Lu Yinbing was brought back to his parents' bedroom. His eyes ached but his head was awake the whole time. He couldn't fall asleep at all. Every cell in his body was wailing miserably and every nerve was bleeding. The mental pain even blurred his physical sensations and even closing his eyes was a luxury.
It felt as if there was a pair of iron-like hands in her stomach, grabbing her intestines and churning them around. Lu Yinbing kept groaning in pain, rolling around on the bed in cold sweat.
She couldn't hear, couldn't see, couldn't think. There was a huge roar in her ears. Countless people were talking in her ears. The noisy and disorganized voices were repeated over and over again, easily dominating her mind.
Why are you so dark? You are jealous of your lover.
You pushed her away, you hurt the person who loves you.
You are a loser.
You useless person.
You have accomplished nothing.
You will only be a burden to others.
Without you, others would have an easier life.
Just die. When you die, you won’t be in so much pain. When you die, you won’t feel any pain.
Don't cause trouble to others.
Die.
Die.
Die.
The word "death" in bold capital letters and a row of exclamation marks appeared before his eyes, like black paint splashed on a snow-white wall, extremely glaring. For a moment, Lu Yinbing could only see this word.
She stared at a point in the void, as if she was in a trance.
Lu Yunzhang and Liu Xinmin noticed something was wrong from her look. Lu Yinbing looked at the small table in the middle of the room, on which was a fruit knife.
Lu Yunzhang shouted at Liu Xinmin: "Hold her down!"
He rushed over quickly and hid the fruit knife.
Liu Xinmin threw Lu Yinbing under her body and screamed, "Bingbing, don't do anything stupid. You still have your parents. They need you. We will always be with you!"
Lu Yinbing's chest rose and fell violently, and thousands of thoughts suddenly appeared in her mind, like two armies fighting each other, the sea water rose and fell, one wave after another, she trembled all over, her teeth chattered, and after a long, long time, she pushed Liu Xinmin's shoulder and whispered, "I'm fine, Mom."
Liu Xinmin let her go half-heartedly.
Lu Yinbing lay on the bed, feeling exhausted and sweating profusely. He looked at his parents in front of him and smiled with guilt and relief.
There was no way to describe the feeling she had at that moment. The dark clouds dispersed, and stars hung in the dark sky. The darkness and light waxed and waned, and then the light became brighter. Day and night were reversed, and heaven and earth exchanged, and suddenly there was a light in her chest.
When Liu Xinmin held her down, she caught a faint but persistent voice in her disintegrating mind, which said, "I can't die. I have to live on. I still have to act and love."
This idea was like a spark that instantly set the prairie on fire, overwhelming the original idea with overwhelming force. The restraint on my nerves disappeared, replaced by the feeling of warm water pouring into my blood vessels, so soothing and comfortable that I wanted to laugh out loud.
I beat you again.
She really laughed like that, a very hearty laugh, and tears fell as she laughed, seeping through the corners of her eyes into the pillow.
She thought of Xia Yitong.
I don't know how to face her.
She sighed.
Father and Mother Lu looked at her, and Liu Xinmin said, "You can sleep here tonight."
Lu Yinbing nodded.
She didn't know whether she fell asleep or not. She was half asleep and half awake the whole night. Several times, she felt that there were two pairs of eyes watching her. No matter when she woke up, they were her parents.
Lu Yinbing blinked her sore eyes, turned her face to the side, closed her eyes and let the tears fall into the pillow.
It felt like there was a noise outside before dawn, like the sound of a door closing. When she got up in the morning, she saw that Xia Yitong had indeed gone out. She sighed again. She turned to face her parents who were acting poorly and pretending to be nonchalant, smiling and calling her to eat. She wanted to curl her lips, but she revealed a smile that was uglier than crying.
Breakfast was finished in a silent atmosphere. Liu Xinmin took a leave of absence and went with Lu Yunzhang to accompany Lu Yinbing to consult a psychologist.
Lu Yinbing's frequency of visiting the psychiatrist increased, and the psychiatrist had already discovered something was wrong. The two of them chatted for an unprecedented amount of time, and even ordered takeout for lunch.
When Lu Yinbing came out, she looked conflicted. The doctor patted her on the shoulder and said, "You make the decision. The sooner the better."
What decision? Father and Mother Lu were confused.
The three of them headed back home. On the way, Lu Yinbing borrowed Lu Yunzhang's cell phone and called Xia Yitong. There was Xia Yitong's phone number in her address book, but she typed in the numbers she knew by heart one by one.
With the development of technology, few people would remember other people's phone numbers. They can't even remember their parents' phone numbers, let alone their lovers and friends. But Lu Yinbing would remember them. She would also remember all the contact information of important people, including mobile phone numbers, WeChat, QQ, and email addresses. She thought, perhaps it was a sense of ritual at work.
After entering the number, she waited for at least five seconds before dialing the number.
She didn't say anything, and neither did the other end. I could hear the wind whistling in my ears. Was she still outside
"Teacher Xia, it's me."
