The road is very long, and the street lights are lined up one by one towards the sky. The true night and the last twilight took over, showing a grainy dark gray. Vehicles passed through the road, whistling from time to time, and Gu Chaoming stepped on the street lights one after another with his schoolbag on his back.
It had been a long time since school was over, and after tossing around for a while in the hospital, after parting with Lin Jianfan at the entrance of the hospital, the problems Gu Chaoming had to face still remained the same.
The passage of time could not change Gu Chaoming's gradual irritability. Approaching that house again, my heart jammed a little bit deeper.
In the past, he was sheltered by his mother, and he could wait at home for his mother who would come back at an unknown time. That was his expectation at home, but now this last bit of expectation is gone.
Gu Chaoming walked aimlessly on the street, kicked the stones on the side of the road and looked at the traffic on the side of the road.
There was no baseball cap on his head, and it was refreshing. Gu Chaoming was still a little unaccustomed to it. The wound on his head was exposed like this, attracting the attention of many passers-by. Gu Chaoming heard a child holding his mother's hand and pointed it to his mother: "Mom, look at that brother's head."
Gu Chaoming didn't care, he walked slowly and stepped on a street lamp. Although he seemed to be walking aimlessly, the end point was the home he didn't want to go back to by default.
He really had nowhere to go except that home.
I don't know what's going on at home, has Gu Tao turned it over, has Gu Tao been drinking, is he waiting for him with a knife
Gu Chaoming walked very slowly. He wanted to delay the time. Maybe he would stay outside until midnight and then go home. Gu Tao would be drunk and unconscious, or play mahjong all night in the mahjong hall downstairs.
Gu Chaoming hoped that what greeted him was a home with no lights but darkness.
In his heart, he wanted to delay until midnight and wander the streets for half an hour, but Gu Chaoming still took the bus home.
The vehicle started slowly, the lights were not turned on in the compartment, many people lowered their heads and brushed their mobile phones, and the bright lights illuminated the owner's face.
Gu Chaoming plugged in his earphones and held the ring. The boy in the seat in front of him played games vigorously. Gu Chaoming bowed his head and saw the scene of the gun battle from the first perspective.
The night outside the window was completed alternately, it was dark, the vehicles were driving, and the street lamps on the roadside were retreating one by one. Gu Chaoming clicked on a novel that he had not finished reading, and only read a few lines and called in.
Caller ID - Mom.
Seeing these two words, Gu Chaoming didn't know what it was like.
The reason why Qu Yingyi chose to send a text message to inform him that she and Gu Tao divorced, but did not choose to call, was because she knew that he was in class, so she didn't bother.
Qu Yingyi didn't want to disturb Gu Chaoming's class, and Gu Chaoming didn't want to disturb her future life.
Qu Yingyi didn't mention who he was with in the text message, and Gu Chaoming acquiesced alone.
It's not that Gu Chaoming doesn't want to be with Qu Yingyi, he just doesn't want to be a burden to Qu Yingyi. When Qu Yingyi is divorced at this age, and with such an old son, when will she find a man who loves her.
Now that she is divorced, Gu Chaoming hopes that she can usher in a better life.
As for myself, it doesn't matter.
The dying family should have been shattered long ago. After an afternoon of self-psychological work, Gu Chaoming persuaded himself to accept the reality, but seeing the call from Qu Yingyi, Gu Chaoming would still recall the time when he was alone at home waiting for Qu Yingyi back day.
Gu Chaoming pressed the answer button, and Qu Yingyi's soft voice came from the other end of the phone.
"Chaoming?"
Gu Chaoming responded, and a soft Chaoming sound reminded him suddenly that when he was packing his lunch box in the ward to go part-time last night, Qu Yingyi stopped him, the expression on his face hesitant to speak.
That's what she wanted to say at the time.
"Have you gone home?" Qu Yingyi asked.
Gu Chaoming was afraid that Qu Yingyi would be worried, so he lied and said, "I've been home long ago."
