Just as the psychiatrist thought, after the serious illness a few years ago, she was unusually sensitive to her mental state. Last December, after she discovered that she had memory problems on the set, she stayed in her room for a week, feeling lost.
She was in a very bad mood at that time, as if there was a wild beast hiding in her heart. She wanted to run wildly, scream, and do whatever she wanted, but she had no way to vent that feeling. She could only scream silently, throw her pillow on the bed, and then on the ground, and then lie on the ground with her eyes open all night.
After a lot of hard work, Xia Yitong finally came back, but she was in a worse mental state than her, with hallucinations and auditory hallucinations, and often talked to herself in the air. Lu Yinbing forced herself to stay awake to take care of her. Xia Yitong was sleepy, and she happened to have insomnia, so it was very convenient for her to take care of her. Originally, she had to hide her sleeplessness at night, but later, Xia Yitong took medicine for a few days and became drowsy at night and could not notice anything.
As for the rest, she is one of the best actors in China, and it is easy to hide it from Xia Yitong, not to mention Xia Yitong who is sick. Although it sometimes arouses suspicion from the other party, Xia Yitong is used to trusting her and relying on her. She trusts everything she says unconditionally. In the past two months, Xia Yitong only felt that she was getting thinner and thinner, but she didn't know why.
After filming and acting more, Lu Yinbing can get into the role and get into the role. She has tried to use this method to get herself out of depression. She thought that she could get out of it six years ago, and she could do it six years later. But things did not go as she wished. Every day, her spirit was fighting with her body. She still had things to do, she still had Xia Yitong to take care of, and she had to spend the rest of her life with her. She had to cheer up.
But psychological suggestion always loses to physiological instinct. If you have ever fought against hunger, you will know that it is not something that psychological suggestion can solve. She has to spend a lot of effort to make herself laugh. Xia Yitong is happy as long as she sees her laugh. It's not that she can't feel happy, but happiness is short-lived for her. It's like she raises her lips when she sees a joke on the Internet, and then there is endless confusion and emptiness. She can't feel the lasting happiness in the sun.
She lost her temper several times, became moody, and cried uncontrollably. Xia Yitong would coax her, just like before. Anyway, it wasn't just one or two days that she changed her face in a second, so she was glad that she used to have this kind of personality, so she didn't have to worry about her too much.
Before Xia Yitong mentioned seeing a doctor, she had thought about it, but she rejected it every time. First, she was busy. Xia Yitong was still in the mud and she was on the shore. She just got her shoes wet and she should pull him up first. Second, she didn't have that kind of desire. Every day when she opened her eyes, the world around her was gray. She walked barefoot in the gray desert and couldn't find the meaning of life.
Since Xia Yitong asked her to see a doctor, she should go. Reason told her that it was right to do so. She should use other things to divert her attention, and this was indeed something she should do. She went to do it. The first doctor shook his head, and put a straw on her back.
There will be more straws coming down the camel's back in the future, and she is ready to bear them. A sudden dream exposed everything to the sun, and she suddenly didn't want to pretend anymore. She just didn't want to do anything, she just wanted to let herself rot there quietly, and become a fossil for the world to study in hundreds of thousands of years. What's the point of living? We're all going to die anyway, so why should we live
She lay in bed, thinking about more problems in one night than in a year. Xia Yitong's cell phone alarm rang, and she turned it off without thinking, fearing that she would disturb him. She was discovered like this, and she was not surprised, as it was a result she had expected. What surprised her was that she was relieved.
The feeling of no longer having any secrets and knowing everything about it made her feel comfortable again, a feeling she hadn't felt for a long time.
-Come with me to see the psychiatrist tomorrow morning.
She nodded and said okay.
…
The doctor didn't speak for a long while after listening to Lu Yinbing's calm narration. She was too calm, too calm to be a patient. If she didn't say anything, and Xia Yitong didn't say anything about her abnormal behavior at home, the doctor wouldn't believe that she was a patient with depression.
Seven years ago, Lu Yinbing was also sitting opposite her. Back then, she still had the courage to fight against the sky and never give up. Even though she was haggard and thin, her eyes were as bright as torches. But now, her expression was calm, but there was a heavy air of death inside, as if she suddenly lost the motivation to move forward.
Lu Yinbing said, "I want to rest for a while, ten minutes please? I'll chat with you again in ten minutes."
The doctor said nothing and looked at the case on the table for ten minutes.
Lu Yinbing stared at the ground. Ten minutes passed and she was still staring at the ground, her back completely sunken in the chair, completely without any grace.
"Time is up."
"Okay." Lu Yinbing sat up straighter.
The two chatted for a very long time, and the doctor understood the root cause of her illness. It was caused by many factors. A person suffered setbacks in the field in which she was most talented, and then lived under high pressure one after another, without any emotional relief. It has continued until now. Her insides have been tangled like a dough stick, and only a seemingly peaceful skin can barely support her survival in the world.
