Chu Cheng looked into his black and white eyes, and didn't understand how he could let himself go again and again without any psychological burden. Does Ji Qingzhou like him? He thought, if he likes it, why can he let him go so stubbornly, draw a line with himself so decisively, without any hesitation. But if you don't like him, why don't you push him away? Obviously he only needs to push himself away, and then he can leave, why does he keep telling himself to let go first.
Why didn't he push him away first
"You can leave naturally if you push me away." Chu Cheng looked at him, "I don't need to let go, as long as you push me away, you can leave, right?"
Ji Qingzhou froze for a moment, he didn't expect Chu Cheng to say such words, he stared at Chu Cheng, a little stunned and a little uncomfortable, he unconsciously lowered his eyes to cover up his sadness at this moment, but he couldn't help it. A little sour.
He never pushed Chu Cheng away, whether it was during the contract period or now after the contract ended, except for Chu Cheng who wanted to drive and struggled at the beginning, at other times, Chu Cheng wanted to hug or kiss, or even do other things , he never rejected him.
He likes Chu Cheng so much, how could he be willing to push him away. But now, Chu Cheng asked him to push him away.
Ji Qingzhou's eye sockets were slightly hot. He was on the spot, but he couldn't lift his hand when he wanted to. If he could push Chu Cheng away, he would have pushed him away as early as when Chu Cheng hugged him, so it's not until now. He suddenly felt that Chu Cheng was very annoying. He was the one who took the initiative to hug him, but asked himself to push him away. It was obviously the time limit set by him. He said he didn't like him, but he still wanted to pester him after the contract ended.
He has gradually adapted to life without Chu Cheng step by step. He has put away his heart and just wants to live his current life well, but Chu Cheng still makes things difficult for him.
Ji Qingzhou feels aggrieved, but more uncomfortable. He slowly raised his hand, advising himself that they would always come to this point, from verbal rejection to physical rejection. Even if it's not today, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, or some day in the future, he will push Chu Cheng away and tell him, "Let go."
Now that they are separated, they should be clean. If he can verbally refuse Chu Cheng's care and care, he should also physically refuse Chu Cheng's contact.
He should have pushed Chu Cheng away, as early as when Chu Cheng hugged him, he should have pushed him away.
Ji Qingzhou raised his hand, didn't look at Chu Cheng, and wanted to push him away, but before he could touch Chu Cheng, his hand was grabbed, Ji Qingzhou looked up in surprise, Chu Cheng looked at him, and he held his hand , preventing his movement.
Ji Qingzhou didn't understand what he wanted to do. He was the one who pushed him away, and he was the one who held him now. What did he want? He couldn't see clearly, and he simply struggled in Chu Cheng's hand, trying to break free from Chu Cheng's hand and push him away, but Chu Cheng's grip was so tight that he couldn't break free.
"What are you doing?" Ji Qingzhou was angry and helpless, "You told me to push you away, what are you doing now? Chu Cheng, let me go."
He struggled as he spoke, Chu Cheng felt his movement, exerted a little force on the hand holding him, hugged him tightly again, and held his hand tightly.
Ji Qingzhou raised his other hand to grab the hand he was holding her, but he heard Chu Cheng whisper in his ear, "Don't push me away, don't push me away, Zhouzhou, I was wrong, I I shouldn't have said that to you, I was wrong, can you forgive me?"
His voice was very low, with depression and pain, Ji Qingzhou listened and stopped his hand movements.
The author has something to say: Don’t say abuse, I found out that I didn’t remind me yesterday, and someone called abuse [laughing and crying]
There is another chapter~
Chapter Go to Chapter 105, One Zero Five
One zero five:
Chu Cheng hugged him and held his hand tightly. Ji Qingzhou wanted to pull his hand out, but with a slight movement, he held him tighter, so tight that Ji Qingzhou felt pain.
"You let me go." Ji Qingzhou said again, "You always let me go, you let me go."
"I miss you very much." Chu Cheng didn't respond to his words, and said to himself, "I miss you every day, I have dreamed of you several times, but sometimes I can't even see you in my dreams, you Let me hold you for a while? Just for a while."
Ji Qingzhou didn't speak, he felt Chu Cheng's hug, and listening to his words in his ear, he felt that Chu Cheng was giving himself an illusion again, an illusion that he liked him.
He didn't push Chu Cheng away, if possible, he never wanted to push Chu Cheng away. He even subconsciously thanked Chu Cheng for holding his hand and not letting him push him away, so that when he recalled this relationship in the future, he said without regret, "I didn't do anything against my will, Although it is sad to separate, I am willing to take every step."
Chu Cheng hugged him for a long time before silently opening the distance between them. He looked at the person in front of him and gently rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb, but when Ji Qingzhou moved, he stopped moving again.
"I let go," he said, "I let go, so you don't have to push me away, you remember, no matter when you encounter anything, you can come to me, understand?"
