Yu Qiu clasped Xiao Chunmian's body tightly with both hands, and clenched his teeth tightly, with a tragic expression on his face as if a strong man cut off his wrist.
As a result, after Xiao Chunmian was amused by his expression...
...It didn't hurt that much.
Completely different from the bad first experience before, Xiao Chunmian was very gentle and patient this time, and his hands seemed to have magical powers, taking care of every little bit. Yu Qiu was quickly pulled out of the worry about the severe pain, and his whole body trembled, not the trembling of pain, but a trembling feeling that he had never experienced before.
He stretched his slender and white neck again, raised his head high, and opened his lips involuntarily, making those tiny sounds. But it was different from before, completely different. Because both of them are young, the pain cannot be completely avoided, but it is not unbearable, so those other feelings quickly overwhelm the pain, sweet, happy, high, longing, numb, It makes people tremble involuntarily. Gradually, the insteps became straight, but the toes couldn't help curling up, and the arms couldn't help coiling around the other party's back all the time.
Yu Qiu couldn't describe this feeling, no matter how many times he recalled and experienced it, he couldn't describe it. He was attracted and moved by this happy strange feeling, and almost forgot everything, completely immersed in it.
"This is our first time."
Afterwards, Xiao Chunmian pressed Yuqiu in her arms, and lightly touched Yuqiu's head with her chin, repeating over and over again, extremely remorseful and unwilling, "This should... be our first time. "
Yu Qiu reached out to touch his face, raised her head, and leaned forward to kiss the corner of his mouth.
"It's great..." Yu Qiu's voice was hoarse, his body seemed to be wrapped in the aftertaste of trembling, with a kind of sweet laziness, he rubbed there reluctantly, "It's great... Chun Mian, Great, really great…”
Xiao Chunmian looked at him, her eyes narrowed happily because of his frank reaction. Xiao Chunmian kissed Yu Qiu, feeling that she had never experienced such intense satisfaction in her life.
"It's great that you like me, Yu Qiu." Xiao Chunmian hugged Yu Qiu lightly, smiled, and suddenly asked, "Why do you like me?"
Yu Qiu met his eyes.
Xiao Chunmian gently looked away, as if regretting asking that sentence without thinking.
"Sure enough, it's not just because of this reason?" Yu Qiu climbed his body, lifted herself up a little, and let the other party stick to her shoulders, as if she wanted to let the other party lean on her arms instead, "Chun Mian , the reason why you have been reluctant to trust me and us for so long, there are actually other reasons."
"It doesn't matter anyway," Xiao Chunmian muttered in a low voice, "it's over anyway." He really didn't want to repeat those embarrassing past events.
"But I want to know." Yu Qiu said, "You are the person I like, and I want to know everything about you."
"..." Well, this is really an irresistible temptation.
"I want to know what you think." Yu Qiu stretched his hand to the gap between the two of them, and pressed on Xiao Chunmian's chest, "I want to know your every thought, I want to know a complete you."
Xiao Chunmian looked at him for a while, then held the hand, "That will be a long time to say."
Yu Qiu nodded.
Xiao Chunmian leaned on Yu Qiu, and slowly straightened out her entire life in her heart, just like straightening out a series of stories. Where do I start? This is really a tough decision.
In the end, Xiao Chunmian chose to start from the beginning.
Since he was born like a star, the eldest son of the magistrate's family, but he has never been loved by his mother. No one can tell how much influence the word "initially" can have on a person. Xiao Chunmian has always believed that that woman has almost no influence on him. After all, he hardly cares about that woman, but an unchangeable fact is that he Everything starts from the very beginning. At least, at first, he cared.
Then he wants to be liked, then he does good, then he realizes that he doesn't need to be liked, then he does good, then he...knows why he is not liked. Ever since that secret was revealed, his father, who was kind to him at first, also began to treat him indifferently, and Xiao Chunmian was ten years old at that time. But it's okay, ten-year-old Xiao Chunmian said to himself, he doesn't care.
Later he continued to do good deeds because he didn't need anything else, and later he met Yu Qiu.
"Xiao Qiu," he asked the question again, "Why do you like me?"
Yu Qiu looked at the top of the bed, "At first, it was because you have a good heart... and you are also very beautiful."
Xiao Chunmian nodded. In fact, he has always known that besides his parents, there are many people who like him. In fact, he is easily liked by others. Because of his acts of kindness, because of his appearance, or both. Yu Qiu's start was the same as that of many people, not surprising.
But Yu Qiu finally became the most special person. Maybe it's because he introduced Xiao Chunmian into another world, maybe it's because of something else.
"It's a pity that I'm probably different from what you first thought." Xiao Chunmian said.
So why did Xiao Chunmian like Yu Qiu in the first place? Probably because he noticed Yu Qiu's love, and then in order to please Yu Qiu, he began to try to respond to this love. Anyway, he needs someone to accompany him for the rest of his life. If that person likes him, there will be one more happy person in the world. Xiao Chunmian's initial emotional response was actually based on this reason.
