I have been living in a small town since I was a child, and my parents love me very much.
But everything changed when I was fourteen years old. That year, a group of people suddenly came to my family, dressed luxuriously and speaking in Jingyin, saying that they were sent by my biological parents to pick me up.
I knew from a young age that I was not born to my parents, but I didn't care about it. My parents treated me very well. In my heart, they are my biological parents.
But... what they said was very tempting. They said, just take me back to see if I don't want to live in Beijing, I can come back. They also said that my mother misses me so much that she suffers from eye diseases because she misses me every day and cries bitterly. .
I want to see what my biological parents look like.
So I left with them, and before I left, I told my parents that I would come back after I had a look, and I would not leave them.
But I didn't expect that this walk would change my life.
On the way, I could feel these people's contempt for me, but they flattered me in front of me. I don't like this feeling very much.
When I finally arrived in the capital, I wanted to see my biological parents, but there was only a kind-looking man waiting for me. She said she was my aunt.
I don't want to see any aunt, I just want to see my mother and my father.
Only then did I know that my mother was gone, she said she died of dystocia, and my father... I have never seen him, I heard that he is very busy, by the way, he is an uncle, he must be a very big official .
The person who said it was my aunt let me stay, but I was very uneasy. I wanted to go home and find my parents. I cried and begged her, but she kept comforting me, saying that after this period Time, let me meet my own father, and then send me back.
I believed it, and after a while, my aunt took me out as a guest. I heard that I was going to a palace, and the princess didn't even smile. She looked at me like she was looking at the goods...
All this made me very uncomfortable, even, very uncomfortable.
To be honest, I am very distressed, I want to leave, but I can't even get out of my courtyard, let alone go back to Jiangnan.
Later, after a while, I suddenly heard that I was engaged in a marriage, and it was a marriage that my sister-in-law didn't want.
The maids and mothers-in-law in the yard all said that the man is dying, and after I get married, I will be a widow.
Only then did I realize that they brought me back to exchange marriages, to let me go to celebrate instead of someone else.
I didn't want to, so they locked me up and didn't give me food or drink. I cried and quarreled, but nothing worked. I wanted to hang myself, but I didn't think it was worth it...
In short, I regretted it later, if I had hanged myself at this time, the things that followed would not have happened.
Not long after, I heard that something happened to the family of the person I was betrothed to, and he had to keep mourning for a year.
At that time, I was naive and happily thought that I could escape for at least a year.
Another long time passed...
I don't know how to describe my life in the past few months. In short, I have not had a good life.
The maids are bullying me, only one named Liu Xiang is respectful to me, the place where I live is not good, it is gloomy, sometimes at night I can still feel someone staring at me outside the window, I think this must be in the courtyard For haunted sake.
Later, it was Qixi Festival.
A sister who is also a concubine in the mansion took me out to watch the lantern festival. At the lantern festival, I accidentally got separated from that sister, and in a panic, I even lost the curtain fence.
At that time, I was terrified, and I was at a loss when I saw the crowd.
This is my first time going out in Beijing by myself.
But I'm also very happy in my heart, I think I can use this opportunity to escape, go to a place where others can't find me, and then go back to find my parents.
Just when I was about to run away, a young man in a blue shirt appeared in front of me, and he returned the curtain fence to me. I heard his cool and warm voice. I was so shy at the time that I didn't dare to look up at him. Later, when I thought about it carefully, the strange emotion in my heart at that time should be called liking.
I fell in love at first sight, but I didn't even see his appearance.
Forget it... Anyway... I am not worthy of others...
Anyway, I didn't run away afterwards, and was eventually sent back to that cage-like mansion.
I ran secretly several times during the period, but they all failed.
Later, I also thought about it. If I marry someone, I will marry someone. After I get married, if the Prince Jing's son dies before he can live long, he will die. At worst, I will be a widow for the rest of my life.
After finally thinking about it, Cai and I spent two months in peace.
At this time, my aunt was ill, and when I was taking care of her, I heard her talking nonsense, which meant...my mother was killed by her. I was terrified at the time, I pretended not to know, and secretly obtained many clues. In short, I was sure that my mother's death was not accidental, but even if I was sure, I still couldn't do anything.
I felt useless and cowardly.
I fell ill for a while, but it didn't help. Later, when I chatted with the sisters in the mansion, I heard the elder sister say... that Prince Jing is a womanizer, if no one protects me after I marry... then if Prince Jing What can I do if I make a move to pick up ashes
I never thought about this before, and now I feel chills after hearing what my big sister said. I am willing to marry and become a widow, but... if I am really bullied by my father-in-law, then I will really not survive in the next life.
So, I started to panic and feel uneasy again.
