I never had the right to choose by myself, everything was arranged by them, and the road was paved for me by them. I just need to follow the life they prepared for me step by step. Disrupt my life.
I am willing to resist all impositions for you - You Xin
My name is You Xin, especially You, the Xin of three golds.
I have a younger brother named You Hao, not my own brother, but a child of my uncle's family. My uncle's house is next door to my house. Before I was born, my father and my uncle had a lintel relationship. It was still the kind of brother who had been at odds for many years.
Although the two of us had a festival, we still maintained peace on the surface, but You Hao and I suffered.
My father and my uncle are the same mother, and even if there is Liangzi for the New Year, they have to go home together. When we got home for the New Year, we started to compete against each other, secretly competing, and we naturally became their tools for competition.
My parents looked at me very closely. My uncle's house was next door. Even if You Hao and I were not in the same school, as long as the grades came up, everyone would know. If I am one point less than You Hao, I will definitely be scolded.
Such hostile parents did not make You Hao and I become enemies, but instead became partners who sympathized with each other and cherished each other. We played together since we were young, You Hao and I were about the same grades, which also gave me a breather.
I think I am definitely the most valued person in the school, and my classmates must think so too. Because arts and sciences are divided into subjects, my parents and my mother also got the school to give me a good choice, and I have no choice at all.
I have been walking on the road paved at home, and the only person I want to surpass is You Hao.
I used to accept such a stable life, but as I grew up, I met more people, and saw a wider world, I felt more and more that this stable life was a bondage, a shackle, and the more I thought about it. I want to break free, but even if I want to break free in the face of my parents, I can't do anything about it.
I still listen to my parents calmly, I am still the teenager who can't choose volleyball.
When we were young, You Hao and I both liked to play volleyball, and we both had a lot of fun when we caught a ball together. The two of us often go to the gym and have a good time with our uncles, aunts, sisters and brothers who play volleyball there. They also praised us for coming to their team in the future.
The two of us excitedly ran home to tell our parents, but my parents vetoed it and told me to concentrate on my studies and not engage in such nonsense.
My volleyball dream was shattered like this, and I didn't dare to mention it again, but after You Hao's repeated requests, his family allowed him to learn to play volleyball, so I could only sneak to see him after the cram school.
Junior high schools do not have volleyball halls, but new high schools do. After I found out, before school started, I went to the school volleyball hall to play volleyball alone.
After playing volleyball happily and fulfilling my dream of having a volleyball hall in my school, I went to the teaching building to visit the classrooms.
That was the first time I saw Cen Xili.
There was a slight breeze in the air, and the smell of summer was blowing, and a few leaves fell into the soil in the distance.
The school corridor is very long, and there are empty classrooms beside them. The doors and windows are closed. From the windows, you can see the gentle sunlight through the glass to outline the shape of the window frame.
It seemed no different every time I passed a classroom.
I just wanted to take a general look at the classrooms that didn't have anything special, but it was this general look that made me unable to look away.
A teenager wearing a simple white shirt, his light hair was slightly blown by the fan above his head. Perhaps noticing my shadow, he turned his head to meet mine.
The boy suddenly smiled at me and greeted me with a smile.
I couldn't hear through the glass, but I could tell from his mouth that he was saying hello.
I didn't expect him to be in the same class as me. I used my fake enthusiasm in the class and quickly became good friends with many classmates.
The newly formed classroom was noisy, and everyone who was not familiar with each other was divided into groups to get to know each other. They were talking and laughing, but I found only him sitting quietly by the window.
The window opened, and the wind came in. Cen Xili lowered his head slightly, and there was a textbook spread out on the table. From a distance, the man seemed rather quiet, or rather dull.
No one spoke to him, and he sat in his seat without saying a word. He seemed to be looking at the textbook on the table attentively, but the hands that were neatly placed on the table betrayed his inattention.
The left hand kept digging the fingers of the right hand, it seemed that such a small gesture would allow him to find something to do and prevent his quietness from being so prominent.
Perhaps my gaze was too obvious, and Cen Xili's eyes crossed the entire classroom to meet me.
I don't know what image I was in Cen Xili's eyes at that time, maybe it was a classmate who I met and said a few words to yesterday, or maybe it was the popular king who got a lot of talk from their class as soon as they came.
It's just an illusion I put on.
I have been paying attention to him, because Cen Xili always sits there alone. Later, I learned that he actually has very good friends, who also called me You Sanjin a few years later in high school - Gu Chaoming and Su Bing.
