"Are you too busy?" Gu Fei squatted on the side of the road with a cigarette in his mouth, watching the cars coming and going, "Didn't you always go out on dates a while ago? Go on a date, staring at me every day. what?"
"Do you think I want to stare at you today?" Li Yan leaned against the tree next to him, "I'm half dead every day, staring at you will end my life."
"Then get out of here." Gu Fei said.
"Are you going to check on your WeChat?" Li Yan looked down at his phone, "Jiang Cheng leaves you a comment every other day, right in your photo..."
"Don't mention him." Gu Fei took a deep breath.
"There's a little sun below, but it hasn't been left for the past few days." Li Yan quickly finished his words.
Gu Fei stood up and turned to stare at him.
"I said, if you dare to do anything with me, we will break off our friendship." Li Yan pointed at him.
"I said it too," Gu Fei walked up to him and stared at him face to face, "Don't mention Jiang Cheng in front of me."
"I will ask one last question, and after asking this question, I will never ask him again." Li Yan said.
Gu Fei stared at him without saying a word.
"Why? Even if you want to break up, why don't you choose a gentle way? And I always think that if you two want to let go, he should leave," Li Yan said, "Why did you let go? Jiang Cheng is fine. one person."
"This is one?" Gu Fei looked at him.
"Then you can choose any answer." Li Yan clicked his tongue.
"So I have to drag a good person to death?" Gu Fei said.
Li Yan looked at him, didn't speak for a long time, and finally lowered his head and scratched on the phone: "How come Liu Fan hasn't arrived for so long!"
These people haven't been together for a long time, and they usually don't have any serious business, but if they want to get together for a meal, they have to make an appointment.
When Liu Fan drove over in his little broken car, he had already gathered everyone and squeezed a car.
"I'll walk." Gu Fei looked in the car, turned his head and wanted to leave. Every time the six people crowded into the car, he felt that the car was about to break.
"Come up!" Liu Fan stuck his head out of the car window, "You are the uncle! I have reserved a co-pilot for you!"
Li Yan pulled him and stuffed him into the passenger seat, and then squeezed into the back seat by himself: "I'm so damn thin!"
"You crowdfunded to buy me a car," Liu Fan drove the car, "to save you from complaining every time you pick up and drop off."
"You can just dismantle the back seat and put some benches," Chen Jie said. "There is no problem with us crowdfunding to buy you a bench."
"Fuck off, next time you walk by yourself." Liu Fan said.
Gu Fei didn't say a word, he turned his head and looked out the window, listening to a bunch of people gossiping.
Gathering with friends, eating, drinking, talking shit, and doing some work, he lived a peaceful life day by day. He lived such a life very well.
But the faint feeling of astringency in his heart can't be lessened because he has returned to the trajectory he has always been on. Anyway, it is getting more and more astringent.
Tired, depressed, breathless.
No relief in any way.
The pain, which made him restless, pressed down and reappeared, over and over again.
"How is it?" Liu Fan turned his head and asked him.
"Huh?" Gu Fei responded.
"Li Yan said he stopped eating Sichuan cuisine and went to eat big bone hot pot, how about it?" Liu Fan said.
"Okay." Gu Fei said.
"Then go to the one in front. It's a little closer, and there's no one checking the way for a drink." Liu Fan said.
"You want to drink and drive." Gu Fei said casually.
Liu Fan glanced at him and said nothing.
Gu Fei continued to look out the window.
How many imprints and memories did Jiang Cheng leave in his mind? He would think of many things as soon as he closed his eyes, and he couldn't get rid of them when he opened them. How long would it take him to start over, or if there were any may adapt.
In the past, he felt that nothing was unbearable, as long as he was willing to endure, everything could be forgotten, but now he found that emotion is beyond the five elements.
Breaking up is not the end, but the beginning.
From now on, every day when I open my eyes, my first breath hurts.
Every hour, every minute, every second, like a fire burning in my heart, that scorched pain is brand new every second.
"Can't you tell people to ask for leave this weekend?" Zhao Ke sat at the desk and turned his head. "How can you go to class if you can't speak?"
Jiang Cheng pointed to the notebook in front of him. On it, he made more than half of the PPT. This weekend, he arranged for the two children to supplement politics. Making a PPT can almost explain what he wants to talk about.
Zhao Ke looked at him and sighed. After a while, he dragged the chair and sat beside him: "I'll go."
Jiang Cheng was stunned for a while.
"It doesn't matter if you fainted two days ago and didn't get hospitalized. Don't hold back when you make up the class. I'll go to your class for you several times this week," Zhao Ke said, "I'm also a top student anyway, and I meet the requirements."
Jiang Cheng smiled and clicked his tongue.
"Tsk, my score is not much lower than yours," Zhao Ke said. "It's okay to take two classes temporarily."
