It was pre-arranged, and the journey was unimpeded. When they arrived at the airport, they naturally skipped all the formalities, and someone directly took them to the boarding gate.
Fang Lin didn't say a word after Duan Changke said that sentence, his eyes were always open, but he rarely blinked.
Because she walked through the private passageway without worrying about being seen, Duan Changke hugged him almost the whole time, and even put her arms around his shoulders during the short walk after getting out of the car, as if afraid that he would fall if he didn't pay attention.
How nice, Fang Lin thought, he was so gentle to himself.
If it was placed a day ago, he might be tossing and turning so excited that he could not fall asleep because of such gentleness, but he did not expect it to be in such a situation.
It wasn't until the loud closing sound of the cabin door came that Fang Lin seemed to be shocked, his eyelashes trembled slightly, a faint light appeared in his eyes, and then went out again.
He seemed to think that this loud noise was a flare gun that woke him up from his dream and took him away from the nightmare he was about to face.
Maybe her expression looks bad now, Duan Changke went to get the blanket, and when she walked over to cover him, she leaned over and kissed him lightly on the forehead.
"Sleepy."
Fang Lin whispered, put his feet on the leather seat, bent his legs, and hugged his knees with both hands, as if he could turn himself into a hedgehog.
However, this posture also allows Duan Changke to hug him more conveniently—the other party stretched out his hand, and pulled Fang Lin together with the blanket that wrapped him, put his chin on the top of his head, and said, "Go to sleep."
Fang Lin didn't respond, nor told Duan Changke that although he was sleepy, he couldn't fall asleep at all.
It seems to be at this point before rebirth.
The difference is that at that time, he didn't have any notice, and the old man's condition was not very good at that time, so he was by her side almost every day, until the last moment.
He suddenly thought of the days when his grandmother was very energetic.
From my own point of view, my condition has improved, but now that I think about it, maybe it is not like that.
There is no room for change in her illness.
And Duan Changke has always been rigorous, since he took her over to now, he hasn't said much, and he can't even say "it's okay", Fang Lin knows it in his heart.
Fang Lin raised his head slightly, looking at the person who was holding him.
The plane was still ascending, and Duan Changke's face was sunk between the turbulent airflow outside the porthole and the mottled night. His lips were straight and handsome, like an unreal dream.
—He is the biggest dream in this so-called new life.
Fang Lin felt that his eyes were sore, but he didn't have a single tear, only a little trace of superficial sadness remained.
I don't know if it's sad that I don't want to leave, or sad that the long night is fragile, the dream wakes up, the last relative will always leave, and love may not come.
He suddenly pinched Duan Changke's suit jacket with his fingers, and then grabbed his tie, using this force to bring the two of them closer, and then pressed his lips against it without warning.
He kissed Duan Changke, like kissing a dream that didn't belong to him.
He knew about the maintenance of this relationship. Although Duan Changke had always respected him, only Fang Lin understood that when he faced him, he always had a little unconscious humility.
So he always had a lot of worries, and he refused the other party's kiss for a long time.
But at least for now, the hugs and tenderness he gets are real.
When the lips were touching, Fang Lin felt that Duan Changke was looking down at him. He didn't speak, and didn't respond with unnecessary movements, but his hands still maintained the posture of embracing him.
The kiss that started with him was not long, it was just close, but Fang Lin still felt a little fleeting warmth that belonged only to him as he wished.
This is enough.
He moved his lips, but he was reluctant to break free from Duan Changke's arms, and when he heard him say "sleep", he nodded obediently and closed his eyes.
Fang Lin couldn't fall asleep, but he kept holding him like this until the other party patted his shoulder lightly and said "here", then opened his eyes and looked at him pretending to wake up.
After returning to the city and getting on the car, Duan Changke told Fang Lin the current situation in an unbearable silence.
"...It's a sudden symptom without warning." He looked embarrassed. After all, communicating with dying doctors and patients is not his strong point, not to mention that he is not facing a cold business opponent. "She saw that the weather is very cold today. Okay, I want the nurse to push her to the small garden at the door."
