Lin Jianfan hugged him and forced himself to watch it, pretending he didn't know anything.
He was inspired by the amnesia scene in the dog blood TV series.
In order to make his mother no longer worry about him, he practiced countless times in his heart, and retreated countless times in front of his mother, and finally one day he put in practice.
When he woke up in the morning, he pretended not to remember anything and asked his mother, who made breakfast, "Mom, why am I at home? Am I not at my grandma's house?"
Hearing these strange words, the noodles picked up by Lin Ma dropped into the boiling water in the pot.
"You... son... son..." Lin Ma stuttered in fright.
"Huh?" Lin Jianfan pretended that nothing happened and laughed, "What's wrong with you? The noodles are almost boiled."
The boiling water in the pot was tumbling, and Ma Lin didn't care. She grabbed Lin Jianfan's shoulders and asked, "Don't you remember?"
"I don't remember anything? Why are you so weird? I only remember that I slept at my grandma's house yesterday, and I arrived home today. Did I remember yesterday wrong?" Lin Jianfan said.
"Then mother asked you how old are you now?" Lin's mother swallowed nervously.
"Sixteen."
"Then...then... did anyone bully you at that school?"
"What? My classmates are very good to me. Didn't they bring it back to show you last time? What bullying is not bullying, mother, you are paranoid." Lin Jianfan quickly weaved lies in his heart.
Lin Ma was quite frightened, her chopsticks fell to the ground, she patted her cheek, and then touched Lin Jianfan's face: "Am I dreaming?"
Lin Jianfan laughed: "What a dream, why are you so strange today, I'm going to change my clothes first, and I have to go to school later."
Seeing that Fan couldn't make it up, Lin wanted to change his clothes to escape, but Lin Ma grabbed him, looked him in the eyes and said firmly, "Don't go to school to report, we'll transfer!"
Tears flashed in Lin Ma's eyes: "We won't go, we won't go, we'll move, we won't stay in this place anymore."
"We're not going to that broken school."
Lin's mother hurried to tell Lin's father the news. Lin Jianfan's quick and perfect lie made his parents think that he had amnesia, and even the doctor deceived him.
The doctor and Lin's father and Lin's mother were chatting about his condition inside. He was paid and was not allowed to listen. Lin Jianfan, who remembered everything, was pasted on the door to eavesdrop.
Soon the news of his amnesia spread again, Lin Jianfan had lied to everyone, and the doctor said that because the blow was too great, he would beautify his past memories. Lin Jianfan understands that he can make up random things at will. Anyway, to beautify, how to beautify and how to beautify is much easier than pretending to have amnesia.
Lin Jianfan's memory beautification made Lin Ma a lot easier, at least she wouldn't cry in her heart because she saw a silent son, but Lin Jianfan had to pretend to be happy if she didn't want to laugh.
A child with scars inside pretends to be a cheerful and smiling child for his parents.
After coming out of the hospital, Lin Jianfan sat in the car and looked at the backs of his parents in the front seat. He pretended to laugh to make them happy.
He said to himself, "This path is yours to choose. You choose someone to hide your scars, so keep hiding them, and don't show your tail."
His amnesia made it easier for Lin Ma to seek justice.
Lin Jianfan lost the memory of being bullied before, which directly caused Lin Ma to not know what to do next.
She promised Lin Jianfan to transfer to another school, but she didn't move. She hid from "Lin Jianfan who lost her memory" and was busy with her previous affairs.
Lin Jianfan couldn't know, and there was not enough evidence. The lawyer he hired was almost crazy when he learned that Lin Jianfan had such a disease.
"Did I do something wrong again?" Lin Jianfan asked himself. Hearing his mother's voice coming home, Lin Jianfan quickly put away the thought on his face and put on a smiley face: "Mom, are you back?"
Faced with his mother, Lin Jianfan, who came back suddenly, he tried his best to make his smile not look so fake, and let the smile touch his eyes as before. He also tried hard not to be blunt, trying to be the same as before, with a lively voice and revealing the joy of seeing his mother back.
Lin Ma was running around outside, and when she heard the usual "Mom, are you back?", she felt sad and wanted to cry, but how could someone so strong cry in front of her son for no reason? Woolen cloth?
Lin Ma forced the tears back to her heart, and said to Lin Jianfan, "Your dad won't go home for dinner today, let's go out to eat."
"Your dad's job has been transferred, which is very inconvenient, so we plan to move to another place to live." Lin Ma said casually.
"We have been busy with these things these days, and your transfer procedures have been completed."
What kind of job transfer, Lin Jianfan knew that it was because he transferred his father's job that he had to transfer.
Soon after, Lin Jianfan fled from that city. On the day he arrived in the new city, the sun was shining and hot, much hotter than the city where he lived before.
The sun was shining outside the window, as if welcoming him.
Sitting in the car to the new home, the father drives and chats with the mother in the passenger seat. Lin Jianfan looked at the ever-changing unfamiliar scenery outside the car window. No matter how new the scenery outside the window was, it couldn't resist the exhaustion of his body.
sleepy.
How to get to the new home, Lin Jianfan does not know. His father patted him awake, and he saw his new home from the car window in a daze.
The new home looks good and the new neighbors are friendly. The new neighbor is a single mother, her husband passed away, and she is alone with a little boy.
The day after moving in, his mother took him to visit. The little boy didn't recognize the birth, and after sitting at the neighbor's house for half an afternoon, the little boy became his follower and shared toys with him.
The communicative top's mother also gets along well with her new neighbors. We drank tea together, and said that we could go shopping together and exchange cooking skills together in the future.
The summer sun shines through the tulle curtains in the living room on the plush carpet indoors, warm and comfortable. Lin Jianfan was sitting on the corner of the sofa in the gentle sunshine. The little boy was sitting at his feet playing with building blocks. Lin Jianfan lowered his head and looked at him with soft eyes. When the little boy encountered difficulties, he reached out and asked Lin Jianfan to help him.