Jiang Cheng shook his head, the exam was about to take place, and everyone was racing against every second. It was unreasonable for Zhao Ke to spend so much time teaching him at such a time.
He didn't want to, even if the time was not tight.
Now he can't stop, he has to keep his original rhythm, no matter how fast the original rhythm is or how much pressure, he has to keep it.
Once some nerves are loosened, his whole person will collapse completely.
This is his unique secret to keeping himself from breaking down.
Contestant Jiang Cheng’s secret recipe would not be easily used, and it would not be easy for people to know if it was used.
However, this kind of money-obsessed spirit of forcibly making up lessons while ill moved the parents of the two children very much, because Jiang Cheng claimed that he became hoarse because of inflammation, so he got a bunch of medicine and two small red envelopes, and got a day paid vacation.
The title Fuwa Chengcheng did not come for nothing.
When Jiang Cheng returned to the dormitory with the red envelope in his arms, he felt that he was still very good.
The people in the dormitory should all be in the library at this time. Jiang Cheng took his mobile phone while walking to the dormitory and wanted to send a message to Zhao Ke to ask if there were any seats left. As a result, when he entered the dormitory, he saw Zhao Ke sitting in the dormitory reading a book.
He turned his head when he heard the sound of the door opening, Jiang Cheng tilted his head and made a questioning expression.
"How is it? Did it go well?" Zhao Ke asked.
Jiang Cheng nodded, took out the red envelope and shook it at him.
"Yo," Zhao Ke smiled, "Is this condolence money?"
Jiang Cheng nodded, put the things down and pressed them on the phone.
- Didn't go to the library
"I didn't go," Zhao Ke said, after a pause, he turned to look at him, "Jiang Cheng, I usually don't care about other people's business, but..."
Jiang Cheng leaned against the bed and looked at him.
"I have a better relationship with you in school," Zhao Ke said. "You're like this... I'm a little worried. If you don't mind, just tell me why? I won't ask more about it."
Jiang Cheng smiled.
I always thought that Gu Fei was a person who could hold back very well, but now I found out that he could hold back just as well.
It's been a week since Gu Fei used Li Yan's phone to contact him, and he hasn't mentioned this to anyone.
In fact, there were almost no people who could talk about it. Pan Zhi could talk about it, but Pan Zhi was not optimistic about them at first, and now he is not very willing to let Pan Zhi know.
He wasn't afraid of what Pan Zhi would say to Gu Fei on impulse, but he just didn't want Pan Zhi to worry, his grandson loved to worry about his affairs.
If you don't tell Pan Zhi, probably only Zhao Keke will tell.
Zhao Ke was the classmate he had the best relationship with at school, but he was not familiar enough to understand everything about him and Gu Fei. This kind of relationship was actually very suitable for talking about.
He kept holding back and didn't say anything, in fact, it was because even a single word of this matter was as painful as an abyss.
Jiang Cheng picked up the phone and typed a few words on the notepad.
- I can't abuse your single dog anymore
Zhao Ke leaned over and looked at the line of words on the screen, a little surprised, and glanced at him quickly: "Why is it so sudden? Wasn't it good before?"
- Can't say a word or two
"Did he mention... break up?" Zhao Ke probably couldn't understand.
Jiang Cheng didn't move for a long time, and only nodded after a while.
"Why?" Zhao Ke frowned, "I really think the two of you should have a good relationship. How could someone suddenly give up under such circumstances?"
It was very sudden, and suddenly people had to use their own experience to deeply and thoroughly understand what a thunderbolt was.
"Why don't you... Have you tried," Zhao Ke said with a bit of effort, "I've never been in a relationship, so I don't know what to do. Just, have you tried to save it?"
Jiang Cheng shook his head.
"Why?" Zhao Ke asked.
- What he gave up was not me, nor his feelings, what he gave up was himself
In this lifetime, people may give up many things, many people.
But the most terrifying thing is to give up on yourself.
For Jiang Cheng, compared to the fact that he had given so much to his last step, the pain made him unable to breathe and had to rely on maintaining the same rhythm and direction of his life before he could only forget a little, it was Gu Fei once again. He closed his eyes and sank into the deepest darkness.
He couldn't sleep all night, and as soon as he closed his eyes, he would hear Gu Fei say, forget it.
Brother Cheng, forget it.
forget it.
Stop pulling me.
forget it.
There is no pain more profound and hopeless than watching the person you desperately want to be with let go of your hand.
Jiang Cheng had no other choice but to keep reminding himself that I couldn't stop.
He couldn't go back to find Gu Fei, he knew what kind of state Gu Fei was in right now, and he might not even be able to see Gu Fei when he went back.
The steel mill bully is far more ruthless to himself than to others, otherwise he will not be able to survive for so many years.
