Li Yan didn't know what to use to pry open the door. When he came in, he held two glasses of water in his hand and turned on the light in the room with his elbow.
The light that suddenly filled the entire room made Gu Fei suffocate for a while, the throbbing pain radiating from his eyes quickly dissipated, and his head, neck and shoulders all felt soreness.
He covered his eyes with his hands: "Turn off the lights."
When he said these two words, he and Li Yan were both stunned for a while. He could hardly tell that the dry voice belonged to him, as if he had a mouthful of sand.
Li Yan put the water on the table, turned off the light in the past, turned on the small table lamp on the table, and pressed the lamp shade down against the table.
The light in the room dimmed, and Gu Fei felt a lot more comfortable.
"Er Miao, drink some water," Li Yan took a glass of water and squatted in front of Gu Miao, "Are you thirsty?"
After a while, Gu Miao moved, took the cup, raised his head and started pouring it into his mouth. After drinking the cup of water, he wiped his mouth.
"Are you hungry?" Li Yan said, "Er Miao, look at me, are you hungry? There is cake on the living room table and your favorite jelly."
Gu Miao didn't move and looked at Gu Fei.
"Brother is fine," Li Yan said, "Brother will be there in a while, you go eat first."
Gu Miao slowly slid off the sofa and walked out against the wall.
Li Yan handed another glass of water on the table to Gu Fei: "What's the matter? The camera fell?"
Gu Fei didn't say anything and took a sip of water.
It was probably because he hadn't drank or eaten for too long, and he hadn't spoken. When the water passed through his throat, he actually felt a little bit of pain.
After taking a few more sips, it was a little better, but it was still a little blocked. It was only now that he realized that he had gotten angry and swollen.
After slowly drinking a glass of water, Gu Fei felt that the numbness in his body subsided a little, but what followed immediately was exhaustion and weakness.
It's not from the body, but from the bottom of the heart, deep powerlessness, no longer willing to move, wherever the wind blows, he will fall, and wherever the water flows, he will float.
I don't want to struggle anymore.
"Did Jiang Cheng call you?" Gu Fei asked.
The voice was still dry and hoarse, and it was uncomfortable to hear it.
"Well," Li Yan said, "I told him that your phone was broken."
"Does he believe it?" Gu Fei said.
"I don't believe it," Li Yan said.
"My phone really broke," Gu Fei raised his hand, "Bring your phone and I'll use it."
Li Yan took out his cell phone and put it in his hand.
When the phone fell into the palm of his hand, Gu Fei felt that his entire arm could not bear the slightest weight, or at this moment his phone was like a brick, and his hand grabbed the phone and smashed it weakly onto the bed. After a while he said, "Go and accompany Ermiao for a while."
"Da Fei." Li Yan looked at him and seemed to want to say something.
He didn't look at Li Yan, Li Yan stood beside him for a while, then turned around and went out, closing the door behind him.
In the call records on Li Yan's mobile phone, the most recent record was Jiang Cheng, which was called an hour ago.
He stared at the name until the black screen.
After being stunned for a long time, he turned on the screen again, and tapped Jiang Cheng's name with his fingertips.
The phone vibrated lightly before it could reach his ear, and Jiang Cheng answered the call, "Li Yan?"
"Me." Gu Fei said.
"Gu Fei?" There was anxiety in Jiang Cheng's voice, and there was also a sudden sigh of relief because he heard his voice, "Is my phone really broken by yours?"
"En." Gu Fei responded.
He closed his eyes as if he had never heard Jiang Cheng's voice in his entire life.
"What's wrong with you?" Jiang Cheng paused, "Sick? Why is your voice so hoarse?"
"Get angry." Gu Fei said.
"Yes... is there something wrong?" Jiang Cheng asked.
This kind of hesitation, the careful questioning made Gu Fei's heart hurt as if he had been twisted.
"Er Miao broke my camera lens," Gu Fei said.
