Fighting depression is a long process. No matter how hard Lu Yinbing tries, she can't restore herself to a relatively healthy state in a short time. She has all the common problems of depressed patients, including insomnia and drowsiness, loss of appetite, lack of emotion, anxiety, loss of interest in everything, strong self-loathing, hallucinations and auditory hallucinations at any time, accompanied by strong tinnitus during the attack, and she can't concentrate on doing anything. There is always a voice in your ear mocking you, telling you what a failure you are, and all problems will be associated with the road to death.
Death is not pain for people with depression, but comfort and hope.
A person who has never experienced depression cannot understand it. Even if she has read countless psychological materials and listened to the other person's description countless times, she cannot feel the other person's despair firsthand.
Lu Yinbing spent an hour every night preparing for running, and three hours running. She would lie on the bed exhausted and feel like she had died once to offset the idea of suicide. Most of the time, she would force herself to get up and take a shower. Sometimes, when she couldn't get up, Xia Yitong would carry her to take a shower. Once, she carried Lu Yinbing into the bathtub, but she sank directly into the bathtub and dared only take a shower.
After that incident, Xia Yitong followed her almost every step of the way.
She slept intermittently during the day and couldn't fall asleep at night. Xia Yitong followed her and kept up with her. One night, when Xue Yao was watching TV in the living room, she heard the noise and came out of the room rubbing her eyes. Xia Yitong turned down the volume of the TV and said, "Did I disturb you?"
Xue Yao shook her head: "No, I got up to go to the bathroom."
She looked towards the sofa and saw a big stuffed rabbit sitting on the sofa with its back to her. Xue Yao's eyes widened and she pointed at it, asking in disbelief, "Lu Yinbing?"
Xia Yitong smiled and hugged the rabbit, "Yes, I think it's cute to dress like this."
Lu Yinbing had no expression on his face.
I don’t know if he didn’t hear her or was too lazy to pay attention to her.
Xue Yao: “…”
She is old and doesn’t understand the world of young people.
Lu Yinbing is in a better state during the day. When she is not having an attack, she will chat with Xia Yitong for a long time. Most of the time, she stays alone and does not talk. She will sit on the sofa and read books, which are all psychological books. She turns the pages very slowly. Xia Yitong will open the shopping interface for her, buy books for her, read to her, and try to take her out to see. Nine times out of ten, Lu Yinbing refuses, but one time she succeeds, which makes her very happy. Seeing her happy, although Lu Yinbing does not say it, it is also helpful to her psychology. Not bringing negative emotions to people around them is a wish of people with depression.
Fortunately, Xia Yitong was strong enough and could find joy in suffering every day. According to her theory, this was the time alone given by God for them. They had been together for so long, but there had never been a time like now when they didn't have to worry about other things and could live together peacefully and live an ordinary life.
Xue Yao's role, besides taking care of these two people, also has another significant function, which is to cover for Xia Yitong. On average, there is a "notice" once every two weeks, and they are all from this city, and they can go back and forth on the same day.
As dusk approached, her mood would sink uncontrollably. The silence during the day was different from the silence at night. At night, she was dead. She ate less and less for dinner, and later she simply stopped eating. No matter how Xia Yitong coaxed her, she would not eat, nor did she lose her temper. She would just lie on the sofa and not move. Xia Yitong also suffered from this day after day. She could not help but say something harsh. Lu Yinbing broke down and cried, and Xia Yitong cried too.
She cried for less than three seconds, covered her mouth, walked aside to wash her face, took a deep breath, and adjusted her emotions. When she came back, Lu Yinbing was still crying, with tears all over her face, and she didn't even use a tissue to wipe them.
Xia Yitong wiped her tears and talked to her, trying her best to make her happy.
She didn't eat dinner, and didn't eat in the following nights. Xia Yitong had learned her lesson, and coaxed her to eat more in the afternoon, especially in the sunny afternoon when she was in a better mood, so it didn't matter if she didn't eat in the evening.
Lu Yinbing's most common action at night is to cover her ears with her hands, as if that can drive away the people who talk next to her ears. In serious cases, she will bang her head against the wall. Xia Yitong can only stop her from doing the latter action, but can't help her to stop the sound in her ears. She has heard it before, and it still happens occasionally now, and she can only rely on willpower to get through it.
Xia Yitong heard a method from the doctor. The biggest problem with depression is that the mind cannot get rest. The brain is kept in a high-pressure state at all times, thinking about all kinds of random and self-denying things. If you can focus on one thing, such as eating, force yourself to focus on the food in front of you, and let your brain relax, it will be much better.
But it is easier said than done. Thinking is like a wild horse that has been unbridled and is running wild. It will not go wherever you tell it to go, nor will it stop when you tell it to. Xia Yitong acted as a supervisor of Lu Yinbing. Once she saw her eyes start to wander, she would tap her chopsticks.
Lu Yinbing was forced to take a short mental break every day, but the effect of that little bit of rest was remarkable.
Lai Ying returned to Beijing at the end of March. The first thing he did when he arrived was to run a notice. The second thing he did was to stay at Lu Yinbing's house. Before he even entered the door, he heard a bolt from the blue.
