It's another summer, and it's the summer of Gu Chaoming's birthday again.
The unchanging scorching sun in summer illuminates the earth with nothing new, and the leaves glow green in the sun, just like the summer when Gu Chaoming first met Lin Jianfan.
The scorching sun, the scars on his forehead, Gu Chaoming still remembered the colorful sun umbrellas he opened on the road when he, Su Bing and Cen Xili went to dinner when Lin Jianfan first arrived in their class.
It's the season for sun umbrellas again, Gu Chaoming thought.
Lin Jianfan should also have summer vacation.
Every year, Lin Jianfan comes here whenever he has time for the New Year and the festival, and so does Qu Yingyi. Gu Chaoming looked forward to seeing Lin Jianfan, and looking forward to seeing Lin Jianfan who had returned from other places, but Gu Chaoming did not want to see Qu Yingyi.
It's not that I don't want to see it, it's that I don't dare to see it.
Gu Chaoming, like Lin Jianfan in the past, did not dare to see his mother. Seeing Qu Yingyi, Gu Chaoming fully realized Lin Jianfan's original self-blame.
Qu Yingyi is not a strong woman. When she met Qu Yingyi, she always cried when she talked, and Gu Chaoming always had to comfort her.
Qu Yingyi likes to take all the blame on herself. She always says, "It's my mother's fault."
Seeing Qu Yingyi crying, he must not cry as a man, he can only try his best to hold back his tears and comfort his crying mother: "Don't cry, it's only nine years, you are not wrong, I have to thank you for putting me brought this big."
"How many nine years can there be in life?" Qu Yingyi cried.
Gu Chaoming held back his tears and could only smile at her.
Saying "it's only nine years" is not easy, but it's even harder to do.
To say that every time Qu Yingyi visits, Gu Chaoming constantly increases his self-blame, then Lin Jianfan's visit is his inexhaustible motivation to wait for freedom with hope in the past nine years.
Every time Lin Jianfan came to see him, he would tell him what happened to him. Grandma passed away, he made a lot of new friends in college, and he's graduating...
No matter how good or bad, no matter how big or small, Lin Jianfan would tell him a lot of complicated little things, making Gu Chaoming feel that Lin Jianfan was always by his side, talking about what happened yesterday.
The isolation that he hadn't seen for a long time did not bring strangeness, and Lin Jianfan was still the same Lin Jianfan in front of him. He hasn't changed in any way, only his external height and imagination have gradually matured. Under the mature shell is a heart that Gu Chaoming is familiar with.
Gu Chaoming had to worry that when he didn't move forward with the outside world, Lin Jianfan's fast running would leave him behind, but Lin Jianfan's smile when he came to see him didn't make him feel strange at all.
There must be a sense of inferiority, which is inevitable, but Gu Chaoming pressed it down in his heart.
The wheel of time rolled again to Gu Chaoming's birthday. Every time Gu Chaoming's birthday saw Fan, Lin would come to see him.
Gu Chaoming's birthday coincided with the summer vacation, and it was convenient for Lin Jianfan.
"I went to your secret base before I came." Lin Jianfan said.
He went to the secret base of the two of them, to the seaside that carried too many of their memories, and the sea breeze roared uncontrollably.
Stepping on the beach for several years, there are only his lonely footprints.
"Happy birthday." Lin Jianfan said.
Gu Chaoming made a wish in his heart with red eyes - I hope the people he cares about are safe and long, happy and healthy, especially Lin Jianfan in front of him.
On the day of visiting him on his birthday, Lin Jianfan also told him that their class was going to hold an alumni reunion in a few days, and he would also go.
In the alumni reunion four years after graduation, some people are still the same as before, and some people can't recognize them with a new face. Lin Jianfan was alone and got off at the restaurant agreed by the classmates' reunion.
Everyone recognizes each other and sees each other's changes. There were forty people in the class, plus forty-one Lao Chen, excluding Gu Chaoming who couldn't come, there were another forty people.
Su Bing beckoned Lin Jianfan to sit beside him, Cen Xili came later, and the three of them reunited again at the dinner table.