Ji Qingzhou nodded.
Chu Cheng felt that he was perfunctory himself, just like he perfunctorily promised him to accept the house before parting, he took Ji Qingzhou's hand and kissed the back of his hand, Ji Qingzhou was burned by his sudden kiss It was hot, and he raised his head to look at him reflexively. Seeing him looking at him, Chu Cheng smiled slightly, and then, in his confusion, lowered his head and kissed the back of his hand again, and Ji Qingzhou unconsciously twitched his hand.
Chu Cheng let go of his hand slightly, and he pulled it out so easily.
"I let go." Chu Cheng said, "Go back, you can go back."
Looking at him, Ji Qingzhou only felt that the back of his right hand was hot. He took one last look at Chu Cheng, turned around and walked towards the elevator.
Chu Cheng watched him leave, his eyes slowly dimmed, he thought, if he was younger and more frivolous, if he was more impulsive, he would go over to stop Ji Qingzhou, hug him and say come back, I like you , can't help kissing him. After all, he underestimated Ji Qingzhou's influence on him. When he couldn't see him, he would miss him and think about whether he really liked him. But when he saw him, he just wanted to hold him in his arms and let him stay. by my side.
Habits are addictive, and he is too used to the feeling of Ji Qingzhou.
Chu Cheng sighed, turned and got into the car.
Ji Qingzhou took the elevator all the way back to the floor where Wang Fang's ward was located. Wang Fang was still chatting with Ying Nian. When she saw him coming in, she said with a smile, "I'm back."
Ying Nian teased him, "It's been a long time since you've been here."
"It must be something to talk to Xiao Chu," Wang Fang understood very well, "The two of them have always talked a lot."
Ji Qingzhou smiled as a response.
He went to the chair next to Wang Fang's hospital bed and sat down, thinking that he and Chu Cheng couldn't go on like this forever. Although he put away his feelings, feelings are like the sunshine between his fingers. broken. After all, he liked Chu Cheng, so he still felt soft-hearted when he saw Chu Cheng, but they couldn't go on like this forever.
Chu Cheng can afford it, he can appear in front of him again and again, and he can play emotional cards with him, but he can't afford it, and he doesn't want to keep spending it like this. His love should end brilliantly on the day he left, and if it continues, it will only tarnish the beauty of the past, which is not what he wants to see.
Ji Qingzhou made a decision at this moment, he didn't want to meet Chu Cheng again.
He wanted to send a WeChat message to Chu Cheng to say this, but worried that he should be driving now, so he waited until he visited Wang Fang and Ying Nian and returned home, and then sent a WeChat message to Chu Cheng, saying, " Are you home yet?"
Chu Cheng quickly replied: Here we are.
He didn't expect Ji Qingzhou to send him a WeChat message, and he didn't even think it was real. Since Ji Qingzhou moved out, he never took the initiative to contact him again. Every time he took the initiative to send Ji Qingzhou a WeChat message or call him, Ji Qingzhou just replied concisely, without saying a word. Now, he actually gave himself Sent a WeChat.
Chu Cheng was more surprised than happy.
However, in the next second, his joy disappeared.
"Let's not meet again in the future." Ji Qingzhou's text appeared in the dialog box, and Chu Cheng saw such a line of words appearing next to his avatar, "Like what you said, let go."
Chu Cheng was stunned. He looked at the text in the dialog box and wanted to reply, but he seemed to lose his strength. He never liked stalkers, and he was most annoyed by other people's stalking, but now, he seemed to be the stalker.
Chu Cheng put down his phone, raised his head and walked forward, but saw roses in a glass bottle on the balcony. The roses were faintly visible in the moonlight outside the window, Chu Cheng walked over, turned on the balcony light, and looked at the roses quietly.
It was Valentine's Day, and he bought roses by mistake. He didn't like flowers, romance, or festivals, but Ji Qingzhou liked them, so he paid for Ji Qingzhou.
Chu Cheng walked over and saw that the petals were no longer bright like fog, as if he had seen his past. Those bright and vivid pasts between him and Ji Qingzhou, like these roses, faded at this moment and ended up withered.
Chu Cheng picked up the glass bottle and wanted to throw away these worthless roses, but after picking it up, he silently counted nine roses, one is not many, one is not much, nine, long and long .
He remembered that the little girl gave Ji Qingzhou an extra flower that day, but Ji Qingzhou returned that flower, and he said, "No need."
He also remembered that Ji Qingzhou hung these roses upside down on the balcony, and told him not to move, while he patiently waited for them to dry, then put them into glass bottles, and let them stay on the window sill of the balcony.
He really likes these roses, Chu Cheng thought, and he also really wants a long-lasting one. He looked at the roses in his hand, and suddenly realized that although these flowers were no longer as bright as before, they were not withered. Ji Qingzhou dried them before they withered, so they kept their blooming appearance.