When he came to the new city, the school had already started. Although his mother said that he would take him to the new school tomorrow, Lin Jianfan still felt that it was necessary to go to the school by himself first, so as to prepare himself mentally.
Lin Jianfan entered the school after the school bell rang against the flow of people returning home from school.
About half an hour before school was over, Lin Jianfan's taxi had already stopped early at the school gate.
Because there is no school, the school entrance is very quiet.
After Lin Jianfan got off the bus, he had no intention of going in. Not to mention that he can't get in now, even if he does, they are all in class. He wandering around the empty school by himself not only disturbs other people's classes, but also attracts attention. It doesn't make much sense to go in, it's better to wait for them after school.
While waiting for them to leave school for half an hour, Lin Jianfan eliminated a cup of milk tea and bought the pair of lensless black-rimmed glasses at the boutique.
Put on the glasses you bought, the white baseball cap from home, and the prepared mask, so that Lin Jianfan can feel at ease.
After the endless waiting, the get out of class bell rang on time, and Lin Jianfan raised his head to see the school building from the school fence.
This is his new school, where he will spend the remaining two years.
As the bell disappeared, students came out of the school gate one after another.
Lin Jianfan wore a hat and mask, as well as a pair of black-rimmed glasses. He knew he looked weird and attracted more attention, but he didn't want anyone to recognize him.
Although it was already 108,000 miles away from the original school, Lin Jianfan was still worried.
Lin Jianfan, who only showed a pair of eyes, bypassed the students gushing out from the school gate, trying to squeeze in in the most inconspicuous way from the far side.
Covering it so tightly has attracted the attention of many students, but most of them just thought it was special or weird, and swept them away with curious eyes.
Walking into the school, new eyes were cast on him along the way, and they were taken away from him.
Unfamiliar faces flashed past, and unfamiliar school uniforms swayed in front of them. Every plant and every tree is marked with a strange mark, and there is no sense of familiarity from it.
Maybe it would be better without a sense of familiarity. Lin Jianfan is looking forward to a new life.
Most of the students were in groups of three or five, clasping their shoulders, and the ease and smiles after school were written on their faces.
Someone was making trouble in the corridor, and Lin Jianfan saw a girl carrying a boy's schoolbag and throwing it downstairs, and someone downstairs responded.
Lin Jianfan's gaze followed the schoolbag thrown downstairs by the girl and looked downstairs.
It was the first time he saw Gu Chaoming.
Seeing Gu Chaoming who is about to participate in his future life.
This was the first time they met, not the kind-hearted boy Doraemon who handed out flyers in the city at night as Gu Chaoming thought.
Gu Chaoming, who was downstairs, pinched the yellow flower in his hand and kept looking at him. Lin Jianfan was unfamiliar with him, and was burned by Gu Chaoming's gaze. He chose to escape and escape from Gu Chaoming's sight.
Lin Jianfan, who escaped Gu Chaoming's sight, continued to wander around the school. The classrooms of all schools were similar, with blackboards, desks, and desks. Lin Jianfan pretended to pass by the window and glanced a few more times.
The longer the visit, the fewer students in the school.
Lin Jian Fan looked around like a tourist, and he stood in front of the basketball court to block the net.
On the block, he just saw the little yellow flower in the hand of the boy downstairs staying on top.
The little yellow flowers were dotted on the barricade. Lin saw that Fan Gui stepped up to take down the little yellow flowers, looked at them a few times, heard the voice behind him, turned his head, and met the boy downstairs watching him again.
Awkward opening, embarrassing eyes chasing, he won't talk to anyone, but luckily the boy opposite is not as speechless as him.
The boy asked him a question, and Lin Jianfan realized that he was so nervous that he wanted to run away, but he was too nervous to speak.
The young man thought he was mute, and Lin Jianfan also followed his meaning and said that he was mute.
The young man is enthusiastic, and uses his enthusiasm to resolve the embarrassment of the encounter.
He was the first person Lin Jianfan talked to after he came to the new school.
Just because of Gu Chaoming's acquaintance who didn't know him and the one who turned around and waved after Gu Chaoming left, Lin Jianfan's impression of this school was especially good because of him.
Lin Jianfan didn't believe it before, but when he met Gu Chaoming, he believed that someone in the world really had the ability to instantly turn his world into color.
Lin Jianfan always remembered the way the young man turned back and waved at him.
When I got home from school, it was time for dinner.
"Where did you go?" Lin Ma asked.
"I didn't go anywhere." Lin saw Fan lie, and put his hands in his pockets to find the black-rimmed glasses bought at the school gate. Afraid of being seen, Lin Jianfan added, "I just went to the side for a stroll."
At the dinner table, Lin Jianfan realized that his mother gave up looking for a job and planned to be a full-time housewife.
"In the future, my mother will cook delicious food for you at home, and my neighbor's aunt will make many dishes, and my mother can learn from her." Lin Ma said to him at the dining table with a smile.
My mother likes to work, so Lin Jianfan understands why she chooses to be a housewife instead of working.
Lin Jianfan didn't say anything, but he knew it in his heart, and his heart couldn't help but feel sour, but he could bear it like his mother, and couldn't hold back the tears in his heart.
Lin Jianfan held a bowl and watched his father, who had a strong desire to survive at the dinner table, desperately praised his mother's new dishes for being delicious. The mother was so happy that she laughed. Seeing how good Fan's grades were, Lin only said one sentence from his mouth: "It's delicious."
He likes this kind of life, there is no quarrel, only laughter.
He knows what his parents have done for him, but he can't say a word of thanks, and it will reveal the truth.
He felt like he was a burden to his parents or a stumbling block for them.
His parents worked hard to protect him with their love. Lin Jianfan felt that it was time for him to make a change. He didn't want his parents to worry about him anymore, and he didn't want to live the same life as the school before.