Xia Yitong opened her mouth, not knowing what to say. What if she said something wrong and made her unhappy? But not saying anything would also make her unhappy, and saying sorry would make her even more unhappy.
Whatever she said was wrong, how could she love her? Why did things end up like this
She just stood in the cold wind, holding her cell phone and crying.
Xue Yao looked around, motioned to Fang Wei, and took her into the car.
Lu Yinbing felt as if thousands of needles were piercing her chest. She bent over in pain, holding her chest. Liu Xinmin was so worried that she wanted to help her. Lu Yinbing waved at her, moved the receiver away, took a deep breath, and asked, "Have you finished your work?"
Xia Yitong wiped his face and said, "Yeah, it just ended."
Lu Yinbing recognized her nasal tone, bent his waist deeper, buried his face in his knees, and said with all his courage: "Are there any more announcements? Come home, I have something to tell you."
"Okay, I'll go back now." Xia Yitong hung up the phone on his own initiative.
She heard the tone of an ultimatum in it. Lu Yinbing must be feeling very uncomfortable right now. The longer she stayed with her, or even talked to her, the more uncomfortable she would feel. So let her end it this time.
When Lu Yinbing heard the busy tone coming from inside, her heart ached sharply again. She curled her lips in a joking way, thinking that if the pain continued, she would be diagnosed with heart disease.
I want to laugh again, why are you so poor
Xia Yitong likes your poorness, keep it up! Come on, Lu Yinbing.
The car stopped in the yard. Liu Xinmin pushed open the door first, then reached out to help Lu Yinbing. Lu Yinbing stepped out with one foot and the other foot was still in the car. His hands were tightly clasping the edge of the door, his brows were tightly furrowed.
Liu Xinmin: "Bingbing?"
Lu Yinbing's lips moved, and he couldn't help but lower his head and spit out a mouthful of bright red blood.
Liu Xinmin was so frightened that her face turned pale. She shouted to Lu Yunzhang: "Don't stop the car, let's go to the hospital again!"
Lu Yunzhang was in the driver's seat and didn't see what was happening behind him, so he asked hurriedly, "What happened?"
"Nothing." Lu Yinbing wiped the corner of his mouth and pulled Liu Xinmin forward. "I feel much better. It's really nothing. If you want to check, we can go later. Let's take care of the business first."
“But…” Liu Xinmin looked at the pool of blood behind her. How could it be okay? It was so serious.
"Don't say buts. There's no need to worry about so much. I'll go for a full body check-up tomorrow." Lu Yinbing half-pulled and half-dragged Liu Xinmin into the house. She really felt much better. Maybe she had been in a bad mood for so many days, and the depression and sorrow were accumulating in her chest. Now after spitting out blood, except for a little burning pain in her chest, she didn't feel choked up at all.
Liu Xinmin groaned twice in succession, but was unable to persuade Lu Yinbing to stop her and was dragged into the house by her. She definitely could not hide the fact that she had just vomited blood from Lu Yunzhang, who had worked as a scout in the army for two years. Before Liu Xinmin could say anything, Lu Yunzhang found fresh bloodstains left on the grass behind the car.
He went into the room and asked Lu Yinbing a few questions. He accepted her suggestion to go to the hospital for a check-up tomorrow, but at the same time he also asked his family doctor to do a preliminary examination first.
Lu Yinbing obeyed obediently.
Liu Xinmin remembered what the doctor said and asked her, "The doctor asked you to make a decision. What is that decision?"
Lu Yinbing avoided the question and only said, "Mom, I may need to ask you to pay for something."
Liu Xinmin said bluntly: "Why are you begging me? I am your daughter, and I will give you my life if you ask for it."
Lu Yunzhang gently slapped the woman who spoke without reservation on the back of her hand. Lu Yinbing smiled and said, "You should change your habit of talking nonsense. Look how anxious it makes my father."
Lu Yunzhang said: "I'll give you my father's life, too."
Lu Yinbing: “…”
It's such a bad time and you're still joking. It's not funny at all.
Lu Yinbing opened her eyes wide, exhaled, and told Liu Xinmin what she needed her to do. Liu Xinmin thought it was a big deal, so she agreed immediately and even gave her husband a provocative look.
Lu Yunzhang curled his lips and looked at his wife and daughter with loving eyes.
Lu Yinbing got up from the sofa and said, "I'm going to the study. If Xia Yitong comes, ask her to come to the study to find me."
Lu Yunzhang nodded: "Go ahead and solve everything that needs to be solved today."
Lu Yinbing let out a long sigh from his chest and said, "I know."
The family doctor arrived before Xia Yitong. He was carrying tools and knocked on the door of the study. Lu Yinbing was lying on the couch in the study, and the doctor gave her a simple examination.
Hearing footsteps again, Lu Yinbing lay down and looked over. Xia Yitong was standing at the door with his hands hanging by his sides, not daring to move forward.
Lu Yinbing said, "Come in, Teacher Xia."
Xia Yitong then stepped in, stood still, and then moved a stool and sat away from Lu Yinbing.