Jiang Cheng forced himself to believe that people actually need to talk.
Although many times I feel that I don't want to talk, I don't want to move, I just want to be so bored, holding back, afraid that even the slightest movement will re-churn the sediment under the calm water.
But the same words and thoughts linger over and over again in my mind, leaving a trace every time it touches one place, back and forth, slowly accumulating, and finally it will become a mountain that cannot be overturned.
Open your mouth, speak it out, hear your own voice, hear every word, every word in your heart clearly, every word, thoughts, complaints, grievances, anger, puzzles... At the moment you speak From the beginning, just pull away sentence by sentence, and what remains at the end is the direction in which you are buried in the deepest place.
In the last week before the final exam, Jiang Cheng went to University B to find Xu Xingzhi three times in a row.
"It's not a psychological counseling, you can talk to me," Xu Xingzhi said, "you speak, I listen."
There are some things that can be said by a relatively unfamiliar talent, and Xu Xingzhi is a perfect listener for Jiang Cheng's venting confession.
He didn't even give any suggestions, just listened quietly, occasionally answering one or two.
Jiang Cheng felt that what he said in a month was not as many as in the past few days. He had never thought that he was holding so many things in his heart.
"I am not afraid of being denied. I have never been affirmed since I was a child. I have to listen to myself if I am affirmed of this kind of thing. I say I am good, I am good," Jiang Cheng held the cat on the cat's belly. Grasping gently, "How much have I done for him, if one day is to be erased, then erased, I don’t care, I don’t want him to remember me when I do those things, think me good, how good I am I know it myself, I don’t need him to know what I did, what I want to do is because I want to."
"It's hard to buy a daughter, I am willing." Xu Xingzhi said.
"Well," Jiang Cheng squeezed the cat's paw, "but I know why he was, I always wanted to ask why, why and why? Later, I thought about it, there is no why, how did he grow up, and what environment did he grow up in? Yes, what he fears most is earning nothing, because he knows best what it feels like to earn nothing. Giving up on oneself is his best way of protection, whether it is to protect himself or to protect others... This is the first time I said this. Did you say it? I feel like I say it every time?"
"I didn't pay attention," Xu Xingzhi smiled. "I repeat the important things three times, and keep saying the most important things... Your voice is better today."
"It's much better, the splitting voice has returned to the drake voice," Jiang Cheng took a sip of tea and looked down at the squinting cat. "It should be fine when the holiday..."
"That day you said you still want me to meet with my sister, right?" Xu Xingzhi reached out from the window sill and hugged a black cat that was passing by, and rubbed his hair on his lap.
"Well, I know about it, it's... It's very difficult for you," Jiang Cheng bit his lip, "but now I really have no other way, I like little girls, and, even if there is a little bit of it. Progress can also give her brother hope."
"I can go, but if I go, he doesn't agree?" Xu Xingzhi said, "After all, you two are like this now because he doesn't want you to earn nothing."
This sentence made Jiang Cheng frowned.
Every time he faced Xu Xingzhi and said to himself like a surging river, he actually avoided this detail.
No, this is not a detail, this is the source of all his talks.
He avoided it. Although he didn't avoid it deliberately, he did it subconsciously.
He talked about himself, talked about Gu Fei, he could explain all the whys, whys for me, why for him.
It's like an old god who has seen everything through the world.
But he suddenly recovered when Xu Xingzhi said "Now you are both like this", and once again confronted the reality of him and Gu Fei.
No matter how much you say, how much you explain to yourself.
They broke up after all.
From that day to now, they haven't been in contact for even a second.
Gu Fei's circle of friends has not been updated again.
Jiang Cheng's circle of friends will be updated frequently, but he has not posted any content that only Gu Fei can understand the meaning of the second level.
No more selfies.
Jiang Cheng leaned on the back of his chair and lit the screen of his mobile phone casually.
Both the lock screen and the desktop are still Gu Fei, and the background of WeChat chat is also Gu Fei, but he has always turned a blind eye.
In his field of vision, these familiar photos and familiar faces of Gu Fei were unconsciously blocked by him, and the full of photos and videos stored in his mobile phone had never been clicked on again.
Until now, he was turned up with fresh pain and sighed softly. Those big dog abuse tricks are now being abused by himself.
"I think you need to have a clear understanding of a few issues." Xu Xingzhi looked at him.
"Yeah." Jiang Cheng buckled the phone to the desktop.
"First, Gu Fei may refuse treatment. Second, the treatment may not be useful, because the previous judgment was that he did not see anyone," Xu Xingzhi said in a relaxed voice, "Third, you Whenever I have time and I am willing, I will give you an anxiety test..."
"Are you afraid of me being depressed?" Jiang Cheng smiled.
"Not so," Xu Xingzhi said, "but you are very anxious now."
"Yeah." Jiang Cheng sighed.
"There is another very important point," Xu Xingzhi said. "As a friend, I remind you not to pin your hopes of recombination on your sister. This kind of exchange mentality is not good for both of you."
"I understand," Jiang Cheng nodded, "Thank you."
He himself had been gnawing on psychology books for a long time, and he would help Xu Xingzhi if he asked Xu Xingzhi what he didn't understand.
Jiang Cheng knew that his current state was not good, and everything was in his heart, even if he said to Xu Xingyi for an hour.
The current state is probably-I understand the truth, but why my heart hurts. jpg.
But for him, he can talk in his voice and fall asleep when he sleeps, which is already very satisfying.
Especially being able to fall asleep, continuous insomnia can really make people collapse.
"You still take that capsule, and wait until your sleep is adjusted." Zhao Ke said.
"Yeah." Jiang Cheng replied.
The sleeping capsule that Zhao Ke said is still useful. He had insomnia before the college entrance examination, so he ate this. This time Jiang Cheng had insomnia, so he recommended it.
One before going to bed, health-care medicine is not a sleeping pill, but I don't know if it is a psychological effect or it is really useful, anyway, Jiang Cheng can fall asleep before two o'clock.
As long as he can fall asleep, his face is so bad that the counselor has talked to him during this period, asking him if he is under too much study pressure. (End of this chapter)