On that night when the autumn wind raged, Du Ruo hid in the stands of the deserted playground and cried bitterly.
Weeping for her shattered secret love, her trampled self-esteem, and the tension, pain, trembling, and hesitation that she has suppressed for several months since she entered school.
After crying, the tears ran dry and my voice was hoarse.
She stayed in the dark for a long time. The world is so big, she is alone. No one knew her heart was broken right now, and she couldn't tell anyone.
There are always some injuries that will not be mentioned to anyone.
That night, Du Ruo packed himself up and did not let his roommates find out after returning to the dormitory.
For a period of time after that, except that she was quieter than usual, there was nothing unusual about her.
That was the end of her first crush, so quickly and so cruelly that no one even knew it existed, just like that dark playground where no one knew she had cried in the middle of the night.
Looking back later, I don’t know how to survive such a painful period of time.
But in fact, what a big deal, it's just a hole in the T-shirt, a word of refusal. It's just that the girl at that time was too young, and her self-esteem was bigger than the sky. How do you know, when one day your heart grows up, that hole, that sentence is nothing more than a fleeting moment.
But at that time she didn't understand.
A little thing is bigger than the sky, and it cannot be easily passed.
After that, she never went to the playground for morning reading, and she didn't even dare to raise her head when she was walking, for fear of bumping into Jingming. Even knowing that it is not so easy to meet.
She once fell into deep self-denial—she was poor, useless, not beautiful, poorly dressed, without temperament, without special skills.
For so many years, she didn't know what it was like to be sad, but this time, she had learned every stroke of the word "inferiority" thoroughly.
She hated this, and wanted to save herself, so she began to be harsh on herself, pushing herself out of her comfort zone.
She forced herself to join the debating club, began to practice speech and debate skills, and imitated and learned from the members of the club. However, due to her weak foundation, her eloquence was far from debating. When she first joined the club, she was a little shy and couldn't speak mouth.
Once there was a dinner in the club, the members were happy and drank some beer.
A senior senior sister Zhai Miao who won the national excellent debater asked her: "Du Ruo, why do you seem so timid and always dare not try?"
At that moment, Du Ruo felt a bit of pain in her heart, and said softly, "I'm afraid of losing face. I'm afraid that others will laugh at me."
"Don't take advantage of your youth to embarrass yourself and learn more experience, what will happen in the future?"
She inexplicably wet her eyes: "But I don't know what to do. I also want to become very good immediately, as good as you. But I..."
"You are already very good." The senior sister patted her head, "Don't look forward and backward, don't panic, take it slowly step by step, try more. Think a hundred times in your head, it's better to say it once and do it once. No way. Do you know?"
"Um."
"Besides, why aren't you confident? You are better than us. You are much more difficult than we are when you go to university. You come from your hometown and you are one in a thousand. Did you look like this when you were studying? Surely not Well. Then why did you come to a better place, and instead of making yourself happier, you were confused?"
One word awakens the dreamer.
At that moment, Du Ruofan suddenly woke up. yes. How did she forget
In her hometown, she is the best.
Since she was a child, there was no one around her who was stronger than her. She can easily understand the courses and quickly memorize the contents of the books, even after entering university.
It took me so long to remember that my original self was happy, confident, and shining.
How did she forget
Why do you only envy others, but forget yourself
Not long after, the senior sister recommended her to join the outdoor sports club.
This time, Du Ruo agreed without hesitation. She wants to go out and see the outside world. Time to go out and see.
She joined the outdoor activities club, and from time to time, she rode around the third and fourth rings and climbed the Great Wall with members from various departments.
She gradually walked through the streets and alleys of Beijing, seeing the ordinary people living in the hutongs, the white-collar workers busy in the business district, the migrant workers sweating profusely on the construction site, and the nimble small businessmen on the side of the road...
She also climbed up the high mountains and saw that the mountains stretched and the sky and the earth were vast.
The world is changing every day. So does she.
She spends eight of her time, participating in extracurricular activities, without delaying her studies, and spends the rest of her time in the library, studying textbooks and high-end technical courses abroad.
In the past, she was very busy, upset and irritable; but now, she is still very busy, but she is very busy and very fulfilling.
I was also very lucky to find a tutor in the community next to the school, which is close and the salary is not low.
Occasionally, when she was alone and quiet, she would think back to whether such a desperate effort was to prove something.
she does not know.
Now she couldn't think of a result, so she didn't rush to think about it. Let time figure it out.
If you say something that can easily destroy a person's self-confidence, nothing is better than liking a person, and he not only doesn't like you, but also looks down on you.
It is said that love is a good thing, it is the song of those who get it.
Only the lost know-
Love humbles, despises, and destroys.
I see.
As for her, she just waited for the time to pass, and she gradually forgot the humiliation. After not liking him, she was liberated from that humiliating inferiority complex. Like a boulder moved away, the grass broke through the ground.
This is not done to prove anything. It's just that her life should be like this, it should be like this. Going around in a big circle, I finally walked back from the lost road.
When she thought this way, she was locking the door of the laboratory, holding the inclination sensor she made by herself in the bag, and her heart was satisfied and peaceful-this was not taught by the teacher, but taught by herself.
Some time ago, she approached Teacher Yang Changqing, and wanted to help with the experimental project in the teacher's hands, and learn more things along the way. But the teacher thinks the new students are not suitable.
She is not in a hurry, she is learning slowly by herself, and will show the results to the teacher when the time comes, I believe the teacher will be pleasantly surprised.
The other three people in the dormitory were also attending class in the laboratory building. Just as the get out of class was over, the four of them walked back to the dormitory together.
As autumn and winter come, the campus is desolate.
Walking in the north wind, everyone couldn't help shrinking their necks and panting tremblingly.
