[46]
When Subei Mo returned to the ward, Liao Nanqing was lying quietly.
He sorted out his emotions, walked over, and poured out a bowl of hot pine nut porridge from the thermos. But as soon as he got closer, he found that Liao Nanqing's temples were wet, and he seemed to be sweating. Subei Mo hurriedly scrubbed him briefly, changed into his sick clothes, and clenched his cold hand into his palm.
"Nan Qing, are you not feeling well?"
Liao Nanqing shook his head, he said, "I'm a little hungry."
"Sorry." Subei Mo helped him up and let him lean against his arms, holding the porridge bowl, and feeding him warm by spoonfuls.
The taste of pine nut porridge was as mellow as it was at that time. Liao Nanqing could eat it, which was cooked by Su Ya. Only her pine nut porridge tasted like a mother, as if giving him a home. Liao Nanqing finished a bowl of pine nut porridge silently, and wanted to eat another bowl, but found that he couldn't keep it.
His appetite was surprisingly poor, and just one bite would make him nauseous.
Subeimo has always been by his side to take care of him, whether he is asleep or awake, Subeimo is always there. Although Liao Nanqing didn't say a few words, Mr. Mo told him some trivial things because he was afraid that he would be bored.
The next day, Ge Jun and Xu Yanyan came.
Ge Yun was a girl after all, and as soon as she entered the door, she covered her face and began to wipe away tears. Xu Yanyan patted Ge Jun on the shoulder, holding a fruit basket in his hand. In the morning, Subei Mo took time to take a bath in the shower room in the ward, shaved his beard, and changed into clean clothes. Although his complexion was still not very good, he would not be as sloppy as before.
There was no tea in the ward, so he poured two cups of hot water for Ge Jun and Xu Yanyan.
Ge Jun said while sobbing: "You get better soon, let's go to drink milk tea together. We will come to class after the new year, okay?"
Liao Nanqing smiled hard at them, the corners of his mouth hurt.
"It's okay, just listen and take a good rest." Xu Yanyan noticed his inconvenience and said quickly.
In the past few days, the two of them followed along to find someone, running around a lot, and spent a lot of time on Liao Nanqing. Even with this, the relationship between Ge Yun and Subei Mo eased down. Afraid of disturbing Liao Nanqing's rest, the two did not stay for too long.
When Subei Mo sent them out, Ge Yun was afraid that he would not be able to take care of Liao Nanqing continuously, so he asked thoughtfully: "How about I take care of you for a day, you look tired." Xu Yanyan answered next to him: "I need my help. Just call me, it's winter vacation, we have nothing to do at home. If you are too busy here, just call us. "
"No, I'll do it alone." Su Beimo thanked him, "Thank you for visiting Nanqing and helping him so much."
"Thank you, we are Nan Qing's friends and best buddies. It's you, don't be exhausted." Ge Yun's eyes were red, seeing Su Beimo's appearance, he couldn't help but feel sad, "You are true to Nan Qing. Well, I'll never talk to you again, sorry."
"It's okay, sometimes it's interesting to see him talk to you and eat your vinegar." Su Beimo made a joke, took them to the elevator entrance of the hospital and returned.
The window at the end of the corridor was not closed, but half-opened, and the wind in winter was unreasonable, rushing in unreasonably, facing Subei Mo. He shuddered, the tips of his teeth cold. Suddenly I remembered that Liao Nanqing had not bought a winter coat this year. He quickly walked back to the ward, took out his mobile phone, and found a Taobao store to show Liao Nanqing.
"Nan Qing, I'll buy you a coat this year. The kind that can wrap your whole body must be warm." He rubbed his hands together, his eyes refreshed.
Liao Nanqing knew that Subei Mo was afraid that he would think about things, so he always found topics like this to tease him.
He was sad, and could not be described as powerless. After a long time, he raised his hand and pointed to the black one, which was quite ordinary: "I like this."
"Okay, then let's buy this one." Subei Mo quickly took a picture of the size that Liao Nanqing could wear, and then touched Liao Nanqing's head, "It will arrive in a few days, and I just wore it on the day I returned to City B."