How did it get out of hand afterwards? It was probably because he was so deeply involved in the drama that he gradually took the sympathy between the two of them for granted, and even developed a possessive desire that was extremely strange to him. So much so that when Yu Qiu told him that they were not actually in love, he couldn't help himself.
At that moment, for the first time, he knew what pain was, and what it meant to be shaved in the heart.
"Uh..." Yu Qiu raised a little objection here, "If you just got into the drama too deeply, it shouldn't be so tragic... I mean, do you think you are so easy to get into the drama to such a degree?"
Xiao Chunmian looked at him.
"It's not just for acting." Yu Qiu said firmly.
"Perhaps." Xiao Chunmian smiled without arguing.
Then he experienced the first dilemma in his life: forcibly possess Yu Qiu, or let Yu Qiu be free. At that time, he seemed to choose the former, but in fact he chose the latter. After all, he knew at that time that he couldn't extricate himself, if Yu Qiu's feelings for him were not love, to continue being with him would only be constant compromise and reluctance, and there would never be happiness.
But after all, he inevitably regretted it. The cut had gone far deeper than he'd thought, and he'd been regretting it all the time he'd been licking the wound by himself. He put himself between life and death, and between life and death, he realized his regret more deeply. He thought that the series of narrow escapes would allow him to see clearly what was most important to him, but in the end it was always Yu Qiu who came out from the bottom of his heart, Yu Qiu, Yu Qiu, and always Yu Qiu.
So after walking that path alone, he changed his mind. He became desperate to get Yu Qiu, and even resorted to some tricks to get him. But the reason for the dilemma is that no matter which end he chooses, the absence of the other end can make him miserable. So he couldn't really be desperate after all.
When he finally got his wish and saw Yu Qiu express in front of him that he could do anything as long as it was you, what he actually got was not satisfaction, but anxiety. He always suspected that Yu Qiu didn't really like him, and he suspected it from the very beginning.
No, to be more precise, at the very beginning of this young love affair, he had no doubts, but after Yu Qiu said that he only likes women and not men, so it is impossible to like him, those young people who are in love have no doubts. Shi's first wholehearted trust was cut off bloody like that.
Just like a mirror, once it is broken, no matter how it is glued together later, the crack will always be there.
Xiao Chunmian couldn't control himself and was always on guard, guarding against that sooner or later, the same knife would strike again, scratching away the old wound that was still bloody.
"That's why you care so much about my reaction to something like that?"
"… yes."
Yu Qiu never takes the initiative, Yu Qiu's youthful and subtle resistance is not the source of suspicion, but a footnote marked on the edge of the crack, which should be harmless, but because of the existence of the crack, it cannot be ignored. Eye-catching, but the most dazzling.
"But that's all in the past." Xiao Chunmian hugged Yuqiu in his arms, whispering constantly, "It's all in the past..."
During that time, nearly two years, Xiao Chunmian had been struggling between the two ends of the dilemma that had never been completely resolved. He wanted to get Yu Qiu, but he couldn't bear to get it completely, and he wanted to leave Yu Qiu, but he always went back and forth. Just like during that time, he clearly tried to use retreat to isolate himself from Yu Qiu, but let the paper crane fly into Yu Qiu's hands.
In addition to longing, is there a kind of temptation carried by that paper crane? He carefully figured out Yu Qiu's bottom line, he didn't want Yu Qiu to discover his hesitation and struggle, and figured that Yu Qiu might already be dissatisfied with his avoidance, so he sent the other one at that time. Paper Crane. Yes, that's it, even the paper crane wasn't a show of true feelings, but an ugly and selfish calculation.
Snapped! Yu Qiu suddenly stretched out two palms, and patted him on both cheeks at the same time.
Xiao Chunmian looked at him in astonishment.
Yu Qiu stared at him seriously for a while, but soon lost his composure, and smiled helplessly, "Here again, why do you always think of yourself in the worst and most ruthless place?"
Xiao Chunmian paused for a while, "Xiao Qiu, are you unwilling to believe that I'm really that bad?"
Yu Qiu was noncommittal about this question, and pointed at Xiao Chunmian's nose with his finger, "It's like when you say why you do good things, you always say that it's just selfishness, not kindness or nobleness." Yu Qiu paused and said, "Then I Let me ask you, what is truly kind and noble?"
Xiao Chunmian was taken aback by the question, and answered after a long while, "A truly kind person...would grieve because of other people's misfortune."
"What's the difference?" Yu Qiu asked.
Xiao Chunmian had another meal.
"You will be sad because of other people's misfortune, and you will be happy because of other people's happiness. If the former can be called kind, why should the latter be classified as unkind? Because of selfishness?" Yu Qiu asked, "Do you think the world Is there anyone who doesn’t do things for his own happiness? From this perspective, no one is selfish, so what’s wrong with being selfish? The biggest difference between people is what makes them happy.”
Xiao Chunmian was completely speechless.
After a long while, Xiao Chunmian laughed softly. He hugged Yu Qiu, and rubbed hard, Yu Qiu blushed, "Xiao Qiu, you are so kind."