He wanted to start a new life in a new school and abandon everything in the past. He thought that he might repeat the same mistakes. He thought that there might be boundless darkness after the darkness, but he never thought that after the darkness, there was a boy waiting for him with light in front of him. , illuminating his life.
After eating and taking a shower, Lin saw Fan lying on the bed and resting. His mother opened the door and asked him, "The neighbor aunt said we would go shopping together. Would you like to go?"
The night market is bustling with lights flickering.
The two women walked behind and chatted while Lin Jianfan took on the responsibility of taking care of the children.
He was a person who didn't take children very much and only brought puppies in the past ten years, and the neighbor aunt also gave him the child at ease. Seeing that Fan was self-taught, Lin coaxed the little boy into laughing.
Lin Jianfan hugged the little boy with a sore hand: "Is it okay for Shengsheng to come down? My brother is tired."
Shengsheng nodded sensible, Lin Jian wanted to praise him for being sensible when he saw Fan put him down, but as soon as he put it down, Shengsheng left Doraemon who was running forward.
Lin Jianfan followed the past and heard Shengsheng raised his head and asked Doraemon, "Where's Nobita? Why is Doraemon alone?"
Lin Jianfan smiled helplessly, as expected, he was still a child, and the questions he asked were so naive.
He replied: "Because Nobita is waiting for Doraemon to come home, so let's help Doraemon get one and let him go home earlier, okay?"
Holding Shengsheng's hand and taking the flyer from Doraemon, Lin Jianfan didn't know that Gu Chaoming in the doll was looking at him.
For Lin Jianfan, the Doraemon in front of him is just an ordinary doll, maybe there is a hard-earned teenager inside. Lin Jianfan didn't pay attention at all, all his attention was on Shengsheng.
In the sudden chaos, Lin Jianfan hugged Shengsheng to avoid it. The chaos was over, and the streets were as lively as usual, except for one more Doraemon picking up flyers.
Leaflets were scattered all over the place, and people came and went without anyone to help.
Lin Jianfan pointed at Doraemon who was picking up the flyers, and asked Shengsheng, "Can we go and help Doraemon?"
Shengsheng nodded.
Lin saw that Fan had a big stride, and Shengsheng trotted after him.
The mother and the neighbor's aunt watched from behind. After picking up the flyers, Lin saw that Fan returned to his mother with Shengsheng in his arms. The neighbor's aunt applauded Shengsheng, "Did we Shengsheng do something good just now?"
Shengsheng grinned and said proudly, "Yes."
Lin Jianfan walked over to his mother and looked at Shengsheng with a smile.
The neighbor's aunt said, "We Shengsheng have grown up."
Lin Jianfan didn't notice Gu Chaoming in Doraemon. It wasn't until the next day when he moved the book that Lin Jianfan knew that the Doraemon he helped yesterday was the boy he met at the new school.
The next day, when Lin Jianfan arrived in the new class, he stood alone on the podium in the classroom. Facing the gazes of the strangers in the class, he gave birth to countless pairs of small eyes. He used these eyes to carefully explore this new world, shrinking and resisting in his heart, but still pretending to be calm and sunny for others to see.
Seeing the boy who was waving back to him yesterday in the corridor, Lin Jianfan was very happy to be in the same class with him.
He only talked to that young man in the whole class. When introducing himself, his eyes turned to him unconsciously many times, and he felt that it was easier for him to introduce himself, because Lin Jianfan could only be sure that Gu Chaoming was someone who would not bully others. Boy, he still doesn't know the details of the rest of the class.
Last night, he decided that he must establish a good relationship with the class. He didn't expect to stumble upon a self-introduction, and he didn't expect that what he did later to establish a good relationship was rumored to be flattering people.
After introducing himself, Lin Jianfan was glad to be able to sit behind the boy. Before getting the textbook, the desk was empty, and there was nothing at hand. Lin Jianfan wanted to do something but felt that he couldn't do anything.
People who have nothing to do are filled with the unacceptable strangeness of being stared at all the time.
No one came to talk to him, wanting to establish a good relationship, Lin Jianfan decided to take the initiative.
He patted Gu Chaoming on the shoulder, but he never thought that he would hit the wall in an instant, and in exchange for a roar, he also caused Gu Chaoming to be questioned by Old Chen.
He took the initiative to apologize but still felt like he did a terrible job.
Gu Chaoming walked out of the classroom and went to the toilet to smoke, and Lin Jianfan decided to attack again. After looking at it again and again, Lin Jianfan chose the target of Cen Xili, who seemed to be the gentlest and the best talker.
Lin Jianfan stretched out his hand to pat Cen Xili's shoulder. When he raised his hand, he thought of Gu Chaoming's reaction to pat Gu Chaoming's shoulder soon after class. Lin Jianfan's raised hand was quietly withdrawn. It would be safer to call Cen Xili's name directly. .
This gentle boy seems to be called Cen Xili, right?
Lin Jianfan swallowed, and before he could say what he was preparing, Cen Xili in front of him didn't give him a chance to speak, so he got up from his seat and ran to the back door of the classroom.
Cen Xili's figure quickly passed by him, Lin saw that Fan's greetings were not spoken, and choked in his throat, so he had to swallow it back.
Lin Jianfan looked back at Cen Xili's back at the door. The greeting was unsuccessful, and Lin Jianfan began to look at Cen Xili with the eyes that Gu Chaoming hated the most.
Cen Xili held the back door frame. He was not very tall. His school uniform looked a little too big.
His school uniform was washed very cleanly, without any stains, and his collar was neatly turned over. From the back, he could tell that he was a boy who listened to his family.
His hair is a bit long, and the excess hair covers his neck slightly and needs to be trimmed.
Cen Xili was very gentle at first glance, and it gave people the first impression that it was easy to approach, which was why Lin Jianfan chose to greet him.