After speaking, Gu Chaoming looked around, afraid that the sound of the station announcement would be picked up by the headphones and heard by Qu Yingyi, revealing the fact that he was still in the car.
"I didn't see you today, have you eaten yet?" Gu Chaoming asked.
"Eat, have you eaten too?"
"Eat, isn't the food in the hospital delicious?" Gu Chaoming tried his best to chat with Qu Yingyi, not relying on Qu Yingyi's original intention of calling.
"It's okay, but the peppers are too spicy." Qu Yingyi said.
Gu Chaoming smiled: "The food outside is definitely not as delicious as your son's cooking."
Qu Yingyi said that he was sloppy, and to tease Qu Yingyi, Gu Chaoming always used the trick - to praise himself.
"Of course the love bento made by your son is delicious. You didn't say it was delicious because it was made by your son, right?"
"of course not."
"That's it."
Gu Chaoming called Qu Yingyi with a smile on his face, making her happy as usual.
Qu Yingyi asked, "Your dad... Is Gu Tao at home?"
Still facing this problem, Gu Chaoming put away his disguised hippie smile: "No, I'm at home alone."
Where Gu Chaoming couldn't hear, Qu Yingyi breathed a sigh of relief. After so many years of marriage, she knew Gu Tao's temper, and she was afraid that Gu Tao would beat Gu Chaoming because of the divorce.
After Gu Chaoming answered, Qu Yingyi was silent.
Gu Chaoming counted the seconds Qu Yingyi was silent, and remembered what Lin Jianfan said, "Silence for five seconds is the default."
one two three four…
When counting to four, Qu Yingyi's voice came from the other end, with a sense of guilt that could be heard from the tone of voice.
"Chaoming, mother didn't tell you earlier that it was mother's fault, mother was..."
Qu Yingyi talked about it at the beginning, and explained at the beginning, Gu Chaoming interrupted her immediately: "It's okay, it's okay if you don't tell me, don't I know now? Man, you should have left him earlier. I know you have endured him for so many years because of me."
There were not many people on the bus, but not a lot. The boy playing the game in front of him lost a game and started a new game.
Hearing Gu Chaoming's words of comforting Qu Yingyi, many passengers in the car cast curious glances.
It is rare for a child to expect his parents to divorce.
The boy who was playing games in front of him couldn't help raising his head to look at Gu Chaoming.
Gu Chaoming didn't care about their gazes at all.
Qu Yingyi became silent again.
Gu Chaoming counted silently in his heart.
One, two, three, four, five…
When it's five, silence for five seconds is the default.
What is the default? Is divorce a fact
Gu Chaoming looked out the window at the ever-changing street scene.
Lights flicker, music floats.
"Actually, Mom has one more thing to tell you, which she didn't say in the text message." Qu Yingyi said hesitantly.
Hearing Qu Yingyi saying that he had something to tell him, Gu Chaoming had the answer in his heart.
There is no evidence, just relying on Gu Chaoming's understanding of his mother and his sixth sense.
Gu Chaoming asked, "How is that man?"
Qu Yingyi was stunned, all the words she was about to say stuck in her throat, she was speechless. Qu Yingyi wondered how Gu Chaoming knew, thinking that it was Gu Tao who told him.
"Gu Tao told you?" Qu Yingyi asked.
Gu Chaoming wanted to say "No, I guessed it myself", but he just made a light "um".
The boy playing the game in front of him played the game very well, and died at every turn. The boy listened to Gu Chaoming's "telephone series" while playing games.
Gu Chaoming formed a self-shield, and all eyes could not disturb him.
"He's fine." Qu Yingyi said.
Gu Chaoming said calmly: "Just be nice to you, it's not enough to have a good son, a woman should have a good husband, this time you must take a good look, don't find someone like Gu Tao, but I also believe in my mother's vision. ."
Gu Chaoming's tone was calm and smiling, Qu Yingyi's divorce didn't seem to affect him at all, and he even looked very happy.