He Huanhuan suddenly suggested: "It's too cold, I need to change clothes. Let's go shopping and buy clothes on weekends. I think online shopping is always a bit meaningless."
Du Ruo agreed: "Okay."
She has saved money for several tutoring lessons, which is not low. She had already made up her mind that she would never buy cheap goods again. It is better to save and buy a good one than to buy a few defective ones.
Qiu Yuchen: "That's exactly what I mean."
Entering the dormitory building, a very beautifully dressed girl in high heels walked up to her. It was Jiang Xiaoyun from the dormitory opposite them.
Everyone knew each other and greeted each other with a smile.
Jiang Xiaoyun is the flower of the Department of Communication, and the people in their department usually dress up better than the girls in the science and engineering department. But she did put in extra effort today.
When she was far away, He Huanhuan turned around and said, "Wow, she's so beautiful. Are you going to meet a boy?"
Xia Nan said, "She seems to be chasing Jingming."
Du Ruo's heart skipped a beat, and she frowned uncomfortably.
Nearly two months have passed since that night.
The seasons change, and the yellow leaves fall.
There are only dry branches left on the campus.
She has avoided contact with him and has avoided hearing from him. If the class is close to his classroom, she will definitely take a detour; even if it is a public class, she will come and go in a hurry, never meeting him face to face.
But just now, it was still stabbed.
He Huanhuan was very happy, and said: "There are so many people chasing him, this is quite worthy. Right?"
Du Ruo followed suit and said, "Well, it matches well."
…
She never went to the laboratory where Jingming and the others worked on the project. Once Li Wei asked her if she wanted to visit again, she refused on the grounds of going to the library, and Li Wei never asked again.
One night, Du Ruo went to the laboratory alone to make sensors. Before going upstairs, I found that the laboratory I was going to was on the same floor as Jingming, so I deliberately went around to the farther elevator and didn't pass him.
She fiddled with sound-sensitive materials, coils, resistors, circuit boards, screws, casings in the laboratory... It took more than an hour to complete the sensor.
Du Ruo was very satisfied, solemnly arranged the sensor, and clapped vigorously in front of it: "Crack!"
The little light bulb on the sensor didn't move.
Du Ruo: "..."
She clapped her hands a few more times, but there was still no response.
Du Ruo:? ?
She disassembled the sensor in bewilderment, the wiring was correct, reassembled it, and applauded again, but the indicator light still did not move.
Sound too low
Du Ruo thought about it, bent over to approach the sensor, and shouted at it: "Hey!"
Small bulbs:"… "
"Roar!"
"..."
"Ho!"
"..."
"ha!"
"..."
The sensor is motionless, as if deaf.
Du Ruo did not give up: "Ha! Ha! Ha!"
A figure flashed at the door, she was embarrassed, she turned her head immediately, and was stunned for a moment.
Jing Ming stood at the door of the laboratory, looking at her impatiently: "What's the noise at night?"
Du Ruo: "..."
I haven't seen him for more than a month, but his face looks strange, as if his hair has been cut short. The coat is also thicker and looks more expensive.
"What are you doing?" Jing Ming frowned and tilted his head to take a look.
"No. Nothing." She moved slightly to block the sensor.
But Jingming's eyes were sharp, and he saw it at a glance. He walked towards her, pointed his chin to the side, and said, "Let's go."
Du Ruo didn't want to listen to him and said, "My..."
He had already pushed her away, took a look at the sensor on the table, and asked, "Sound-sensitive?"
"… Um."
He held out an open palm to her, but when she didn't respond, he turned to look at her with an unfriendly look.
Du Ruo handed him the small screwdriver.
Jing Ming took it, removed the sensor two or three times, took a look, sneered and snorted, shook his head, not to mention being contemptuous like that, did not speak, put the things back together, and put them in front of her.
He stretched out his hand and snapped his fingers, and with a crisp sound, the light came on.
Du Ruo: "..."
One moment, he was still vomiting in his heart about his appearance of dragging two to five to eighty thousand, but the next moment he was speechless.
She glanced up at him hastily and asked, "What's wrong?"
"The primary coil and the secondary coil are installed backwards. This kind of mistake is made all the time. I think you are hopeless." He said in a taunting tone.
"Oh." She whispered, nothing else.
The laboratory was very quiet for a while, the fluorescent lamp was on, and the small light bulb on the sensor was also on.
Outside the window is the endless winter night.
Jing Mingyuan made a casual remark, and he also knew that what she was doing now was far beyond the outline. But after complaining, seeing that she didn't respond, he couldn't help but look at her more.
Long time no see, she seems to have changed a little bit.
What changed, but I can't tell for a while.
He didn't care, picked up her paper and pen on the table, and wrote a series of website addresses on it, saying: "Look at the courses, find materials, these places are available."
Putting down the pen, he said condescendingly, "The technical breakthrough in the field of sensing lies in the material, and you should learn more about circuit principles."
This person is like this, what can attract his eyes is always a machine, not a person.
In the past, who would pretend to be passionate because of the sentence "it's okay".
"Thank you." She nodded, but said nothing else.
At this time, his cell phone rang, and it was still the English song that she couldn't understand clearly.
He turned sideways and picked up the phone: "Hello?"
I don't know what to say over there.
He said, "Here we come."
He put down the phone, glanced at her, and left without saying goodbye.
The small light bulb also went out at the same time.
Du Ruo looked down at his messy handwriting on the notebook, then at the small sensor, and remained silent for a long time. After a while, she heard his footsteps disappearing down the corridor, and heard the door slam shut at the end.
She opened her mouth and said, "Hi!"
This time, the small light bulb on the sensor obediently lit up.
She sighed, her heart was calm, she was just a little annoyed at her carelessness.