Everyone is spending an ordinary day for them, but Lin Jianfan feels isolated, has not found his place in this class, and has no sense of belonging. Looking at the lively atmosphere of the class, he wants to go home The urge to burst out in his heart, Lin Jianfan compacted the soil and couldn't let it break out.
He can't go home, how can he explain to his mother when he goes home? But he really didn't want to be here anymore.
Strange, lively, lonely.
Cen Xili didn't notice that when he called Gu Chaoming at the back door of the classroom, a pair of eyes followed him all the time, following him from the back door, until he was half-speaking, until he turned his head back and wanted to return to his position, until he was with him. The arm of the boy who was fighting at the back door collided to the body where Wu Shan was dodging.
Lin Jianfan saw that none of them fell.
The same bullying as the previous school, Lin Jianfan did not expect that he would be so unfortunate, and tasted it on the first day.
The difference from before is that he became a bystander, and Cen Xili became the former him.
first day.
On the first day, his illusion of uniting the fraternity class group was shattered. His breathing was secretly fast, he felt sick, he felt like he couldn't escape wherever he went.
This is a prison from which he cannot escape.
His breathing was fast, Lin Jianfan tried his best to keep it from being discovered, but one of the two bullies bumped into him, and Lin Jianfan fled as if he could not bear Zhu Shengquan's perverted love for him. out of the classroom.
Courage shattered, sorry, he chose to flee.
He ran to the toilet and splashed his face with cold water, and met Gu Chaoming who came out of the toilet smoking again. Although he had yelled at him before, Gu Chaoming still expressed his concern for him.
Talking about frostbite, Lin Jianfan chose to avoid it.
He didn't want to talk about the past.
The new school gave him a lot of challenges. Letting him know Gu Chaoming also gave him the problem of whether they made mistakes and were caught when they were not familiar with them. The teacher told you to leave. Do you want to leave?
Lin Jianfan stood there and didn't know whether to leave or not. He was obviously unfamiliar, but was restricted by an unformed classmate friendship. Lin Jianfan looked at Gu Chaoming and Su Bing, Su Bing was still talking to Old Chen, and hoped that Old Chen would let them go, and Gu Chaoming stood beside him listening and laughing.
No one noticed his hesitation and hesitation.
Gu Chaoming, who was not familiar but had seen him several times, pushed him away, pushing away his hesitation and hesitation.
However, after seeing Fan in a few lessons, he saw that Gu Chaoming had the best relationship with Cen Xili and Su Bing.
He also wants to get along with the people in his class like this, and he also wants to fit into this new class, but it just seems to be more difficult than he thought.
Much harder.
In class, he received an apology and a meal appointment note from Li Zhao, and after writing the note in reply to Li Zhao, Lin Jianfan also read back what he had written, his fingers clenched more and more revealing his heart, but such a small action was destined to be No one found.
He would also be so nervous that he would read it silently several times in his mind.
"Have lunch together?"
Students who don’t know send invitations to dinner, the sense of integration in the class deepens little by little, and the feeling of wanting to escape is little by little driven away. Lin Jianfan felt a little happy and a little nervous in his heart. The two emotions were mixed, and he couldn't tell which one was higher.
The happiness comes from Li Zhao's initiative to make a meal appointment, and the anxiety comes from the fact that he doesn't know how to talk to them.
He is not used to eating with others, and eating is destined to talk.
When he was ignored, he expected someone to talk to him, but now someone throws him an olive branch for dinner, and for a moment he wanted to refuse.
It was just a moment.
Lin Jianfan remembered the goals he had set for himself after he had to transfer schools. He knew that if he wanted to integrate into this class and make new friends, he had to break through his fears.
Lin Jianfan's fake smile when eating with Li Zhao made him feel hypocritical.
Conscious of being hypocritical, Lin Jianfan still felt happy. The two people on the opposite side invited him to have dinner together, which meant that he was being accepted by them and integrated into the class little by little.
The panic and helplessness of wanting to escape home melted under the scorching sun.
What happened after noon seemed to accelerate suddenly, and he bumped into Gu Chaoming, who was helping him carry books.
At that time, he was really scared, afraid that Gu Chaoming would get angry, but Gu Chaoming didn't.
Lin Jianfan didn't know how to describe his first day at the new school in one word.
He encountered the same exclusion from the previous school as well as a beautiful young man like Gu Chaoming.
Moving a book also caused bleeding on his forehead. Gu Chaoming could never imagine how guilty and scared Lin Jianfan was at that time. He was afraid that Gu Chaoming would blame him for this, so he kept waiting even after school and asked. On the way to the infirmary, he didn't dare to apologize to Gu Chaoming.
He was afraid, very afraid.
In fact, he followed behind Gu Chaoming and followed him to the school corridor. Gu Chaoming did not dare to go home because Gu Tao did not dare to go home, and Lin Jianfan still did not have the courage to stop him after following him all the way. Gu Chaoming found him himself and gave him the hat.
The hat he received gave Lin Jianfan enough courage, and gave Lin Jianfan the courage to pull Gu Chaoming to the hospital for another checkup.
Gu Chaoming didn't let him pay and was still laughing at the hospital. Lin saw Fan watching him go backwards outside the hospital and thought of seeing him at school yesterday.
So is he.
He stepped back and waved at him.
There were many pleasing incidents that happened later, such as buying coke in gym class, helping Yu Hangwei to buy food, and not blaming others for holding him.
He is afraid that if he is no longer pleasing, others will not be friends with him.
He thought that he, like Zhu Shengquan, had a sick mind.
The only one who gave him a firm belief and made him feel that he could be good friends with him without being flattered was Gu Chaoming.
The scores in the first monthly test were astounding for the whole class, and Lao Chen also created some free and idle study groups.
Gu Chaoming helped him change into a group with him, until he fell asleep in the quilt at night when Lin Jianfan smiled while holding a note with Gu Chaoming's name on it.
