The laboratory is quiet and silent, and the fluorescent lamps illuminate the surroundings as bright as day.
The two looked at each other, silent and quiet.
Du Ruo stared at him, but didn't speak or respond for a long time, like a robot whose power was cut off suddenly.
Jing Ming was not sure, unconsciously licked his lower lip, and said again: "Du Ruochun..."
The next second, Du Ruo seemed to be awakened by a sudden knock, and quickly zipped up her schoolbag, saying, "I don't like you." After speaking, she put on her schoolbag and fled outside.
Jing Ming didn't expect it, his eyebrows frowned instantly: "Why run if you don't speak clearly?!" He took a few strides to catch up and blocked her way.
She was like a small beast that was suddenly surrounded, backed away in fright, looked into his eyes in a little panic, then immediately bounced away and looked away, said in a panic: "I said everything."
"What did you say?"
"I told you I don't like you." She grabbed the laboratory table beside her, still not recovering from the shock just now.
"Lie." Jing Ming's face turned slightly green.
"No..." She tightened the strap of her schoolbag, trying hard to break through his defense and go out, "I really want to go back..."
He cut off her way again, not intending to let her go at all.
She was anxious and panicked, her face was blushing to the point of bleeding: "I really want to go back..."
"Finish!"
"I said it! I don't like it..." The voice suddenly became quieter, and he noticed that his face had changed.
He stood where he was, bit his lips, looked up at the sky, and smiled angrily.
The next moment, he lowered his head with a dark face, took out a piece of paper from his pocket, unfolded it, and shook it in front of her, almost protesting: "You don't like me, what is this?"
Du Ruo was taken aback, and saw that he was holding a political notebook in his hand.
Her brain exploded in an instant, her cheeks were blood red, she was unbearably ashamed, and she rushed forward to grab it back.
He raised one hand high, but she couldn't reach it, so anxious and angry, he jumped up and grabbed a corner, and the paper was torn instantly.
He was startled, quickly put the paper behind his back with one hand, stopped her with the other, and angrily said: "What are you doing!"
When he reprimanded her, she stopped abruptly and looked up at him. Fear, panic, and helplessness all flashed in her eyes, and were replaced by deep shame, disappointment, and resentment.
"Are you proud?"
He paused.
She was so angry that her chest heaved: "Because I like you, are you very proud? You feel that you are great and superior, and I should come here immediately?"
Jing Ming narrowed his pupils slightly, unexpectedly she could say such harsh words.
But Du Ruo felt that he had had enough of his humiliation, and was already trembling all over.
On a June day, her teeth chattered.
She didn't want to talk to him, she just wanted to run away.
But he stood in front of him and refused to let her go, and she couldn't dodge again and again. The emotions that had been suppressed in the deepest part of her heart for a long time poured out all at once, smashing the wall built by avoiding fear into pieces:
"I liked you, so what? I don't like you a long time ago."
"A person like you is arrogant, mean, and never takes people seriously. I only like you when my brain is flooded!"
Jing Ming blushed to the base of his ears, how could he have been criticized like this when he grows up
He stared at her, extremely annoyed: "I don't pay attention to anyone anymore? Huh?"
Her lips quivered slightly, unable to speak.
"Tell me," he took a step closer to her, leaned slightly, staring at her with black eyes, "who am I not paying attention to?"
She tried her best not to back down, stared at him fiercely, and suddenly said: "Me!"
He twitched his lips and mocked slightly: "Indeed. But at that time, I didn't like you, and I didn't pay attention. Isn't that normal?"
Her eyes widened in disbelief, deeply aroused.
I didn't expect that after more than half a year, he would stab her again, and he still had the same attitude as before. It was like a nightmare repeating itself.
"What kind of person were you at that time, what were your wishes, and what were your goals? If you were close, you would pass the exam and apply for a scholarship? If you were far away, you would graduate smoothly, become a small white-collar worker, and rent a small house? I It's two completely different worlds from you, I didn't care about you at that time, isn't it normal?"
"Normal!" She pursed her lips stubbornly, but her heart ached like being stabbed by a sharp knife, "But...'Don't like me, I won't like you. Saying this kind of thing? Do you think I’m ugly, poor and ridiculous? If you don’t like it, you don’t like it, why do you have to say that kind of thing to trample on the dignity of others?”
It turned out that there was no past at all.
That is still the most unspeakable past in her life, the most difficult to reveal the scar, mentioning it now, her voice trembled slightly, her eyes were red,
"You may not mean to, you are born.
You were born with everything, so you can't see anything insignificant, see other people's pain, struggle and humbleness. I'm not like you, I was born with nothing. Everything I have ever and now has been achieved through my own hard work. You are not qualified to ridicule and underestimate. You are not that great, you are not a person worthy of my liking at all. "
These words hit him no less than a slap in the face.
"Don't act like you've been hurt deeply!" Jing Ming said angrily, "If you say I'm arrogant, you won't get any better. Noble, fragile, hypocritical. Why did I say that? You liked me back then, What do you like me? Because you like me, what did you do, did you confess to me or did you admit it when I asked you? None. If you confessed at that time, I would never say that again. —I said I don't like you, what's the problem?"
Du Ruo blushed like blood: "Then don't like me now!"
He fell silent for a moment, staring at her fiercely and hatefully.
And she had fought to the limit during the confrontation and quarrel with him, her eyes were as red as a rabbit, she tried to hold back her tears several times, but she was about to bear it no longer.
She took a deep breath, turned her head away, and tried her best to breathe, not wanting to look too defeated.
He was still angry, but when he saw her like this, he suddenly lost his voice and didn't speak for a while. After a long while, I suppressed my injustice and said: "That can't be helped, I am different from a person like you. A person like you, heh!"