In the third year of high school, Su Bing was in a daze all day in class, and he also asked Gu Chaoming not to worry about him. Gu Chaoming believed him, and he really lived up to Gu Chaoming's belief and was admitted to the university.
Once in the cold wind, the man who decided that the three of them would go to the same university, did not fulfill his promise. Su Bing and Cen Xili chose different schools, did not go to the same university, did not continue to make noise in the same small dormitory, and continued their "House of Auspicious Three Treasures".
Things backfired, the agreed three people eventually scattered, and there was always one missing when they got together.
Sitting with Lin Jianfan, they would always stop talking about Gu Chaoming. It's fine not to talk about Gu Chaoming, but if Su Bing knew that Gu Chaoming promised to go to university with them and live in a dormitory, and promised Lin Jianfan to move out with him, Su Bing would probably stab at the glass and scold Gu in the glass. Chaoming sees color and forgets righteousness.
Without Gu Chaoming's classmates, everyone was happy, no one mentioned him, and neither did Lin Jianfan. He didn't want to break the atmosphere of the class reunion, so he sat and ate with his head down.
Four years in college, Su Bing has changed, but he still talks a lot and is very social. The classmates will clink glasses to remember the past and wish Lao Chen what Su Bing said.
Cen Xili held the wine glass, still a worried old woman, asking Su Bing to drink less, no matter how to persuade Su Bing, it was useless, Su Bing's cheeks flushed from drinking.
Everyone thought Su Bing was drunk, but Su Bing said no. Cen Xili was worried about him, but Su Bing stopped Lin Jianfan, who was leaving after the show.
Lin Jianfan and Cen Xili thought he was drunk and supported him, but Su Bing said that he was not drunk, and said with a smile that he just wanted to vomit.
Seeing a car parked on the side of the road, the window slowly lowered, and Su Bing, who said that he was not drunk, almost blurted out the words "You Sanjin".
You Xin came to pick up Cen Xili, opened the door and got out of the car, and Su Bing found the couple rings on the hands of You Xin and Cen Xili.
The two who were disliked by the whole school and had many rumors in high school still walked together and spent four years of college together.
When he first learned that Cen Xili and You Xin were together, Su Bing was so surprised that he was speechless.
The two of them were still together, and they always thought that You Xin didn't like Cen Xili. Su Bing repeatedly confirmed to Cen Xili that this was not a joke, and confirmed that You Xin was not joking with him either, that You Xin was real, and Su Bing smiled relievedly.
Their cabbage was still overwhelmed by the pig You Sanjin.
Su Bing didn't know whether to be sad or happy for Cen Xili.
However, Cen Xili can be with the person he likes for four years, and Su Bing also believes that You Xin is not talking and playing with Cen Xili, or deceiving Cen Xili as a fool.
Seeing the tall and tall You Xin walk in front of him and stop, Su Bing smiled. He couldn't say anything for a while. He took You Xin's shoulders and whispered in You Xin's ear, "You Sanjin, treat Xi Li well for me. , otherwise I can't spare you."
Hearing the smell of alcohol on Su Bing's body, You Xin nodded.
Su Bing let go of him, and hugged Cen Xili again: "Our little Xili, you are still being bullied by the pig You Sanjin, and you can't stop it."
Cen Xili was picked up by You Xin, and the task of taking care of Su Bing fell to Lin Jianfan.
Standing on the side of the road watching You Xin's car leave, Su Bing was supported by Lin Jianfan and said, "There is a teahouse opposite, let's go have a cup of tea."
It's better to drink tea and sober up. When Lin saw that Fan wanted to help him cross the road, Su Bing refused. The blush on his cheeks has not subsided, but he can open the door of the teahouse and walk in in a straight line.
Sitting in the teahouse to chat about recent miscellaneous things, Lin Jianfan was going to wait for Su Bing to get better before sending him home.
The pedestrians outside the teahouse walked at a leisurely pace. Lin Jianfan glanced down, and Su Bing suddenly started talking about Gu Chaoming.