"Ah, I'm not sure," Jiang Cheng was stunned for a while, then his tone became more relaxed, "Is it just for this? Which shot is it? I'll just give you one, your brother just received it today. money for tutoring."
"I broke my phone," Gu Fei said.
"It's alright," Jiang Cheng smiled, "You've been using your phone for a long time anyway. Last time, when you played Love Elimination for you, you put a big card on it for a few seconds before moving it. Change it, Brother Cheng will change it for you... "
"You," Gu Fei interrupted Brother Cheng's words. Brother Cheng's obviously disbelieving and forcefully relaxed tone made him breathless in pain, "Can you leave me alone?"
Jiang Cheng suddenly lost his voice.
Gu Fei didn't speak.
After being silent for a while, Jiang Cheng opened his mouth: "What do you mean?"
"How many jobs have you worked?" Gu Fei asked.
"Just two tutors," Jiang Cheng said, "Weekends..."
"Two is not enough," Gu Fei said. "There are many places to spend money."
"Huh?" Jiang Cheng was stunned.
"Three, four, maybe that's enough," Gu Fei closed his eyes, "I have to study, review, study psychology, work part-time, and think about my boyfriend and my boyfriend's sister."
Jiang Cheng didn't say anything.
"Do you really look in the mirror?" Gu Fei said, "Don't you know how tired you are?"
"I'm not tired." Jiang Cheng said, his voice a little hard.
"You have been taking classes over there for a semester. Apart from tutoring, have you ever left the school one kilometer?" Gu Fei said, "You said a few times that your classmates went out to play, why didn't you go?"
Jiang Cheng remained silent.
"You don't have time to go," Gu Fei said, "because you want to spend your rest time on your boyfriend and boyfriend's sister."
"Everyone is working hard, and I don't think I'm any different," Jiang Cheng said, "I don't have any interest in going anywhere to play."
"Why do you fall in love?" Gu Fei said, "Don't you know what you've made of yourself when you fall in love?"
"There is no fixed pattern for dating, everyone's love is different, why do you have to be the same as others?" Jiang Cheng's voice became a little hoarse, "I said that I don't feel anything, I'm willing, I'm not tired, And Ermiao's illness, I have already..."
"But I'm tired." Gu Fei said.
The receiver suddenly became very quiet, and only Jiang Cheng's breathing could be heard.
After a long time, he asked, "What?"
"I'm tired." Gu Fei repeated.
"What did you say?" Jiang Cheng's voice was trembling, so hoarse that there was no sound for the second half of the sentence.
"I'm tired, Brother Cheng," Gu Fei said word by word, "don't hold me anymore, I don't want to be held by anyone anymore, forget it."
There was absolutely no sound from Jiang Cheng's side, and he couldn't even hear the sound of his breathing before.
Gu Fei put the phone in front of him, clicked to hang up, and then turned off Li Yan's phone.
"Are you all right?" Zhao Ke and Jiang Cheng stood in the toilet together.
Jiang Cheng didn't speak, he just waved at him.
"It's only an hour, I vomited three times," Zhao Ke looked at the time, "I've become mute, are you all right?"
Jiang Cheng coughed twice, then turned to the side of the sink and started to wash his face. After splashing the water on his face a dozen times, he recovered a little from the enormous pain caused by the throbbing and shrinking stomach.
"Go to the hospital to have a look?" Zhao Ke walked behind him to the dormitory, "I ate and drank the same thing as you and I all day, you are definitely not eating bad, go and see, don't be sick Ah? Your voice suddenly became hoarse!"
Jiang Cheng took out his mobile phone, opened the notepad, and typed a few words.
- Stress response
"Stressed?" Zhao Ke looked at him, "What stimulated you to be so stressed?"
- you go to class first, I'll just sleep
Jiang Cheng clenched his fists at him, turned around and entered the dormitory. He climbed onto the bed without taking off his clothes, and tucked into the pillow before closing his eyes.