After rubbing against her, Xiao Chunmian sighed again, "Why do you like me again..."
Yu Qiu looked at him.
Xiao Chunmian glanced away, but was pushed back by Yu Qiu's two hands.
"That's it, you still say it's all in the past?" Yu Qiu squeezed his two cheeks in between, "Aren't you still ignorant of this matter?"
Xiao Chunmian moved her mouth, but her puckered lips didn't close at all, she could only make some funny noises from her throat, and then looked over pitifully.
Yu Qiu was suddenly amused, let go of him, and lay on his chest again. He didn't really blame Xiao Chunmian, although he did. He once hated Xiao Chunmian's sensitivity, and why Xiao Chunmian doubted his feelings, but after listening to the other party's long self-analysis, he could know that everything was because of his stabbing too deeply.
"I see," Yu Qiu said, "I owe you an apology."
"What?" Xiao Chunmian was at a loss for what to say, "You don't need to apologize to me, it's me..."
"I took it for granted." Yu Qiu said, "Chun Mian, I have always liked you. There is no such thing as liking before and liking now. At that time, I just... didn't quite understand what liking was."
Xiao Chunmian calmed down and looked at him in surprise.
"At the beginning, I took it for granted that I fell in love with a beautiful girl, and then I took it for granted that it was impossible for me to be a man. When I knew the truth, I couldn't react at once, so I took it for granted that I should refuse." Yu Qiu He shook his hand vigorously, "But I made a mistake, I was too arbitrary, I have never liked anyone before, why do I think that I can only like girls? Then I found out, I like you, and your Gender doesn't matter. But I didn't realize that you've been troubled by it... So Chunmian, I always owe you an apology. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so... I couldn't even see my own heart clearly, so I categorically denied us."
Xiao Chunmian had been watching him quietly, and then her shoulders began to tremble slightly. The knot in my heart was finally completely untied, bursting out with indescribable joy.
Yu Qiu put his hands on his neck, and the two began to kiss. Xiao Chunmian had a very strange feeling, she just said what was on her mind, and after receiving such feedback, it seemed that everything was different.
It was as if a wonderful ritual had been completed, washing away the dirt that had accumulated in my heart for a long time.
But this ceremony called telling has a final link. It was the two years when he left suddenly, and the reunion in front of him.
Taking that Foundation Establishment Pill as an opportunity, he once again chose to escape from Yu Qiu's side, and finally gave up trying to figure out Yu Qiu's bottom line, and ran away completely, as if he wanted to scrape off this piece of heart with his own hands. But it failed in the end, a reunion easily defeated his determination, and he was even controlled by the devil's blood, which was extremely bad.
At that time, he was crying on the shoulder of Yu Qiu who had passed out, why? It was because he smashed and crushed the former him at that time, mixed a little bit of muddy water called emotion, and slowly re-kneaded another him. He finally had to admit that from the moment Yu Qiu walked into his life, he could no longer return to the old him.
"Although you said that you want to know the complete me, it's a pity that I am not complete." Xiao Chunmian sighed.
A large part of Xiao Chunmian's life was missing. He has been incomplete since birth, his emotions are not quite right, and he is always different from normal people. He knows that he is incomplete, and once thought that this incompleteness does not need to be cared about, and it will not affect his good deeds anyway. But if you want to be with Yu Qiu...
"It's nothing." Yu Qiu interrupted his train of thought, "I'm also very incomplete."
Xiao Chunmian was surprised, "Really?"
Yu Qiu looked at the sky, "Sometimes I'm like a child..."
Xiao Chunmian couldn't help laughing, "You're not that old." After laughing, he added, "You're a little younger than me."
Yu Qiu shrugged.
"I have never been very good at thinking about other people's affairs, and I take this kind of dullness for granted." Yu Qiu continued, "When you first ran away because of that Foundation Establishment Pill, guess what I thought? I miss you It's too much, why is it so elusive, my brain is used to study talismans, not to be considerate."
"That's right..." Xiao Chunmian muttered in a low voice.
Yu Qiu looked at him with a smile, "But, don't you think I'm more understanding now?"
Xiao Chunmian was taken aback.
"Because I don't want to lose you, I want to try to change for you." Yu Qiu propped up his body a little, and threw himself heavily into the other's arms, "And I have indeed changed because of you. I am incomplete, so I need you, don't I?"
Xiao Chunmian froze for a moment, then quickly hugged him.
Yes, it is because I am incomplete that I need you so much.
The former Xiao Chunmian was Xiao Chunmian who only lived for doing good deeds, "But the me from now on will be the me who was born only to like Yu Qiu."
"No." Yu Qiu poked his forehead, "You are you, you should only be born because of yourself."
Yu Qiu was already a little sleepy at this time, raised his head after saying this, looked at Xiao Chunmian's eyes wide open with a smile, changed to a more comfortable place to lean against, and gradually fell asleep.
He felt a strange fluctuation while he was half asleep and half awake, and then the corners of his mouth curled up because of the familiar fluctuation.
Yo, the boy has established his foundation.