Indeed, he should be happy and celebrate Qu Yingyi's escape from Gu Tao's clutches. Gu Chaoming forced himself to be happy, but he still couldn't be happy.
Seventeen-year-old home was broken, and something was also broken, pulled from his life.
Lost to move forward, happiness stopped, Gu Chaoming felt that his world was changing, just like now he had to calmly accept the fact that his mother had a new man.
It turns out that the mother is not without a way out, and it is not that she has to be alone after the divorce. Gu Chaoming is also worried about what will happen to Qu Yingyi after the divorce. Now it seems that he only needs to worry about himself.
It turned out that the mother he thought he knew had so many things he didn't know.
Gu Chaoming used to think that he knew his mother well enough. He was always worried about her mother and feared that her mother would be bullied. Now it seems that it is just his self-righteousness.
The night was dim, Gu Chaoming heard Qu Yingyi say, "Chaoming, do you want to be with your mother?"
Qu Yingyi asked gently through the earphone cable into Gu Chaoming's ear. Maybe the earphone cable is not connected to the ear, but to the heart. Otherwise, why did Gu Chaoming's heart stop when he heard this sentence, and his heart softened.
"Does that man mind?" Gu Chaoming wrapped his fingers around the earphone cord uneasily.
"... He said it should be fine, he also has a child, a girl, still young."
Gu Chaoming didn't want to delay Qu Yingyi's marriage. Qu Ying was the best person for him. Gu Chaoming hoped that she would be well.
Hearing Qu Yingyi say to take him away, in the dark night, for the first time, Gu Chaoming felt that he could escape from Gu Tao, escape from the man he thought he could never escape from, and escape from that hell.
For the first time, the pointer of life pointed in another direction, and Gu Chaoming seemed to see a new distance.
The distance he never imagined but always longed for.
Just because of Qu Yingyi's words.
Gu Chaoming didn't want to disturb Qu Yingyi. He didn't know whether his intervention would cause a gap between his mother and the man, but the condition of staying away from Gu Tao was too attractive. With selfishness, Gu Chaoming agreed: "Okay."
When the car came to a stop, Gu Chaoming got out of the car, and the sight of the passengers in the car was removed. At this moment, Gu Chaoming had no intention of caring about their eyes, and the gloomy mood of the whole afternoon rose up with an unknown restlessness, like the wind beating the face of a drum, and before the time came, the drum sounded.
Gu Chaoming walked into the community. An old man led the child home and walked past him. Gu Chaoming walked slowly down the aisle of the community with his earphones on. He heard Qu Yingyi's gentle voice.
"When I'm discharged from the hospital, I'll call you when it's settled."
"okay."
Hanging up the phone, Gu Chaoming unconsciously smiled, his mood was never so comfortable, as if all the weight he had been holding for more than ten years was removed at once.
Knowing that he could leave the house, Gu Chaoming felt that the leaves on the tree were getting greener and greener, and the children on the roadside laughed cheerfully.
Fear was only put down briefly, but it had to be picked up again after ten minutes.
When walking in the aisle of the community, Gu Chaoming could still hope that Gu Tao was not at home, but he went downstairs to the unit and looked up to see the lights on in his house.
Gu Chaoming knew that there was no hope.
The joy was short and the loss was long. Gu Chaoming had to move forward with heavy steps.
He was afraid of the sharp knife waiting for him, and also afraid that the sharp knife he resisted would stab at Gu Tao. Neither of the two results was what he wanted to see, but he could only use this method to get rid of them cleanly, without having to be implicated in Gu Tao or accepting his beatings.
Seventeen years ago, Gu Chaoming thought so, but just now, in the car, Qu Yingyi said that he would take him to a new home.
A third option appeared in his world.
Qu Yingyi pointed out a road without blood and without wielding a sharp knife to stay away from Gu Tao. He had been thinking about the smell of blood for too long, before the sharp knife was stained with blood, his mind was already confused by the smell of blood.