"Call me if you have anything." Zhao Ke poured water on his thermos cup and put it on the head of his bed, then climbed up the stairs and covered him with the quilt. After standing by the bed for a while, he walked out.
Go to sleep.
fast asleep.
Fall asleep immediately.
When you fall asleep, it's fine, when you fall asleep, you don't know, when you fall asleep, you don't feel bad, when you fall asleep, you don't remember...
Go to sleep.
Don't think about anything, go to sleep.
But I am tired.
I'm tired.
I'm tired, brother.
Stop pulling me.
sleep.
Go to sleep.
Please, Jiang Cheng, go to sleep.
fast asleep.
Gu Fei gave up.
Gu Fei actually gave up.
Jiang Cheng felt that his teeth were clenched tightly, his whole body was tense, and even his toes seemed to be taut.
The hands were also clenched into fists.
The thumb clenched in the palm of the hand was slightly painful.
The stomach started to feel uncomfortable again, but he knew that he couldn't spit out anything, and there was no more water.
He huddled into a ball, trying to relieve the discomfort that was stirred up in his stomach, but it was useless, and the uncomfortable feeling quickly filled his chest.
His heart seemed to be grabbed and squeezed by someone, and he couldn't breathe. Every time he took a breath, pain would burst out of his chest and crawl along the nerves to the whole body.
chest, back, arms...
Heart attack is about to happen.
Jiang Cheng, do you have a heart attack
He laughed.
Laughed so hard that I couldn't stop.
But he couldn't hear his own voice, his throat was completely silent, and he couldn't even laugh.
Tears still flowed out.
It's not easy.
He originally thought that he would not cry anymore, the whole person was covered, and he could not come back to his senses.
But still cried.
I cried very sadly.
Motherfucker.
The tears were actually not many, Jiang Cheng wiped a hand on his face, probably unable to cry.
It turns out that the voice is hoarse, and I can't laugh or cry.
The hand touched something soft.
Jiang Cheng opened his eyes, and the Sunny Day Doll beside the pillow was looking at him with bright black eyes.
At this moment, Jiang Cheng felt that he was about to collapse.
He took the doll into his arms and hugged it hard.
what-
He wanted to cry out loud, hard, loud, all-out crying might make him feel a little better.
But no.
All he could hear was the rustling in his mute.
So unhappy.
So unpleasant.
Jiang Cheng huddled on the bed all night, not knowing whether he was awake or asleep, the whole night was chaotic.
When I opened my eyes, I could see a small patch of sunlight on the wall by the bedside.
He stared at it for a long time.
"Jiang Cheng," Zhao Ke's voice came from under the bed, "If you have porridge, get up and have some porridge."
Um.
Jiang Cheng wanted to respond, but there was still no sound in his voice, as if he was more hoarse than before.
He sighed softly and sat up slowly.
His hair rose, and the moment he sat up, he felt that all the weight inside and outside of his body was falling, so that he couldn't even straighten his waist.
The sunny doll is still in his arms, and his eyes are still bright.
He put the doll back on the pillow, thought about it after withdrawing his hand, reached out again, and patted it twice on the head.
When he got off the bed, Zhao Ke, who had never spoken a rude word, looked at him and said sincerely, "Fuck me."
Jiang Cheng touched his face, but it felt okay, but he couldn't feel anything.
... a night of worrying about your white hair
He quickly opened the drawer and took out the mirror to take a look.
The hair is still black, which is fine.
However, her hair was messy, her eyes were swollen, her face looked quite dirty, and there was Daozi pressed out by the pillow towel. Apart from these, her complexion was rather ugly, with a dark yellow color.
After throwing the mirror back into the drawer, he took another wet tissue and wiped it on his face.
"Is your voice better?" Zhao Ke opened a lunch box on his desk.
Jiang Cheng cleared his throat and tried to say "Ah", but there was no sound, he shook his head, sat in front of the table, took the spoon handed over by Zhao Ke, lowered his head and started drinking porridge.
