[85]
Lu Ming returned home almost in a daze.
Aunt Zhang was preparing the broth for dinner in the kitchen, when she heard the noise, she ran out suspiciously: "Boss Lu, are you off work so early today?"
Lu Ming tore off his tie in a daze, his entire face seemed to have lost its warmth, and there was a bit of frustration amidst the slumber. The gloomy brows squeezed together and condensed into a hard stone.
He stood where he was, and as far as his eyes could see, he could see Chi Qiu after get off work every day. For a moment, he froze and stopped taking a step forward.
Lu Ming silently looked around at everything in the house, and there was Chi Qiu everywhere.
Chi Qiu's favorite carpet, Chi Qiu's favorite sofa, Chi Qiu's favorite pillow, Chi Qiu's favorite teacup... Every second, every thing, has Chi Qiu's smile and temperature.
In just one year of being together, not only is his heart undergoing silent changes, but even his "home" has become a safe haven in his subconscious.
Lu Ming shuffled, unable to walk into the bedroom.
He saw a bouquet of dried roses in a vase embedded in the wall. That was done by him and Chi Qiu together, and the video of Chi Qiu that day is still saved in his mobile phone.
He didn't know why he kept it, he only knew that at that moment, he didn't want to miss any of Chi Qiu's smiles. So there was an extra video file in his mobile phone that had nothing to do with work.
Lu Ming looked at the bouquet of dried flowers, his dry lips moved slightly, and what appeared in his mind was still Chi Qiu's expression when he broke up with him.
— “Actually, it doesn’t matter who you marry.”
So indifferent, not like Chi Qiu at all.
When this sentence reappeared, it lingered in his ears for a long time like the lingering sound after ringing a bell, attacking his fragile nerves.
He wanted to refute, he wanted to say no. But his throat was choked by something, and he couldn't make any sound.
How should he explain it to Chi Qiu
Explain that it doesn't matter to anyone, explain that you only want to be with him as a partner? What should he use as evidence, and how should he convince Chi Qiu
No, no.
He has lost the best time to explain, he always says he can't talk, he can't always say what Chi Qiu wants. It's hard to guess how people's hearts are, but Chi Qiu's heart, Lu Ming can guess but can't answer.
In his heart, something is breaking apart.
And his sanity is like a broken zither, useless, like waste.
It was only at this moment that Lu Ming realized that he had nothing. He didn't even know the most basic thing, what it's like to love someone.
But if the pain in his heart at this moment is love, then does this love come too casually? Because, the pain and torture are the body memories that have accompanied Lu Ming for several years.
It was not produced by Chi Qiu, but the happiness and joy that could be produced by Chi Qiu. Lu Ming lost it for a long time, and he still couldn't find it completely.
Lu Ming's head hurt badly, and every word Chi Qiu said played back in his mind, like an old movie that was abandoned. Lu Ming wandered in the empty square, alone, shouting, shouting.
He couldn't stand the stimulation, he staggered to the collection room, trembling his hands, opened bottle after bottle of wine.
He gulped it down, and the fatigue from a sleepless night was fully reflected at this moment. Lu Ming drank alcohol in agony, and the alcohol in his chest had anesthetized him, and he wanted to fall asleep deeply.
He will only be better if he sleeps. But he couldn't sleep, no matter how much he drank, he couldn't sleep.
He thought that Chi Qiu was going to divorce him, and that Chi Qiu was going to leave this family. His whole heart flustered for no reason. He once thought that Chi Qiu was dispensable to him.
If he can keep this marriage, he will treat Chi Qiu very well; if he can't keep this marriage contract, even if they divorce after five years, they will respect each other.
Now, Lu Ming knew that his cognition was wrong.
He is not decent.
It turns out that after getting used to a person's temperature, it is so difficult to quit.
He covered his face and howled in pain, but there was no sound. He is used to being suppressed, and his normal emotions are locked in his heart. At this moment, they are scurrying around in the narrow box, hitting his limited body. He was in so much pain that he clenched his fists helplessly and hit the hard storage shelf with one punch after another.