Talking about when he first met Gu Chaoming, talking about their high school smoking together, laughing at the dean's wig together, and going to see his girlfriend together...
Su Bing said a lot, and Lin Jianfan listened quietly, adding Su Bing's words to Gu Chaoming, who he didn't know.
Su Bing sat in the seat of the teahouse and said, "I always thought he went in, so I have to look after you for him. If you follow someone, I will drive that person away. He has done so much for you. , if you don't want him after you come out, then he really has no expectations."
"I tell you, you must wait for him. How much he likes you, I have been with him for so many years, I know. He may say that he is not good, but he definitely hopes to be with him after he comes out. You are together. I will bet my life with you. He is such a stubborn person, and he is also a person who is very easy to feel inferior and easy to give up, so you must not give up on him, you must hold him, so that he can possible."
After Su Bing said something, Lin Jianfan nodded with tears in his eyes: "I will."
Su Bing added: "It's too embarrassing to be in that broken school. I saw Qiu Cheng in the fucking school that day. I just found out that he is also in our school, and now he's doing a good job, and he even participates in competitions to receive scholarships. Such a person, as if nothing had happened before, but Chaoming went in. Once he entered, it was nine years, nine years, why do you think God is so unfair? Why can such a person be so proud, but We can't do anything but pretend it didn't happen."
"It's not that we forgot, it's not that it didn't happen, it's just that we don't want to worry about it anymore, and we don't want to mention it again."
Lin Jianfan said, "I will catch it."
Su Bing blushed and cried: "You must hold on tight, no matter how he shakes it off, you must hold on tight, he is a duplicitous person, you must not believe him, you must hold on to him."
"I will."
When talking about his own waiting, Lin Jianfan always said, "Nine years, it's just nine years." It was so peaceful, but when he thought of Gu Chaoming, he couldn't help but think about nine years, nine spring and summer. , the precious nine years of Gu Chaoming's life.
Gu Chaoming spent his precious time with him in his third year of high school, and Lin Jianfan wanted to pay him back with his life.
Lin Jianfan is also willing to buy and sell that is not worth it.
Every time I went to see Gu Chaoming, Lin Jianfan would always tell Gu Chaoming that they would live together after he came out. His cooking skills had progressed a lot and he could cook for him. He also saved a lot of good movies and books, waiting for him to come out and watch them together. He also wanted to take him to his campus to see after he came out...
He always told Gu Chaoming what he wanted to do with him after he came out, wanted to give Gu Chaoming hope, wanted to tell Gu Chaoming that he was still there after he came out. He'll be with him, he'll have a home, he'll take him home.
Qu Yingyi had a family of her own for a long time, and he has such an identity. Even if Qu Yingyi came to pick him up, Gu Chaoming would definitely not go home with her. Lin Jianfan wanted to tell him - I have been waiting for you, there is The family has been waiting for you.
But Lin Jianfan never thought that he was fortunately accumulated over the past four years, and was completely destroyed during a visit by his mother.
Lin Jianfan didn't have a girlfriend in four years at university, and Lin Ma felt strange. In addition, Lin Jianfan often went to see Gu Chaoming, and Lin Ma had some idea.
After the class reunion, when Lin saw Fan say that he went to see Gu Chaoming again a few days ago, Ma Lin was a little anxious.
She doesn't want to do it either, it's just her mother's selfishness that drives her. The moment she saw Gu Chaoming, a woman in her 40s and 50s felt withdrawn.
This is too cruel for a child.
Ma Lin looked at the boy who came to his house every day in the winter behind the glass window.
At that time, Gu Chaoming had hope in his eyes. He was persuaded by Lin Jianfan. He wanted to live happily with Lin Jianfan after going out. He also wanted to behave better in front of Lin Ma and let her prefer myself.