At the beginning, I still didn't get into a fight with the two of them, and I could still learn from them that Cen Xili had studied painting.
Curiously, I walked to what they call the studio after school. I suddenly opened the studio door, startling him.
Cen Xili turned his head to see me, I smiled and said, "You really are here."
I saw Cen Xili's drawing hand stop, I closed the door with the snacks I bought to avoid embarrassment, went in and pulled out a chair to sit beside him.
He was the only one in the studio, Cen Xili kept staring at me, with his arms flexed and stretched, the tip of the pen resting on the drawing board.
Cen Xili said to me, "It's best not to eat in the studio."
Even persuading people is so gentle.
For the next few days, I went to the studio after school to watch him paint.
I do my homework in the studio, and sometimes I stand by the window and watch the physical training students on the playground. I know that Cen Xili likes to watch my back when I watch people on the playground train. I felt it all, and then I often stood by the window when I was fine.
I painted with him, and as a gift, I invited him to play in the school volleyball hall.
I taught him to play volleyball, but volleyball seems to be particularly unfriendly to Cenxili, or all ball games.
Cen Xili was hit by a volleyball once, in the middle of the face, which was the ball I hit. I laughed at the other end of the block and ran over to look at him after laughing.
That was the first time I saw Cen Xili with tears in his eyes but not falling. He looked at me and said, "It's okay, come on."
Instead of coming, I let him sit and rest.
The volleyball court was empty, and the sound of hitting the ball echoed on the suspended roof. Sunlight streams in from windows high up in the walls, framing the shape of the window frames. The sun was full that day, and where the sun shines, you can see the dust floating in the air.
The net divided the field in half, and I stood in the sun throwing the ball, jumping, hitting it.
Cen Xili sat on the side and looked at me quietly.
I imagined I was a flying eagle in the sun, jumping hard, spreading my wings, and slapping the ball down.
The sound of hitting the ball echoed in the volleyball hall.
You Hao and I got into volleyball very early. In my childhood memories, the volleyball hall was the guiding voice of my aunt who looked benevolent but stern towards the players, and the jumping gestures of my older brothers and sisters who were tall for me at the time.
They jumped flawlessly on the volleyball court, sweat glistening across their cheeks, and their broad palms slapped the volleyball hard.
With a bang, it exploded in the air.
Bang, bang, bang.
This kind of popping sound, always day after day, reverberated in my childhood.
At that time, I couldn’t be more envious, and I was even more envious of You Hao, who could play volleyball, but when I was old enough to go to high school, even if the school had a volleyball hall, I still joined the basketball team according to my parents’ wishes.
The basketball team was my only activity after studying, and this activity was always accompanied by Cen Xili.
At that time, I didn't realize my secret love for him.
At that time, I was busy studying, and I played volleyball with a high degree of study. When he came out of the volleyball hall, Cen Xili pointed to my face and said, "Turn your face around a little bit."
I slowly looked at him suspiciously, turning my face slightly.
He pointed to my mouth and said, "Your mouth seems to be chapped and bleeding. You need to drink more water in this weather, otherwise your mouth will easily dry out."
I touched my lips, and as soon as I touched it, my fingers were stained with a touch of blood.
A white tissue against the blood red on my finger appeared before my eyes.
"Wipe it." Cen Xili took out a tissue and handed it to me.
I looked at the clean tissue, and followed Cen Xili's fingers to Cen Xili's face.
Cen Xili smiled slightly, the corners of his mouth raised to just the right arc, his hair was a little messy after playing volleyball, and his body still smelled like after exercise.
At that time, I was troubled by the fact that You Hao surpassed my score, and used volleyball to vent my dissatisfaction with high-intensity study.
Cen Xili's eyes were filled with stars, reflecting the light and shadow of the world. His pure eyes contained the power to heal people's hearts, which made my heart so soft, but at the same time made me feel my heart beating violently.
The most terrible thing is that I clearly felt that when I met Cen Xili's eyes filled with the universe of the galaxy, my heart suddenly ran away and stopped.
That moment may only be 0.01 seconds, but I really felt it.
It's just an ordinary handing over a tissue. I don't know why my heart skipped a beat. At that time, I didn't know what it meant.
I haven't figured out what the meal in my heart represented at that time, or I didn't think about what it was at all, and soon after the sports meeting came one after another.
Athletes sway the sweat of youth on the field and feel the time of youth.
As the photographer of our class, I ran around the playground with a camera, and my eyes were looking for Cen Xili in the cluttered crowd.
found him.
at the end of the playground.