While the shelves were shaking, many wine bottles fell, and "ping-pong-pong" shattered all over the floor.
The mellow aroma of red wine affected Lu Ming's dependence. He was drinking like crazy, the veins in his neck were bulging, and his breathing was rough and slow. It seemed that the next moment, he would suffocate to death.
Aunt Zhang who heard the sound was completely frightened. She had never seen Lu Ming like this before. Looking at the mess, the first thing she thought of was to call Chi Qiu.
She dialed over and over again, but Chi Qiu's phone was always turned off.
Aunt Zhang was really at a loss, so she immediately notified Lu Fengshen.
Half an hour later, Lu Fengshen stepped into the Lu family's villa.
Aunt Zhang led him all the way to the collection room. When he opened the door, the smell of red wine filled the room. Lu Ming just sat slumped in the debris on the ground, staring at the ground motionless.
Lu Fengshen's expression changed, and he hurried forward: "Lu Ming!"
Hearing Lu Fengshen's voice, Lu Ming moved slightly, his joints numb. Lu Fengshen stepped across the broken glass on the ground, and his eyes locked on the bottle of medicine at Lu Ming's feet. For a moment, he didn't care about Lu Ming, and suddenly picked up the medicine bottle and looked at it.
Fortunately, the medicine bottle was full, which meant that Lu Ming did not overdose.
Aunt Zhang thought she had done something wrong, and anxiously explained: "I brought the medicine. Mr. Lu, Mr. Lu asked me for it, so I went to get it, but he didn't take it..." She was frightened and hesitated , the soles of the feet are a little soft.
"Fortunately, I didn't take it. If I take too much, something will happen." Lu Fengshen put the medicine bottle on the shelf, squatted down, and saw the swollen marks on Lu Ming's face at a glance.
He felt guilty, and asked Lu Ming in a calm tone: "If you refused me yesterday, why are you so weak today?"
Seeing that Lu Ming didn't speak, Lu Fengshen sighed heavily: "What happened? Why did you make the house like this?"
Lu Ming sat indifferently, with a hollow expression.
Feeling something was wrong, Lu Fengshen stretched out his hand and shook it in front of Lu Ming: "Lu Ming? Say something."
And Lu Ming followed his hand in a trance, moved his eyes, and froze in place lifelessly. This appearance is very similar to his appearance after self-torture when he was seriously ill.
Lu Fengshen panicked, grabbed Lu Ming's wrist and examined it carefully. After confirming that there were no self-harm scars, he was relieved. He held Lu Ming's wrist, thought for a moment, and asked, "You are like... Could it be related to Chi Qiu?"
When the name "Chi Qiu" came out, the expressionless Lu Ming seemed to twitch. His jaw line was tense, and his hands trembled uncontrollably. Just like when Chi Qiu came to look for him last night, his body was out of control, and all the organs in his body were trembling with fear.
Lu Fengshen pressed his shoulder hard: "Lu Ming! Be sober, can you hear me?!"
"I… "
Lu Ming struggled to utter a word, his face flushed, his breath was stuck in his chest, and he couldn't swallow it, almost choking him to death.
There was a tear streak on his face. It was the first time Lu Fengshen saw Lu Ming cry in so many years. It seems that from the day Lu Ming lost his memory, he lost the ability to cry and mourn.
Today, Lu Ming wept silently, like a lost child. His knuckles turned white, and he grabbed Lu Fengshen's hand tightly with both hands. He is restrained and desperate, and a corner of the box in his heart has been knocked out. The emotions that had been closed for a long time seemed to be cut open, and ran out one by one along with the cracks, devouring him frantically.
He said hoarsely, "I screwed up."
Gradually, Lu Ming looked at the broken glass all over the floor, and memories followed.
is black, gloomy night—
Lu You took the shards of glass and cut his arm one by one. Her eyes were dark and prey, the blood smelled sweet, she smiled coldly, her light body was like a wisp of smoke floating in the air.
