That night, the teenager locked himself in the bathroom while Zhang Man was asleep.
He sat on the bathroom floor all night.
There is no heating in the bathroom, and he specially opened the window. The bitterly cold winds of winter nights and the freezing floor kept him awake.
- It turns out that he is really a devil.
The silent darkness devoured him little by little.
Is it true that people like him should not live in this world
He suddenly understood how his father felt at the time.
Since it's so painful to live, you can't love someone you love, and even want to hurt her, so wouldn't it be better if you don't have to live
The next day before dawn, he quietly walked into the room, lay down beside her, trapped, and started from this time.
He thought he was a little funny.
The trap of the hunter is often to let the prey step in step by step and finally capture the prey. And he, with all his might, wanted to let his prey go.
If he shows a hint of breakdown or depression, maybe Manman will always be with him.
Then what space and courage does he have to leave her.
…
On the way to the hospital, the snow had stopped, and the weather had cleared for a long time.
But he felt no warmth at all, and the sky seemed colorless and gray.
In fact, he was so mourned that he was about to die, but he still held on and pretended to be himself.
During the psychological examination, after every sentence he said, he carefully observed the doctor's subtle expressions to adjust the tone and state of his next sentence.
This is difficult.
She has studied psychiatry for many years, and has countless clinical experiences. The female doctor's anger and anger are indifferent, her eyes are very old, and he has almost revealed his flaws several times.
He first admitted his collapse and panic, and then, under the persuasion of the doctor, said that he was much calmer than before.
It seems that it took a lot of thought to finally convince myself to actively cooperate with treatment and live an active life - very much like a patient who regained his confidence in life after a huge blow.
Sure enough, after his Manman came out of the doctor's office, he stretched his brows.
He took her to the most expensive restaurant in N city, but she didn't seem to taste anything.
Manman said that the taste of the pork chop was a bit spicy.
But he tasted like chewing wax.
He took her and climbed up the reefs.
For a moment, looking at the vast sea, he had the urge to jump down.
He had nothing left, could not control himself, and was about to lose her.
Wouldn't it be less painful to jump off
The next second, what I thought was, no, I can't scare her.
After sending her home, he went back to his study and started editing the email.
He couldn't leave without saying a word.
This silent disappearance will make people worry for a lifetime.
Editing this email took the teenager all night.
He was thinking in his mind how to convince her to leave him. His Manman is so kind and smart, no matter how much he scolds and coaxes him, he probably won't go away, right
What kind of words can hurt the most
Certainly not hysterical abuse, nor vicious words piled up for no reason, the most hurtful, always the most calm disregard, cool and selfish.
When does a person feel cold
It is when the other party calmly analyzes so many considerations, so many reasons, but none of them is for you.
In his heart, you are far less than himself.
The cursor kept flickering, and the boy tapped his hands on the keyboard. Every time he tapped, his heart seemed to be slashed with a knife.
"Manman, I may have to leave you for a while..."
delete.
"Manman, let's be apart for a while..."
continue to delete.
"Manman, let's... break up."
- At this moment, the oxygen available for him to breathe on this planet seems to be evacuated suddenly, otherwise why would he be unable to breathe and suffocate.
The boy raised his hand and pressed it close to his heart. Fortunately, it was still beating.
He curled his lips into a smile.
Originally, it was to leave her, not to break up, what else could it be.
How come now, there is still a bit of luck.
Then he calmed down and planned to think of three high-sounding reasons for himself.
Three reasons for him to leave her after he "thought it out" for himself.
Well, he may not have the heart to take care of her illness and her.
- Because as soon as he saw her, he didn't want to think about anything. He will become more and more selfish, more and more terrible, no matter whether it will hurt her or not, he wants to stick to her tightly and keep her by his side selfishly.
He didn't want to worry so much, didn't want to think about the future, he only knew that only with her could he be saved, even if it might drag her into the bottomless abyss.
anything else.