She stayed here for two weeks, and Xue Yao took the opportunity to hand in her shift and go back to the company to handle official business. With Laiying here, Xia Yitong no longer had to perform stand-up comedy by herself, and she and Laiying could entertain Lu Yinbing together, and there was also the most pleasurable entertainment activity - Landlord Fighting.
Even though Lu Yinbing played cards in a mess, Laiying and Xia Yitong still applauded her. The three of them won and lost, and Lu Yinbing won more and lost less. Once, Lu Yinbing caught the second king almost every time, and she was very happy. Laiying found a suspicious point, that the cards were shuffled by Xia Yitong in those times. Afterwards, when asked, Xia Yitong said that he had found an expert to study the shuffling technique.
Laiying: “…”
It seems that we have to wait until Lu Yinbing gets better before playing again, and we can’t let Xia Yitong shuffle the cards anymore.
One day, the sky was clear and cloudless, and the three of them moved the small stool outside the yard. Later, they didn't need the stool anymore, so they just sat on the lawn and played cards. Xia Yitong quickly grabbed the cards, Laiying sighed, and looked up at the sky.
The first time he drew cards, Lu Yinbing got two kings, which was a good start. He became the landlord and won two games.
Lu Yinbing was not ill at the moment, and was no different from an ordinary person. He smiled and said, "Give me money."
Laiying threw himself into her arms and said, "I don't have money, but I have a body. Do you want to sacrifice yourself to me?"
"Pretentious." Lu Yinbing pushed her away with disgust.
"You called me sweetheart when you accompanied me to watch the stars and the moon and threw yourself into my arms. Now that the new one is better than the old one, you say I am pretentious." Laiying said softly.
Lu Yinbing pushed forward and threw a three-shot attack at her: "I'm not, I didn't, don't talk nonsense."
Xia Yitong shuffled the cards skillfully and laughed beside her.
Lai Ying's eyes suddenly turned to Xia Yitong. Lu Yinbing suddenly had an ominous premonition. She had known Lai Ying for many years, and the look in his eyes showed that he had evil intentions. She quickly put her arm around Lai Ying's shoulders, pulled her aside with a smile, and asked in a low voice, "What do you want to say?"
Laiying said, "I didn't want to say anything." After saying that, she turned her head and smiled at Xia Yitong, and Xia Yitong smiled back at her.
Lu Yinbing: "I don't believe it. You'd better stop talking nonsense."
Laiying: "Look at what you said, am I that kind of person?"
Lu Yinbing: "You are, you very much are."
Laiying sighed, which was exactly what she wanted. "You said I am, so I must be one too." She turned her head and said to Xia Yitong, "I have a lot of secrets about Lu Yinbing, do you want to hear them?"
Lu Yinbing thought about it and realized that she didn't have any leverage over the other party. If it was the dark history of her childhood that she had talked about, it wouldn't matter if Xia Yitong knew about it. Everyone has a turbulent childhood.
Laiying cleared his throat, stretched out a hand, handed it to Xia Yitong, and straightened it, "Come, look at my hand."
"Yeah, I saw it." Xia Yitong said.
"What does it look like?"
"ah?"
Lu Yinbing sensed a sense of familiarity from her movements, but couldn't remember what happened next.
Lai Ying suppressed his laughter and said, "Take a close look at my hand. What does it look like in its current state?"
Xia Yitong stared at it for a long while and said, "Is it straight?"
Laiying: "I asked Lu Yinbing this question once, and you know what she said? She said that these are five fingers. Who the hell doesn't have five fingers? Could it be six? She argued with me that there are people with six fingers, such as the Six-Fingered Lute Demon and the Broken-Fingered Xuanyuan."
Lu Yinbing's face darkened: "I didn't say that I had cut off my finger Xuanyuan."
Lai Ying said to her: "You are awesome, don't you want me to applaud you?"
Lu Yinbing choked.
Xia Yitong couldn't help laughing.
Laiying continued to straighten his palm, slowly hooked his four fingers downward, and asked Xia Yitong: "How is it now?"
Xia Yitong not only answered the question but also learned to ask the examiner: "Now it's bent. What did Lu Yinbing say?"
Lu Yinbing rushed over and covered Laiying's mouth, angrily saying, "You are not allowed to say it."
"Evil cannot defeat justice." Laiying spat out the saliva from his covered mouth. "She said it turned into a fist. You have no idea how slow-witted she is. She didn't understand any of my overt and covert hints. In the end, if I hadn't asked Lou, uh-huh-"
Xia Yitong laughed out loud as she watched the two of them rolling on the ground. The sky in the distance was bright blue. It was spring, and all kinds of colorful kites were flying in the sky, chasing each other.
At some point, Laiying finally poked her head out from under Lu Yinbing's grip and yelled, "She watched porn movies until her nose bled! The bleeding wouldn't stop! She even asked me for resources, uh uh... she wanted a lot of resources! Don't be fooled by her innocent appearance, she's a big-tailed wolf, a sex maniac!"
Xia Yitong: “!!!”
A kite in the sky fell down and hung on the treetop.
Lu Yinbing's loud shout rang out from the ground, startling the ants and causing them to flee in all directions: "I'm going to kill you!"