You are only seventeen years old, and you still have a long way to go. It is not necessarily the darkness that awaits you, perhaps the waning of spring and the blooming of flowers.
The key was inserted into the keyhole, and the familiar sound of smashing things.
Gu Chaoming adjusted his mood, the joy of having the third way is not false, and the fear of facing the crazy Gu Tao is not false.
Take a deep breath, squeeze the key with your fingers, and the key will turn the door lock. As soon as a crack was opened, the familiar sound of smashing things desperately escaped from it.
The door opened, and the clamor of smashing things paused for a few seconds.
The wine bottles in the house, the smell of alcohol in the room, and Gu Tao's flushed cheeks all prove that this living room, including Gu Tao in the living room, has been ruled by alcohol.
The TVs in the messy living room were shifted, and the paper on the coffee table was scattered on the ground, laying snow white one by one. The clock on the wall fell to the ground, its face shattered, and the glass splattered and reflected a tiny glow in the light.
There was no place to stay, broken paper and glass all over the floor, and a cut was made on the sofa cushion. Gu Chaoming put his hand in the pocket of the school uniform and looked at Gu Tao. Gu Tao didn't have a knife, but only an empty beer bottle in his hand.
Gu Chaoming was a little relieved, and kicked away the sofa cushion in front of him.
A beer bottle shattered at his feet, covered in green glass slag.
"You still have the ability to come back?" Gu Tao shouted after throwing the beer bottle.
Gu Chaoming ignored him and let him curse. Gu Tao stood beside the table, spitting, and the words spit out from his mouth were unbearable.
Gu Chaoming originally wanted to go back to the room and shut Gu Tao's scolding out of the door, but after walking in, Gu Chaoming saw a fruit knife on the table that Gu Tao usually used to eat.
Gu Chaoming was startled, it turned out that it was not a threat, but Gu Tao was really waiting for him to go home with a knife.
Gu Tao really does that.
Gu Tao scolded, and the fruit knife hid on the table behind him. Gu Tao didn't take a knife, but just cursed at Gu Chao.
Gu Chaoming stepped on the broken glass in the living room, pretended to go to the kitchen, and walked slowly behind Gu Tao, ready to take the fruit knife.
Gu Chaoming walked very lightly, and the broken glass under his feet was still crunching.
Gu Tao's shadow fell on the table, and the fruit knife was sealed in Gu Tao's shadow.
Gu Tao didn't look back, Gu Chaoming quietly stretched out his hand, the shadow of his arm fell on the dining table.
The two shadows on the table slowly approached.
Gu Chaoming stared at Gu Tao's back, but he could take the fruit knife within half a meter. Suddenly, he felt bad. Gu Chaoming turned his head and saw Gu Tao's flushed face.
Right now, Gu Tao couldn't get the knife, Gu Chaoming stared at Gu Tao's turned face, and quickly took the fruit knife on the table.
Because he was too anxious, he accidentally held a part of the blade, and his fingers were cut by the sharp blade. Fortunately, the hole was not deep, so Gu Chaoming ignored it.
Gu Tao watched the movement of his holding the knife and saw the slit his fingers made.
Gu Chaoming firmly held the hilt of the knife, preventing Gu Tao from taking it away, and stared at Gu Tao's every move.
The shadow on the table changed, Gu Tao stretched out his hand, Gu Chaoming's eyes widened, he almost raised his knife and retreated, but Gu Tao just grabbed a handful of peanuts from the plate on the table and put it into his mouth.
Gu Chaoming breathed a sigh of relief and heard Gu Tao's voice crunching peanuts: "You want to kill yourself with a knife? Cutting your hands is a fart, just stick a band-aid, don't you have it in your drawer? Post it, post it and cook quickly, you son of a bitch."
Gu Chaoming didn't know if it was concern or abuse, Gu Chaoming glared at him, walked into the kitchen with a fruit knife, and inserted it directly into the knife holder in the cabinet.