With her, he deviates from the original track of his life. He did a lot of things he wouldn't have done otherwise.
At this moment, the young man's heart was extremely painful.
—Yeah, because of this girl, he was fortunate enough to get out of his small, dark world and take a look outside.
Because of her by his side, he knew that he could have a plaster cast even if he was injured, without worrying about trouble; because of her, he tasted the sour taste of jealousy, he knew what was in his heart, and he never wanted to be taken away by others; because of her, he I lied a lot just to hug her and kiss her.
He became more and more greedy and insatiable.
anything else.
The boy banged his head against the table in pain.
It's hard.
She is his angel, his only belief, what she brings to him is the only light in his dark life.
There is no reason to leave her.
Once again, he thought of the girl on the apex of his heart, so really thought of the corners of her eyes and brows, her fair skin and soft lips.
She was so good, and when she smiled at him, there was always a soul-stirring light in her eyes.
Every time, every time he saw her smile, there would be an uncontrollable dull pain in his heart, and he wanted to hold her in his arms and seize the time to kiss her.
She is so good, she once held him, in the bustling streets, in the heavy snow, running like crazy, she took him to see the world, she has always been by his side with him.
She seemed like an irreplaceable medicine to him.
He can't leave her.
He really can't leave her, leave her, but what should I do
Teenagers are almost unable to write.
There was a voice in my heart clamoring, let's forget it, forget it, just stay by her side, one day is another day.
At this time, he suddenly remembered the hand he unconsciously placed on her neck the night before.
Boundless fear and despair hit him again.
The young man slammed his head against the table again, hating his thoughts the previous second.
- Li Wei, you are really a piece of trash.
Without her, so what? Do you have the heart? This girl, you can't wait to keep it in your palm all the time, so that she won't be hurt a little bit.
He really didn't dare to take this risk.
The teenager raised his head, looked at the screen, and continued to tap.
"Manman, I don't want to repeat his mistakes. Even if I like you very much, I don't want to take such a big risk for you."
Pause, the cursor is reversed, and words are deleted one by one.
"Manman, I don't want to repeat his mistakes. In other words, I may not like you as much as I thought."
However, the pain in his heart told him that I may, more than I imagined, like you a thousand times, a hundred times more.
OK, it's over.
Like a doctor, exhausted after a difficult operation.
Will his manman cry when he sees it
I will definitely cry.
After crying, it may be anger or resentment.
A young man of this age, even a kind-hearted person like her, must still be upset when he sees such an email, right
She would feel that she was really looking at the wrong person, how could she fall in love with such a selfish, cool, hypocrite
Maybe she will come to him angrily, wanting an explanation.
But he certainly wouldn't let her find it.
And then, after countless nights of cursing and suffering at him, she would eventually forget him.
Maybe, after a long time, she will meet the next person, someone better than him, they will hold hands, hug, kiss together... They will even get married, and they will go to see what she said, Sanya in winter, and Jiangnan in spring.
Maybe they will have a beautiful and lovely daughter like her.
The boy's eyes were suddenly dyed with a terrible blood red.
He couldn't help but want to go mad.
He shoved the water glass and a stack of thick books on the table to the floor, making a "bang" sound, and the shattered glass shards splashed up, and one piece even cut the back of his hand.
The loud noise made the boy calm down.
- You see, you can't control yourself at all, you're a devil. Anyone she meets in the future will definitely be better than you.
At least it's a human, not a devil.
He raised his hand in pain, hammered the desk hard, then trembled, forcing himself to keep typing on the keyboard.
Type one word after another that frightened him.
"In the future... you will meet someone a hundred times better than me"
The heart is beating "jumping" more than it should.
The dull pain was worse than all the previous pains combined.
After writing, he hurriedly clicked the scheduled send, and he didn't dare to read it again.
In the huge study, the teenager looked at the mess and closed his eyes in despair.
After all, he lost her completely.