If he could say it, he wouldn't give himself and Jiang Cheng any hope.
Jiang Cheng didn't even plan to go back to find him.
Going back is just a why.
Meaningless.
He can't stop.
For him, nothing has changed, it's still the same as before. He goes to the library, he revises for exams, he reads psychology books, and he does tutoring to make money.
The only slight difference.
Probably when I was lying in bed at night, I turned on my mobile phone, and there was no chat time for half an hour.
That's it.
no big deal.
There are twenty-four hours in a day, and half an hour will pass by closing your eyes for a while.
After more than half a month, Jiang Cheng's voice was finally able to make some sounds, but it didn't sound very good.
"I'm going to look for you, don't make excuses for not seeing me anymore, scumbag," Pan Zhi said with anxiety in the first sentence he said after he was finally able to contact him by phone, "You're the **** you have something to do. hide from me."
"No." Jiang Cheng replied in a hoarse voice.
"We've known each other for several years," Pan Zhi said. "It's true that you didn't tell me the truth. You must have something to do. My eighth sense tells me..."
"Six." Jiang Cheng said.
"What?" Pan Zhi was stunned.
"Sixth sense," Jiang Cheng said with difficulty, "You idiot."
"Here's my fucking eighth sense, and I have more senses than others," Pan Zhi said, "I've used up my eighth sense and I have to use my ninth sense. If you don't tell me the truth, I still have a tenth sense. It's waiting for you."
"I don't want to talk." Jiang Cheng said.
He really didn't want to talk.
He didn't feel too uncomfortable when he couldn't speak, and he didn't want to speak anyway, so he was so stuffy, but he felt comfortable.
It's like being quietly sealed in a box, not moving, not wanting, not talking, keeping a closed state.
Makes people feel safe.
"Is that Gu Fei?" Pan Zhi asked.
"Huh?" Jiang Cheng's heart skipped a beat.
The name stuck in his mind every day, like a small bone in his throat that he couldn't swallow or spit out. He couldn't feel it without thinking about it, but once he felt it, it was an uncomfortable feeling that he couldn't ignore.
He hadn't heard the word "Gu Fei" for too long.
The moment Pan Zhi uttered these two words, it was as if a hole had been opened in the shell he had worked so hard to wrap, and the wound that had not healed was torn out.
At this moment, he suddenly discovered that the wound had not changed in the slightest, just like the first second it appeared, so fresh and clear.
"I'll just say that the two of you don't post on your Moments anymore," Pan Zhi said. "Okay, if you don't tell me I won't ask, just tell me when you're free and I'll treat you to dinner."
"The exam is over." Jiang Cheng said.
"Sir," Pan Zhi sighed, "Don't feel bad, I said that first love will hurt, because we are all naive, and no one knows how to maintain our relationship."
Jiang Cheng clicked his tongue.
"But this is also the most beautiful place. No one knows what the other party needs, only that they are willing to give," Pan Zhi said. "When they are all mature, they will never have such feelings again."
Jiang Cheng clicked his tongue again.
"Take it as a memory," Pan Zhi said, "if there is no other way."
Jiang Cheng climbed back onto his bed, sat down against the wall, lowered his head and closed his eyes.
"Then call me when you arrive," Xu Xingzhi said. "It only takes a minute for me to go downstairs."
"Okay." Jiang Cheng said, his voice on the fringe.
After arriving at the door of the community where Xu Xingzhi rented a house, he called Xu Xingzhi, but Xu Xingzhi didn't answer and hung up.
After a while, he walked out from the inside, and when he saw Jiang Cheng, he was stunned: "You... what's wrong?"
"It's okay." Jiang Cheng said.
"Come on, find a place to sit and chat." Xu Xingzhi turned and walked forward.
Jiang Cheng followed behind him.
It's been a long time since I walked on the street like this, Jiang Cheng suddenly felt a very uncomfortable feeling, and even felt that there would be signs of abduction when walking.
My eyes don't know where to look, my ears are full of noise, and my breathing is a little hard.
It wasn't until Xu Xingzhi took him into a small shop, found a corner by the window and sat down, that he was slightly relieved and tore off the scarf around his neck.
Aside from the two of them, there was only one table of customers in the store, and now Jiang Cheng could relax in such an environment of no one. He felt like an old man in his old age, who couldn't stand the slightest noise or chaos.
When he was about to put the scarf on the window sill next to him, a bunch of fluffy cushions on the window sill suddenly moved.
"Hey!" Jiang Cheng was taken aback and shouted in a hoarse voice. The broken sound made Hua Mao Mat stand up in fright, and only then did he realize that Mao Mat was actually a cat.
"Aren't you afraid of cats?" Xu Xingzhi hugged the cat and put it on his lap.
"Don't be afraid, I really like it," Jiang Cheng said, "Do you always come here to play cats?"