At that time I hadn't realized that he was so bright in my eyes that I could see him at a glance in the cluttered crowd.
Cen Xili seemed to have seen me too, so I waved to him.
I watched him run towards me, and I don't know what I was thinking at that moment.
How novel is that feeling, like the end of the night, the waves crashing against the reef, like the beginning of the morning, the first birdsong in the empty valley.
He ran towards me, I grabbed the camera and took the time to take a picture of him, Cen Xili saw that I picked up the camera and hurriedly dodged.
"Don't hide." I said to him with a smile.
In the winter, my brain was too dull to realize my feelings for Cen Xili, and surprisingly woke up a little in the winter snow.
I was only a freshman in high school, and my tuition during the winter vacation accounted for more than half of it.
The day when the tutoring ended happened to be my birthday. Although I was tutoring all day, I still asked Cen Xili to go out together at night.
During my winter vacation, apart from my classmates from the tuition center, I didn't see a few others, and my life was still arranged by my parents.
I can't wait to see Cen Xili.
As long as you have expectations, you are not alone.
It was already dark after class, I quickly ran downstairs, he was waiting for me downstairs.
That was the first time I realized how hard it was to wait, and it was also the first time I realized how happy it was to be able to meet the person I wanted to see.
He was waiting for me downstairs.
Before I went downstairs, I looked upstairs and looked downstairs, and saw him standing next to the street lamp downstairs, and the warm yellow light of the street lamp covered him.
It was a cold winter night, but when I saw him, I felt my heart was heating up.
When you like or love someone, you will be endowed with a special magic by the god of love. No matter how far away you are, you can see him at a glance, and no matter how many people are around you, your eyes can follow him like a radar.
The noise around you and the distance in the world have nothing to do with you.
I ran to him in the cram school crowd, and he didn't see him for half a month, but he still smiled so warmly.
His warmth overflowed from his smile, like a tide over my neck, nose and eyes, making me unable to breathe.
"This is for you." He handed me a paper bag.
"A birthday present," he said, "I think you should buy it if you like it."
"thanks."
When I got home, I opened the gift that Cen Xili gave me and remembered what Cen Xili said.
"I think you should buy it if you like it."
I really like it.
I looked at the gift on the table, picked up my phone and sent a message to Cen Xili.
"I love so much."
"what?"
"birthday present."
And you.
Like Cen Xili, I ride my bike to school every day. I ride slower and be extra careful, hoping to run into Cen Xili, but I haven't many times.
The closer we got to the school, the more students there were on the road. Benjue saw the scene in front of him was boring, and suddenly caught a glimpse of a school uniform appearing in front of the road.
With his feet on the pedals, his open clothes were blown up by the wind, and his hair fluttered in the wind. I have a telescope in my heart, and I saw the dimples in which he laughed.
I even peek at him in class.
The young man's neck was slender, and the sun gave him a velvety glow. I looked at him and felt that the boy seemed to have stopped time and the wind.
Cen Xili was still sitting by the window at that time, and later he changed seats to sit with Gu Chaoming. The days when I sit by the window are the days when I peek the most.
His hair was a little warped today, and it seemed that he hadn't slept well yesterday. Breeze ran in from the open window, blowing the pages of his book, and he had to hold it with his arms to prevent the pages from moving.
I look at his hand. Cen Xili's fingers were long, and the nails were trimmed to the edge. His slender fingers gripped the barrel of the pen, rubbing against the textbook.
I'm already a good friend, but I still peek at him every day. This behavior makes me feel a little perverted, but I can't help but walk with him all the time.
I will accompany him to feed the school cat.
The school cats used to be very thin, but now they are all fed into big fat ones. It was tiny when we met it.
Cen Xili and I were eating bread on the stairs behind the school at noon, when a cat meow suddenly came from the end of the stairs.
Cen Xili stopped to eat the bread and looked at the place where the cat's meow came from, a small milk cat.
It hid at the very end of the stairs, staring at Cen Xili with its big eyes, but did not dare to approach, only dared to make a "meow" and "meow".
I was afraid that I was hungry, so when I saw Cen Xili and I were sitting here eating bread, we ran out to ask for something to eat.
Cen Xili looked at the kitten in the corner who was afraid to come, tore a small piece from the bread, and stretched out his hand, trying to lure it over.
Cen Xili learned to meow, and stretched out his hand to meow for a while. I didn't look at the cute kitten, I stared at the neck that Cen Xili turned around.