Her voice was high-pitched, devoid of any sense, and babbled selfishly.
When her glass is scratched, a streak of red remains.
"Xiao Ming, if you go back to find him, I will definitely die for you." She was afraid of being discarded, so she repeated these words tirelessly, tearing at Lu Ming's heart, "You must not be like your father, you must Don't go back to him. They are all liars, they are all liars...Only mother loves you!"
"You are the meat that fell from your mother!"
"If even you betray me... why even my son wants to betray me? I'm a lunatic, yes, I'm a lunatic, I was driven crazy by you! It's you! It's you—"
she screamed.
Lu Ming also let out a roar, and the wine he drank on an empty stomach was as strong as fire, and a disaster ignited in the churning. Lu Ming threw up on the ground, holding his head in pain and sobbing. His fragility, his evasion, and his vulnerability are all completely revealed at this moment.
In fact, Lu Ming has not changed, he is still so cowardly, trapped in place by Lu You's death.
He waved his hand vigorously, trying to shake off these disgusting memories.
But slowly, in his vague consciousness, he heard Lu Fengshen's voice calling him continuously.
It turns out that when there is still a trace of breath in the world, he will not die.
Just like back then, if the box of memory can be closed, it can also be opened.
Maybe Chi Qiu is right - "The memory is yours, if you really want to get it back, you don't need anyone's help at all."
Lu Ming replied to himself: "Yes, I am willing to get it back..."
But Chi Qiu's voice kept lingering in his ears: "Maybe it's because it's not important to you, so you forget it."
Lu Ming shook his head, tears poured down, and he strongly denied: "No, it's not..."
It's important, but it hurts too much.
Lu Ming suffered a serious illness and lost a lot of weight.
Lu Fengshen specially gave the terrified Aunt Zhang a vacation for a while. He put down all his work, moved from the hotel to Lu Ming's villa, stayed in the guest room temporarily, and came to take care of Lu Ming's daily life.
On the company side, Lu Fengshen also helped take care of it.
It was also this morning that Lu Fengshen went to Chi's house, and only then did he learn from Chi Lanyan that Lu Ming and Chi Qiu planned to divorce.
Chi Lanyan's attitude seemed peaceful, as if he knew what "good things" Lu Ming had done. Seeing this, Lu Fengshen naturally wouldn't take the initiative to expose it. He apologized to Chi Lanyan, hoping to see Chi Qiu.
However, Chi Lanyan resolutely rejected him: "Although our Xiaoqiu looks like a gentle child on the surface, he is more stubborn than anyone else in his heart. Once he has made a decision, he will not change it easily. Since he has decided to be with If Lu Ming divorces, then there is actually no room for redemption."
"Just let me meet Chi Qiu, I know it's not good, but Lu Ming... really has something to hide."
"Mr. Lu, you and I know what Lu Ming has done. I'm not going to make a fuss now, but I'm leaving a thin layer between us. Don't make fun of yourself."
Smart as Chi Lanyan, combined with Chi Xia's matter, even if she can't find anything under Ji Feining's obstruction, she won't be like a fool who doesn't know anything.
Lu Fengshen was dumbfounded.
Chi Lanyan's attitude became much colder: "He doesn't want to see anyone from your Lu family, please go back."
"I… "
Chi Lanyan frowned, and interrupted him impatiently: "Xiaoqiu really loves Lu Ming, but I really hope you don't take advantage of his feelings over and over again, it's too nasty. Mr. Lu, I hope you don't bother Xiaoqiu any more."
She added: "Of course, when we meet again, it should be time for divorce."
Lu Fengshen was wrong, he couldn't refute any of Chi Lanyan's sharp words.
The author has something to say:
I will disappear for another two days to prepare for next week's update, thank you for waiting! I will concentrate on coding on weekends, and try my best to keep updating for five consecutive days! certainly! Next week's Lu Ming will become a good Lu Ming! After all, he is very, very willing to get his memory back, no matter what kind of pain he will suffer TUT