"Do you still want to vomit?" Zhao Ke asked as he sat next to him.
Jiang Cheng shook his head.
"That's okay," Zhao Ke said. "You vomited so horrible yesterday. Lu Shi and Qi Qi went to buy a bunch of medicines at night, some kind of antiemetic enteritis."
Jiang Cheng turned his head and smiled at him.
"You're smiling like this now," Zhao Ke sighed, "I'll take a picture of you and send it out, to make sure that your name won't be on the confession wall again."
Jiang Cheng bowed his head to the lunch box for a while.
Silent.
"You can ask for leave in a while," Zhao Ke said, "one more morning off."
Jiang Cheng shook his head.
"Don't ask for leave?" Zhao Ke looked at him.
Jiang Cheng shook his head.
"... Not bad for half a day, right?" Zhao Ke said.
Jiang Cheng touched the phone and pressed it a few times before handing it to him.
- i can't stop
"...Do whatever you want," Zhao Ke glanced at him and stood up, "then eat quickly. There are many people in class today, so if you go late, you will have to sit in the back."
Probably because he hadn't slept well, when Jiang Cheng went to wash up, he felt that the soles of his feet were fluttering, and the soles of his shoes were unprecedentedly soft.
When washing his face, he felt that he was much more awake, but when he straightened up, the coldness on his face disappeared, and he returned to chaos.
When he followed Zhao Ke to the classroom, he felt that he was walking through the fog.
I can't see clearly, I can't hear clearly, I can't really step on it, as if after a hangover.
"Do you want me to help you?" Zhao Ke turned around and asked.
roll. Jiang Cheng smiled and returned his mouth.
"Although I don't care about other people's affairs," Zhao Ke slowed down and walked side by side with him, "but if you really want to talk to someone, I can still listen."
Jiang Cheng pointed to his own throat.
"After I can talk," Zhao Ke said.
Jiang Cheng nodded.
Prefer not to say.
Don't want to say anything.
Jiang Cheng didn't want to tell anyone about this right now.
He couldn't think about it at all, didn't want to think about it.
Why is Gu Fei doing this
What kind of mood did Gu Fei feel when he said such words.
why.
Why
The person who said I was your back suddenly said such words.
Calm and indifferent, it didn't even give him the slightest wiggle room.
Why
I have no home anymore, Gu Fei.
But you can, you are family.
Jiang Cheng couldn't bear the feeling of losing everything and not feeling real anymore.
There were already quite a lot of people in the classroom, Lu Shichong waved to them, and they squeezed over and sat down.
"Jiang Cheng, are you all right?" Zhang Qiqi sat in the front row and turned to look at him, "You look very bad."
Jiang Cheng shook his head, took out the book, put it in front of him, opened it and started to read.
In the Introduction to Economic Law, apart from these five words, Jiang Cheng never understood the sixth word.
He closed his eyes.
It wasn't until the teacher started lecturing that he reopened his eyes and forced himself to focus on the teacher.
No matter what happens, he can do it.
But today was a bit of a failure. Listening to the teacher's voice for at most one minute, he began to be in a trance.
He had to close his eyes again, adjust his breathing, and open them again.
This state didn't last long, and he began to feel tired, the kind of tiredness that seemed to sink through the chair, through the floor, and sink to the deepest point.
He originally thought that he would finish the class, if he couldn't, he would just go back to the dormitory and sleep for a while.
But my stomach started to hurt again.
How could he be so delicate, he pressed his stomach with his hands.
Player Jiang Cheng is very fragile right now, and he can't take a single blow. I think if he can't adjust in such a state in a short period of time, it will be very troublesome.
Jiang Cheng couldn't last until the end of get out of class, and the strong feeling of wanting to vomit struck again, and now there was something to vomit in his stomach.
He stood up clutching his stomach. He couldn't wait for Zhao Ke next to him to make room for him. He raised his legs and stepped over, but as soon as his feet landed on the aisle, the churning in his stomach made him a little weak.