Lin Ma looked at this sensible child who once made him believe so hard, and said ruthlessly, "Auntie knows that you have been by his side since the day she saw Fan transferred to Class 2. Auntie also knows that you have been helping him. He, you spent his most difficult time with him. Auntie knows that he is not an ordinary friend to you, and he is always afraid that I will not allow him to secretly come back to see you. "
"Auntie doesn't understand those things, but she knows that the two of you have feelings that are different from ordinary people. Auntie doesn't object to this kind of relationship. It's not the reason why you went to jail, it's because it's been too hard to see this child Fan. Damn, I just want him to live the second half of his life smoothly, that's enough, the road you take is too difficult. I dare not let him take this risk, auntie knows that you are a good boy and know that You paid a lot for seeing Fan, but can you forgive Auntie and let Auntie be selfish once?"
The hopeful light for the future in Gu Chaoming's eyes disappeared like fireworks.
Gu Chaoming looked at Lin Ma and Lin Jianfan's mother.
His self-doubt was not wrong after all, Lin Jianfan only said that because he loved him, but not everyone loved him, he was "blinded" by Lin Jianfan.
He loves Lin Jianfan, and Lin Jianfan also loves him, but he looks at the aging face of Lin's mother behind the glass, and he doesn't want to hurt a mother's heart.
People like him, don't delay other people's sons.
A person like him has no choice.
Gu Chaoming looked at Lin Ma and replied, "Auntie, we are not the kind of relationship you think, we are just friends who are better than friends. You don't need to ask me for forgiveness, it's not your selfishness."
The boy who was never afraid to tell people about their relationship lied and said they were just better friends than friends.
Gu Chaoming often thinks of the sports meeting when he ran with You Xin for Cen Xili, and the scene where Lin Jianfan put his hands to his mouth and tried to cheer him on.
He was so warm under the sun, so warm, so desirable, so eager to cross the air to hug him at that time, and tell him not to be afraid, and me.
Now he gave up first.
When they first met, they were the audience of other people's youth, and now they are the protagonists. He does not ask how happy he is, but only asks Lin Jianfan to have a happy ending.
His teenager should be vigorous, optimistic and open-minded, instead of huddling in the corner like he is now, trying to pull the corner of his mouth and smile for others to see. How Gu Chaoming hoped that Lin Jianfan could be as sunny and happy as his childhood life, but then he would have no reason to transfer schools, no reason to meet himself, and he would live better in another world without himself.
There's no reason to forget it.
Maybe it was the blessing of his life not to meet him.
Lin Jianfan never knew what his mother said to Gu Chaoming. He still came to see Gu Chaoming. He didn't understand why Gu Chaoming suddenly "turned his face". It was obvious that he discussed the future with Gu Chaoming last time.
In the face of Lin Jianfan who came to see him, Gu Chaoming asked him to think about it, and even in the end, he asked him to quickly find a girlfriend to fall in love with.
"People like me..."
Lin Jianfan's anger was within Gu Chaoming's expectations, but Lin Jianfan's words were far beyond Gu Chaoming's expectations.
Lin Jianfan's eyes stared straight at Gu Chaoming, who didn't dare to look him in the eye: "Is this your truth? What have I been in your eyes all these years? Are you afraid? I can be thrown away by you. Is it something? Has the love faded over the years? Did my mother say something?"
"I finally ask you, do you still love me?"
He thought that Gu Chaoming was afraid.
Gu Chaoming didn't move, he was silent, but his fleeing eyes finally looked at him.
He even asked him if he still loved him. Without this layer of glass, he just wanted to hug Lin Jianfan with red eyes, kiss him directly, and tell him, "I love you more than myself."
I am willing to give you everything I have. Even if you want to prove how much I love you, you can dig out my heart and show you. It is my fault that you ask me if I still love you.
But he didn't say anything, he couldn't hug him, couldn't tell him how much he loved him.
Lin Ma is right, Lin Jianfan should be happy and lead a normal life. He should take the girl by the hand and enter the palace of marriage, and then have children of his own, instead of following him who has nothing. He wants to prove that the other party is Your lover can't do it.
His sun was destined to be beyond his grasp. It was so hot that he was about to let go.
Seeing that Fan didn't move, Lin saw that Fan didn't move, and he was so angry that he spoke faster: "You don't speak, well, just treat me as being affectionate. I know that you love me, and there are still five years left. We are in full bloom and when we are young, I will wait. You are also worth waiting for."