The sound of the knife holder colliding with the fruit knife was caught in Gu Tao's continued scolding of his father and mother.
Gu Chaoming came out of the kitchen after putting out the knife, Gu Tao also smashed him with a peanut: "Boy, cook."
As if hitting the jackpot, the peanuts hit Gu Chaoming one by one.
Gu Chaoming couldn't hold back his anger, he unscrewed the door lock of the room, and after entering the room, he slammed the door, and the door panel closed with a bang.
Gu Tao didn't give up, and smashed a handful of peanuts on the door.
Throwing the schoolbag onto the bed, Gu Tao scolded people outside, and the TV sounded again. Gu Chaoming sat on the edge of the bed silently, and suddenly pulled the pillow by the head of the bed and smashed it on the ground.
Outbreak after silence.
He really had enough of this life.
But Qu Yingyi promised him that he would take him away. What he needs now is patience.
Gu Chaoming picked up the pillow on the ground, patted the dust on it, and put it back on the head of the bed.
Putting the band-aid on and opening the door, Gu Tao was watching his favorite sketch show again. Gu Chaoming ignored Gu Tao and went straight to the kitchen. Gu Tao turned his head from the sofa, saw the wound on his head and asked, "What's wrong with your head?"
Gu Chaoming ignored him as usual.
Gu Tao asked again, "Where's your hat?"
Gu Chaoming still ignored him.
"Isn't it about stealing the hat? Yesterday." Gu Tao smiled.
Silence, quiet silence.
Gu Chaoming avoided the place where his fingers were cut to wash vegetables, and smashed a handful of peanuts on the back of his head.
"Sure enough, he's a mute, a bastard like your mother!" Gu Tao scolded angrily.
Another handful of peanuts: "You fucking son of a bitch."
The more Gu Tao scolded it, the more unpleasant it sounded, but Gu Chaoming did not fight back.
Be patient! endure! endure!
It takes patience to leave this place. To leave Gu Tao, he needs to endure, endure.
When he was distracted, the water flowed through the band-aid and touched the wound. It was a little painful. Gu Chaoming raised his hand and continued to wash the vegetables. He put the washed vegetables on the cutting board. Gu Tao, who was behind him, still didn't stop.
The world in front of him shook violently, and his back was able to withstand a kick. Gu Chaoming leaned forward, holding on to the cabinet so that he would not fall over.
Be patient, can't bear it any longer!
Gu Chaoming clenched his fists and turned around, and he was caught off guard by a thick slap.
A slap was not enough, Gu Tao directly threw the cigarette in his mouth at Gu Chaoming, the cigarette butt almost left a mark on the school uniform.
Gu Chaoming raised his hand to protect his forehead, fearing that Gu Tao would hit his forehead wound, he had no intention of taking care of the cigarette butts thrown by Gu Tao.
Gu Tao looked at Gu Chaoming protecting himself, smiled, saw that Gu Chaoming's clothes were soft, and the backlog of anger was gone in an instant. He reached out and patted Gu Chaoming's right shoulder, which was injured by him yesterday, and sat back on the sofa to take out his birthday. Smoke puffs.
Gu Chaoming lowered his arm when he saw Gu Tao walk out of the kitchen and sit back on the sofa to smoke from the gap between his arms protecting him.
Turning around, his chest kept rising and falling, his arms were propped on the sink, his fingers were firmly clasping the edge of the sink, letting the water droplets soak the bandages on his fingers.
Gu Tao was called away by a phone call. Gu Chaoming ate alone and cleaned up the living room alone.
After dealing with the living room and taking a shower, it was another late night.
The TV was turned off, and Gu Chaoming was resting on the sofa with a cut open. Seeing the wound on his finger, he squeezed as if he was self-mutilating.
Gu Tao doesn't know how many days it will take to come back this time.
Maybe tomorrow, maybe a month.
Gu Chaoming hopes forever.