He put the glass bottle in his hand back to its original position, looked at the roses, picked up his mobile phone, and replied a WeChat message to Ji Qingzhou.
"I moved your roses." Chu Cheng typed, "I think they are very beautiful."
Ji Qingzhou looked at the text he sent, and at that moment, his heartstrings vibrated slightly.
He didn't reply to Chu Cheng, and Chu Cheng didn't reply to him again. Ji Qingzhou was afraid of revealing the secret that he liked him, but Chu Cheng, Chu Cheng wanted to promise him a long time.
A person's life is very long, but he wants Xu Ji Qingzhou to live for a long time, and it is precisely because he wants to promise him a long time, so he dare not act rashly, for fear that he will give Ji Qingzhou hope and disappoint him.
Chu Cheng looked at the bottle of roses, silently turned off the light, and left the balcony.
After that day, Chu Cheng didn't go back to his house. He went home, where there was no place for Ji Qingzhou's life, and he seriously thought about the future between him and Ji Qingzhou.
Seeing him coming back, Chu Xin asked in surprise, "Why did you go home?"
Chu Cheng sat on the chair next to him and asked him, "Brother, do you like someone?"
"No."
"I guess so." Chu Cheng said, "Unless Western entertainment becomes a specialty, you probably won't like anyone."
Chu Xin put down the pen in his hand and asked him, "Have you fallen in love with anyone?"
Chu Cheng didn't speak for a long time before he said softly, "I don't know, but I miss him very much, I want to give him a long time, I want to promise him a lifetime of worry-free, I want to give him a lifetime of stability, but I don't know, I Can it be done. I am afraid that I will meet other people in the future, fall in love with other people, and then let him go. I am also afraid that I don’t actually like him that much, but I have never liked anyone before, so I mistakenly think it is like.”
"Since this is the case, it's better to separate for a while, the authorities are obsessed, you are in the bureau now, naturally you can't see clearly, give yourself some time, do some other things, and don't focus on him. In this way, wait until After a month or two, if you look back, you might be able to see clearly."
"What if you still don't understand?" Chu Cheng asked him.
Hearing this, Chu Xin smiled, and said very gently, "If you can focus on other things for a month or two, don't think about him at all, and when you see him again, you're not sure if it's love, then, You probably don't like him that much."
"What if I can't hold on for a month or two?"
"At that time, you can ask yourself whether you like him or not."
Chu Cheng lowered his head and didn't speak any more.
Chu Xin felt that the thing he was most worried about happened. He looked at his younger brother, watching him seriously thinking about his suggestion, feeling helpless, but he didn't bother him. It's not necessary, Chu Xin thought, if Chu Cheng likes Ji Qingzhou, he will be with Ji Qingzhou even if he stops him; if Chu Cheng doesn't like Ji Qingzhou, then even if he doesn't stop him, he won't be with Ji Qingzhou Together.
He is very clear about his younger brother. He has always had his own opinions since he was a child, and he has always been the only one who can decide on his affairs.
Ji Qingzhou found that since he told Chu Cheng not to see each other again, Chu Cheng did not appear in front of his eyes again. In fact, you can't say that. Before he said this, Chu Cheng didn't deliberately appear in front of him. That time in the hospital, it was just a chance encounter.
He will still send himself WeChat messages, still with some caring words, and Ji Qingzhou will politely reply thank you at first, but later, he simply doesn't reply anymore.
One day, he received a WeChat message from Chu Cheng asking him: Did you block me
Ji Qingzhou replied in his heart that he hadn't, but as always, he didn't reply to him. One of the two of them always needs to keep calm so that they don't become embarrassed in the tugging.
However, a few days later, he still received a new WeChat message from Chu Cheng. He didn't seem to care whether he blocked him or not, or he firmly believed that he was not blocked. Ji Qingzhou didn't know, and didn't make it difficult for himself to think about it. His new play is about to start, and he needs to devote time and energy to his new role, which is what he should do.
The author has something to say: Biefang, get back together soon, the emotional drama is already clear here. Since Valentine's Day, there have been several close-ups of roses. This is because roses represent love, and these nine roses represent Zhouzhou's love. Zhou Zhou wanted to spend Valentine's Day with Chu Cheng, but because they were not lovers, he didn't tell Chu Cheng about his request, but Chu Cheng still showed up to celebrate Valentine's Day with him, and even gave him roses by accident , so Zhou Zhou has always cherished it. He knew that he would always leave Chu Cheng, so before leaving, he dried the rose to freeze his love. Before leaving, he left the rose to Chu Cheng. Although Chu Cheng didn't know the specific meaning of roses to Zhouzhou, he guessed that roses were very important to Zhouzhou, and he also guessed that Zhouzhou should long for a long time. He was afraid that Zhouzhou would not see him when he came back.