Later, she didn't know what she saw and wanted to reach out to take it. Because she liked the sunshine so much that she forgot her age and illness, she fell down as soon as she stood up. She tried to prevent her from falling too hard, but still couldn't change the ending.
"The general condition and vital signs are not very good, and I can't take oxygen now," Duan Changke glanced at the phone, and Fang Lin said, "But she is still conscious. Judging from her intermittent responses, she should want to see you."
Even though he had been prepared, Fang Lin's whole body was still heavy as if his limbs were poured with heavy lead water after hearing such a situation with his own ears, and every step he moved was extremely difficult.
But he can't stop.
Fang Lin gritted his teeth and got out of the car with Duan Changke, a gust of wind suddenly blew over, making Fang Lin shiver suddenly.
Sensing his reaction, the people around him helped him, and wanted to take off his coat to cover him, but Fang Lin refused.
So Duan Changke didn't insist.
The road from the entrance of the hospital to the small building where the old man lived could be walked with eyes closed, but at this moment, he seemed to have lost his way, stumbling, but had to continue.
Until he saw the familiar small garden standing there.
This time it didn't look so deserted. When he walked to the door, he heard the cold mechanical notification of the ECG monitor, the rescuers surrounding the bed, the nurses praying with their eyes closed, and the figure on the bed wearing an oxygen mask.
Duan Changke followed him all the time, and when he stepped into the small building, someone turned around and noticed his presence.
Ignoring the surprised eyes of others, he walked in with Fang Lin.
The old lady had electrodes attached to her body, and her breathing was almost invisible. The water mist she exhaled covered half of her face, and her loose and wrinkled skin was dull.
But she was still alive, she was not even willing to close her eyes, she was still searching desperately in the crowd, her cloudy eyes wanted to recognize everyone one by one.
Suddenly, as if sensing something, she turned her face slightly and looked this way—
"Prompt."
she yelled.
Fang Lin's heart still began to ache, but he wanted to speak but found that his voice was extremely dry and hoarse: "I am here, grandma."
The old man stretched out his hand, Fang Lingang was about to lean over to hold it, but found that the old man didn't look at him, but put his hand in another person's hand in confusion.
"You're here."
There was an expression of relief on her face after holding on for a long time, she finally waited for the person she wanted to see after holding on for so long, and her eyes were also bent. At this time, her happiness was simple and pure, and she didn't know that she had actually admitted her mistake people.
Duan Changke also froze, feeling the cold temperature of his palm, he couldn't even tell the truth for a moment.
The old man didn't realize that he had found the wrong person. He smiled and put a tender yellow flower with a few petals in Duan Changke's palm, and patted it: "I saw it when I was passing by the small garden. I wanted to talk to you when I was a child because It was accidentally stepped on by me, not to mention the temper tantrum for a long time... "
Even though she didn't know which year her memory stopped at the moment, she still tried her best to say: "Don't be angry."
After she finished speaking, she looked up at Duan Changke's face.
"Linlin is taller than when I saw him last time."
She talked for a while, before she saw Fang Lin standing beside her.
The old man closed his eyes.
When it was opened again, it seemed that the age had been changed again within a few seconds.
She didn't seem to know Duan Changke anymore, she looked at the young man in front of her as soon as she opened her eyes, and called him "Linlin" again.
But just as she let go of Duan Changke's hand and grabbed Fang Shi once again, her eyes were confused for a moment. The old man looked around uneasily, calling Fang Lin's nickname while muttering.
"Where are my flowers?"
She hooked the bed sheet and asked the others: "Where's my flower?"
During the questioning process, he saw Duan Changke again, was taken aback for a moment, and then called him Linlin again.
Repeatedly.
Fang Lin's palm was stained with the crushed flower juice left by the old man grabbing him just now, and he suddenly remembered that it seemed to be the same in the last life. She actually didn't remember what she looked like, or it was in her mind. , no matter who you see, you can see him as yourself.