Maybe since Gu Chaoming praised him in the corridor, he was already moved.
His heartbeat was silent but there were traces to follow, maybe it started when he met Gu Chaoming, when Gu Chaoming waved back to him...
When Gu Chaoming said he was fine, Lin Jianfan felt a sigh of relief. Gu Chaoming's words are like a dusty traveler in the cold sky getting a warm hug, telling him not to go, I'll take you to stop.
Lin Jianfan felt very warm in his heart, as if surrounded by all the vitality of spring, just because of Gu Chaoming's words.
Lin saw that Fan knew that his heart was moving. He once felt that Zhu Shengquan was disgusting with his feelings, but he couldn't help falling in love with Gu Chaoming.
He understood his love for Gu Chaoming too early. Gu Chaoming said that he would become a child when he was drunk, because he wanted Gu Chaoming to send him home and let his mother see that he thought their class was the best for him. His classmates also reassured his mother that no one in their class bullied him like before.
His drunkenness was fake, but his happiness was real when Gu Chaoming put him on his shoulders in the car.
Lin Jianfan wanted to be close to him.
Lin Jianfan wanted to go back to the past and tell himself, who was afraid of the endless darkness in the distance, not only the darkness, but also the young man holding the light.
Ever since he realized his love for Gu Chaoming, Lin Jianfan couldn't help many of his actions. During the sports meeting, his camera followed Gu Chaoming for a lot of time, and Gu Chaoming's action to help him flip the camera strap made him feel good for a while.
He couldn't help but look in the direction of Gu Chaoming when Chu Yao asked him to take pictures and take a rest, watching him fight with Su Bing.
He ran to cheer on Gu Chaoming, he would hug Gu Chaoming after he won the game.
It's unbearable to like someone, even though Lin Jianfan thinks he is humble, Gu Chaoming's sunshine gave him too much courage, making him have the courage to approach him and get close to him.
After the games, when Gu Chaoming took a photo for him, he said, "Imagine the person you like standing in front of you smiling like that." This sentence made Lin Jianfan understand that Gu Chaoming had no other thoughts about himself. In his eyes, he may just be a new classmate who has been transferred, a new classmate who pleases people.
Knowing that Gu Chaoming didn't like his sadness, but after the photo was taken, Gu Chaoming and him exchanged dirty drinks, and he couldn't help but be moved.
Heartbeat is something that cannot be stopped by suppressing it. It will only suffocate you, and it will only make it resist and jump faster and faster.
Lin Jianfan couldn't help but went to the supermarket where he worked part-time to find him. When Gu Chaoming asked him if he liked him, Lin Jianfan was a wolf whose tail was caught, and he stuttered uncomfortably.
Lin Jianfan had always kept that sentence in his heart, but Gu Chaoming had long forgotten it.
"Do you like me?"
"Yes, I like it very much."
When Gu Chaoming fully expressed his thoughts, Lin Jianfan did not dare to express his thoughts.
After saying goodbye to Gu Chaoming and leaving the supermarket, Lin Jianfan kept thinking back, thinking about the things he had been bullied in the past, he was still very unhappy. He couldn't forget or forgive him, but when he thought of Gu Chaoming's words, Lin Jianfan felt that that kind of life had gone away from him.
Gu Chaoming also asked himself if he liked him, Lin Jian Fan Ming clearly heard his heartbeat. Thinking of Gu Chaoming asking himself if he liked his appearance, Lin saw Fan secretly laughing, and he cried while laughing.
He lied to his parents and pretended to be a cheerful child, not wanting to worry his parents.
He pleases others just to make others like him and not bully him.
After pretending to forget, Lin Jianfan felt that he was on an island, only he was alone, and no one could understand.
He lived a very depressing and painful life, but he still survived. All the burdens had nowhere to tell. Gu Chaoming let him break through a little crack and let him breathe.
He has another secret, another secret that cannot be told.
A warm, luminous, stray secret.
His love for Gu Chaoming was careful and secretive. He did not believe that Gu Chaoming was someone like Zhu Shengquan.
When Gu Chaoming was injured, the medicine he bought for Gu Chaoming had always been stored in the drawer and did not have the guts to give it out. After seeing Su Bing buying medicine for Gu Chaoming, Lin Jianfan was relieved.
He never thought that Gu Chaoming would run away from home, nor that Gu Chaoming's father was such a person.
He didn't know that Gu Chaoming laughed in the hospital because of his concern, nor did he know that Gu Chaoming cried on the roadside the night he escaped from home because of his concern.
He held Gu Chaoming's wrist when he needed it, and looking at Gu Chaoming's back at that moment, Lin Jianfan seemed to feel that he understood him.
He seemed to know that he should hold Gu Chaoming's wrist and tell him not to do stupid things.
Lin Jianfan guessed that Gu Chaoming's love for him should have come from the wrist he held this time.
Gu Chaoming's love came from the wrist he held this time, but Lin Jianfan's heart never stopped.
Gu Chaoming put a hat on him from behind, teasing him, but Lin Jianfan's heart skipped a beat.
He also tried to tease Gu Chaoming. When he got out of the car, he saw Gu Chaoming wearing a hat in front of him. He remembered Gu Chaoming pulling his hat, so he also wanted to try it.
Pulling off Gu Chaoming's hat and seeing the expression on Gu Chaoming's face, Lin Jianfan was startled, did he do something wrong?
He didn't choose a good time, he chose the time when Gu Chaoming avoided Gu Tao.
Every time when Lin Jianfan in the PE class, he would pay attention to Gu Chaoming quietly, and found that he was playing rock-paper-scissors with Cen Xili and Su Bing, and Lin Jianfan smiled.
He likes this kind of life, likes to see their life like this.
Seeing Gu Chaoming washing his face with water in the sink, Lin Jianfan has also been paying attention to him. He controlled his eyes not to follow him, but his heart would never be able to beat with him.