It's almost New Year's Eve, but they have to go back to City B.
"I also... want to go back." Liao Nanqing said slowly.
Immediately afterwards, Subei Mo decided and said frankly to him: "Nanqing, after we go back. Shall we go see a psychiatrist?"
Liao Nanqing's heart suddenly sank to the bottom of the lake, he looked at Subei Mo dumbly, with dead water in his eyes. Slowly, Liao Nanqing digs the sheet with his fingertips. He doesn't dare to use force or make a loud voice. He speaks intermittently, unable to say a complete sentence: "I, I'm not sick..."
Subeimo's heart was tightened: "Nanqing, let's just go and see. Your experience these days is not good, let's do a psychotherapy to relieve it, okay?"
"But... I'm really not sick..." He replied in a whisper, a trace of inexplicable fear flashed in his dazed eyes, and repeated, "It's really not... You believe me, believe me... "
"Nanqing, people who see a psychiatrist are not sick. When the psychological pressure is high, many people will go there. This is a very normal phenomenon. If you are not sick, this is not a disease." Subei Mo affirmed. , tried to persuade him, "We go once, you always have nightmares, this is not good, you will be healthy if you sleep well, right?"
"… "
Liao Nanqing's nails sank into his palm, he became stubborn, did not want to listen to Su Beimo's explanation, frowned and closed his eyes. In the past two days, whenever he closed his eyes, Subei Mo stopped talking. He didn't rest well, and Subei Mo saw it.
He used to listen to Subei Mo's words very much, but now, he is trapped in a dead end, with the endless night sky above his head, withered branches showing their teeth and claws, as if to tear this black and bottomless curtain, and under his feet are covered with thorns , blocking the exit.
Liao Nanqing insisted that he was not sick.
Subei Mo had no choice, he couldn't open his mouth a second time.
Every night, Subei Mo slept in a folding cot beside Liao Nanqing's bed. Worried that Liao Nan woke up in the middle of the night, there was always a light in the ward. Even if Subei Mo has not slept well in these years, he does not wear a blindfold to block the light. For fear that Liao Nan was awake, he didn't know, and he didn't relax every moment.
Around 3:30 in the morning, the voice of 'Siso' came from the hospital bed.
Subei Mo hadn't fallen asleep yet, so he got up and looked at Liao Nanqing. I saw him open his eyes in fear, and his forehead was covered in cold sweat. He clutched the quilt tightly, his wet hair was against his ears, his chest heaved, and he was breathing heavily. As if entangled in a nightmare, Liao Nanqing panted slightly, with an unnatural blush on his cheeks.
"Have you had a nightmare?" Su Beimo went over, first probed the temperature of his forehead with the back of his hand, made sure there was no fever or something, and then he was relieved. He went to the bathroom to get a towel washed with hot water, and came over to wipe Liao Nanqing, "Nanqing, sit up, let's change."
But Liao Nanqing pursed his lips and refused to move.
"Nan Qing?"
He saw tears in Liao Nanqing's eyes: "you go out."
"What's the matter with you, Nan Qing? Tell me if you're not feeling well, you..."
"Go out." Liao Nanqing's voice was hoarse, mixed with countless particles, filled with despair. He has never treated Subei Mo with this attitude, but now he seems to be a different person. Seeing that Subei Mo didn't move, he became anxious, and he slapped the bed with all his might, "Go out...you go out!"
In order to calm down Liao Nanqing, he had no choice but to promise him. In the middle of the night, Subei Mo didn't even wear a coat, and was kicked out of the room by Liao Nanqing. The hospital corridor was lit, and Subei Mo seemed to be sticking to the door of the ward as a thief, wanting to hear what was going on inside.
A nurse who was doing rounds passed by and looked at him inexplicably. Su Beimo said sorry, explaining that his younger brother got angry and drove him out.
The nurse sullenly reminded: "Don't affect the rest of the patients in the rest of the wards."
Subei Mo apologized many times in succession before continuing to stick to the door.