However, her scope of activities is very narrow, and she has almost no contact with anyone. The person who often visits her is herself, so as long as it is a young man of similar age, the old man will think that it is him.
Fang Lin went to grab her hand, trembling constantly, kept saying that he was here, kept seeing who grandma was looking for.
In the end, he only saw a sharp drop in the value on the monitor. The old man was still awake at the beginning, but when the value reached a certain moment, it suddenly changed—
Her eyes lost focus, her pupils began to dilate slightly, and she couldn't hear what she was still muttering.
But her hand was still in his, and life was visibly receding within the close range of him. Fang Lin didn't shed tears or hysteria, but her eyes were kept open, as if bleeding was about to flow.
Then he was pushed away with buzzing ears, and then hugged again, and he could only watch the medical staff begin the final rescue.
The surroundings are very noisy, Fang Lin thought, exactly the same as that year, including the harsh alarm at the end, the completely cold fingers, and the last relative who would never wake up again.
The only difference is the numb self who no longer sheds tears.
Grandma's funeral was handled quickly, and the relevant procedures were easily approved.
Fang Lin rejected all the help including Duan Changke, and handled it clearly by himself. He didn't have any relatives in the first place, and almost no relatives in the physical sense. Of course, there is one thing that makes people laugh. This is the second time he has arranged funeral affairs for her.
This is what I did not expect to experience repeatedly.
He didn't go to the rest of the recording after that day, but the program team expressed their understanding and didn't intend to pursue it, because Senhai Hospital's secrecy is very good, and not many people know about it now, and promised that if the time comes If they need to speak out, they will do their best.
Xia Qi asked him to rest for a few more days before returning to work. Tao Le sent him WeChat messages all day long asking if he needed help. As for Meng Jinyu, his phone almost exploded.
The phone rang again, Fang Lin looked at the caller above and sighed, and finally got through: "Hello?"
"You finally answered!" Meng Jinyu's relieved voice came from the other end, "Do you know how many calls I made!"
"I know," Fang Lin said, "I'm really fine now, don't worry."
"I don't believe it." Meng Jinyu didn't ask what happened curiously, "but the expression on your face when you left that day was really worrying."
"I'm really fine." Fang Lin said helplessly, "Isn't my voice good now? It's alright, alright, I'll tell you when the time comes, so I'll hang up now."
Ignoring Meng Jinyu's protest, Fang Lin hung up the phone.
He thinks he's fine. At least it's better than expected.
He didn't regret and cry hoarsely like the first time. After all, the old man left without even being able to see himself for the last time.
Compared with now, although she has long been unable to figure out what she will look like when she grows up, at least in her mind, she still holds her hand in the end.
That's good.
It's because he had a little more unrealistic extravagance after his rebirth, and it's not a bad thing to be suddenly awakened now.
Fang Lin comforted himself in his heart, and suddenly raised his head as if waking up from a dream—it turned out that he had been thinking for too long, not looking at the road, walking aimlessly, and came to the door of the familiar bar in a daze .
Xiao Jianian also happened to see him, and immediately called him by name to invite him in, and said pleasantly, "Why did you think about coming today?"
He seemed to be in a good mood, and beside him was a girl with a shy smile, presumably his fiancée.
It's amazing that someone like Xiao Jianian is about to get married.
Xiao Jianian didn't know what happened to Fang Lin, so he took him to the place where he sat last time, mixed a glass of wine for him, originally wanted to chat with Fang Lin, but was called away by a guest.
He stayed for a while, and when he was about to get up and leave, a figure sat down beside him.
Fang Lin was dumbfounded, and he paused before speaking: "Mr. Duan."
Duan Changke nodded slightly in response.
Fang Lin deliberately didn't contact him for the past few days, and Duan Changke seemed to want to give him some space, except after calling twice to confirm that he really didn't need help, he never asked again. So Fang Lin was actually a little guilty, but suddenly he didn't know what to say.