The kitten seemed to want to come over but didn't dare, hesitating in place and calling.
Cen Xili saw that this would not work, he was tired of raising his hands, and tried to throw the bread on the stairs not far from it, and then ate the bread in his hand.
The kitten moved while staring at the bread that Cen Xili had dropped, and barked a few more times. Cen Xi stood eating the bread and glanced at it when he heard its cry.
The kitten went to eat the bread that Cen Xili had thrown by itself.
Cen Xili thought that it would finish the bread peacefully, but unexpectedly, the kitten took a few bites and then ran back to the corner just now.
After eating, "meow" and "meow", Cen Xili tore off another piece and gave it to it. This time the kitten ran over without hesitation, bit the bread in Cen Xili's hand, and sat directly beside him to eat.
Cen Xili watched it while eating the bread himself. The kitten eats slowly, and Cen Xili also put some milk in a milk lid and put it beside it.
Cen Xili looked at the kitten, and I sat by the side and looked at him silently.
The kitten ate bread and drank milk, and called Cen Xili a few times.
Cen Xili tried to touch it with his hands, but he didn't dare to touch it directly. He only tapped the kitten's head lightly with his index finger, and reached out to touch other places with its permission.
The sunlight fell on him through the window in the stairwell, Cen Xili touched the kitten tenderly, and I saw the smile on the corner of his mouth.
Before that, my life was dull and boring. Every day I studied was to surpass You Hao and win glory for my family. I couldn't resist this kind of life, but I enjoyed the convenience of my parents paving the way for me. I don't have to think about anything, just study hard.
I thought my life would be so dull and boring, and I got a little happiness by talking with Cen Xili, but all the happiness was broken by my good friend Chen Haiyang in one video.
It was his video that let me know that Cen Xili was in the same mood as me.
I'm not alone.
I don't know if Chen Haiyang intentionally or unintentionally put the video of Cen Xili kissing me and being discovered by them in the class commemorative video. At that time, he told me that it was not intentional, but I know he did it intentionally when he provoked Cen Xili.
Even if I knew I didn't quarrel with him, I didn't break up with him, it seemed like nothing happened. That's why Gu Chaoming and Su Bing scolded me so much, and I didn't speak.
I don't know why I didn't help Cen Xili, because I didn't have a seed. I would only get angry in secret, but never quarrel with others.
The trouble with Chen Haiyang was delayed until the third year of high school.
As the classes were divided, my contact with Cen Xili became less and less. At first, Chen Haiyang was still in the mood to find Cen Xili's fault, and I just followed behind. As time goes on, Chen Haiyang has something to do himself, so he is not in such a great mood to go to Cen Xili to make fun of him.
The reason for breaking up with Chen Haiyang in the third year of high school was because they were having dinner with a few friends. Chen Haiyang couldn't keep his mouth shut, talking about Cen Xili, and making fun of Cen Xili in front of everyone as a bus.
I stopped him once, and he still had a second sentence. I couldn't bear it anymore, I threw my chopsticks and almost got into a fight with him, and then we officially broke up.
By the third year of high school, I knew that I owed Cen Xili a lot. Because of my lack of seeds, he was persecuted by gossip and rumors, and he was hurt by Chen Haiyang.
Many times I was there for Chen Haiyang's injury, but I didn't stop it. Gu Chaoming and Su Bing were so angry, I could understand that, I could only pull Chen Haiyang away quickly.
At that time, I didn't dare to break up with my friends, and I didn't dare to disobey my parents. My parents went to school to deal with Cen Xili and me. The school rumors put me at the top because I am popular. They put Cen Xili at the bottom because the video shows his love for me and I don't have any response.
When Lao Chen asked me in the office, I didn't have any answer. I didn't see my heart clearly, and I didn't have the courage to say those words, and I didn't want to make Cen Xili sad.
Once, twice, each time I was silent and didn't answer.
I can not.
Gu Chaoming folded my arm by swinging the stool, and I didn't complain at all, but felt a little more at ease, as if my sins were redeemed in the discounted arm.
During that time, I didn't dare to look at Cen Xili, but looking at each other made me panic. I was afraid that Cen Xili could see in my eyes my secret thoughts and sins in my heart.
My insanity made Cen Xili sink to the bottom of gossip. I watched Cen Xili become more and more depressed and less talkative, but I couldn't comfort him.
During the summer vacation when I was a freshman and a sophomore in high school, I was dazed and at a loss, so I separated from Cen Xili.
I'm going to science class.