"You want to vomit?" Zhao Ke helped him and asked in a low voice.
Jiang Cheng didn't bother to respond, he bent down and trotted towards the door of the classroom.
After two steps, I realized that I was about to finish.
The feeling of weakness that was almost collapsing from vomiting suddenly appeared yesterday, and it became difficult for him to even walk.
I fuck.
When his left foot tripped his right foot and jumped forward, he felt that his life was wonderful.
Everyone, look! Such a scene is very rare! Contestant Jiang Cheng was running around in a classroom full of students and twisted a beautiful twist twist!
"Don't you have an old mobile phone?" Mom flipped through the drawer in the living room. "Where is it? Take it out and use it first?"
"No." Gu Fei said.
"Then what are you using now?" Mom looked at him.
"I don't need a cell phone anymore." Gu Fei said.
"You..." Mom looked at him and wanted to say something, but she didn't say anything after a long time.
There was a class today, Gu Fei looked at the clock on the wall, if he didn't go out, he would be late.
Be late then.
Or skip class.
He sat on the sofa without moving, looking at Gu Miao who was lying on the coffee table and drawing.
Gu Miao has been very quiet these days, and he doesn't have much contact with people, whether it is his body or his eyes.
I haven't played much with my skateboard, and I've been drawing, green rabbits, row after row, and a thick stack of paper that is full of paintings on the side.
He got up and went back to his house.
There is a lens on the table, which Ding Zhuxin bought, it is better than his original one.
However, he didn't throw away the broken lens and the old lens. Although he didn't know what to do with it, he didn't know what to do with it, but he still kept it.
Such as the cabinet in the wardrobe with colored fluorescent bricks.
He closed the doors and windows, drew the curtains, and after the light in the room dimmed, he opened the door of the closet against the wall, took a chair and sat in front of him, lighting a cigarette.
Looking at the neatly stacked bricks in the closet where all the clothes have been emptied.
After smoking three cigarettes, the room was knocked on by Gu Miao.
Gu Fei stood up, closed the cabinet door, opened the curtains, and opened the window. When the north wind swept in, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Gu Miao stood outside the door with a piece of paper in his hand. After he opened the door, Gu Miao handed him the paper.
He took it and looked at it. It was a green rabbit that Gu Miao had just finished painting.
"It's so beautiful." Gu Fei said.
Gu Miao turned around and went back to the coffee table to lie down and continue painting.
"I'll go out," Gu Fei folded the painting and put it on the side of the pillow, and picked up the camera on the table, "If I don't come back at noon, you can go to the restaurant to eat by yourself."
Gu Miao did not respond, and focused on drawing.
Gu Fei glanced at her, opened the door and walked out.
Snowing.
It was quite big, and it looked like it didn't take too long, but he didn't pay attention. No wonder Gu Miao didn't go out to play skateboarding.
He pulled the scarf and buttoned the hat of the down jacket, and his hand shook slightly as he pulled the zipper.
"Buy two, for a couple, what?" Jiang Cheng said, standing beside him.
After hesitating for a few seconds, Gu Fei turned around and went home, found another down jacket and replaced this one, and then went out again.
I didn't ride a bicycle, I didn't drive a motorcycle, I didn't drive Xiaomantou, I just walked slowly along the road with my camera bag in my hand.
The place hasn't changed much in decades, the streets haven't widened.
Every inch, every step, every eye, there are countless traces.
People who come and go, leave traces.
And the traces you can remember are often of only one person.
He stood at a corner looking at your back.
He's standing at a window pulling his slingshot and aiming at you.
…
Gu Fei sniffed, pulled the scarf apart, and the cold wind poured into his body along his chin and neck, and he quickened his pace.
No one hurdles in winter.
Standing on the edge of the roof, there is a thick accumulation under the feet, and the north wind screeching in the ears.
When I looked up and looked forward, everything was covered by white snow.
Gu Fei raised the camera and looked at this suddenly unfamiliar world from the viewfinder.