Xia Yitong saw the truth beneath her skin. The most crucial part of her skeleton that she had worked so hard to support was pulled out, and her whole spirit and energy also withered as her disguise disappeared.
After the conversation, Lu Yinbing made a request to the doctor: "Don't tell Xia Yitong that I had the disease a long time ago. If she asks you, just say it happened in the last half month."
The doctor hesitated and said, "This..."
Lu Yinbing didn't give him a chance to bargain, and said calmly: "This is the professional ethics of a psychologist. The privacy of the patient cannot be disclosed, even to the family members."
doctor:"… "
But he couldn't lie against his conscience. A psychologist's professional ethics didn't tell him to help patients deceive their families.
Lu Yinbing stood up, took the coat on the back of the chair and put it on his arm, and said: "I will come for treatment regularly, thank you doctor."
The doctor watched Lu Yinbing go out without even moving. After a while, Xia Yitong came in and looked at her anxiously: "Doctor!"
Before she could say anything, the doctor said, "Ask her yourself. I've said everything I need to say, but she won't let me say a word."
Xia Yitong: “…”
Doctor: "But I'll send you an email later about what you should and shouldn't do as a family member..." Xia Yitong paused, looking at the doctor's expression. She probably thought Lu Yinbing had said everything, including their relationship, and the doctor didn't show any strangeness. He continued, "You are very important to the rehabilitation of patients with depression. She has a tendency to give up on herself. Don't keep persuading her to cheer up, and don't scorn and ignore her psychology. Of course, I know you won't. You have to learn to understand her first. Depression is a mental illness. Severe cases can lead to suicidal tendencies. Every moment, there is a capital "death" in front of them, followed by an exclamation mark. It is difficult for normal people to empathize with their psychology..."
Xia Yitong listened to the general idea in a hurry. The doctor didn't even stop talking and anxiously took out the memo on his phone to write down the key words. The doctor raised his hand and stopped him, saying, "Don't panic. Don't fall down again. I'm just giving you a general explanation. I'll write down the details for you."
Xia Yitong nodded: "I know, I know."
But she would feel uneasy if she didn't do something, even if it was something futile, it would give her something to do.
Xia Yitong thanked the doctor and ran outside. Lu Yinbing sent her a WeChat voice message: "I'm waiting for you in the car. I've got the keys."
The car door slammed shut and Xia Yiting got into the driver's seat. Following the doctor's instructions, he didn't rush her or ask any questions. He just leaned over and gently kissed the top of her head, then pulled the seat belt on her right side and fastened it.
"Lu Xiaodingdang is going home." Xia Yitong shouted to the front with great enthusiasm.
Lu Yinbing raised the corners of his mouth and then drooped them.
Xia Yitong drove the car out of the parking space, and said in a broadcasting voice as he drove: "Now we are bringing you the real-time report of Lululu Morning News. I am the host, Xiao Xia. As everyone knows, Lululu is one of the most popular electronic media nowadays. Previously, there were several investors who wanted to join, such as Ma Yunyun, Hua Tengteng, and Liu Qiangqiang, but they were all rejected by our president. Why? Because we cannot accept capital erosion. Now let's broadcast the first news: The well-known actress Laiying is suspected of secretly giving birth to twins abroad. Let us congratulate this newlywed mother, quack quack..."
Lu Yinbing's eyes twitched.
Laiying, who was thousands of miles away and celebrating the New Year at the man's home, sneezed loudly. Who was this person, missing her so much during the New Year
Xia Yitong continued, "Sorry, I reported it wrong just now. I misread two newspapers. A famous actress came to the studio to show her intimate photos with a Dubai tycoon. The goose egg on her finger attracted attention."
Laiying: "A-choo, A-choo..."
Her husband ran over with a nervous look on his face, "Are you pregnant?"
Laiying: "Pregnancy in your family is caused by sneezing..." She turned around and put her hand under her throat, retching.
"No way? Are you really pregnant?"
"I'm just acting. I'll be the first to tell you when I'm pregnant." Laiying rolled her eyes at him, what a silly man.
"I'm your husband. If you don't tell me first, who else do you want to tell?" Zhao Jun put his arms around Laiying's waist from behind and lifted her up with force, so that Laiying's feet were suspended in the air.
Laiying shouted, "I won't tell you. I'll tell Lao Lu."
Zhao Jun put her down: "That's no problem, then tell me the second one?"
Laiying: "Tell Xia Tong."
Zhao Jun said sourly: "Do I still have a third chance?"
Laiying counted with his fingers and said, "You are almost the third one. Why don't you kneel down and thank me?"
Zhao Jun squatted down: "Thank you for your grace~"
Laiying rode on his back and muttered, "I haven't been back to see them for a long time. They didn't even send me a message. It's like they disappeared from the face of the earth."
She had to find some time to go back to the capital.