When he saw that Gu Chaoming was so close to Cen Xili, he would even be a little jealous. He wanted to leave, but Gu Chaoming bought him yogurt.
He will never forget the scene where Gu Chaoming held yogurt and ran towards him in the sun on that still hot afternoon.
The yogurt in Gu Chaoming's hand was for him, and the vinegar smell seemed to fade a little.
At that time, Lin Jianfan suddenly felt that he was very greedy. He not only hoped that the yogurt in Gu Chaoming's hands belonged to him, he hoped that the sun shining on Gu Chaoming belonged to him, and he hoped that the shadow behind Gu Chaoming belonged to him, He hoped that the water droplets on Gu Chaoming's arm belonged to him, and he hoped that everything about Gu Chaoming belonged to him.
Gu Chaoming shouting his name downstairs is no exception, it also belongs to him.
Sweeping the floor upstairs and hearing Gu Chaoming calling his name downstairs, Lin Jianfan walked to the corridor and saw Gu Chaoming waving at him downstairs.
Three teenagers under the sun, Lin Jianfan was startled by the beauty.
A beckoning action made him happy even though he was cleaning by himself, and he cleaned up very vigorously.
Later, when Gu Chaoming sent a message, he immediately replied, and he was a little flustered when he talked about pleasing others, and he couldn't stand himself anymore.
He didn't dare to explain the reason, so he made up a reason in one's classroom - not very good at rejecting people.
After talking about it, Lin Jianfan himself couldn't stand himself. He hated himself, and Gu Chaoming told him the method, and he wanted to try it.
He has been thinking about Gu Chaoming's words, and before going to bed, he has been reading the messages sent by Gu Chaoming on the bed, and has been using Gu Chaoming's messages to give himself strength.
Gu Chaoming is encouraging him, encouraging him to get rid of this hypocritical shell, to get rid of this disgusting self. He decided to try it, he decided.
He looked at Gu Chaoming's message and made up his mind.
He was still scared at first, but once he refused, he could feel their attitude towards him changing, and seeing the man's face thought he might hate him.
The best request was because someone asked him to change his seat because of a class change. He was very happy and agreed, because it was to change to Gu Chaoming's side. The yogurt that Gu Chaoming gave him was like a reward for his breakthrough.
Going home with Gu Chaoming was a bigger reward. He walked ahead alone and wanted to go home with Gu Chaoming, but he didn't know what to do.
Su Bing and Cen Xili didn't say anything either, he just walked in front alone, then looked up and saw Gu Chaoming lying on the railing and said, "Go back together."
His heart was very happy and warmed.
When Gu Chaoming fell, he also went to help him. Later, he realized that what Cen Xili said to Gu Chaoming was that Gu Chaoming fell into his heart.
Indeed, Gu Chaoming had already entered his heart.
He would secretly be happy because Gu Chaoming omitted his surname to call him, and he would also be jealous because Cen Xili made Gu Chaoming bow his head and Gu Chaoming was so obedient.
Cen Xili told him that "they weren't so crazy before", and his vinegar smell was stronger.
Compared with Cen Xili, he doesn't seem to know Gu Chaoming at all.
He wanted to know more about Gu Chaoming, and his instinct made him care about Gu Chaoming. Gu Chaoming was taken away by Gu Tao. He sent a message to Gu Chaoming every five minutes. Lin Jianfan had been waiting for Gu Chaoming's reply, and he called Gu Chaoming before the reply.
He was too scared, because he had been bullied before, and he knew the feeling of being violently treated. He felt that it should be similar, and he wanted someone to accompany him.
When he got on the phone, he was infected by Gu Chaoming's jokes. Gu Chaoming didn't live in trepidation like him. He is always serious to others, doesn't joke, doesn't get along, always reads the air when he is with others, and always pays attention to other people's expressions, but when he is with Gu Chaoming, he is not, he is very relaxed, he He was worried that with Gu Chaoming, he could joke with him and chat happily. He needn't worry.
Not to please others is also taught by Gu Chaoming. Here he can be himself, but he still dares not reveal before, he is afraid that before revealing, everything will disappear, just an illusion.
He was sad and happy in his heart, and it was his luckiest thing to come to this city to meet Gu Chaoming.
He doesn't need to tell lies, he just says what he has to say. He seems to think that someone understands him, someone spy on his heart and knows his pretense, so he will say these words to him, but he clearly understands that those are just him His fantasy, a romantic and beautiful fantasy, only he knew, and he didn't dare to let Gu Chaoming know.
Gu Chaoming brought him the beauty he had never imagined, a fireworks that never failed in his dark life.
In the evening and in the early morning, Gu Chaoming did not miss surprises for him.
That morning, Lin Jianfan thought it was just an ordinary morning, but this morning with Gu Chaoming was destined to be extraordinary.
He just went upstairs steadily, never thinking that someone would stop him, and it was so funny.
"Hey, that scholar in front."
The people beside him all looked at him, the scholar who turned his head. He turned his head, and what he smashed was a box of yogurt. It was the vitality of the young man in the early morning, and it was Gu Chaoming's enthusiasm.
He threw it at him, brought his passion to him, on that ordinary Monday morning, on that extraordinary day in his life.
When I walked into the classroom, I saw that Fan looked at Gu Chaoming because he wanted to peek at Gu Chaoming, and for no other reason. I didn't expect that Gu Chaoming was also looking at him.
When he saw Gu Chaoming's smile, he used thank you yogurt as a guise to cover up his peek.
He kept peeking at Gu Chaoming. Gu Chaoming bent over to find the xiao long bao. He was burned by the xiao long bao. He saw it all, and he laughed in his heart.
When Wu Shan stopped him, Lin Jianfan wanted to change himself. He knew it was difficult, but he refused to buy water for Yu Hangwei.