Fortunately, Duan Changke didn't force him, and didn't ask him many questions.
The singer on stage changed again, Duan Changke didn't order a drink, and there was a long silence between the two.
Fang Lin didn't have any questions he wanted to ask him.
For example, he knew why grandma had an accident before he knew it, why he had to be so careful with himself, and why he came here now.
He couldn't ask a single question.
It is impossible for Fang Lin not to have thought about this issue these days, but in the end he still chose to be a tortoise retracted into his shell and not face it, as if as long as he did not take the initiative to touch this matter, he would not be reminded repeatedly. like him.
He still likes Duan Changke, Fang Lin thought.
But what's the point if everything stays the same as before.
But Duan Changke didn't know.
don't know anything.
Fang Lin's throat suddenly became dry and sad. It turned out that the calm improvement he thought these days was all an illusion. The moment he saw Duan Changke, he began to disintegrate, and finally fell apart easily.
He looked at the azure blue wine, afraid that his expression would be revealed in the next second, so he didn't dare to raise his head and said to Duan Changke.
"You go back first."
Duan Changke didn't respond immediately to this sentence, but just called his name lightly.
But that alone was enough to break him.
Fang Lin stroked the cup wall with his finger, and Duan Changke's voice was like a spell, reminding himself that he didn't actually go out, so he had to face this fact.
But…
He is so tired.
"Mr. Duan." Fang Lin finally looked at Duan Changke, but his pure black eyes were empty. Since that day, there has been no expression here, "You go."
Leave me alone, and don't give me hope.
He looked at him without hesitation, and drank the wine in the glass in one gulp under Duan Changke's surprised eyes. Sadness that hurts worse brings to the stomach.
Duan Changke reached out to him, probably to comfort him.
But he was hugged by Duan Changke for too long that day.
It's been so long that he even wants to hypnotize himself. If that didn't happen, grandma would still laugh at him, talk to him, and proudly want everyone to announce that her grandson has become a superstar and is a big star.
But it didn't work. The warmer Duan Changke's embrace became, the sadder he became.
He thought that after being reborn, he would have a new life, that he could have everything he wanted, and pursue the person he wanted to pursue...
Fang Lin turned sideways to avoid Duan Changke's touch.
"I'm sorry. I..." His voice was a little hoarse, probably because he drank too much and hastily just now, and repeated what he said just now, "You go first."
"Fang Lin." Duan Changke called his name.
His hand didn't retract, it was still hanging in the air, the place where they were located was too dark, Fang Lin couldn't see clearly, and he didn't want to look carefully into Duan Changke's eyes.
Fang Lin stood up. He only looked at Duan Changke's hand.
I want to grab it, intertwine my fingers with it, let it embrace me, or dry my tears.
Fang Lin only felt a nausea gushing from his stomach, but the severe pain made him unable to shed tears.
"Duan Changke." He didn't address him anymore, but still looked at him and said word by word, "Let's go."
As long as you leave too, I'm really not afraid of losing anything.
He looked at Duan Changke fixedly, and said, "Are you okay?"
Duan Changke really left.
Fang Lin sat blankly in his seat, feeling a sense of masochistic pleasure in his heart.
He looked around. This was the bar he was most familiar with. At that time, it was because of Xiao Jianian's extravagant salary that he was able to send the old man to the best hospital.
It was the same later, with the help of Duan Changke, he opened up a completely different new life.
He seems to be clinging to others all the time.
The singer on stage has finished singing today's task, said hello to everyone, and then left the stage to bid farewell.
Looking at the empty countertop, Fang Lin suddenly took a step and walked over.
Xiao Jianian also saw him, was startled, went to tune him, and brought the guitar he used to use.
Fang Lin took it over, plucked a string, held the microphone in his hand, and slowly brought it close to his lips.
"all my bags are packed i'm ready to go
i'm standing here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.”