After throwing down the phone angrily and walking out, Lin Jianfan quickly took out his mobile phone and quickly called Su Bing.
It was a sunny and sunny day, Lin Jianfan stood on the side of the road and listened to the beeps on the other end of the phone waiting for the caller to answer.
Su Bing didn't answer, he wanted to talk but there was no one. Tears flowed from his eyes and fell to the ground. A man in his twenties on the side of the road cried bitterly while holding his mobile phone. He cried to the unanswered phone and said, "I want to hold on to him, but he wants to give up, hold on to him. I'm so tired, so tired."
After crying, Lin Jianfan remembered Su Bing's words.
"You must catch him."
As if gaining strength, an adult suddenly collapsed, Lin Jianfan was learning to be strong alone, he wiped his tears and said, "I will, no matter how tired I am, I will hurry up."
Later, Su Bing called and asked him what happened? Lin Jianfan didn't say a word about what happened that day, he just said it was fine.
He carried a suitcase back to school alone, and not long after returning to school, there was a vigorous breakup in their dormitory. The glasses and the fashion brand man said that they would accompany him to KTV to vent.
Lin Jianfan sat alone in the corner of the KTV, recalling Su Bing's breakup in high school. He, Gu Chaoming and Cen Xili sang with Su Bing. Su Bing laughed at the two of them and made them stay together. He even kissed Gu Chaoming's forehead in the car when he got home.
They were still together, but Gu Chaoming wanted to give up, but he didn't promise Gu Chaoming, so they were still together.
Lin Jianfan sat in the corner, hoping that when he turned his head, Gu Chaoming sat next to him as before, resting his head on his shoulder, secretly doing his little movements.
When Lin Jianfan turned his head, there was nothing but darkness and the changing light that fell on the sofa on the screen.
The broken head sang Fan Weiqi's "Can't Get There" heart-breakingly, while the glasses and the trendy men listened to him sing.
When Lin Jianfan listened to the lyrics, he was afraid, and his mind was full of Gu Chaoming.
Got it, got it, got it, and got it anyway, to reach their future beauty.
Back in the dormitory and lying on the bed, Lin Jianfan had a dream. In the dream, it was not flowers blooming, the sun was shining, the breeze was not blowing, he dreamed of that day, the day when Gu Chaoming was wielding a sharp knife, he dreamed of Gu Chaoming with blood on his hands, he did not stand in place, he rushed up and hugged him , embrace his fears, the blood and sweat on his hands together.
He hugged him and told him, "Don't panic, I'm here."
He dreamed that he dragged Gu Chaoming to break through the crowd, the teachers, and the police. He dragged Gu Chaoming to run across the playground and out of the campus. They ran for a long, long time, until the twilight turned and ran until night fell.
They ran under the streetlight, and he didn't know where it was. Under the dim street lamp, their hands were tightly clasped, and Lin Jianfan looked at him.
Lin Jianfan smiled at him: "It's alright."
Their hands were tightly held, and the blood stained Lin Jianfan's hand, and it dried up where they were clenching.
Someone shouted from behind, Lin Jianfan said to Gu Chaoming, "Don't look back, look forward."
But when he woke up the next day, the reality was cold, he was still lying on the bed in the dormitory, there was no Gu Chaoming beside him, and there was no night light that Gu Chaoming specially reserved for him.
In the third year of high school, after being brought home by Gu Chaoming, he took a glass to mark his evening. At that time, Lin Jianfan was preparing to say goodbye to Gu Chaoming.
At that time, he always cared about the eyes of others. When someone looks at him, he will wonder if he has done something wrong again? But in front of Gu Chaoming, he would not, because he believed that Gu Chaoming would love him forever.
Later, Gu Chaoming used his actions to prove his love, but now that Gu Chaoming said he didn't love him again, he didn't believe it.
Lin Jianfan looked at his palm, and he clenched it tightly.
He doesn't love him anymore, so let him love him.