Gu Chaoming came to help him. No one had ever helped him before, and every sentence Gu Chaoming said was etched in his heart.
Someone reached out to him in the dark, and for the first time someone helped him.
When Gu Chaoming jumped over the fence, the school uniform raised was his cape.
Chu Yao confessed that Lin Jianfan was surprised when Gu Chaoming suddenly rushed out. Lin Jianfan didn't know what to do. He even thought that Gu Chaoming rushed over to take him away, but Gu Chaoming didn't.
Lin Jianfan looked at him with the intention of taking me away, but Gu Chaoming didn't understand it at all.
After rejecting Chu Yao, Lin Jianfan raised his head when he heard Gu Chaoming calling him upstairs. The day he jumped out of the window, he was lying in the bushes of the school. At that time, he saw faces of horror, but now he saw Gu Chaoming's smiling face.
He heard Gu Chaoming calling his name, so he hurried upstairs, hugging Gu Chaoming as he wanted to go upstairs, he held back.
When talking about butterflies, I think of the butterfly specimens in the school biology class, and the disgusting feeling that they put the plastic butterflies they bought into his mouth. Lin Jianfan felt nauseous, but he also controlled his emotions very well. He told Gu Chaoming that he had something to say without being secretive. He told Gu Chaoming that he hated butterflies, but he still lied and put the Lies hide behind truth. He only said that he hated butterflies, not the reason why he hated butterflies. That was the key.
He didn't want to repeat the same mistakes again, to bring up the past. He just wanted to keep time in the present and not move forward.
He suddenly wanted to drink yogurt, drink it wantonly, and enjoy the moment wantonly.
They spend Christmas together and New Year together, and they are also together on the first day of the new year. They have many opportunities to express themselves, but they all miss them.
The chorus competition was for Lao Chen Qingsheng. Lin Jianfan wrote a lyric and dared not publish it, but Gu Chaoming grabbed it "toughly" and let the song be sung to Lao Chen on the stage.
Lao Chen cared about him very much, and knew that he was paying special attention to his past affairs. Lin Jianfan liked Lao Chen very much.
Gu Chaoming said to him solemnly when he was underestimating himself: "You are very good, much better than you think, you know? Maybe others think you are not good, but in my heart you are the best."
He also relied on Gu Chaoming during the chorus competition, and when he came to the stage, he was close to Gu Chaoming when facing the eyes of everyone.
Lin Jianfan wanted to say to him, "Can you come to me, I'm a little scared."
But Gu Chaoming did not walk in front of him, but walked beside him and walked with him.
He never thought that he would meet Gu Chaoming in his future life, and meet Gu Chaoming who took him out of the shadows.
The confession of the chorus competition in the toilet took all his courage in his life. He wanted to confess to Gu Chaoming, his past, and his pain, because he trusted Gu Chaoming and that Gu Chaoming would not hurt him or laugh at him. he.
He started with "I have a friend", as Gu Chaoming said, the friend he said was himself. Gu Chaoming said this, he simply spent all his courage to say that sentence to Gu Chaoming, and let Gu Chaoming be with him aboveboard.
On the day when the confession was successful, after returning home, he sat in the bathtub and was still thinking about his confession to Gu Chaoming.
He laughed, there was a lot of water in the bathtub, he soaked in the water, laughed and cried. Tears slipped down his cheeks into the bathtub, he didn't know why he was crying, he obviously felt very happy.
Maybe it's because the pain in the past has been compensated.
Falling in love with Gu Chaoming is the most romantic thing in the world. He will pick the most beautiful little yellow flowers for you, take care of himself, and cook to satisfy your stomach...
Gu Chaoming is too good, but his boy is beautiful but full of scars.
He himself is full of scars, but every time he gets up from the night to accompany Gu Chaoming and help him heal.
Just a phone call from Gu Chaoming.
After Gu Chaoming moved into the new house, he was harassed by Gu Tao and pinched Gu Tao's neck again. Lin Jianfan had actually fallen asleep, but Gu Chaoming made a phone call.
Lin Jianfan guessed right away, except for Gu Tao, Lin Jianfan couldn't think of any other reason to make Gu Chaoming like this.
Lin Jianfan could guess that it was Gu Tao, but he couldn't guess what Gu Tao did to Gu Chaoming. While he hurriedly changed his clothes, he checked whether there was anyone outside the room and whether he could escape smoothly.
It was dark outside the door, and there was no movement at all. My parents were already asleep, and Lin Jianfan took the medicine box at home lightly like a thief at home.
He fastened his shoelaces, stood on tiptoe with the medicine box, and was so light that he could no longer open the door lightly, without disturbing the sleeping parents.
The door opened and closed, and as soon as Lin saw Fan walking out of the house carrying the medicine box, the moonlight outside the door immediately clung to his shoulders in groups.
He felt sorry for Gu Chaoming. Later, when he found out that Gu Chaoming had lied to his mother and said that Gu Tao was very good to him, Lin Jianfan thought about how uncomfortable it would be for him to not be able to tell the truth to his relatives. He felt sorry for Gu Chaoming, His tears couldn't stop.
The hug to Gu Chaoming on the overpass was trying to tell him that he was with him and that he was not alone.
He seemed to feel it all, so he hugged him extra hard.
"Go to hell!"
Lin Jianfan shouted with Gu Chaoming at the beach.
He was shouting for Gu Chaoming, but also for himself.
"Go to hell! Go to hell! Go to hell! All of the previous ones go to hell!"
Ocean waves, ocean breezes, please take away all my old memories!
The moment he shouted at the seaside, he wished for a moment that he was really amnesia instead of pretending to forget.
What if it wasn't for pretending to forget? He doesn't have to carry such a heavy memory by himself.
Gu Chaoming confessed to him the terrible thoughts in his heart. Gu Chaoming completely cut himself open, allowing him to see the darkness under his sunshine. Gu Chaoming believed him completely, but what about him? He has never dared, never dared to speak, even if the memories of the past take root, sprout and rot in his heart, he would never dare to speak his heart like Gu Chaoming.