His voice is probably not very pleasant now, and the expression on his face is not necessarily sad.
Some people in the audience started booing, but they didn't bother him.
He doesn't care if someone recognizes him, and he doesn't care if his past is known by others.
There was nothing left to lose anyway.
He sang very softly, but the impression of Xiao Jianian's bar was very good and the conditions were limited. He didn't wear earphones, and heard his own voice echoing in this corner of the space.
Maybe it's sad, but I can't hear any more pharynx taste.
From the moment the old man's hand became cold in front of him, until now, he couldn't even cry.
“already i'm so lonely i could die…”
Inevitably, he remembered something.
He actually didn't know why he sang it just now, but now he remembered that he had heard this song in the lobby of the hotel the day he was reborn and met Duan Changke.
Thinking about it now, it may also be a kind of magical destiny.
Fang Lin looked at the dim lights on the ground, his eyelids were sore without blinking.
He dared not look down, nor close his eyes.
I am afraid that I will not find the person I want to see when I look down, and I am afraid that when I close my eyes, the voice of the other party will be in my mind.
He was the one who let Duan Changke go, and now he is so sad that he wants to vomit.
Fang Lin felt that he was clearly not crying, but his vision became blurred.
Originally, all of these should have left him, but he happened to meet Duan Changke.
He plucked a string, and when he sang the chorus, he held the microphone in his hand.
Duan Changke said long ago that she wanted to hear it, but now she can only sing it to amuse herself.
“so kiss me and smile for me”
"tell me that you'll wait for me"
"hold me like you'll never let me go"
Of course he didn't finish his sentence.
He didn't want to leave by steam engine, nor did he want to ask Duan Changke to leave.
"i hate to go."
This song is very short. Generally, the resident singers in bars will interact with the people in the audience and go down the steps directly in front of them, but Fang Lin remembers that there is also a staircase leading to the backstage, which is convenient for those who just want to sing and don’t want to interact. People leave quietly.
He bowed to the audience, and without looking at anyone, he lifted the curtain to the backstage preparation room with his guitar in his arms, and was about to walk in—
A hand suddenly stretched out and grabbed him. Fang Lin couldn't react, and was grabbed by the other party and fell into the lounge beside him.
"Bang!" The guitar hit the wall with himself.
The lights were not turned on in the room, and Fang Lin hadn't had time to adapt to the darkness. Just as he was about to make a sound, a figure approached him, and his lips were suddenly blocked——
"Hmm..." This person's breath was so familiar, Fang Lin trembled all over, he didn't even intend to resist, he just let the other person kiss him obediently.
It seemed that he was afraid that he would run away. The other party had never kissed so hard before. The magnified sense of touch in the dark made Fang Lin belatedly feel that the other party was afraid.
What is he afraid of
After a minute, he was released by Duan Changke, but only for a moment.
"Linlin." It was the first time Duan Changke called him that.
He only said these two words, looked at Fang Lin, and kissed him again.
This time the kiss was even stronger than before. Fang Lin passively clung to and entangled with him. All the background and sounds around him disappeared at this moment. He could only be submerged in Duan Changke's arms His breath melted with the kiss.
At least for now, he can't think of anything, and he doesn't want to think of it.
When the lips parted for the second time, Duan Changke clung to his ear again, calling him softly.
"Prompt."
Hearing him yelling, Fang Lin's voice finally became weeping.
He knew that he was inferior and contradictory, he knew that Duan Changke wanted to show affection and he chose to back down because of this, but...
The sadness that had been buried for so long suddenly surged up, he looked at the person in front of him, his heart was unbearably sour, and he spoke with trembling lips, fearing that the loud voice would shatter the dream: "I thought you left..."
Didn't I tell you to go
"Don't go." The kiss was too hard just now, and Duan Changke's breathing was rare, and his eyes in the dark were so intense that no one could doubt his emotions at the moment. He held Fang Lin's face with both hands and pecked it, like holding some treasure, "I won't leave from now on."