Hearing the sound of falling down suddenly, Subei Mo quickly opened the door and went in. But when he saw the scene inside, a dagger was inserted into his heart. In this second, he tore Zhang Yuangang to pieces countless times in his heart.
In front of him, Liao Nanqing fell down and lay on the ground. When looking at him, he almost instinctively shrank to the corner closest to him, holding a new hospital gown in his hand. His feet were still bandaged, and his limited mobility made him pose oddly, like a wounded little animal.
Liao Nanqing lowered his head and buried his face in the pile of thin clothes, shame covering all his ability to express.
He didn't seem to be able to speak, and the tip of the tooth vibrated and collided, forming an invisible echo in his mind.
On the hospital bed, there were large water stains in the open bedding.
Even Liao Nanqing's clothes and pants were stained. Because the heater was on in the ward, the smell of urine drifted away. Liao Nanqing's lips were pale, and he gripped his arm fearfully, pinching his nails in, ignoring the pain.
Subei Mo did not show surprise, or an expression of disbelief. He walked over indifferently, squatted down, and asked Liao Nanqing in a warm voice, "Can I help you change your clothes first? The doctor said you can't move around, did it hurt when you fell just now? Let me see, if It hurts from the fall, we have to call the doctor over."
Liao Nanqing raised his eyes cowardly, his knuckles turned white, he was trembling, and he was as pitiful as a frightened rabbit: "I'm sorry..."
"It's alright." Subei Mo rubbed his head and said softly, "It's not wrong, it's not ashamed. It's winter, you will catch a cold when you wear wet clothes. Nanqing, don't be afraid, I'm not someone else, I'm Subeimo. I've always been nice to you, haven't I?"
Liao Nanqing lowered his eyes, dared not look at him, and nodded obediently.
With brief permission, Subei Mo gently lifted him up and checked his wound. After confirming that it was all right, I helped him take off his clothes and took a basin of hot water to scrub him. Liao Nanqing was a little conflicted and a little numb. Subeimo took the new hospital gown and put it on for him, half-kneeled in front of him, and held his hand: "Are you afraid?"
"… Um."
"What are you afraid of?" Subeimo continued to ask.
A simple question evoked a nightmare that Liao Nanqing didn't want to recall. He looked around nervously, anxiously trying to escape, but couldn't. He still apologized: "I was wrong, I'm sorry. Ji, my stepfather is going to hit me, I'm afraid, I just... I didn't mean to, I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I've caused you trouble again..." He suppressed his voice, feeling anxious He squeezed the corner of his shirt tightly.
"My next time, it won't be like this. Really... "
He dreamed of Zhang Yuangang, he kept running, but was still taken back to the basement. In the dream, Zhang Yuangang teased him for peeing his pants. Liao Nanqing held his head for fear of being beaten, thinking about it, but when Zhang Yuangang raised his hand, he really peeed his pants.
He was so frightened.
He bit his lower lip bleeding and defended himself: "I just had a nightmare, I'm not sick..."
He is still having trouble sleeping because of seeing a psychiatrist. He is afraid that if he is really abnormal, he is really sick, just as Li Qin and Zhang Yuangang said. At that time, he will only be a burden, a burden, and he will crush Subei Mo. Just like crushing the Liao family back then, it was irreversible.
"You're not sick, it's not sick!" Su Beimo squeezed his chin and separated his front teeth with the back of his thumb, not allowing him to continue hurting his fragile lower lip.
Liao Nanqing opened his mouth in pain and swallowed the blood foam that smelled of iron.
"Nan Qing, listen to me, he is not here. He will never find you again, you are safe. Don't be afraid, look at me. Look at me... " Su Beimo held him down shoulders, and then held his face, forcing Liao Nanqing to look at him.
Liao Nanqing's eyes were full of tears, he choked and said, "You are Subei Mo..."
"Yes, it's me." Su Beimo hugged him tightly, with a calm voice in his ear, close to crying, "Don't be afraid, Nan Qing, am I by your side?"
Subei Mo was so distressed that he was about to peel off his heart and show him. Look, there is only you in it, and I am also in pain when you are in pain.
