After the family doctor finished the examination, he packed up and went out. Xia Yitong was far away from him, but she still stood up and made way for him. The family doctor smiled at her, opened the door and then closed it.
With a very light click, the door closed.
It's like another world inside the door.
Xia Yitong still sat far away, like an abandoned puppy. Lu Yinbing sat up, sighed, and waved at her: "Baby, come here."
Xia Yitong watched her walk over and stop in front of Lu Yinbing. Lu Yinbing stretched out her hands to her. Xia Yitong took another step forward and held her in his arms. It was as if he had never held her in his life. His hands tightened so tightly that she closed her eyes.
Don't cry.
Don't cry.
I can't cry anymore.
Are you a crybaby? Don't cry!
She still cried. Xia Yitong felt that she had cried more recently than in the previous 26 years combined. She had achieved nothing.
Lu Yinbing patted her back gently and spoke soft words to coax her.
The more he coaxed her, the less effective it became. However, Lu Yinbing kept on coaxing her without showing any impatience at all.
This is not her character. Xia Yitong also felt Lu Yinbing's abnormality when she was emotionally broken. She was thinking about other things and didn't care about crying. The two didn't go to the desk, but just sat on the couch, hugged and separated, with a distance of one person between them.
"I was sick, seriously ill. I thought I could make it, but I didn't. I failed," Lu Yinbing said. Her voice was calm and straightforward, but it took her three full months to say these words to Xia Yitong.
"Yeah." Xia Yitong listened quietly without interrupting.
"During the summer vacation, probably in July or August, I wanted to test my recovery, so I went out. I went out alone to a place where there weren't many people. But I don't know how it happened that I ran into an entertainment reporter. She probably didn't deliberately look for me, but I just ran into her."
Xia Yitong was stunned. She had no idea about this matter.
"I was so scared when she rushed towards me that I just wanted to run away. I took a few steps back and she stopped me with her phone recording. She kept asking me questions, saying that she saw a post on the forum and asked me if I stopped acting because I couldn't remember my lines; asked me if I was going to quit acting; asked me..." Lu Yinbing paused and said, "There were so many questions. She made me feel like I was going to die. There was a car on the road and I was standing there. I really wanted to rush over and let the car hit me to death."
"What happened next?" Xia Yitong asked in a trembling voice. What was she doing at that time? She was out promoting the show, and Lu Yinbing was alone outside being blocked by entertainment reporters, and she almost died.
"She didn't die, and later I smashed her phone." Lu Yinbing shrugged indifferently.
Xia Yitong smiled for the long-lost Lu Yinbing.
Xia Yitong asked: "Why didn't such a big thing become a hot topic?" She was afraid that she would not be able to get timely news from Lu Yinbing outside, and Xue Yao and the other party were hiding it from her, so she asked Fang Hui to follow the latest news on the Internet for her.
Lu Yinbing said, "It's suppressed. My father's relatives are all high-ranking military officials. Even Xue Yao doesn't know about this, so it's even more impossible for you to know."
The two of them were chatting casually, and the atmosphere was not as heavy as one might imagine.
Lu Yinbing said: "From that day on, I found myself resisting and hating that circle. Perhaps it was because of my own failures. The things that brought me glory in the past suddenly became poison. I stayed at home to recuperate, staying away from that circle, not thinking about it, not seeing it, and not hearing about it. But..."
She glanced at Xia Yitong.
Xia Yitong continued her words with difficulty: "You can't avoid... me."
Lu Yinbing said: "Yes."
Xia Yitong is her lover, the one who stays by her side and never leaves her. She shines in the circle she hates, and her excellence makes people jealous.
Xia Yitong said: "I'm sorry."
"Why do you have to say sorry?" Lu Yinbing tilted his head and looked at her with a smile, "This is my problem, not yours. If you do nothing because of me, will I be happy? No, I will feel even worse. You are a phoenix in the sky, and only the king of birds with wings under his armpits can be worthy of you."
"You are." Xia Yitong said.
"No, I'm not." Lu Yinbing said, "I used to be, but I'm not now. You don't know how I felt when I heard that you and Laiying were shortlisted. It was very dark. I hoped that both of you would fail and sink into the muddy swamp with me. Every day I complained about everything. Why was it me? Why was it me who got sick? Why was it me who fell from above? Did I do something unforgivable? Why was it me? How did I become such a person? Why should I live? I thought about a lot of useless and messed up questions."
Xia Yitong was about to speak when Lu Yinbing interrupted her: "Let me finish, I'll feel better after I finish. But I have become such a person, a person who makes myself sick. Sometimes I don't want to breathe because I am so disgusted with myself, but I have to breathe because of the instinct to survive. I lie on the floor like a stranded fish, gasping like a broken bellows. I know more clearly that this is not what I really want, just like you know that what you see is an illusion, but most of the time, there is no way to resist it, and I can only follow it forward and fall into deeper despair."