She immediately turned her head and saw the annoyance in his eyes, knowing that he was going to attack again with arrogance and unreasonableness, so her whole body was on guard!
Unexpectedly, he sarcastically said: "I'm really curious about you, you liked me, then what?"
She was slightly stunned, vigilant, not understanding what he wanted to say.
"Did you really like me? Why did you give up so easily! It's so wronged and hurt, but it's not because I told the truth, you immediately flinched. Such a superficial liking, huh! What do you really like? I still like a phantom in your heart, an ideal object you yearn for? Once you find out that this person is not perfect, this person has flaws, you will not like it immediately." Speaking of this, he was annoyed again, " You have the nerve to say such a low-level liking."
Du Ruo: "Your liking is very advanced?!"
He reprimanded: "Better than you! At least now that we have had a fight, I still like you!"
She froze in place, her heart pounding, unexpectedly, as if she was suddenly beaten back to her original shape.
Anger, shame and indignation were gone in an instant, fear and panic once again occupied her mind, her chest heaved, and she turned her face away again.
The hand unconsciously grasped the edge of the table again, and the person took a step back.
And he looked at her resisting look, gritted his teeth, obviously vented, but he couldn't swallow a breath.
The two fell into the silent confrontation at the beginning again, and neither of them spoke.
It seems that they are all tired, and they all feel that such quarrels and venting are meaningless.
Fluorescent lights made the laboratory pale. The two remained silent for a long time, as if they were about to melt into the white light.
Until gradually, she slowly loosened her fingers holding the edge of the table, and the surging emotions seemed to recede.
Finally, she spoke softly:
"I don't want to be in a relationship now, I don't need it. I am happy every day now, and I don't want to change my current state..."
Suddenly I can't continue,
She originally thought that she could express her inner thoughts like just now, but she still couldn't.
because,
Jingming,
You are that leaf, a blinding leaf.
During the year of college, when I didn't like you, I was the most free. I can see that there are too many things in life. But at that time, because I liked you, it was too painful, and I didn't want to go back.
I don't want to be with you, to guess what you mean by what you just said, whether you like me or don't like me. I don't want to recognize you at a glance among so many people on the playground, recognize your clothes, and your shadow. Even if I don't want to look at your back, I feel very happy, and I am willing to walk behind you even if I will never be found and walk forever. I don’t want to spend any more time guessing, what are you doing, at home, in the laboratory, or in the dormitory, have you ever thought of me, cared about me, or thought that I might be a little bit good. I don't want to think of you when I see a leaf, think of you when I see a dove, or think of you when I see treetops and blue sky.
Can,
With tears in her eyes, she didn't say anything after all. She just smiled very lightly and said, "I just want to be myself. Make myself better. I think this is more important than falling in love with you."
Jing Ming looked at her, without rebuttal, without anger, and did not speak for a long time.
And at this moment, he found that his feelings for her had changed. It seemed as if he had finally realized that before tonight, his feelings for her were just a superficial child's emotion of wanting to grab a toy.
But at this moment, the inexplicable blunt pain in his heart made him suddenly cautious and stopped going forward.
He saw her lowering her head, a tear fell down, and he said, "Don't cry."
"I just said it casually, I didn't like it much, and I didn't say I wanted to chase you. Why are you crying? I just..." He stopped, and frowned again, "Okay, don't cry!"
Du Ruo wiped her eyes, tightened the schoolbag strap that she had grabbed into a rope, and walked out with her head buried.
He stopped again.
She looked up, her eyes were red: "I'm going back!"
"Let's go together, it's too late." He took his schoolbag and walked out. When he reached the door and turned around, she followed slowly with her head down.
He locked the door.
On the campus in the middle of the night, there are shadows of trees.
In the past time, autumn and winter come, spring ends and summer solstice.
The scenery of the road in front of the laboratory building changes, from golden to fallen leaves, from dry to sprouting, from new leaves to full bloom. Now the canopy is like an umbrella, covering the sky and the light.
The milky white street lights shuttled between the branches and leaves, sprinkled on the ground like little white stars, and sprinkled on the silent faces of night passers-by.
Jing Ming and Du Ruo walked on both sides of the road, separated by a whole road width, walking in the light and shadow like a starry sky, not saying a word, and not looking at anyone.
The campus in the middle of the night, the night is so comfortable and peaceful, but unfortunately, no one cares about the scenery. The two of them were like two parallel lines, walking from one laboratory building to another teaching building, and then from the office area to the playground, all the way the moonlight flowed and the lights were brilliant. The world is quiet and empty.
The midsummer night breeze gently caressed his shirt and the corners of her skirt, but they didn't know whether they could soothe their ups and downs.
When they approached the door of her dormitory, both of them speeded up their pace by coincidence, but after all, he was the faster one, and stopped in front of her after a few strides forward.
She was still holding on to the strap of her schoolbag, she lowered her eyes and did not look at him, her whole body was in a defensive posture.
"Du Ruochun." He said flatly, "Don't leave. I didn't ask you to join Prime to chase you. I wouldn't be so messed up and use my work to please girls. I let you join just because you deserve it."
"I need you, Prime needs you. I'll just talk about tonight. Tonight is over, and it's over."
He finished speaking without stopping. gone.
The sound of the boy's footsteps went away, and she walked into the dormitory firmly without looking at his back.
Leave the streets empty, no one else.
It was too late for Du Ruo to go back. After registering with the dormitory auntie, he walked through the empty and quiet hall in the middle of the night, went upstairs, and took the elevator.
The pain from that year seems to have finally returned to its original form, but why,
The moment the elevator door closed, she burst into tears.