"I'm afraid, I'm afraid of Subei Mo." Liao Nanqing finally responded, and he also hugged Subei Mo with great force. For fear that if he let go of Subei Mo, he would not want him. He was up and down in a rapid current, the surf beat against the stubborn rocks, and he eagerly reached out to grab the life-saving straw.
Withered, powerless, vanished from the fingers without a trace.
"Su Beimo, I'm not sick, I really don't. Don't want me..." He finally expressed his worries and uneasiness completely. He was a mistake, he did the wrong thing, he just wanted to keep Subeimo.
Subeimo shook his head and said desperately, "Why would I not want you? Why do you miss me so much?"
Liao Nanqing burst into tears.
Subei Mo's eyelashes were also wet. He said, "Nan Qing, be brave and have confidence in me. Please." If my love is not enough for you to notice, then day after day Day, year after year, I will put you on the tip of my heart and write a love letter every day until this word is engraved in my heart.
Subei Mo's eyes are firm and determined.
Liao Nanqing burst into tears, crying like a lost child.
When the nurse heard the sound, Subei Mo was holding Liao Nanqing, hugged him in his arms, and gently patted his back. Liao Nanqing kept crying, but his voice was much lower. The nurse frowned: "You will affect the rest of other patients!"
"Sorry, just a little while longer. Please go out and close the door."
The nurse wanted to say something, and Su Beimo repeated it again, without a trace of slack on his face, with a low voice: "Please go out, don't scare him." And Liao Nanqing in his arms twitched and cried, as if to Cry out all the grievances in your heart, and make a good complaint in front of Subei Mo.
early morning.
Liao Nanqing snuggled in Subei Mo's arms, and the two of them were lying on the folding bed. Liao Nanqing lay on Subei Mo's chest, breathing the familiar smell on his body, which made him feel at ease and at ease. Liao Nanqing was sleepless this night, he quietly waited for the dawn.
He didn't speak until the first ray of morning light fell.
"I take all this as the ordeal before I was with you." Liao Nanqing shed tears, and he has traveled thousands of miles and miles by himself, "Whether it was before or now, as long as you know that you will come in the end Pick me up and I'll make it through."
"… "
"But when I'm going through it, it's really painful. I always think of bad things. My life is like a bottomless pit, like a whirlpool. Except for meeting you, there is no bright day. The normal road is easy to walk. And The road I took together is very difficult. But I don't have another way, you do."
Rolling around in such a filthy cave, he's a big problem. At that moment, Liao Nanqing put a label on his life, which could not be ripped off. He was in pain and despair, for fear that Subeimo would turn around and leave, just as his stepfather said, don't want him anymore.
Repeated condemnation and questioning filled his heart, eroding his persistence for a few days.
"It's a bad road, it's hard to walk." He said again.
Subei Mo asked him, "Is it okay to leave then?"
Liao Nanqing trembled slightly, his eyelashes like a curtain of rain.
"The same will encounter difficulties, the same will be stumbled halfway, right? There will always be troubles, unhappiness, many, many things in life." Su Beimo wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes, "But we It's different, we have two people, we can face it together. Nanqing, the road is to be walked together, let's walk together. "
Subei Mo also said: "Don't leave me, I can't live without you."
Liao Nanqing closed his eyes, the tears were a torrential rain that silently blocked the wound in his heart. It festered and scabbed, which was never pleasant, but it also started to itch, a sign that the scab would eventually fall off.
No promise sounds better than this.
Liao Nanqing was crying and laughing, not very good-looking, and said foolishly: "If... if only I had experienced these, my childhood, and what I have experienced today, I would be able to be with you. A hundred times, a thousand times, countless times. Times... I'm willing to endure it. As long as you're waiting for me, I can get through it."
Subeimo covered his eyes, he didn't want Liao Nanqing to see him cry.
At the most sincere age, a piece of love melts into the palm of the hand and into the heart, and no one can clean it out.
But they didn't know that Zhao Qin, who was standing outside the door with a thermos bottle, suddenly turned around and leaned against the wall, sighing silently.
Her moist eyes were a mother's gentle relief.