Lu Yinbing looked up to the window, the blue sky reflected in his eyes.
"The more you are around me, the more I hate myself, you know? When I look at you, it feels like I am looking at a dazzling light, and I am a big puddle of mud next to the light. If I get close to you, I will dirty you. Obviously, I was the light before, I was your direction, but now? I am jealous of you, madly jealous of you. Every time I feel this kind of emotion, I feel sick and embarrassed, as if someone slapped me in public, the humiliation is unbearable."
"I also know that communication is necessary. I can say everything else, but I can't say this."
Xia Yitong's body was tense and his teeth were clenched tightly. It turned out that he was really the culprit that caused all this.
"Are you blaming yourself again?" Lu Yinbing pried open her clenched fist, pried out her fingers one by one, smoothed them out, and teased her with a smile, "Young man, it's very dangerous for you to continue like this."
Xia Yitong took a deep breath and couldn't laugh.
Lu Yinbing said, "I've said it many times, I'm the one who's sick, I'm the one who's dirty, there's nothing wrong with you, not a single problem. You're so good, so good that I don't know how to treat you, and I feel like I owe you whatever I do."
Xia Yitong's eyes were red.
No, she was too careless, thinking that the other party's illness had almost recovered. He was careless and kept showing off to her. Today, the ratings broke, tomorrow he was nominated for an award. If she were in his shoes, she would not be able to bear it. She relied on Lu Yinbing's love for her and was fearless. Did she really love Lu Yinbing? Did she have the qualifications to love her? Her love was precisely the sentence that sent her to the guillotine.
Lu Yinbing said: "I asked you to come here today because..."
Xia Yitong sniffed and said, "I know."
"You know?" Lu Yinbing raised his eyebrows in surprise.
"I know." Xia Yitong said, "Let's separate for a while, I'll wait for you to come back." I also want to take advantage of this time to regain how I loved you in the first place.
Lu Yinbing suddenly fell silent.
Xia Yitong said: "I've thought about it, separation is the best option."
Xia Yitong looked at her and said thankfully in her heart: Fortunately, I mentioned it first, you must not feel psychologically burdened. I didn't help at all, so I should do the only thing I can do for you.
She even smiled.
Lu Yinbing also looked back at her, feeling a pang of pain in his heart.
Why was she still thinking about herself at this moment? She had done nothing wrong in this matter from beginning to end, so why should she take responsibility for her mistakes without regrets
Lu Yinbing opened his mouth, but his throat was dry and no sound came out. He rested his forehead on her shoulder tiredly.
Xia Yitong asked: "What are your plans? Stay at home or go abroad?"
Lu Yinbing said: "Let's go abroad. Fewer people know me there, and I'll be further away from this circle. I can rest and recuperate."
Xia Yitong asked: "Who will go with you? Don't go alone. I'm worried about you."
Lu Yinbing replied, "My mother is accompanying me. She is going to retire in the next two years, so I asked her to apply for early retirement so that I can accompany me abroad. I plan to recuperate while looking into my memory problems. It's a two-pronged approach."
"That's good. I feel more at ease with my aunt by my side than with anyone else."
"She got mad at me when I didn't let her go. She showed off to my dad today. My dad was too busy at work and couldn't go. It wasn't a good thing. She was so beautiful."
Xia Yitong smiled and said, "Yes, it's very beautiful. I can see your pretty face every day."
"There are photos all over the Internet, and there are a lot of them at home, so just look at them however you want." Lu Yinbing heard the hidden meaning in her words and gave a meaningful reply.
Xia Yitong was silent for a while, twisting her hair that had grown to her shoulders with her fingers, and asked calmly, "Will you contact me after you go abroad?"
"have no idea."
"Oh." Xia Yitong looked at her small earlobe and white earlobe, and said softly, "It's fine. You should rest and recover. I'll wait for you."
One year, two years, three years... whatever time it takes.
"I will see you." Lu Yinbing said, seeing the years gilding you with starlight.
The room became very quiet, with only the breathing of the two people being heard. Xia Yitong kissed her temples and asked her, "When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow, I have to go for a physical examination in the morning."
“Why do you need a physical examination?”
"Because it's cheaper in China." Lu Yinbing made a joke, and Xia Yitong smiled in agreement. No matter how beautiful the scenery was, it couldn't compare to her pair of smiling eyes. "Then can I go with you tomorrow?"
"Okay." Lu Yinbing answered her.
Xia Yitong didn't speak for a long time. After a while, she said in a hoarse voice: "Have I ever told you that I love you?"
"Yes."
"Then listen to it again."
"you say."
"I love you."