He always felt that he felt the pain of Gu Chaoming. When Gu Chaoming only hugged him without giving a reason, what he thought was that he could wait until Gu Chaoming wanted to speak.
He didn't confess the things that were hidden in his heart, and he knew that it would be difficult to open up.
He knew it all, so he chose to wait.
He can wait until Gu Chaoming speaks his heart, but can he wait until himself?
Will you have the courage?
He is very clear no.
Lin Jianfan had thought about living his life with this secret, without having to tell anyone, without having to seek sympathy from anyone, without Gu Chaoming knowing about his pain, and without his parents worrying about him.
Do more than one thing.
so be it.
Let the secret of pretending to have amnesia rot in your heart.
He felt extremely happy at the beach on Gu Chaoming's birthday. He was not only happy that Gu Chaoming finally told him what he said, but he was happy to meet Gu Chaoming, and he was happy to be able to laugh after meeting Gu Chaoming.
He met Gu Chaoming on his adult birthday. Once, he felt disgusting when he thought of this kind of thing, and he never forgot Zhu Shengquan and that male classmate.
He was afraid, he was terrified, but Lin Jianfan wasn't afraid at all that night, and he didn't think of Zhu Shengquan at all. Those things seemed logical and he didn't feel sick at all.
The long night was accompanied by Gu Chaoming, and he was lonely and had nowhere to go. On that night when Gu Chaoming became an adult, Lin saw Fan hoop tightly on Gu Chaoming's neck and felt that he could overcome all his fears.
That was the courage Gu Chaoming gave him, and he seemed to melt into Gu Chaoming's arms.
Seeing Lin Jianfan's tears, Gu Chaoming thought that Lin Jianfan was hurt by him, so he kissed Lin Jianfan's earlobe and licked away the tears on Lin Jianfan's cheek.
Lin Jianfan hugged Gu Chaoming tightly, his ears close to Gu Chaoming's.
He laughed and said, "It hurts."
It hurts, it hurts, it really hurts.
The wheels of the past crushed him repeatedly. When he made the decision to hide the secret in his heart, he knew that the wheels of the past would never stop.
But he also found it.
He found the man who gave him renewed hope in life.
Lin Jianfan believes in deep affection for a long time, and also believes that love comes suddenly. Before meeting Gu Chaoming, he never thought that his love would come so quickly, like a sunny day after a sudden heavy rain, everything was foggy, there was a fresh smell in the air, everything was very quiet, and the bunch of it took a long time. The unseen sun pierced through the clouds and told him—he was coming.
Gu Chaoming once told him not to apologize all the time. Repeated apologies will only make your apology cheap. Lin Jianfan didn't apologize any more, but instead of apology, he was observant.
He knew that he shouldn't be like this, shouldn't the other party frown a little bit, his face and tone change a little bit, he pays attention to whether he has done something wrong, but he can't help it, the thought of automatic self-blame has been engraved in his mind, inscribed in his flesh.
When he was traveling, he discovered his own fault, and Gu Chaoming also discovered it long ago. Gu Chaoming held his hand, comforting him silently.
He knew that the people here had no ill will towards him, and that the people here could accept his cringe, but he couldn't help but hide himself and hide. Only when he was with Gu Chaoming could he forget that feeling of self-blame.
In front of Gu Chaoming, he is the most comfortable, the real him, don't worry about other people's eyes, don't worry about other people's distance.
Because he knew that Gu Chaoming would never leave him.
Because he is Gu Chaoming.
Because it's him, he can play as much as he likes
Because of him, he can be his truest self
Because it is him, he is willing to take the initiative to take that step
Because of him, he can carry the darkness forward.
He walked through the third year of high school with the darkness on his back. Gu Chaoming's romance and teasing him made him forget the weight on his back. The time with Gu Chaoming made him arrogant and made him think that he could completely get rid of the past.
He was so arrogant that he didn't even notice Zhu Shengquan was behind him. Zhu Shengquan met him by chance and called out his name.
The voice in the nightmare resounded again in the soft and creamy real life, and Lin Jianfan's body froze. No matter how bitter the wind is in winter, it can't freeze people for a moment, but the wind power of memories.
The wind of memories whizzed past, blowing Lin Jianfan back to the previous hell.
His first reaction was to pull Gu Chaoming to escape. He ran and ran, trying to take Gu Chaoming to a place where no one could find them again.
He can't find it, there's no such place in the world, there's nowhere for him to hide forever.
His body with nowhere to hide was hugged by Gu Chaoming, who told him that he was fine.
There is a place in the world where he can hide, close at hand, close to Gu Chaoming's warm embrace.
Gu Chaoming embraced his everything, his hiding, his silence, his cowardice.
Gu Chaoming painted his gray life full of colors, and when Zhu Shengquan wiped those colors away, he filled it with a hug.
Standing at the entrance of the alley and meeting someone being bullied, Lin Jianfan seemed to see his former self. Gu Chaoming gave him color, gave him the color of flowers, and he also wanted to paint the color that Gu Chaoming gave him to the person who was bullied. That's fine, just let him know that the world is bright and colorful.
The footsteps he rushed into the alley, the strength of his fists, and the hand that held the man to escape were all courage given by Gu Chaoming.
Gu Chaoming is the light that guides him. He breaks through the wind and snow, holding that person's hand, hoping to give him a little light in life.
He wanted to give that light of life, maybe too much, leaving him with nothing but darkness.
The darkness of the past repeats itself.
He fell into the river, he was drowning in the water, the same weightlessness, he returned to the window of the former school.
He jumped down like a kite breaking free from its thin line, like a bird that doesn't bother to flap its wings.
He fell, and fell, and fell into the twilight, into the thorns, into the bosom that God had prepared for him.