In such panic, I made a decision, I want to find an opportunity to make a fool of myself in public, preferably one that can ruin my reputation, even if I don't marry in my whole life, I don't want to Marry into such a family.
Later, I finally caught an opportunity. It was a poetry meeting, and it was rare for men and women to be in the same garden.
To be honest, I was terrified at the time, but when I thought of marrying into Prince Jing's Mansion... I became so heartbroken that I jumped into the nearby pond.
It was already cold at that time, and the moment I jumped into the lake, I only felt that the lake was freezing cold, but I was happy in my heart, because I would be free soon, and I would not be married.
But I didn't expect that this action was the fuse that led to the tragedy of my life.
When I was rescued, my clothes were tightly attached to my body, and my curves were exposed in front of many men. I lost my reputation as a boudoir, and Prince Jing's Mansion also divorced because of this.
I am very happy.
I thought my cruel father would send me to the nunnery in a fit of anger, or send me back to Jiangnan directly, but I didn't expect that the next day after that, he found me with a smile Said, I am really his lucky star.
Am I his lucky star
I looked at him stupidly, not understanding what he meant.
I didn't know what he meant until I was sent into that majestic mansion by a small sedan chair.
It turned out that when I jumped into the lake that day, I was spotted by someone.
It was still the crown prince who took a fancy to me, so he asked me to come here, as if he wanted to be a concubine.
Others say that I am flying on a branch, but I am not happy because I don't want to be a concubine, and I don't want to marry him.
However, it would be nice if everything could be resolved if I didn't want to.
I can't resist.
I was tied into the Prince's Mansion, and that night, I was hugged tightly by a strange man, which made me very scared and desperate, but soon, I found out that he was incapable of human affairs.
Xu wanted to vent his anger, he kept biting and pinching me, which made me very hurt.
I cried, and he gently wiped away my tears, saying don't cry, he feels distressed.
People like this scare me so much, I cried all night, and the next day I wanted to leave here, so I ran away quietly.
Fate has always stood opposite me, it never favored me, I was caught back, he was very angry when he found out, he beat me hard with a whip in his hand, he asked me if I looked down on him , I was afraid, so I could only shake my head helplessly, but what I got in exchange was even more ruthless whipping.
That time, it directly left me covered in cuts and bruises, I couldn't run, and I didn't dare to run.
To be honest, I wanted to die at that time, but he sent someone to watch me all the time, and even if I was out of respect, there was also a servant girl watching.
During that time, my life was worse than death.
I think he climbed from hell just to punish me.
And he seems to be addicted to beating me, every time my body hurts just a little bit, what awaits me is definitely a night of torture. Later, I learned to be smart. Whenever the wound was about to scab, I endured the pain and opened the wound by myself.
And later... my father, who is not as good as a beast, gained power, and he rose to become a high official.
That's right, he exchanged me for a great official, but he didn't care what kind of life I was living that was worse than death!
One day I suddenly heard that my parents came to look for me. After knowing that I was sent to the Prince's Mansion, they wanted to see me but were kicked out. They went to the government office to file a complaint, but were beaten alive by the Prince's people on the street. died.
At that moment, my heart completely died, and there was nothing in this world worthy of my nostalgia.
I lived under his torture for another two months. Later, the old lady of Uncle Anjing's mansion, that is, my grandmother, celebrated her birthday. She sent someone to pick me up. The prince agreed, and I returned to Uncle Anjing's mansion.
I knelt down and begged them to save me, and I showed them my wounds, but my aunt kicked me away, looking at me with ice-cold eyes full of sarcasm.
Only my grandmother felt sorry for me and asked me to go back to the house to rest. Before leaving, she told me that no one can save me, and she has nothing to do. If I really don’t want to face all this, then It's better to end it yourself than to continue to suffer.
Take care of yourself.
This is my dream opportunity.
I got all the maids out, stacked the stool on the table, climbed onto the stool, took off my belt and put it on the beam.
At this moment, my heart is like stagnant water.
Looking back on this life, I am pitiful for being stupid, pitiful for being naive, pitiful for being useless, and pitiful for being cowardly.
It’s fine for me to be useless, but I’ve even implicated my parents who worked so hard to raise me.
If you can do it all over again.
hehe.
I haven't had a good life in this life, so why start over
Do it again, if I am still so stupid, so stupid, I am afraid I will not be able to escape this ending.
With my eyes closed and my chin resting on the rope, I kicked the stool away with a very calm heart.
At the moment when I stopped breathing, what appeared in my mind was a figure in blue clothes.
I don't know who he is.
But he is deeply rooted in my heart.
If I can go back to the past one day.
I'll definitely grab him in the crowd.
Ask him what his name is.
"What's your surname, son?"
This is a sentence that I will never have the opportunity to ask.