"Well, it can reduce stress," Xu Xingzhi picked up the cat and put it on the table in front of him, "you can touch it."
This tabby cat was very docile and clingy. As soon as Jiang Cheng’s hand touched its head, it lay down against Jiang Cheng’s hand and turned out its belly.
Jiang Cheng gently stroked its belly. This cat has short hair, and its winter fur is thick and smooth. The gentle feeling filling between his fingers made Jiang Cheng relax for a while.
warm.
He lowered his head and buried his face in the belly of the tabby cat, and the cat's paws lightly pressed against his ears.
"Actually, I want to ask about my sister today. Have you discussed it with your friends?" Xu Xingzhi's voice was very soft, "but now... If you want, you can talk about your affairs."
"What's wrong with me?" Jiang Cheng smiled while buried in the cat's stomach, "Is this your professional sensitivity?"
"How long have you been like this?" Xu Xingzhi asked.
"What?" Jiang Cheng tilted his head, revealing one eye.
"This kind of..." Xu Xingzhi looked at him, "anxiety, how long?"
"I'm not anxious," Jiang Cheng put his arms on the table and hugged the cat, "My mind is as calm as water, if I persist for half a month, I will be able to soar."
Xu Xingzhi smiled and didn't speak, and whispered a pot of flower and fruit tea with the waiter who came over.
After bringing the tea, he poured a cup and pushed it to Jiang Cheng's hand.
When the warm temperature came from his fingers, Jiang Cheng suddenly felt a little sore in his nose.
He quickly grabbed the cup.
"Give me a consultation," he whispered after a while.
"Have you encountered anything bothering you?" Xu Xingzhi asked.
"I'm going to take the exam next week," Jiang Cheng said, "but I can't read the book right now, I can't concentrate when reviewing, I can't sleep at night, I've been insomnia, I can only sleep for a while when it's almost dawn, do not want to talk… "
His throat was a little uncomfortable, and it was very difficult to speak, Jiang Cheng coughed twice: "I just don't want to talk, I don't want to eat, I don't want to move."
"When did it start?" Xu Xingzhi asked again.
"From..." Jiang Cheng held the cup tightly, his hands trembled a little, and he said softly, "The day I lost my love began."
"Really?" Xu Xingzhi's voice was a little surprised.
"I'm lost in love." Jiang Cheng said.
The moment he said this, he suddenly felt very funny.
Lost in love.
I'm dumped
For some reason, this word was very unfamiliar to him, he always knew that he had broken up with Gu Fei, from the second Gu Fei said "Forget it".
But he never associates himself with the word lovelorn.
Now that he said it suddenly, he realized that the word "lost love" was so hypocritical, so hypocritical that he wanted to laugh very much.
"Don't tell him about it this year," Liu Li whispered to his mother in the backyard. "He's in a bad mood recently."
"That's why I said I'll go by myself. I didn't mention it to him when he was going to take the college entrance examination last year," my mother said, "This time I'll go earlier, just go a few years ago. You think I think too much. Go, I'll try to be at ease, or I'll dream that I'm being beaten as soon as he dies."
Gu Fei knew that they were talking about Dad, but after Mom said it, he suddenly realized that he didn't go to the lake last year.
He didn't remember it at all.
last winter.
He has always been with Jiang Cheng.
I remember a lot and forget a lot.
Mom is an unpredictable woman, Gu Fei doesn't know if she will really go to the lake, maybe she will, maybe not, it all depends on her mood.
But Gu Fei decided to go.
He came to the lake a month or two in advance, and every time he was forced by his mother to drag him out, he would come.
But this season is almost the same, snow, dry grass.
A lonely road.
Going inward along the edge of the lake, Gu Fei kept walking in without stopping.
Contestant Jiang Cheng decided to increase the difficulty again! He decided to raise the difficulty again! Wow-
Oops, it's a pity, fork guide, do you think he made a mistake this time or was not up to the skill
I think there is still room for improvement in his skills. He seems to want to change the way of challenge... This time, whether to lower the difficulty or continue...
Gu Fei stopped in a daze, and he suddenly realized why he kept walking like this, as if he had some goal in mind.
He turned and stared at the half-height withered grass by the lake for a long time.
But there is no Jiang Cheng here.
Here, talking to himself handsomely and performing a slingshot, Jiang Cheng should never appear again.
This year, the grass was very rich, with a large area of withered yellow, shining golden light in the sun, and he could not even find the exact location where Jiang Cheng was shooting the slingshot.
Couldn't find it.
Very good, can't find any good...
He was afraid of feeling Jiang Cheng's breath. After the phone call that day, he didn't go to the rental house again. He was afraid of seeing anything related to Jiang Cheng.
He was afraid of any information that would make him feel that Jiang Cheng was gradually disappearing and leaving.